I nodded, wondering what he meant when he said that Pepper was damaged. I knew her childhood was difficult, but…there must be more to the story than I knew.
David dragged his fingers through his hair and sighed. “I appreciate you going out to Dallas and checking all this out for us. Was Detective Snider properly appreciative of the evidence you brought him?”
“He was. He said he’d already talked to the district attorney on Pepper’s behalf, and he was pretty sure they’d offer her a reasonable plea deal in exchange for her testimony should they catch the guy.”
“Good. She deserves a break.”
I couldn’t help but agree with that.
“Do you know where she is right now?” I asked.
David gestured to the ceiling. “Up in her room. She was upset earlier, so I sent her to take a bath. It always seems to help Ricki.”
“How did she handle the interview? Detective Snider said she was very forthcoming, but I didn’t ask what he meant by that.”
“Tierney says she was very honest and she answered every question he posed to her.”
“Good.”
“She did well. I think she’ll come out of this unscathed.”
“That was the goal.”
David was leaning against the wall, watching me. “Kipling says that you came to him with Pepper’s story early this morning. Do you mind if I ask how you happen to know it?”
Our eyes met and I knew David already understood what was happening between Pepper and me. But he wanted to hear me put it into words. I shifted in my chair a little and dragged my hands over my skull. Then I shrugged.
“She was upset last night, so I brought her back from the hospital. I woke in the night and found her looking through my notes on the case. When I confronted her, she told me her story.”
David didn’t react right away. He stood still, his eyes on the ceiling for a long moment. Then he sighed.
“Be careful, Nolan. You’ve been an asset here, but Pepper is family.”
“I’m aware.”
He looked over at me. “Don’t break her heart.”
He didn’t wait for an answer. He walked out of the room, leaving me behind like a reprimanded child left to think about his actions. I knew he was anxious to get to the hospital, but that didn’t make me feel any less reprimanded.
I got up and walked out to the main room, bypassing the occupied desks where the night analysts were hard at work doing all the background checks that seemed to come in day and night around here. I sat at my own desk, preparing a report on my trip to Dallas. But with the first few words, an image of Pepper popped into my head and I couldn’t shake it. I knew I wasn’t really welcome on the second floor of the house—everyone knew that was David and Ricki’s private residence. The only people who ever went up there were Bailey—Ingram’s wife—because her son and David’s son were about the same age and they were often playmates, and Annie because she had a relationship with David that required her to find him no matter where he was. But I needed to see Pepper. I needed to reassure myself that she was okay after I broke my promise to go to the police station with her this morning.
I slipped up the stairs when I thought no one was looking and made my way up with a heavier and heavier step. It seemed that by the time I reached the top my legs were weighed down with hundred pound weights each. Kipling was sitting on the couch in the large sitting area at the top of the stairs. He didn’t say a word. He simply pointed to a door on the far side of the floor.
I tapped on the door and let myself in. She was sitting on the bed, pillow propped up behind her back, the television remote in her hand. She didn’t react to my presence. She just stared at me, her bottom lip quivering just a bit.
“I went to Dallas to see if I could dig up more information on this man.”
“That’s why you weren’t there when I woke?”
“I wanted to get as much information as possible to help you when you went to talk to the police. I wanted them to see that you were trying to help them catch the real criminal here.”
“You did it for me.”
I leaned against the doorjamb, my eyes moving slowly over her face, her beautiful body covered in just a thin t-shirt and a wispy pair of pink panties. She saw the movement of my eyes and drew her legs up against her chest, covering herself as best as she could. I averted my eyes.
“I’m sorry. I just…I wanted to make sure you didn’t end up like one of those other women, paying for his crimes when, in reality, you did nothing wrong.”
“I was an accessory in a robbery.”
“You were a girlfriend helping out your boyfriend.”
She shook her head, her eyes falling to the remote in her hand. “It wasn’t even that honorable. We knew each other all of a week. I was just a stupid girl, who believed everything that came out of a con artist’s mouth.”
“Just like six other women who were fooled by the same man.”
Tears began to drip from her chin to the clean cotton of her t-shirt. I crossed the room and sat on the edge of the mattress, cupped her chin in my hand.
“You screwed up, Pepper. But who hasn’t?”
“I wish I’d never met him. I wish…I wish I’d met you first.”
I smiled softly. “If you hadn’t met him, you likely never would have met me. And you definitely wouldn’t have had an excuse to talk to me.”
She looked up, her eyes wide. “I didn’t sleep with you just to see your notes.”
“I know.”
“I knew you were working on the case and everything, but that’s not why—”
“I know.”
I leaned in and kissed her gently. I knew she hadn’t used me, but I also knew that she was the kind of girl who deserved so much more than what I had to offer her. I let my lips linger against hers for a long moment, then pulled back.
“I should let you get some rest.”
“Don’t go,” she said softly.
I touched the side of her face, caressed her beautiful jaw. I wanted to stay, I really did. She was so beautiful and I was so drawn to her. But I’d been drawn to another woman, too, and I’d walked away from her. It had been one of the hardest things I’d ever done, but I walked away from her for a reason. And that reason was still a factor. I couldn’t…no matter how good it felt to be with Pepper, I couldn’t forget that.
