“Mama, no—”
Which, of course, prompted a tickling session that could have gone on forever if Maylen hadn’t stopped Gwynn from joining in.
“Poor examples,” Rosanna huffed, “all of you.”
“Indeed.” I surrendered Emmy up to her father. “So, brother, what have you found out at the harbor? Or were you spending too much time and too many coins in the Seaman’s Berth?”
Gwynn grinned, tugging at his still misbehaving lock of brown hair, ““You must admit, it is the best place in town for news. You have told me so yourself. Numerous times.”
“Duke Barlow told you that. Not me. Did Anders describe our little chat with Seamage Brandt?” When Gwynn nodded and sat cross-legged besides Maylen, I caught the quick glance they exchanged. “What?”
“I have not had a chance to tell Alex yet,” Maylen said, her fair skin reddening. “I have not been here long.”
“Tell me what?”
“That Seamage Brandt has been curious about the girls. The other day, when we were walking by your cottage—” Maylen looked at Khrista, who nodded, alerting me to the fact the Barlows knew about the incident. “Seamage Brandt suddenly appeared on the harbor side of the forest path, speaking sweetly to the girls.”
“That’s odd.” I rubbed the tip of my nose, thinking for a moment. “He didn’t mention Linsey when we saw him. He asked about Emmy and said he hadn’t seen her in some time.”
“I don’t like him, Mama.” My daughter met my pensive gaze and held it with an intense expression that was far more serious than a typical four-year-old child.
“You know I don’t like to speak ill of people,” I told her, touching Linsey’s face to get her attention and be sure she listened, too, “but that man is a bad man. Don’t ever speak to him or go with him. If he comes near you, and you’re alone, run as fast as you can back home, all right? And if you can’t come home then hide and stay quiet until we find you.” I looked at the girls for confirmation. “Promise?”
“Yes, Mama.”
“Linsey?”
“Yes, Alex.” She grabbed my hand and held on tight. “I didn’t like him either. He scares me.”
“Just stay away from him and you’ll be fine.” Trying to erase the child’s fear, I leaned over to kiss Linsey’s forehead and ruffle her hair. “I can’t believe he told me little more than an hour ago,” I informed the adults, “that he hadn’t seen Emmy in quite some time. He lied to my face, which makes no sense. He had to know Maylen would have told me about his recent visit to the cottage.”
“Maybe he thought I would decide not to say anything,” Maylen offered, “so that you would not worry. But I can assure you, Alex, he did not see Emmy or Linsey for a very long time that day,” the young woman added. “I was rude. I grabbed the girls by the hand and turned back toward the manor, though I was ready to fight him if need be. I am sorry—”
“For what?”
Maylen’s blue eyes were grave. “I should not have strayed by the cottage.”
“Why not? It’s my home. Seamage Brandt was trespassing.”
“Yes. I’ve asked Jules for troops to keep watch in the woods,” Rosanna informed me, unflinching beneath my immediate annoyance. “I know you don’t like to be guarded, but you have a child now.”
Not bothering to answer with more than a sullen nod, I took up the forgotten glass of wine, its taste no more than ashes on my tongue. Though Rosanna probably hadn’t meant her words in the way I interpreted them, I couldn’t push aside my guilt at failing to protect Emmy’s magic.
“Alex,” Gwynn broke the uneasy silence, “I have heard from father. One of our scouts brought word that the Stoutheart left Derbarry as scheduled, with plans to make slow progress, stopping along the way at some of the towns. Our people will watch its movement, see if anyone or anything gets aboard or disembarks along the route.” Gwynn accepted a glass of wine with thanks from Lauryn, who also poured one for Anders. “Father also sent word to the queen.”
“Is the scout still here?”
“Yes, in case you wished to send back a message.”
“I do. I guess Corey will want to be here when the Stoutheart arrives.” Rubbing my eyes, I felt the weariness I’d tried to fend off, wondering if it was more emotional than physical. “If Father is still willing to send scouts to help out before and when the ship arrives, tell him to send Corey with them, straight here to the manor—” I glanced at Rosanna. “Is that a problem? Sorry, I should have asked permission first.”
