Jaded by Desire
Lust, Desire, and Love Trilogy (Book 2)
Desiree A. Cox
Copyright © 2015 Desiree A. Cox
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be used or reproduced in any manner without the written consent of the publisher/author, except in brief quotations embedded in reviews.
This is a work of fiction. All names, characters, and incidents in this book are fictitious. Any resemblance to persons, living or not, is purely coincidental.
This book contains explicit sex, language, and sexual situations. It is written for the mature reading audience (18+) and isn’t suitable or intended for younger readers or readers who are uncomfortable reading about this content.
Published by Desiree A. Cox
Cover Art: Kellie Dennis at Book Cover by Design
www.bookcoverbydesign.co.uk
Editor: Melissa Gray Editing
www.melissagrayediting.com
Contents
Jaded by Desire
Prologue
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
Chapter 26
Chapter 27
Chapter 28
Chapter 29
Chapter 30
Chapter 31
About the Author
A Note from Desiree
Next Up
Prologue
My mom seemed skeptical when Jeff told her I had passed out because I was dehydrated and hadn’t eaten. Maybe it was the look on my face, or perhaps the look on Sky’s face, that gave her reason to doubt him. Or maybe it was her feeling of pure disdain toward Jeff that caused her to curl her lips as if she had tasted something foul.
She left the room the same time Sky did, and all I could do was hope Sky wouldn’t tell her the truth on the elevator ride down. I knew she would pry.
My thoughts were preoccupied with pastel pink, blue, and yellow baby colors and thoughts, instead of the mint green, light pink, and pale gray colors of the wedding.
I couldn’t focus on anything. The Christmas holiday blurred by. Abby had a good Christmas with Sky; that was all that really mattered to me.
I had always been pretty good at keeping secrets, but this one was killing me. It had been about a week since I’d found out the news, and I needed to talk to someone, anyone, but I couldn’t. I wasn’t supposed to let anyone know until after the wedding. Jeff demanded that.
Jeff wouldn’t talk to me about the baby either. He flat out told me on the ride home from the hospital not to talk about it with him. He said he would ‘deal with it’ when he was forced to. I knew he wasn’t happy, but I didn’t even know how I should feel about that comment.
I should have been excited with a wedding and a baby on the horizon, but I felt like I wasn’t allowed to be.
Mom had returned from her holiday trip. I wanted so badly to tell her, but I knew better. The judgmental comments would roll in like tsunami waves. It would be ten times worse than when I told her about being pregnant with Abby. At least Sky and I were married when I got pregnant with her.
All those years ago, my mom had been concerned because we were young, but she was happy at the thought of being a grandmother. I knew I had Mom and Jim’s support, no matter what. Sky’s mother had cried at the news that she was going to be a grandmother. She said she thought we were making another huge mistake by having a baby so soon, and she accused me of showing my desperation by trapping her son to stay with me. Sky was outraged and demanded his mom apologize to me. She never did. I didn’t let the comment upset me too much. Sky’s mom had proven over and over to me that she was unstable and just a bitch.
I didn’t even know Jeff’s mom. I hadn’t met her yet. I had no idea what her reaction would be. Would she be happy? Would she think I did it to trap her son? Who knew.
As I thought back on all the symptoms of my pregnancy with Abby, I couldn’t believe I had missed the same signs and symptoms this time around. I guess I just didn’t want to think about it.
But things are what they are now. I’m pregnant again and getting married in less than two months.
I trudged through another Saturday morning, my last weekend off before New Year’s and before returning to work.
Jeff was supposed to be home on vacation until January second, but the friction between us had gotten so intense that we stopped talking to each other, except for the minimal essential words. When his boss had asked if he was interested in some extra work, Jeff jumped at the opportunity. They had a client in Alabama whom Jeff was asked to go visit for a couple of days and he ran as fast as he could to get away. But now he was due back home later today.
Sky was taking Abby until the next day, like usual. And, like usual, I had to take Abby to him because his car was a piece of crap. I sent him a text.
Me: I’m on my way with Abby
Sky:I’ll be here.
Me:Are you alone?
Sky:Yeah. Why?
Me: Just wondered.
After Abby finished her breakfast and I got her cleaned up, we got in the car for the drive to see Sky. My emotions were in turmoil. It might have been the hormones, it might have been the baby situation with Jeff, or maybe a combination of everything. I had never felt so crazy and out of control as I did right then. I wanted to cry half the time, and the other half, I wanted to scream. I just wanted to go back to feeling like my normal self.
I let Abby ring the doorbell; she seemed to enjoy little things like that.
“Hey, baby girl.” Sky reached down and scooped Abby up in his arms. My eyes prickled as I fought back tears, tears that were on the brink of revealing my emotional instability. I turned my head, looking back at my car while I tried to regain my composure.
“You coming in, Nik? You know I have a cup of coffee with your name on it.”
“Sure,” I answered, but my voice cracked. “I could use some coffee this morning.”
