by Kaja Foglio
Gil smiled engagingly. “Hello. Do you remember me? I don’t know how much you can understand, but—”
Quick as a flash, the little clank leapt from Gil’s hand and jerked to a halt, swinging from the end of a watch chain. It flailed briefly as Gil hoisted it to eye level, then it simply hung limp, glaring.
After a moment, Gil spoke to Professor Tiktoffen. “This may take a minute, Professor. If you’d like to get something to eat?”
Tiktoffen looked at him blankly. “I’m not sure what we have,” he muttered, “but I confess that I am hungry enough that if I find a particularly soft socket wrench, I’ll take it.”
Once the man was out of earshot, Gil lowered his voice. “Do you want to help your mistress?”
The device looked everywhere but at Gil’s face, but Gil was patient. Eventually, it gave a mechanical click, glanced back at him, and jerked in an attempt at a nod which set it swinging.
Gil lowered it so that its diminutive feet touched a tabletop, but the chain was still attached to his waistcoat. He leaned down until his face was mere centimeters away. “Good. So do I. But if we’re to do that, you have to help me.”
The little clank considered this, then bounced forward and kicked Gil in the nose.
Gil again hoisted it into the air while rubbing his injured face. “There is no question as to who built you, you troublesome gizmo,” he muttered.
“Oho!” Zeetha’s voice mocked him over his shoulder. “Are you saying this thing’s creator is…troublesome?”
Gil frowned. “What? No! Shhhh!” He looked around and saw that they were alone. “Where is everyone?”
Zeetha grinned. “Tiktoffen fell asleep with his head on his tool bag. You work your subordinates hard. Everyone else has been asleep for hours.”
Gil blinked. “Oh. I wondered why it had gotten so quiet.”
Zeetha looked at him curiously. “Yes. Don’t you ever sleep?”
Gil waved a hand. “Oh, my father taught me some mental exercises. I’m good for a couple of days when I have to be.” He glanced up. “You?”
Zeetha shrugged. “I’m good. Ancient Skifandrian warrior discipline—hardly ever taught to outsiders.” She was watching him closely as she spoke, mischief in her voice.
Gil considered this. “My father never said where—”
But Zeetha had already moved on. She pointed over at Zola. “Seems like you knew a lot of girls while you were in Paris.” She made a stern face. “You aren’t one of those Don Casanovas, are you?”
Gil had been called a lot of things, but that had never been one of them. “Um…definitely not.”
“So what’s Pinkie’s story?”
Gil shrugged and sat back, idly twirling the little clank on its chain. “She was a dancer.”
Zeetha looked unimpressed. “A ‘dancer’, eh?”
“That’s what it said on her card.”
“Uh-huh.” Zeetha continued to give him a stony look.
“She sings, too,” Gil added, always helpful.
“Ooh, I’m sure she does.”
“She’s also a decent actress and she was very good at looking interested while people talked and bought rounds of drinks. She was always getting mixed up with some Sparky sap she met in the clubs.”
“Ah. So that’s how you met her. You hired a lot of these ‘dancers’?”
Gil looked pained. “Please. I met her on my first day in Paris, when a giant squid burst up out of the sewer and flung her into the café where I was trying to relax.” Gil sighed. “She was always getting involved with some Spark’s idiotic scheme that was going to change the world. That particular one involved raising calamari steak for the restaurant trade.
“A few weeks later, I rescued her from the Comte de Terracciano’s ‘Ultimate Endgame’ chess set, then the unsettlingly large, acid-spitting snails of Professor Yungbluth, and then some overly-dramatic maniac who was living underneath the Paris Opera House.” Gil paused. “That last one wasn’t even her fault, really.” He shrugged. “Well, after that, she was just someone I knew.”
Zeetha stared at him. “Who had to be rescued a lot.”
Gil shrugged. “Well, she wasn’t boring.”
“She sounds annoying.”