“This much politeness from you in one day is more than I can bear, Alex. It’s not a problem at all,” she said, gaining Lauryn’s agreement. “You shouldn’t even have to ask.”
“Sure, I do. It’s not my home.” Raising a hand to halt the protest on her lips, I said, “You know what I mean, Rosanna. It’s not what you think.”
“It had better not be,” she growled, both of us unhappily recalling the many uncomfortable discussions we’d had in the past, when I’d kept the Barlows and the rest of my little world at arm’s length. “Or even Lauryn will pounce on you.”
“What an image.” Grinning at the duke’s wife, I laughed. “Now stop sidetracking me. Gwynn, if the scouts come here with Corey, maybe they can teach him a little bit of stealth along the way. He’s only a schoolmaster. What does he know about being sneaky and devious like all you Glynnswood folk?”
“Contrary to your brother’s opinion,” —Anders nudged my boot— “you learned pretty fast.”
* * * *
Bundled up in a soft wool blanket, I leaned my head against the chilled window of the cottage and stared up at the stars, twinkling in defiance of the darkness, with the moon hidden behind a cloud. Reaching futilely for the nagging emptiness inside me, I felt my soul as black and empty as the sky. But Rosanna always said that I was stubborn, and so I perversely thought, in spite of logic and common sense, that if I tried hard enough, the magic would come back.
Childish illusion.
Unable to sleep for that and more, I didn’t want to disturb Anders, who was as weary as I had been when we’d first tumbled into bed only three hours earlier. Emmy, bless the child, slept with no trouble, no nightmares, her soft, even breathing a comfort to me when I’d tiptoed into the small alcove that was her private space. In the silence, I turned as a shadow passed by the dying embers in the fireplace, sorry that I’d disturbed Anders, yet selfishly glad he’d come to find me.
Sitting on the wide ledge opposite me, seagray eyes twinkled with mischief, far more awake than I’d expected. Obviously, I’d misjudged him. “Now tell me the truth. Are you uneasy snoring beside me in our comfortable and cozy bed because your fool brother and Maylen insisted on sleeping outside the cottage on the cold hard ground?”
“Not hardly.” I snorted, wrapping the blanket tighter as a shiver caught me unawares. “Although they gave the lame excuse of guarding the cottage, in spite of Jules’s troops somewhere out there—” I waved a hand in the vague direction of the woods, and then swiftly covered it for warmth. “It was obvious they wanted more privacy than sleeping on our floor would allow.”
“Considering they’d been staying at the manor with Emmy, I have a feeling they were feeling, somewhat, ah, deprived. Even Maylen blushed a bit when she graciously declined your offer. Can you imagine?”
“I’m impressed that you noticed.”
“It was hard not to. And I notice many things, woman, even though I might not mention them to you. For one thing,” —Anders rested his gray-streaked head against mine— “you’ve been quiet ever since Maylen told us about the children’s encounter with Seamage Brandt and Rosanna mentioned setting the guard.” When I sighed, he kissed my forehead, and I turned my body to lean back against him, snuggled in his arms. “Tell me what’s running through that convoluted mind of yours.”
“Talk about insults. Look, Anders, it’s just…” I shrugged. “Things are different.”
“Without your magic.” Trust my husband to get right to the
point.
“That, for one, and Emmy, for another.”
“Ah. I thought that might be the more immediate troubling detail.”
“Detail?” I squirmed in his arms, but the wily beast held me fast. “Anders, when it was just you and me, though I might have been afraid, even terrified, I’ll admit, though I’d deny it if you ever told anyone, of what we had to face, I was more— I don’t know. It’s hard to explain, but things were different. But now that I made a choice to have a child, our child, and see what a wonderful mage we could create, I realize I was being selfish.”
“Rosanna was right,” he grumbled in my ear, nipping my lobe before I could pull away. “You have the most decidedly illogical, logical mind I’ve ever known.”
“I’m serious.”
