by Glynna Kaye
Luke braked and rolled down the truck window. “Where do you want this? Grady said you needed to borrow it for a run to Show Low.”
Sawyer stepped off the porch. “Talk about at-your-door service. I called him before we left there and said I could pick it up tomorrow. I didn’t expect home delivery.”
“No problem. Let me get this thing turned around and help you get it hitched up to that pickup of yours.”
“I need to run Tori back into town first.”
Luke glanced to where she stood in the cabin’s doorway, apparently noticing her for the first time. He raised a hand in greeting, his expression thoughtful. “I can drop her off wherever she needs to go. Save you a trip.”
Sawyer looked to her. “Is that okay with you?”
“That’s fine.”
She retrieved her belongings from Sawyer’s truck, then watched from the porch as Luke expertly maneuvered his rig in the small clearing. They unhitched the trailer, then Sawyer positioned his own vehicle and they rehitched it.
With Tori aboard, Luke started his truck slowly toward the gate, but Sawyer flagged them down and jogged up to her window. He pulled a folded envelope from his shirt pocket and handed it to her.
“Do me a favor, will you, please? Drop this off at the post office when you get to town?”
“Sure.” She slipped it into her jacket pocket.
But as nice as it was of Luke to give her a ride, she’d lost the opportunity for a heart-to-heart with Sawyer about Ray nixing a sensitive topic of conversation.
The Banks boys’ dad.
Chapter Eight
Sawyer woke up Saturday morning knowing that after he claimed his sale items in Show Low, today was the day to broach the subject of camping with the Selbys before one of his brothers let word of it slip. Seeing how excited the twins had been earlier in the week, the idea had been planted in his head and wouldn’t let him go.
With his out-of-town chore now completed and the stock trailer returned to Hunter’s Hideaway, he headed in the direction of the Selbys’ place, feeling almost like a kid himself at the prospect of introducing his brothers to the outdoor world he knew his dad had intended for them to be a part of. And while he was selling the Selbys on the idea, he’d drop off the photo albums for Cubby and Landon, too. Maybe they could spend time going through them together so he could explain who everyone was and the stories behind each photo.
He glanced at the two decorative bags sitting on the seat of his truck. He hadn’t been mistaken that Tori had been touched when he’d shown the albums to her.
He had her to thank for getting him over the hurdle of avoiding the boys in order to steer clear of the Selbys, and for making him recognize that he’d been wrong to do that. His dad had encouraged him to be involved in their lives and would have expected him to play an active role now, too. But out of guilt—and fear—he’d backed away.
No more.
Maybe when he finished visiting with Ray and Therese he could start making concrete plans for the camping trip. Sure, they might want to think about it and get back to him. But he’d play up the possibility that Tori and a few other adults with kids would be there. The twins would be well supervised. What more could they ask, except maybe to come along, too?
His spirits rising, he whistled an upbeat tune all the way to the Victorian-style house, where he pulled up on the street out front, behind Tori’s blue Kia. Had she followed his advice and spoken to Ray and Therese about extra booster seats? Taken any practice drives in their big SUV?
He snagged the two bags off the seat, then headed up the gravel driveway. He hadn’t called ahead, wanting it to appear he was just dropping off the photo albums, then casually following up with “and while I’m here, Ray, I was wondering...” In his mind, he’d gone over a hundred reasons why camping would be a good experience for the boys. Now if only he could present the top ones well.
He was almost to the door when it suddenly opened and a jacketed Tori, purse slung over her shoulder, stepped out on the porch, a surprised look on her face to see him standing there.
“Hey, Tori. How’s it going?”
“Good. What brings you here?”
He lifted the bags. “Thought I’d drop off the photo albums. Are Ray and Therese home? I want to talk to them about the camping trip, as well.”
She pulled the door closed behind her, voice lowered. “Actually...this isn’t a good time.”
His spirits faltered. “When do you think would be?”
She caught him by surprise when she stepped forward to loop her arm through one of his and turned him away from the door. “Do you have a minute, Sawyer? To speak in private?”
“I guess so.” Confused, he nevertheless let her lead him down the porch steps and back to the street where he’d parked. There she released his arm and stepped away.
“What’s up?”
She glanced uneasily toward the house. “I’ve been meaning to tell you something that Ray shared the day the kids came to the Outpost with me, but there never seemed to be a good time.”
Sawyer tensed. She’d spent nearly all day with him yesterday and hadn’t found a “good time”? “It can’t wait until I give these to Cubby and Landon?”
She glanced at the bags in his hand and shook her head.
“Why not?”
She turned her back to the house. “You can’t give them to the boys. Not right now.”
“Why not?”
“Ray told me...told me he doesn’t want you talking to the boys about your dad—their dad—anymore.”
“What?”
“Don’t be upset. This is my fault. I’m the one who suggested you share more of yourself, more about your dad, with your brothers.”
“And Ray told you that’s not a good idea? What kind of crazy talk—”
She touched his arm. “He’s concerned.”
“About what?”