I stepped in, and Sky closed the door behind me. He set Abby down, and she took off running up the stairs to her room. I followed Sky into the kitchen. The house seemed so much smaller to me now than when I had lived here.
“Have a seat, and I’ll get your coffee. You still drink it with sugar and cream, right?”
“Yeah, I …” I sat and stared into the living room, my heart full of despair.
“Nik?” Sky walked over and touched my hand. His fingers were warm. “What’s wrong?”
I couldn’t speak. My emotions had me choked up. I dropped my head to hide my face as the tears gave away my feelings of hopelessness. I waved my hand, hoping Sky would just leave me alone for a minute. But I had no such luck.
“Damn it, I hate seeing you like this.” He knelt down on the floor in front of me, pushed my hair back, and wrapped his arms around me. “I know it’s because of him. What did he do now?” He grumbled.
I melted into him and bawled like a baby. He stroked my hair and down my back. “It’s okay, Nik,” he murmured. He kissed me on the head as his familiar hands comforted me. “It’s going to be
okay.”
“I’m so sorry, Sky. I didn’t want to come over here and do this to you.”
“Don’t apologize to me. I’m always here for you, you know that.” He stroked his hands down my face, wiping my tears away. “What’s going on? Why are you so upset?” His sincere, caring voice was too much.
I didn’t mean to tell him everything, but I did. Through tears and sniffles, I told him that Jeff didn’t want kids, that he had gone out of town to get away from me, that he’d told me he didn’t even want to talk about the baby, and that he’d deal with it when he had to. I told him about the silent treatment I was getting, as if I was being punished because I had gotten pregnant on purpose.
Sky held me tight and rocked me. “It’s going to be okay. He just needs time. He needs time to come to grips with all of this. Clearly this all came as a shock to him.” He pulled back and held my face in his hands, tipping my head to look up at him. I appreciated his words, but it was a shock to me, too. I didn’t expect this either. I could see a glint of desire in his gaze, despite the pained look in his eyes. He wiped my tears again, then, without a word, slanted his perfect mouth over my lips, giving me a light, gentle kiss.
I didn’t flinch. I extended my neck to meet his mouth and returned the kiss. His next kiss was more passionate, and his tongue found mine. Kissing him was like touching a hot stove; you know better than to touch it because you’re going to get burned, but you do it anyway.
He stood and held his hand out to me, and against my better judgment, I placed mine in it. “I’m here for you.”
The heat radiated through me as he held my hand. I knew he wanted to comfort me, and I knew what his style of comfort was. I also knew I couldn’t let that happen, not again. “This isn’t right, Sky. We can’t.”
“Tell me you don’t want this as much as I do and I won’t go any further.” He looked at me with heat in his eyes. I couldn’t lie to myself; I wanted him as much or more than he wanted me. But I couldn’t do it.
“I do, that’s the problem. But I can’t. I’m engaged now, and you have Hope. We can’t.”
“Why don’t we just cut out all the bullshit, Nik? Dump that asshole and come back to me. Hope will get over it and move on. I appreciate and love you, and I’d never treat you like he does.” Sky held my hand tighter. “Never.” He leaned down and looked me in the eyes. “Don’t you think Abby would like to be here with both of us all the time?”
“It’s not that easy; and now I’m pregnant, you know,” I said. I didn’t see us being together long-term. Not anymore.
I would be so mad at myself if I went back to Sky. He was a really good guy, but trying to resurrect a relationship with him would be taking a step back. Yeah, he loved me and wasn’t afraid to say it. But I had divorced him for the exact same reason I knew a second chance wouldn’t work. I’d always be unsure whether he’d be working in a week.
We both had other people in our lives now, too. Why would I want to ruin what was between him and Hope? And I wasn’t going to destroy my relationship with Jeff. I couldn’t do it. I wouldn’t do it. I loved him.
It would be unfair to everyone. It would be especially unfair to Abby. She’d been through enough. She needed love and stability. We could offer her that without getting back together.
“You know I’d be a better father to his kid than he will.” He folded his arms across his chest and stared at me. Sky’s demeanor changed -- his entire attitude changed. He seemed upset, but he couldn’t really have expected me to say I’d come back.
Once I had regained some semblance of my wits, I continued. “It just won’t work between us, Sky. I think, deep down, we both know that. Don’t hate me or be mad at me. One day, you’ll thank me.”
“I don’t. I’ll love you until the day I die.”
I kissed him gently.
Abby ran down the stairs and into the kitchen grabbing my hand. “Mommy, where were you?”
As I looked at her and saw the resemblance between her and Sky, I was so pleased that Sky was her father. I couldn’t have asked for a better father for her. “I’ve been down here, silly. You were up in your room.” She was the best of both of us. I ran my hand down her face and smiled, “I love you, Abby.”
“I love you too, Mommy.”