“I know you are, Alex, which is why it’s my job to try and place some of that illogic into more logical thoughts. We wanted a child, Alex. The fact that she would probably be a mage child wasn’t the reason we decided to have her, was it? Or did I miss a point five years ago?”
“Of course not. That was only what scared me. But—”
“But now the idea of a child has become a real, flesh and blood, gorgeous little girl, who also happens to have amazing mage talent. And you’re scared, wondering if we did the right thing to bring an innocent, gifted child into this cold, cruel world.” When I didn’t say anything to deny or confirm his words, Anders shook me gently. “Alex, Alex, would you rather she had never been born?”
I broke free of his grasp, incensed. “Are you mad? I love that child. I—”
“I know.” He silenced my fury with a kiss and broke away with an impish grin. “Apparently, this is the perfect time to relate to you something Rosanna told me the very day we found out you were pregnant.”
That caught my attention. He and the old seabeast were always having private chats. “I can’t wait.”
“Stop scowling. You’ll get wrinkles.” He placed his rough hand beneath my chin and held my gaze, compelling me to listen. “Rosanna said there’d come a day when you’d worry you couldn’t protect your baby, a natural mother’s concern, a father’s, too, she reassured me, but one that had driven your mother nearly to distraction when she feared for her own life. Rosanna said when that day came, to remind you that parents cannot,” —he held my chin motionless when I tried to look away— “cannot control all things, no matter how hard they try. You’ve seen it in your own life, Alex, many times.”
“So what then?” I whispered, unable to stop a lonely tear from spilling onto his hand.
“You know the answer, as well as I do, Alex. You’re just tired and scared and hurting. But the answer is that we’ll do what we’ve always done. We’ll do our best to keep her whole and healthy and happy and safe. And more than that, love her every single minute we live and breathe. All right?”
When I nodded, Anders wiped my cheek, picked me up, and carried me back to bed.
* * * *
Three days later, after the children had flown from the schoolroom as though pursued by a raging seabeast, I was hunted down and cornered by one of two unlikely sources. Rosanna, in my opinion, knowing how she and my husband plotted together at every possible opportunity, had been biding her time, though I’d expected her to hound me sooner or later about my daughter. But not the other woman, who should have been miles away, deep in the Glynnswood forest.
“Anessa!” Shoving back from the low table that served as my desk, I rushed to the doorway to greet my stepmother, our embrace as warm and loving as I’d ever hoped five years earlier. “Uh oh. If you’re here, that means my father’s here, too.”
“Is that a bad thing?”
“Depends.”
“Well, you be the judge. Sernyn is here with Corey, whom I like very much, by the way, and a band of our scouts to help Duke Barlow. In my husband’s humble opinion, as an elder, he could not very well stay behind and miss all the planning, since it concerns Spreebridge. I told him he was denying the real reason. As a man, he could not very well keep his nose from what was happening in Port Alain.” She laughed as I stared dumbfounded, her long dark brown hair, only lightly streaked with gray, hanging gracefully to her shoulders. “And as his wife, I could not very well stay in Glynnswood and do nothing, either. I knew it was my duty to be sure he stays out of trouble and not vex you.”
Rosanna sighed, ushering Anessa into the schoolroom, where they both sat on two low wooden stools, “Try as I might, I have no power over the way your personality and influence on people disintegrates over time. This good and decent woman is worried about her husband vexing you rather than the reality that you would vex your father.”
“When did I ever give him grief?” Trying my best to look innocent, it suddenly dawned on me that these two women, together, were on a mission.
“Your expression just changed to something fierce.” Rosanna slyly eyed my stepmother. “Was it something I said?”
“Something you did. You’ve been avoiding me these last three days,” I challenged the senior Lady Barlow, who didn’t blink, not even when I added, “and I have a good idea why.”
“Then you’ll be a good girl and listen.”