Gil nodded. “Annoying I’ll give you. Then one day, she was gone. Bills paid, all her stuff taken away, no forwarding address…” Gil smiled. “I’d seen that happen before with some of the other girls. They finally hook a rich guy from out of town and get married. The last thing they want is people who knew them coming around to talk about ‘old times.’ They just disappear. If you see them, you’re supposed to pretend you don’t know them and they’ll return the favor. So yeah, I thought she’d got married. But apparently, she turned into ‘the Heterodyne.’”
Zeetha nodded. Actresses and other girls who had worked in the circus had a similar code. Then a thought struck her and her eyes went wide. “You…you don’t think she really is a Heterodyne, do you?”
Gil shook his head. “I don’t, but I’m afraid she might. Every single scheme Zola got caught up in, she was convinced that she was indispensable.
“That fairy tale she spun us? Sure, I’ll believe that’s the plan as she knows it, but there’s a lot more going on here and I want to know what it is. I want to find out who’s running her, if only because I fully expect them to try to kill her.”
Zeetha blinked. “Kill her? But she’s their Heterodyne!”
Gil snorted. “Not any more, she isn’t. This plan of hers is in shambles. My father knows about it. I’m betting those fools that I blew up were her ‘attacking army’—jumping the gun by a couple of years, no less, and Agatha is here, in the castle. There’s no way she’ll let Zola take her place.”
A gentle tug on his hand made him look down. The little clank raised its hands over its head and stared at him woefully. “Oh, you’re ready to help? Good.” He lifted the little device up to the hole in the wall. It squeezed itself in and Gil began feeding out its chain as he continued.
“No, it’s over, and while Zola may not know it, the people at the top undoubtedly do. She’s become a liability. She knows things my father will want to know.” He sighed. “Besides, this place is dangerous all by itself. I’m not going to just leave her to die in here. I’m not thrilled about having one more thing to worry about, but I don’t see what else I can do.”
Zeetha drummed her fingers. “She sounds like an idiot.”
Gil shrugged. “Well…yes, but she was never a malicious one.”
“Is that important?”
Gil made an odd, angry face. “Heavens, yes. If I let everyone I thought was an idiot die, there wouldn’t be many people left.”
Zeetha thought about this and shivered. “Oh.”
Meanwhile, within the panel in the walls, the little clank had successfully resolved a problem involving force and pressure. It emerged, proud of itself, dragging a sliver of the stone wall.
“Ha!” Gil examined the rock chip. “I knew you could do it!” He put his eye up to the gap and examined the scene before him. “Yesss… That debris sheared right through the cable. We got everything else, so…” He turned to Zeetha. “Go wake up Higgs, Theo, Sleipnir, and Krosp. Quietly.”
“What for?”
“You’re leaving.”
“Oh really? How?”
Gil raised a finger. He set the little clank on his palm and addressed it directly. “I’m stuck here for a while but I want my friends to go find Agatha and help her. They can’t leave until we get that door open. You can do that. Follow those red cables to the left and you should be able to access the door mechanism.”
The little device stared at him and then tugged pointedly at the chain.
Gil continued. “I realize that the chain will be a problem. So it’s a question of trust.”
The little clank gave a drawn out clicking that sounded to Gil like a raspberry.
“You don’t like me? Fine.” Gil snapped open a hook and the chain came free. The lit
tle clank was all attention. “But this will help Agatha, if you do it quickly. Do you understand?”
The little clank lashed out and biffed Gil in the nose before leaping off his hand. Quick as a flash, it vanished back inside the huge mechanism inside the Castle wall.
Gil rubbed his nose and leaned in close to the opening. “Does that mean you’ll do it?” He turned to Zeetha and shrugged. “I’ll take that as a ‘maybe.’”
Zeetha nodded. “The others are up and moving. You’re really not coming?”
“No. Tiktoffen did a lot of talking tonight. Zola’s got…something. She thinks it will shut down the castle. That’s the last thing we want, so I’m going to find out what it is and disable it. Plus, Zola’s giving me more information than she thinks she is, so it’s worth keeping an eye on her.”