“When I took the twins to the Outpost with me, Cubby found that upsetting. You know, the talk about his dad.”
Sawyer frowned, casting back through memories of the day. “Cubby wasn’t upset.”
“I didn’t think so either. I told Ray that, too. But he said at bedtime Cubby was crying and missing his daddy and, well, Ray tracked it back to the conversations that day. He doesn’t want it to happen again.”
“Cubby and Landon were all over the picture in my wallet. Openly asked questions. Seemed eager to hear more.”
“I know. I was there, remember?”
“So what’s the deal not wanting me to talk to the boys about Dad?”
“Personally, Sawyer, I don’t think it’s all about Cubby. I could be speaking out of turn but I think it’s more—” She stopped herself, an almost guilty flicker sparking in her eyes as she glanced away.
“More what?”
“It’s just that...” Why did he get the feeling that the long pause was so she could make something up? That she wasn’t coming clean? “Ray doesn’t like to see Cubby sad. Crying.”
“Tori, the kid’s mom and dad died. Now he’s living in a big scary house with grandparents he didn’t know well before that. Therese and Ray love the boys. Don’t get me wrong. But they weren’t around much before they took the boys in. Always on the go. Don’t you think tears might be the norm in a case like that?”
Her hand tightened on his arm. “I agree. And I’m sorry if this news has hurt you. Upsetting the boys wasn’t your intention in sharing family stories with them.”
Sawyer shook his head. “But now Ray holds me responsible because he thinks I made Cubby cry. Bottom line, he’s saying he doesn’t want me around because I’ll provoke memories that might distress the twins.”
“He didn’t say that. In fact, he said he had no problems with it if I needed to take the boys to the Outpos
t with me again.” Her eyes appealed for his understanding. “Don’t forget, he’s grieving, too. And trying to help his grandsons deal with their loss. Doing his best. Please don’t be angry with him.”
“It’s hard not to be, don’t you think?” Cutting off the boys from their past, from memories of those who loved them, wasn’t the route to go. Could he help it if that made him mad? Mad at himself, too, for lurking in the shadows of the boys’ lives for too long. Had he asserted himself right from the beginning, made sure the Selbys knew he intended to play an active role in his siblings’ lives, maybe things would be different now.
“I understand, Sawyer, I do.”
He lifted the bags in his hand. “So you don’t think this is a good idea.”
“You put an amazing amount of thought, work and love into those photo albums. The boys will treasure them.” She pressed her lips together, her expressive eyes almost pleading. “But...just not right now.”
“Then when?”
* * *
Tori could hear the hurt in his tone. See it in his troubled eyes. If only she hadn’t encouraged him, before she’d settled into the new household, to become more engaged in the lives of his brothers. She’d prematurely pushed him into possible conflict with Ray and Therese before she fully comprehended the dynamics of the varied relationships involved.
Dynamics she still hadn’t grasped.
“Just give it a little more time.”
“How much?”
To her dismay, the day after Cubby’s tearful bedtime she’d noticed a photo of the boys’ parents had been moved from the nightstand to a higher-up dresser top. Present, but less visible. And when she’d asked why the twins had been moved to separate rooms, Therese indicated they’d been excited to have their own space. They did seem enthused with the idea, maybe Landon more so than Cubby.
But wouldn’t sharing a room be a comfort and an opportunity to relive memories? She’d always dreamed of having a sister to confide in. But at least Grandma had been open to her talking about and asking questions regarding her mother and father and didn’t shut her down. She’d been honest yet compassionate about the strengths and weaknesses of her daughter and son-in-law.
But how much of the inner workings of the Selbys’ personal lives was she at liberty to share with Sawyer? It wasn’t as if the boys’ lives were in danger.
“I’d wait long enough for Cubby to further adjust. In my opinion, your sharing with him about your dad that day was a good thing, helping him work through his loss. An opportunity to release more tears and get in touch with his feelings.”
“But...?”
“But maybe a bit at a time. Not too much that it might be overwhelming.”
“Then you probably don’t think now is a good time either, to talk to the Selbys about the camping trip the boys seem keen on.”
“It may be premature.” Would Ray turn him down, thinking conversation regarding the boys’ parents was bound to come up? She didn’t want a denial added to whatever she sensed might stand between Sawyer and the Selbys. But she knew after listening to his plans yesterday that the idea had taken root in his heart. And now here she was, crushing his hopes.
He glanced toward the house. “I guess I can wait.”
Relief flooded through her.
“But I have to say,” he added with a grimace, “that it’s tempting to drop the photos off and let Ray deal with the repercussions.”
“But the boys—”
He held up his hand. “The only reason I’m not going to do that is because of the boys. So give me some credit.”
“I give you lots of credit, Sawyer. Make no mistake about that.”
He looked startled for a fleeting moment, then offered a grim smile. “Well, don’t give me too much.”
“Why not? You’re trying to find your way in an uncharted world that includes your brothers and their grandparents. Trying to figure out how you can fit in without stepping on Ray’s and Therese’s toes. I believe in giving credit where credit is due.”