“I’m not the man you need in your life.”
“What man do I need?” she asked, her tone a little testy. “Colin Lester?”
“No. You need to stay clear of men like him.”
“Are you like him?”
“No. But I—”
“I don’t care,” she said, straightening her body, crawling into my lap. “I need you tonight. I need to forget what a shitty couple of days it’s been. I need to remember what it feels like to be alive, to be young, to be sexual. To be human.”
How could I resist that?
“One night,” I said softly against her lips.
“One night,” she agreed.
I tossed her around, pressed her body down against the mattress. My mouth skimmed over her lips, moving low over her chin, her throat. I nibbled on tender skin that made her cry out with pleasure, her fingernails dancing against the muscles of my back. I lifted her t-shirt, my mouth seeking out the sweet nibs of her nipples, taking them into my mouth until I couldn’t take any more, sucking and nibbling as if it was the sweetest confection ever created by man. And when I was done with one, I had another waiting for my touch.
She ran her fingers over my hair as I moved lower down her belly, snagging my fingers in her panties, sitting up a little to watch the beautiful show of them sliding down her thighs. She lay with a soft smile on her lips, not in the least bashful about the bare flesh she was baring for my eyes. I nibbled at her thighs, her knees, lingering with my tongue pressed against the warm, sweet space between hip and cunt. And then I slid the tip of my tongue against her clit, teasing it until it swelled, peeking out of its hood. My t
ongue slipped away then, tasting the sweetest parts of her, making her twist her hips, push her cunt hard against my mouth. There was such excitement in igniting this sort of pleasure in a woman. But I wanted more.
I got up off the bed, stripped down to my briefs. Her eyes were hungry as she watched me, her tongue sliding over her lips as she sat up and stripped her shirt over her head. She lay back, her naked body a sight my eyes couldn’t drink up fast enough. Her full breasts, her nipples still pointing up toward the ceiling. Her flat tummy, her wide hips. Her perfectly manicured mound. Her lips were swollen, her inner lips just barely peeking out when she moved her hips, her legs just slightly spread. And those thighs, slender and strong, long and lean, the kind of legs that designers created skirts with splits to show off.
I lifted a foot and drew a toe into my mouth, laughing at the look of surprise that came into her eyes. My hands moved over her shapely ankles, her calves. I wanted to touch her everywhere, but I wanted to thrust inside of her; I wanted to hear her scream with every movement. I wanted to linger, but I wanted to rush. It was a dilemma I was sure every man had faced at least once in his lifetime. There was always that one woman that had the power to drive a man over an edge he didn’t even know he was standing beside. Pepper was that edge for me. Tonight. Just tonight.
I took her hand and pulled her into a sitting position, then turned her over, pushed her up against the headboard of her bed. She looked back over her shoulder, trust and fear mingling in those bright eyes of hers. I slid my arm around her waist and pulled her hips back as I positioned myself, freeing my hard cock from my briefs. I thrust against her, and she pushed back against me, reaching down with one hand to guide me to that place where she wanted me to be, that place that had the power to bring us both such intense pleasure. She moaned, leaning her head back against my shoulder as her moisture lubricated the way, as my head slipped inside of her and the rest of my length followed. She rotated her hips slightly, not only welcoming me, but showing me all the places she wanted—needed—my touch.
Sex was such a complicated thing. It seemed like such a strange act, such an invasive thing. But it was all I could think about when I was a teen, all I wanted when I looked at the young girls in my class. And when I met the woman I thought would be the one and only woman I’d ever need in my life, it transformed itself into something better than that driving desire that got me in so much trouble with the cheerleaders in my senior class. I thought it could never be better than that, that strange connection between body and soul. But this? There were no words.
She moved against me; she touched me, her hands moving over my thighs, my ass. She looked back at me and smiled even as a moan twisted her lips, offering me the sweetest of kisses, breathlessly. And then she held the backboard with both hands, pressing back against me so hard that I nearly lost my balance, nearly fell away from her just from the power of her need. It wasn’t about control, wasn’t about dominance. It was something we were doing together and that made the pleasure rise to an even higher level.
Had I been missing something all this time? Was this the way it was supposed to be?
I was losing my mind, not sure why all these thoughts were moving through my head at a moment like this. I wanted to hold her still, to prolong the moment as long as possible. But I wanted to feel her move, wanted to hear the pleasure dance off the end of her tongue, wanted to make her come like she’d never come before. I wanted to lose myself inside of her for the rest of my days, to hold her this way until we could no longer move. I wanted to make her mine, wanted to mark her flesh, wanted to erase all who’d come before me and those who might have come after me. I wanted this moment to last an eternity.
But then she was moaning, her thighs quivering. I pulled her back down to the mattress, wanting to see her face as the end danced through her. I wanted to see her face as we reached the end together.