Zeetha smirked. “Old habits die hard, eh?”
“Yes, yes.” Gil paused. “Um…Look…when you see Agatha, please tell her…” Zeetha looked expectant. “Um…tell her I am…ah…anxious to speak to her so that we can overcome our mutual obstacles.”
Zeetha looked like she was experiencing actual physical pain. “No.”
“What?”
“That sounds moronic. Try again.”
Gil looked lost. “Um…Then…Then tell her that I’m pretty sure that I’m fond of her, and that if it’s mutual and she’s not too evil, perhaps we can—”
“NO!” This was delivered with a sharp slap to the side of Gil’s head.
“Ow! Why are you hitting me? I love her and I want to help her!”
Zeetha lowered her fist and smiled. “Now that I’ll pass along.”
Gil frowned. “But…that’s so imprecise!”
“I’m going to hit you again.”
“Hey!” Krosp tugged his trouser leg and pointed. “The door is opening!” He darted under the slowly rising gate and stuck his head back in. “It’s clear!”
“Get moving,” Zeetha told Theo and Sleipnir. “I need to get something.”
Airman Higgs ambled up to Gil and considered him for a moment. “Sure you don’t want me to stay with you, sir?” He jerked a thumb over to the remaining sleepers. “That lot might get kind of mad when they see we’re gone.”
Gil smiled. “Why, thank you, Mr. Higgs, I appreciate the offer. But this will work better for me if you’re all gone.”
“Okay.” Zeetha reappeared. “I’m all set. Let’s go.” She was wearing one of the long coats and tunics worn by Zola’s assistants.
“Where did you—?”
“Oh, I smacked goon number three with a wrench. I can get a guy undressed really fast.”
“Why would you risk—?”
“Cold.” Zeetha hoisted the edge of her tunic. “You wanna see these goosebumps?”
Gil’s face went scarlet. “No! Get going!”
Zeetha grinned and gave him an affectionate hug. “Good luck, kiddo.” And a moment later, she and the others were gone.
Gil rested a while, examining the exposed machinery of the wall. Really, all that was left was to repair that sheared cable. He selected a tool and reached into the wall, muttering to himself: “Okay, I just have to hook this end here…argh, this is tricky—onto this bit… and—” An electrical crackling split the air and a blinding flash of energy knocked him back several feet where he landed with a crash against the decorative metal wall panels that had been laid aside. Zola and all her men were instantly awake.
The Castle made an appreciative noise. Agatha looked up. “Ah! My Lady, I believe I have found your other young man.”
“How is he?”
“He appears to be slightly singed. Ah, but never fear, I see there are other young men as well. My my! I shall reopen the old harem quarters!”
“Not you, too! Will you please—” Agatha realized that the Castle was quietly chuckling. She paused. While mechanisms advanced enough to posses a sense of humor were extremely rare, they were not unheard of.67
“Ha, ha,” she said, giving up. “Just keep them…contained until I get there. All right?”
“I cannot. A connection has been made which has extended my awareness, but that is all.”
“How annoying.”
“You have no idea,” the Castle complained. “I will guide you part of the way, but beyond the Serpent’s Gallery, I will be unable to talk with you.”
Agatha sighed. “Another dead area?”
“Oh, no. It is quite active. I am currently attempting to take control, but there is a fragment of my personality already occupying the area. Because I am damaged, that part of me will most likely not recognize you as the Heterodyne. In addition, I fear that it may be quite insane.”
Agatha tried to keep her face neutral. “You think so? That’s… worrying.”
“There is one bright spot though; I believe I can reassimilate it, and during the process, it will probably be too busy fighting back to hinder you much.”
“‘Probably’? ‘Much’?”
“I can’t guarantee your safety, of course.” The Castle sounded completely unconcerned. “I recommend that you retrieve your young man and return to a safe location as quickly as possible. Still, it should be all right…as long as nothing else goes wrong with my mechanisms.”
Deep within the castle’s walls, the newly-freed pocket clank surveyed the expanse of inert machinery and rubbed its little brass hands together. So much to be done! And so much to do it with!