Abby hopped over to Sky with her arms raised to him. He looked at me passionately as he lifted her into his arms. I could see the love and longing in his eyes. I returned the look because I did still love him, but that didn’t change the way things needed to be.
“I have to go,” I said.
“Have a nice weekend. Hope and I will have Abby back tomorrow night.” Sky gave me a crooked smile. “We’re bringing her to you this time, to his house.”
Chapter 1
I was so stupid sometimes. I inhaled deeply and sighed out loud. An abundance of regret made my stomach turn. The entire drive home, all I could think about was how close I had been to giving in to Sky, how wrong that would have been, yet how much I had wanted it to happen. What was I thinking? I had done the right thing. I did what I should have done a long time ago. I was finally strong enough to say no to him. There wouldn’t have been any way to move forward with Jeff if I hadn’t said no.
I shouldn’t have told Sky about what was going on between Jeff and me, either. That was really dumb. It didn’t matter that I needed to talk to someone and he was the only one I could talk to because he already knew I was pregnant. He’s the one person I shouldn’t be talking to about us, especially not about our problems. Sky doesn’t need to know about any of the squabbles Jeff and I get into. My mouth just wouldn’t stop spilling the details though. If he ever let any of the conversations we’ve had slip out, Jeff would be so pissed at me.
Another long, exasperated sigh left my lips. I had to learn to just shut my mouth around Sky.
By the time I got home, I saw Jeff’s car parked in the driveway. I walked through the door, expecting he might be sitting in the kitchen, but he wasn’t. I went to the back window and saw him sitting out by the pool. Perfect.
I went upstairs, pulled my hair up into a messy pony-tail on top of my head, slipped on my bikini and wrap, sprayed my body spray on, then went down to face him. We had to talk. Maybe not about the baby, but we had to get our line of communication opened back up. It was driving me crazy that he had gone out of town for a couple of days and we hadn’t even texted each other. It was like we didn’t even exist to each other for those couple of days.
I slipped through the sliding glass doors quietly so he wouldn’t hear me coming. Once I was just inches behind his chair, I bent down and kissed him on the cheek before wrapping my arms around his broad shoulders.
“Come here, you.” He pulled me by the hand, leading me around his chair and onto his lap. His hand caressed my face. “God, I missed you, Nikki.” His strong hand reached around my neck and pulled me into him, crushing my mouth onto his. Our tongues thrashed with a hunger for each other. He released my mouth and pulled me into his chest, wrapping his arms tight around me.
“I missed you, too. Jeff, I --”
“Let me just hold you, baby doll. I don’t want to talk about anything right now. I just need to feel your body against mine.”
“All right, we can talk later,” I whispered as I settled myself against his chest, my head tilted back just enough so I could kiss against his neck.
His hands stroked my arms, my back, and my hair. “I hated not talking to you. I hated leaving you while being upset.” He held me tight on his lap. You could have at least sent a text. But then again, I could have, too, and I didn’t, I thought.
My nose was buried in his neck, and the smell of his vanilla-scented shampoo mingled with the hotel soap had my senses on overload. I loved his smell. He slid his hand up my back into my hair and pulled me to face him, our lips meeting, again. His fingers skimmed slowly down the front of my neck, down over my collarbone, and made their way under my bikini top where he caressed my hard, waiting nipple. His other hand worked a
t my nape and the middle of my back to pull the strings that tied my top. He pulled it off and tossed it over his shoulder, exposing my breasts to him. He continued to caress and pinch my nipples. The butterflies in my stomach stirred, and my sex clenched in hopes of his touch there.
“The smell of that stuff you wear is driving me crazy. But you knew that when you put it on.”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” I batted my eyelashes innocently.
“Right, pussycat.” His hand glided up and down my thigh. He inhaled deeply as we sat in silence for a few more minutes before I spoke up.
“I’m sorry, Jeff.”
“What are you apologizing for?” He pulled back from me and stared into my eyes.
“For getting pregnant; I didn’t do it on purpose.” I swallowed hard. “I swear I never missed a pill. I just wanted you to know that.”
“We’re not going to talk about it right now.”
“We have to eventually.”
“Eventually is the key word, but it won’t be today.” His tone was stern. We sat together for several more minutes.
My stomach growled and broke the lengthy silence.
“Hungry?” His warm breath kissed across my cheek when he spoke.
“I’m starving.”
“Let’s go to IHOP. I’m pretty hungry, too. Or would you rather go somewhere else?”
“IHOP sounds good to me.” I started to get up to go change, but he tightened his embrace on me, holding me in his lap, and assaulted my mouth. Something about his touch, his kiss, seemed different today. There was a strong need conveyed through his attentions, something I hadn’t felt before.
When he released me, we went upstairs, got changed, and were out the door in less than fifteen minutes. We didn’t talk much on the drive; we mostly just listened to the CD he had in the player. It sounded like some eighties R&B music. I liked it, but had no idea who it was. When it came to R&B, if it wasn’t Michael Jackson or the Commodores, I was lost.
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