by Stec, Susan
All three ghosts sucked in a whopping big breath.
Toni brows fought for the bridge of her nose. What the hell? Like I have no choice in this—ohmigod—we are not having this conversation.
"As long as we have an understanding," Gran said, dragging herself out of the recliner. "I'll go help Belle with dinner. Why don't you two go sit on the swing in the backyard by the rose bushes. It's lovely out there at dusk." She flipped on the porch light. "And take Rufus with you. He seems to be quite fond of you, Paul." Antoinette smiled at the cat's low, menacing growl as she walked toward the kitchen.
"You are such a witch!" Sara huffed.
"Sweetie, you better watch that tongue," Martin said. "It's gotten you in enough trouble."
"About that," Sara said, "anybody got a plan for getting Jessica to dump the cell phone video?"
"I'd bask in its glory," Martin answered, wafting through the wall into the back yard as Toni and Paul stepped through the French doors.
~~~~
Swell, we're alone again, now what? Toni walked across the lawn and immediately thought of Sara. This is Sara's special place. Damn, I miss her. She'd know just what to do.
"Martin, blessyervoyeuristicnature; get back in 'ere."
"Not missing this, girlfriend," Martin's voice floated through the doors before Paul closed them. "It's like a rerun of 'All My Children'.
"'All My Children', dear?" Ruth asked Sara.
"A stupid television soap," Sara said, flitting after Martin.
Ruth glanced at the television and sighed. "Television soap? Imagine that? Why, a bucket o'water and a strong arm would do the trick." She shook her head, adjusting her cloth cap out of habit, and passed through the French doors.
Toni sighed and sat on the swing. "I can see why my sister loved it out here, the roses smell so beautiful."
"She came out here often?" Paul asked, taking a seat next to her and depositing Rufus beside him.
"Yeah," Toni said, looking at the rose bush with wet eyes. "She would sit here for hours. She said it was a great place to think."
"It is. But it's also romantic." Paul smiled, putting an arm around Toni's shoulder and pulling her close. As if in slow motion, he bent down, his lips headed right for hers.
Oh God—oh God—oh God—he's gonna- Toni tensed just as his mouth captured hers. She sucked in a breath through her nose as his tongue passed awkwardly between her lips.
All sorts of flags jumped to attention as she experienced a range of emotions. My skin is tingling—my heart is pumping way too fast—my body has never felt like this—I can't breathe. Breathe dammit.
She felt herself kiss him back and heard herself moan as his hand touched her stomach just above her navel. A flame of heat followed his fingers across her hip and around her lower back. He pressed her closer and her back involuntarily arched.
"Shit!" Sara bolted for the swing. "He's… Ohmigod, he's Frenching her!"
"She doesn't seem to mind," Martin said, hovering right over them.
"We called it pettin' in my day. Why don't y'give 'em a bit a room, Martin," Ruth ordered as she wafted closer.
Rufus hissed and leapt off the swing, his eyes on Sara.
Paul pulled his mouth off Toni's, she followed it, her eyes closed, and Paul smiled. "Sorry, I've wanted to do that since I met you."
Toni's eyes popped open. Ohmigod, that was... that was... that wasn't half bad. She smiled back.
Paul laughed. "First kiss?"
"Umm, kind of," Toni said, tucking a cluster of curls behind her ear.
"You wanna clarify that?" Paul laughed.
"I am sooo gonna kill my grandmother!" Sara floated toward the house.
"And I 'ave made a suggestion in that area, blessyer'eart, but yer 'avin' none o'it, yer not." Ruth tried to make her point.
"No more dead people!" Sara shouted.
"Thank God," Martin said, winning a frown from Ruth as she followed them inside.
Chapter Seventeen
Toni leaned up against her headboard and glanced at the clock by the lamp on her bedside table. Midnight, and I can't sleep, I can't even read; Paul's kiss is haunting me.
She sighed, and for the umpteenth time, picked up her flat metal bookmark, rolling it around in her hand. She stared at the words embossed on it, 'Between the Covers', sighed again, and then stuck it in between the two pages she'd just spent an hour reading over and over again.