Gil opened his eyes. His head was filled with that familiar tingling he always got after contact with ungrounded electricity. The first thing he saw was one of Zola’s minions, clad in short pants and a simple grey singlet, rubbing a bump on the back of his head. He was pointing a nasty little black pistol in Gil’s general direction. “I say we kill him,” the man was snarling.
Zola stood before him, unarmed but without fear. Playing the adventuress to the hilt, Gil realized with a touch of admiration.
“Don’t be absurd. He hasn’t done anything wrong. Besides,” she waved a hand, “he’s obviously useful. He got the door open, didn’t he?”
They both noticed that Gil was awake and Zola frowned at him.
“Your ‘loyal crew’, on the other hand, appears to have deserted you. Why?”
Gil rubbed his head. “How should I know? I guess they’re just not as tough as your guys.”
As he’d thought, this statement mollified the angry man slightly. “At one point, I got the door open halfway. They wanted to leave you behind, and when I wouldn’t go, they got mad.” He ruefully rubbed the back of his head. “I didn’t think they were that mad, but after that, things went black and here we are. We should get out of here as quick as we can.”
Professor Tiktoffen spoke up. “He’s right, we should get moving. I wouldn’t worry about those fools. They were too far back to hear anything when the two of you were talking and I’ll be surprised if the Castle doesn’t crush them, if it hasn’t already.”
He leaned in. “It was that Zeetha girl, I’ll bet. She must’ve seen how it was between you and young Gil here and realized she didn’t have a chance, if you know what I mean.”
Instantly Zola’s trepidation vanished. “Of course!” She turned to Gil. “You always were completely clueless when it came to women. And this certainly isn’t the first time its bitten you, is it?”
Gil would have liked to argue, but he really couldn’t. Zola nodded in satisfaction. “I could tell she had her eye on you. I knew it as soon as I saw her.” She clapped her hands. “All right everyone, grab your equipment and let us be off!”
Gil slowly packed his equipment back into his satchel. When he looked up, Professor Tiktoffen was handing him a wrench.
“Thank you, professor.”
“It’s the least I could do…sir.” The sudden use of the honorific caused Gil to pause and look closely at the man.
Tiktoffen nodded slightly. “I like to think that I’m rather good at knowing what to do—or say—in order to keep things moving smoothly.”
Gil realized this was not about handing him the wrench. “Is that so?”
Tiktoffen nodded again as he stood up. “Oh yes, sir,” he said quietly. “It’s one of the reasons why I was chosen to be the one to report to your father.”
Gil blinked and glanced over towards Zola.
“Have no fear, sir,” Tiktoffen breathed. “I’ll keep your secret. I’m very good at that, I assure you.” And with that, he turned away.
Gil, not reassured at all, stared after him until Zola took his arm and led them all out. “I knew you could do it,” she said. “You’re always so handy to have around.”
“I’d probably be even more useful if I knew more about what you’re doing in here.”
Zola nodded. “That does make sense.” She called out to Tiktoffen. “What am I going to do, Professor?”
The professor fished a small device from a pocket and consulted it. His eyebrows rose. “Have a party, I think,” he said in a distracted voice.
Gil wasn’t sure if he’d heard correctly. “A party?”
“Oh yes! A party!” Zola smiled dreamily as they moved off down the hallway. “Once I’m settled in as the Heterodyne, I shall have a big, fancy party! I shall wear a beautiful gown and I shall dance with the heads of Europa and all the handsome men—” She tightened her grip on Gil’s arm. “But mostly with you, of course.”
Gil wondered if she had gone mad. None of the others seemed to think this conversational turn an odd one, which was surprising, and Zola prattled on nonstop for almost ten minutes until they entered a new corridor and Tiktoffen, who had been monitoring the device in his hand, interrupted a nuanced description of her plans for Gil’s party outfit, down to the number of pearl buttons on his cloth-of-gold pants. “We’re safe, my lady.”