And, when it was over, I knew it had been a lie to tell her that this would only last for one night. I knew as I brushed the hair from her face and watched her try not to look into my eyes, to try and erect the walls that were necessary to protect herself from our touch, that there was something between Pepper and I that would not disappear without inflicting pain on one or both of us. It wasn’t just good sex. Really, really good sex. There was something more here.
“You’re beautiful,” I whispered against her ear.
“Don’t lie to me.”
“You’re beautiful.”
She rolled into me, pressing her face against my chest. I kissed the top of her head, her temple, my lips moving slowly down to her ear.
“I don’t want to hurt you.”
She looked up, her fingers dancing over my jaw. “I think I’m the one who has the potential of inflicting pain.”
I wanted to tell her that wasn’t true. I wanted her to know who I really was. But I couldn’t make my mouth form the words.
Instead, I kissed her. And we moved together again, connecting again and again until our bodies were too worn out to move any more.
I needed to tell her. But how was I supposed to tell this new woman in my life, this new treasure that I so wanted to just hold and admire, that I was a murderer.
A mass murderer.
Chapter 18
Nolan
Eight months I’d been in country, living like some sort of savage among other men who were just as in touch with their more primitive sides. We were warriors, sent out each day on missions that could potentially be the last. So we lived our lives enjoying all the primitive pleasures we could find. Good food. Good sport. Good sex when we could find it. And bragging, always bragging, about how much better we were at just about everything than the other soldiers coming and going from our base. There was no one who could do what the Marines could do. We were always first in and last out, always the ones who made the biggest difference on any mission. We were ultra males, the toughest sons-of-bitches in the neighborhood.
It wasn’t my place to plan a mission, but I’d overheard some gossip from some of the local villagers. There were ISIS soldiers hiding out in the huts of the village three cliques from our base. They were planning an attack on the base, planning to blow us out of the region. They’d tried before, but we’d managed to identify the insurgents and get them out of the way before they could follow through with their plans. This time would be the same.
I spoke with the commander; told him the rumors I’d heard. He sent me into the village, told me to talk to some of the leaders there. Told me that if I could find corroborating evidence, he’d let me in on the planning of the raid. And I got it. I brought in one of the young men from the village who told the commander what he’d seen. That was enough.
We moved in on a Sunday afternoon. But they knew we were coming. They’d planned it, planned it down to the smallest detail. They knew what I would do with the information when it was given to me, knew how the commander would respond. They knew everything about us, what bleeding hearts we tended to be. And they attacked the moment we were all the way in the village, when we were surrounded by their men. And I watched them die, my brothers, the men I’d spent the last three years living, breathing, eating, laughing, and gossiping with. These men were my family, the most stable family I’d ever had, and I walked them into an ambush.
Not just them. Not just my brothers at arms. Villagers who had no idea who their neighbors were harboring were cut down, too. Women and children. Old men with canes that helped them walk. Infants I’d brought formula and cookies to. Children I’d asked my dad to mail me candy to give. Women I’d offered hope to in the form of sponsorship from the States, the potential of one day getting a visa to travel to the land of the brave and the free.
I watched as they died, the bullets miraculously dancing around me, leaving me unscathed. They all died, and I was left standing, left in the middle of the carnage I’d created.
ISIS got what they wanted. They destroyed us, destroyed our morale. What they didn’t know, what they hadn’t anticipa
ted, however, was how little the American government would care. They just sent more men to fill our shoes.
They destroyed an entire village, my entire squad of brothers. But they didn’t change a damn thing.
I was discharged. Honorably. But my career, the career I’d pinned the lives of my brothers on, was over. I was cut free like a ship released from its anchor, technically cleared of any wrongdoing, but blamed just the same.
But no one could blame me as much as I blamed myself.
I couldn’t face my family after that. My dad. My fiancée. I was supposed to be married three weeks after that fiasco. But I couldn’t face her. I ended it in a Dear John letter, but she wouldn’t stop writing. And sometimes the sight of her handwriting would dance in my dreams, mocking me. And then the nightmares would come.
The nightmares refused to let me forget.
Chapter 19
Pepper
I woke as the sun came through the windows, burning high through the sheer curtains. Nolan’s arms were around my waist, his hands resting on my bare belly. I twisted, assuming he was awake, but he was sleeping peacefully, a soft smile on his full lips. I kissed him lightly, unable to resist. He moaned in his sleep, but he didn’t wake.
I slipped away, hoping he’d wake as I showered and come join me, but I was dressed, my wet hair falling thickly down my back, and he was still asleep. He must have been exhausted to sleep that well. I snuck away, determined to allow him a few more hours if he needed it that badly, crossing the sitting area to the door that led into David and Ricki’s private quarters. Chase was dressing nosily in his room, Bailey barking out orders as she watched over both my nephew and her own, sweet little boy, Adam.
“Morning.”
Chase looked up at the sound of my voice and came running, nearly knocking me over as he threw his arms around my waist.
“Hey, champ,” I said, squatting so that I could see his face. “You okay?”
“I thought you left. You didn’t take me to school yesterday.”
“I was helping out your dad with some business.” I touched his face, smoothing his hair away from his eyes. “But I’m here now.”
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