She placed the book on the bedside table and pulled open a drawer under it, taking out her diary and pen. Leaning back, she opened it to the last entry, read it twice, and then began to write.
July 14th 2012
Ten days until my 18th birthday, and I finally had my first real kiss, and it's all I can think about.
What exactly did I feel?
Desire?
Sort of…
Confusion?
Kind of? No, a lot of.
Am I gonna run like I always do?
Toni chewed on the end of the pen while she contemplated an answer, but thoughts of her trip to the gym tomorrow pushed her concerns aside, leading her in another direction. She put her pen to the page and wrote:
Tomorrow night I get to meet Reggie. And truth be told, I'm looking forward to that more than another kiss from Paul.
And why, oh why, is that? She hurriedly scribbled:
I'm looking forward to it because Sara was attracted to her.
You know that's not true.
No, it's because Reggie loved Sara and didn't mind saying so, no matter what those jerks thought.
There I wrote it down. Toni put a definitive period at the end of the sentence and continued writing:
That scares me because...
Could I be gay?
She fiercely scratched the last line out and then wrote:
Paul kissed me tonight and I felt… desire. I felt all tingly. I felt...
I don't know what I felt.
Yes, I do—uncomfortable—because the next step, a releationship and maybe sex, scares me.
Clacking the pen against the page, she chastised, Come on! It's first time sex! Of course it scares you, idiot?
"First kiss?" Paul's words jogged her memory, followed by her uncertain answer and his response, "You wanna clarify that?"
No, it wasn't my first kiss. She flipped the pages back to her first entry in the diary.
July 24th 2003
Sara and I turned nine today—four more years until we're teenagers! And James kissed me! It was awful, but Sara said she'd never been kissed, so I had to tell her what it felt like. I shrugged my shoulders and told her it was okay. I lied. Ha!
We had our first boy-girl birthday party and David and James were there. I like James because he doesn't get mad when I slam the dodge ball against his head.
Jessica was also at the party. Jessica makes me mad. She always makes me mad. She's said I don't dress like a girl and that I should've worn a dress to the party. Why do they sell girl's shorts if we're not supposed to wear them, anyway?
I wear what's comfortable. Jessica is stupid. You can't run, climb trees, or play dodge ball in a stupid dress.
David got in a fight with Sara. He told her girls don't play football. She said she was going to punch him into the next state if he didn't take it back. It made me laugh. Then she told David that she'd kick his butt in a football game. David told her she was just a stupid girl, and girls can't kick a boy's butt. She said he was a stupid boy, and boys are smelly. I laughed harder. I wish I could be more like Sara. And guess what? We decided to play football, boys vs. girls. That's when I got kissed. Uck!
Anyway, Jessica kept giggling when she got tackled by David. And she got tackled a lot by David, well, when Sara wasn't knocking David on his butt. That made me giggle, but when I got tackled, it made me mad.
Why does Jessica giggle so much? It's very annoying.
Then I got kissed. David tackled me. He put his sloppy wet lips over mine, then stood up and smiled at me like he did something great. I d
idn't think it was great. I kicked him in the leg, and then spit on the ground. Gross. I almost threw up! Jessica laughed at me—dumb stupid butt.
I'm not supposed to say butt, but she is a smelly—don't wipe yourself—butt. So there.
Toni laughed, closed her diary, slid it into her nightstand drawer, and then got under the covers with a smile on her face. She soon drifted off to sleep, a dream forming behind her closed lids.
She was playing football with Paul, Jessica, Sara, Paddy, James, David, and Ursula.
Only Paddy was on the boys' team and they weren't kids anymore. Every time she was passed the football, Paul and Paddy ran towards her; fighting each other for the tackle. Each time one of them tackled her, they kissed her. When Paul kissed her, she ran away. But when Paddy kissed her, she giggled.
~~~~
Paul was writhing in his bed a few blocks away, sweat glistening on his body, a dream playing out behind his eyelids.