“I will not—”
“Alex.” Anessa’s soft entreaty and the touch of her hand on my arm bought me up short. Resigned to an unpleasant conversation, I sank to the low table between the two mothers, both of whom, I knew in my heart, had my welfare uppermost in their minds. “There are bags and shadows under your eyes. You worry about things over which you have no power or control. You lose sleep—”
“Didn’t you lose sleep?” I shot back, immediately sorry for yelling at the kind woman, who’d never raised her voice to me, though she was accustomed to my fiery outbursts. “Every time Gwynn announced he was going on a dangerous adventure to save his mad sister, didn’t you toss and turn in bed until he returned safely? Never mind,” I reminded the woman, “that he was going after a sister he barely knew?”
“It devastated me every time he left, even now, every time he goes on a dangerous mission,” Anessa admitted, her voice even, “but that does not change the fact I would not stop him. I understand I cannot save my son from all things.” She smiled and squeezed my hand. “And besides, I would never keep him away from you, even when you were,” she slid a glance at Rosanna, “vexing your father.”
“You stay away from Lady Barlow.”
“But I so enjoy her company.” Anessa’s chuckle was short-lived, and I knew she wasn’t finished with her maternal lesson. “But Alex, do you see? It was no different for Rosanna when she watched you ride away to Tucker’s Meadow to fight Charlton Ravess in the Mage Challenge. She did not know whether or not you would return safely.”
I met Rosanna’s eyes, held them for a second, and started to reply, but she cut me off.
“The situation was slightly different,” Rosanna corrected softly. “I wasn’t Alex’s mother and—”
“You were the only mother I knew for my entire life. Are you saying it meant nothing to you when I rode away that day?” I challenged, knowing full well Rosanna didn’t mean she didn’t feel anything, didn’t worry herself and Lauryn sick until there’d been good news. I knew in my heart that she, oh so foolishly, wouldn’t ever want me to think she had replaced my own mother.
“Alex—” Averting her face, Rosanna started to get up but I grabbed onto the sleeve of her gown and held her down on the stool. “You don’t think—”
“I do think that you and I need to have a chat right now, one that’s been a long time coming.” When Anessa indicated she would leave, I shook my head, needing her support if my own effort failed. “All my life, you scolded me for not feeling as though I belonged to the Barlows. That was my own insecurity playing games in my head and in my heart. No one’s fault but my own, I know that. And as someone who finally woke up to the truth, I’m proud to say that I am a Barlow, that I am a Keltie, and that I have a child who belongs to both families.” I stood up, towering over the older
woman, whose uncertain expression broke my heart from the power I now had over her emotions.
Rosanna started to speak, shook her head instead.
“But here’s where you come in.” I raised my voice to compel her attention. “I never consciously thought about it until now, but since it’s all very clear to me, I’m going to be very sure it’s clear to you, too. All my life, Rosanna, you’ve never accepted you were a mother to me. Sure, you didn’t give birth to me, and you were always gracious in telling me stories about my mother, keeping her alive for me. And for that, I’ll always be grateful. But answer me this— Who kept watch in the night when I had a cough or a runny nose? Who rocked me when I cried from nightmares? Who taught me right from wrong and what it means to love?”
I crossed my arms and gave her my most Rosanna-like glare.
Rosanna crossed her own arms and returned that glare, far more effective than mine. “I despise it when one of my children makes an intelligent point. But now I understand, since you’ve only known Alex for six years,” —she turned to Anessa, a twinkle in her eyes— “why I’m so gray and you’re not.”
Chapter Fourteen
“What a pathetic bunch of strategists,” I scoffed, glancing around the crowded formal parlor in the duke’s manor as I joined the conspirators. “Lying around like a bunch of garden slugs, as though we weren’t needed to save the mages of Tuldamoran from dire circumstances.”
“Spoken like a true leader,” Rosanna said dryly, sitting in the armchair nearest the blazing fireplace, in spite of the spring day’s promise of warmth. “Words of encouragement, wisdom, and tact. Not to mention the fact you wouldn’t know a garden slug if you squashed the slimy creature with one of your huge feet, since you don’t know a thing about the art of gardening, unlike your husband, who continues to show the most amazing skill with my blossoms.”
“I never claimed to be a gardener or, for that matter,” I took more offense at her other suggestion, “a leader.”
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