He didn’t look convinced, his eyes narrowing. “I wish I hadn’t held back so long. That I’d gotten involved in their lives right from the beginning. You know...after their folks died.”
“Why didn’t you?”
He stiffened. “It was...awkward.”
“You’ve mentioned that before. Surely it couldn’t have been any more awkward a year ago than it is now.” He’d earlier mentioned how neither he nor the Selbys had known how to fit him in. But how much easier it would have been to have worked through those uncomfortable feelings then rather than now, after time had further set the dynamics and routines of their relationship in stone. But that’s what Sawyer seemed to be belatedly recognizing now, as well. Her blunt question and subsequent comment had been out of place. She softened her tone, her gaze now meant to reassure. “No matter how much any of us may want to, we can’t go back in time for a do-over, right?”
“Exactly.” He glanced again toward the house. “I guess, then, that I’d better get going, seeing as how my whole purpose was to deliver the photos and get camping trip approvals.”
“I’m sorry, Sawyer. I didn’t mean to ruin your day.”
Thankfully, though, she’d happened to be leaving on an errand just as Sawyer arrived. Close call. And one for which she had only herself to blame, having been unable to garner the courage to broach the subject at earlier opportunities.
“The day’s not ruined. It’s just a little disappointing. I’m glad you let me know, though, before I barged in there not knowing about Cubby’s upset and Ray’s mandate.”
“It’s a temporary delay on the camping.” She hoped it was anyway. “I’m praying.”
He didn’t dispute her, but she didn’t miss the doubt that flashed through his eyes.
“It’s still on the cold side anyway,” he continued. “The weather’s too iffy to take them camping right now.”
“You can still make behind-the-scenes plans, though. I imagine there is a lot to do to organize something like that for first-time campers.”
He squinted one eye. “Like you?”
She laughed. “You still think you’re going to make a mountain woman out of me?”
“Stranger things have happened.”
“Don’t hold your breath.”
“I can be very persuasive.” He did look determined. “So get used to the idea of finding yourself signed, sealed and delivered to an upcoming outdoor adventure.”
Signed, sealed...
Her breath caught and she clapped her hand to her mouth, her eyes rounding as they met his. “Oh, no!”
His eyes twinkled. “Oh, yes.”
She shook her head. “No, I mean—signed, sealed and delivered. Sawyer, I forgot to mail your envelope yesterday. I stuck it in my jacket pocket and—I’m sorry. Luke and I got talking and neither of us remembered.”
She pulled the folded envelope from her pocket and handed it to him. “I’m so—”
“Sawyer! Sawyer!” Landon’s voice cut through the still-chilly air as he raced from around the back of the house, then called to his twin behind him. “Come on, Cubby! Sawyer’s here.”
Quick as a flash, their big brother opened the truck door and slung the photo album bags inside. Slammed the door. Just in time, for the laughing boys were on him in an instant, engulfing him in hugs.
Chapter Nine
That night, still irritated with Ray’s stance on conversations involving the twins’ dad and the lost opportunity to broach the subject of a camping trip, Sawyer stayed late at the Outpost. Going over the accounting records, he’d added the payment’s expected late penalty to the computerized spreadsheet of expenses.
Again, his own fault.
He should have posted the check himself or at least mentioned to Tori that it had
to be postmarked that day. But no, pride had gotten in the way and he hadn’t wanted her to know how carefully he was having to time the release of payments to his creditors. He’d cut it close on this one and it had come back to bite him.
By Tuesday morning, though, he’d stopped beating himself up, recalling Tori’s encouraging words of a few weeks ago. She’d said it had been her observation that people who have a passion for something always find a way. She knew he would, too.
Stated it as a fact.
He shook his head as he adjusted the angle of the new display case according to Tori’s suggestion. She hardly knew him, though, so he shouldn’t take her comments to heart as much as he had. But somehow, the reminder of her words drew him up short. That was the kind of encouraging talk Dad gave him when he’d majorly messed up right after college.
It wasn’t that he’d gotten in with a bad crowd in his undergrad years. The guys and gals were fun. High-spirited. None of them had seen any harm in weekend jaunts to Las Vegas from Flagstaff where they attended Northern Arizona University.
But he’d taken to enjoying it a little too much, hadn’t drawn the line when his college days were over. Being the owner of a growing business at such a young age had been a heady experience. When, however, he started missing payments and vendors demanded their money prior to delivery, the impeccable reputation he’d inherited from his grandfather started to lose its shine. It was having his brand-new pickup repossessed that finally opened his eyes to the fact that he could lose the Outpost, too.
Which was why, five years after he’d cut himself off from gambling, he still drove a used older-model pickup. It was a daily reminder of where he’d been and where he had no intention of ever going again. Which was what made his current situation all the more frustrating. None of this financial upheaval was his own fault. Yet how many would believe that?
The cowbell above the door jangled loudly and he looked up from cleaning the glass on the new display case, his spirits lifting as Tori stepped through the door.