He lay beside Toni in her bed as she slept, his mind protesting what he was about to do, but his body arguing with a deep desire to have her.
From Toni's bedroom door, Antoinette stared at him, her lips moved, and fingers danced around in front of her. "Not until the 17th year has passed; the gift will ripen and you may eliminate the barrier; the bequest accepted." Antoinette turned and walked out the door.
The second the door closed behind her works, he was adrift in a warm blanket of lust. He leaned forward and laid his mouth over hers. She moaned softly; the sound encouraging him. Her heart beat a maddening song as his hand moved over her hip and up under her breast. She arched her back and leaned into his touch. Her tongue slipped between his lips. He rolled on top of her and then it was as if they were one soul, moving together, her breath panting over his mouth.
Startled out of his dream, Paul took short fast breaths, heart hammering in his chest. He slapped the lamp on the table beside his bed and the room filled with light. Rubbing his bare stomach, a groan escaped his lips as he stared at his wet hand. "Bartholomew! Did you do this?" Paul waited. No answer.
"Don't you go putting thoughts into my head! Dammit! I refuse to use my mentalist skills on Toni. I will not force her!" He brushed damp hair out of his blue eyes and caught his angry reflection in the mirror over the dresser. "Answer me!"
When there was no answer a smile played on his lips. "It was just a dream, my dream. Not his." Paul threw his head back and laughed. "Great, just ten friggin' days left until she's legal. I keep dreaming like this and I'm not gonna make it."
"As long as we have an understanding," Antoinette's voice resonated in his head, repeating the final words she spoke in Toni's living room, and they wiped the smile right off his face.
"Shit!" Paul tapped the base of the lamp, throwing the room into darkness. Pulling up the damp sheets and then hugging his pillow, he closed his eyes, willing the dream to return. But it was gone, except for the feeling of how much he wanted her and how good she felt underneath him.
Chapter Eighteen
Monday evening, Toni walked into the gym on Main Street in Reed City and stopped short just inside the doors, sliding the strap of her duffle bag over her shoulder. Music pulsed from speakers mounted near the ceiling in all four corners of the room. Great, my worst nightmare; loud music, a room full of guys AND girls and nowhere to hide.
Mirrors lined every wall from floor to ceiling, and Toni's eyes wandered to a long row of stationary bikes facing the mirrors; men and women pedaled away as they watched themselves, and each other, in the reflection. Paddy wasn't one of the riders.
Crap! Where is she? Toni nervously glanced at her watch, it was four-fifteen.
She turned to the right wall where five treadmills and three rowing machines were getting a workout, but no Paddy. A large rack with round weights, dumbbells, and long metal bars stood against the left wall. Sweaty guys flirted with scantily clad girls as they hefted weighted circles and slid them on each side of a bar, propped over benches in front of the weights, but Paddy wasn't one of them, either.
In the center of the room, eight large shiny machines with balanced weights, and eight more free-weight benches alternated to form a square. Men and women stood in line waiting for their turn as they worked the circuit. That's where she spotted Paddy, surrounded by grunting, hissing people who were pulling, pushing, or curling weights.
Paddy had her left knee and hand on a black bench, her right foot on the floor, supporting herself, as she curled and lowered a dumbbell that looked way too heavy for her small arm. She sucked in a noisy breath each time she pulled the weight up alongside her breast, her arm muscles bulging, and hissed it out each time she lowered it.
After twelve reps, Paddy laid the dumbbell down, reaching for a towel hanging from one of the metal braces protruding from either side of the bench. She gave her neck and face a wipe and then lifted a plastic bottle off the floor and took a long swig.
Toni took a deep breath and hesitantly headed in Paddy's direction, excusing herself as she dodged moving machine parts and sweaty people.
Paddy put the bottle on the floor and tossed the towel on the bar, walked around to the other side of the bench, kneeled, and was about to pick up the dumbbell with her other hand when she noticed Toni.
Paddy stood and grinned. "You made it—already signed you in as a guest—go get changed." She smiled as she pointed to a door with a group of women in their twenties walking out. Gym bags in hand, they headed for the front desk. "You did bring something to workout in, right?"
"Um...well, I didn't think I had to. I'm going to the library afterwards, so I dressed down." Toni blushed as Paddy eyed her with a grin. Her gaze moved from Paddy's grubby t-shirt, worn skechers and Speedo shorts, to her crisp Dockers, spaghetti strap tank, and very white Nikes.
"What's in the gym bag?"
"Books."
Paddy shook her head, a bigger grin spreading across her face. "Well you're gonna be the smelliest chick in the library later 'cause I'm gonna work your ass."
Toni felt her face heat up as she smiled back at her. "Thanks a bunch. I love you too." Did I just tell a lesbian that I love her? Christ, I'm an idiot! Toni laughed uncomfortably, pulled her eyes away from Paddy's, and looked around the room. "Where's Reggie?"
"She didn't come—too upset—well you know."
Toni jerked her eyes in Paddy's direction. "Oh, crap! I didn't, I mean I'm not the reason she-"
"Nope, Jessica also works out here, and she didn't want to run into her, especially with the text video floating around."
"I thought they only took pictures at the funeral. What video?"
"Shit!" Paddy grabbed her towel and sat down hard on the bench. "You haven't heard about it—great!—just great—and I had to go open my big mouth."
Toni didn't say anything, she just stared at Paddy.
"They filmed the sploshing party, the one where your sister... Christ, Jessica is such a bitch!"
Toni let out the breath she'd been holding. "Oh no! They didn't? Sara's gonna be…I mean she would've been… Have all of her friends seen it?"
Head nodding, Paddy said, "Reggie's livid."
"Why? Why is Jessica still doing this?"
"I have no idea, probably to screw with Reggie. Come on, don't let her get to you. Go put your stuff up; we'll beat the hell out of these weights and pretend it's Jessica's face we're tossing around."
Toni tried to smile. "Yep, I'm gonna be wilted by the time I get to the library, alright."
"Damn right!"
Toni sighed. "There has to be a way to stop her. I need to do something. But I can't do it alone. Do you think Reggie will get all bent out of shape if I make some waves? Could you call her and see if she wants to help? And what about you? You up for it?"
"I'm in," Paddy said, grinning. "It's about time for Jessica to get knocked down a peg, and Reggie is just the one to do it. She'll be all over this, especially since it's your idea. She probably would have done something already, but she wouldn't want to hurt your family a
ny more than... well you know."
"She isn't going to hurt me," Toni said. Jessica is gonna get hers one way or the other. "We need a plan."
"No shit," Paddy said, with a nasty smile. "I'll call Reggie, I bet she can come up with something."
"I just hope this doesn't upset her more," Toni said.
"Don't worry; it won't. In fact, it'll probably put a smile back on her face. So, you ready to kick some weights around?"
"You bet! I need to get that stupid video off my mind." Toni inhaled deeply through her nose and let it out slowly.
"You're gonna be so sore tonight." Paddy nudged Toni playfully. She leaned down and pulled a cell phone out of a small fanny-pack lying on the floor under the bench.
Toni couldn't help but smile as she strutted off toward the locker room, feeling like she belonged for the first time in her life.
~~~~
At the Farrell house, Bartholomew, in Rufus's body, was curled up on the foot of Toni's bed. He locked intense eyes on Sara as she mentally maneuvered a pen over the diary lying in front of him.
Sara said, "I can't concentrate with Rufus staring at me like Sylvester stalking Tweety Bird!"
Rufus slatted his lids.
Ruth and Martin stood beside the bed, both frowning at the cat.
"'E looks almost human, 'e does."
"I don't trust him," Martin said.
Rufus favored him with sarcastic aloofness.
"Three freakin' letters left," Sara said, her brows slammed together in concentration, "And it's taken me fifteen minutes to write one sentence, dammit."
Rufus rolled on his side, flipped his tail over the diary, swishing the tip at the pen.
Sara asked, "Does that damn cat have a grin on his face, or is it just me?"
