by Paul Jessup
Maybe it was a bad idea, but I asked Tomas if he knew anything about the researcher.
“Ah, yes. The cure. But the cure to what? Afflictions are cured. Humans, they can’t smell, they can’t see, they can’t hear, can’t feel. Nature is scary for them. We’re Alive, and this is somehow a threat .”
There’s a cure?
It’s hard to get down here what it feels like to be in the forest. It’s like there are three versions of the forest all overlapping — what it smells like, what it looks like, and what it sounds like, and before, I mean when I didn’t have these senses the way I do now, I remember being outside at night and if you were walking around and heard something, you would STOP and then strain to see what it was, or to hear it better. Never mind being able to smell it. But now I might smell something first, and I can see it or hear it clearly while I’m still in motion, at a run.
Thursday, May 1st
FINALLY, another kill. Not much, but with two kills now I get it, it’s just totally nothing like eating something we’ve bought, even if the quantity isn’t the same, there’s it’s almost like an electric charge with a KILL. Chemicals, hormones, something, you can feel it in your blood and taste it in the animal’s blood.
Last night it was three rabbits, which my brother got actually.
He brought them and offered them to the group and we totally tore them apart.
Mark was— I’ve never seen him strut, but he was proud that he was the one who landed the rabbits last night. He wasn’t exactly doing anything, I mean he didn’t say anything, but he was just like not slouching into his chair, and kind of smiling to himself. That didn’t go over so well. The boys put up with it for a little while, and then BAM they were all on top of Mark. But then they weren’t — he threw them off and knocked Carl back over a chair. Tomas looked up and growled and they all stopped, but something had changed in their dynamic, and I’m not sure it’s for the better.
Strange energy tonight. We’re going out hunting later.
Saturday, May 3rd
Oh god oh god oh god.
There were hunters. We were sleeping in the den and there were hunters. Tomas was up first and they were focused on him, I don’t know how many there were. We were all wolves.
I remember teeth and claws and silver and blood and tumbling and blood.
I remember two hunters running into the woods and one hunter not running and Mark over him covered in blood and a deep roar from Tomas.
We ran back to the house.
We left the hunter where he was.
When we got to the house the hunters hadn’t found it. Or found it yet. I don’t know. We packed and left. Tomas roared. YOU DO NOT KILL A HUMAN. HURT THEM. TURN THEM. NEVER KILL THEM! IT BRINGS THE POLICE!
Mark said he was only trying to protect Tomas, but that was worse. Danny and Mark both had cuts from the silver weapons.
I DO NOT NEED PROTECTION. I AM PROTECTING YOU!
Tomas hit Mark and Mark flew and he cowered where he landed, but he was also not cowering at the same time. It may be something only I’m able to see, but something inside Mark has broken loose and it’s scaring me.
My phone buzzed. A text message from Dave: YOU’VE MADE A MISTAKE.
Monday, May 5th
I’m with Sam. The pack is crashed out at a Motorlodge Inn off the interstate and I was able to slip out and call her. She’s been gripping the steering wheel pretty tight. Do you believe me Sam?
“I don’t know what to believe. I know you believe it.
And you’re clearly in some sort of trouble.”
She’s worried that, whatever’s going on, Mark is still at the Motorlodge. I’m worried too, but we have to do something, and for better or worse that’s driving to Case Western and either talking to Marian Bradley or, given that it’s after hours, breaking into her lab.
Waiting outside. First waiting for my nerves to settle down, but now we’re waiting for this guy to take one of his every-20-minutes smoke breaks and wander far enough from the door for me to get in. Sam wants to know if I want her to go with me. No.
Thursday, May 8th
I can’t. I can’t. I can’t. I have to get it down. I have to write it down.
Inside it was easy enough to find her office. Maybe it goes with the territory of studying werewolves but she was actually there late. I can smell her before I get to the lab, and she knows what I am the minute I walk in.
“I — you’re — Hello. I’m Doctor Bradley. You’ve come to see me.”
I say yes, I’m here, I’ve heard about her work, I want to know about the “cure,” and that I’m —
“Yes, you’re only the second lycanthrope I’ve encountered, and the first I’ve conversed with, or been this close to.
Please, would you like to, uh, sit down?”
She says, It’s so amazing that you’re here, that you’re finally here. I’ve been waiting for you. Not you but someone like you. Maybe you. You’re here. I’d seen one like you before, but not so close. Can I touch — and she touches my arm — you see, animals and humans already share so much of our DNA, there are fascinating analogies in human nature and animal behavior, and here you are, a creature that’s literally — when people ask why I’m researching such foolish science, not even science, bad movies, it’s because they don’t understand, they haven’t seen a creature like you, but I have. Why do I do it? It’s because I’ve been waiting for another one, like you, to come.
She looked crazy.
I’ve waited so long and there’s so much to learn and I just, I — will you bite me?
Then Tomas and the pack are here. Tomas says Your research is a threat to us, Doctor Bradley. Not everyone dismisses you as a lunatic. Calling attention to our existence, to those who are paying attention, this endangers us. Maybe this isn’t your intention, but it’s the truth. We need to protect ourselves. If you wish to join us, we can do this, but we must be careful, and we must take care of the work you’ve already done here.
Then
“I’ll bite you,” Mark says and his voice is fake-sweet. He bears his teeth in a snarl grin and he starts shifting and his bones are moving and Everyone’s turning now and their clothes are splitting and they’re growling and Tomas shouts NO at Mark and all of them but it doesn’t make any difference.
He puts himself between Mark and the doctor and everyone is wolves now and the pack keeps me away and Tomas and Mark start tearing at each other.
Mark took Tomas down and then there were hunters, they were on us.
They shot Mark
It He was tearing through the room and he HOWLED and if he wasn’t so proud — the alpha energy — and after he killed Tomas he was the center of the room and of course they shot him. The sound of the gun and the bullet in his chest I could feel it like it was in my chest like a hammer, it was like a hammer and I fell down and I was so scared. I wanted to take it all back, just everything all over again but you can’t and I was so scared and I didn’t know how I could help him — Mark PLEASE BELIEVE ME I love you, I wanted to I saw you there and I saw it, I saw you turn back into you on the floor and get so small, and I wanted to help but there was so much blood and I couldn’t I just ran
I don’t care what day it is.
I ran. That’s what I do right? I got to Sam’s car and I my clothes were kind of shredded — I didn’t turn all the way, I felt like a scream coming up and I wanted to scream and rip out everyone’s throats but whatever in me froze halfway, I didn’t stop myself because I wasn’t thinking, but I couldn’t or didn’t turn and just ran. When I got to the car I was me but messed up and I got in and we just drove.
Sam of course is freaking cause look at me, and I’m freaking, sobbing, and I just say, bad people came and we have to GO NOW, and she’s got no idea, I don’t say anything about Mark and we just go. We debate, home? Not home? And I tell her to drop me at home but down the block and
she does and Mom’s still up. I watch her inside at home through the windows and I stand o
utside out back in the trees and in the dark wearing Sam’s jacket and I watch and she sets the coffeemaker for the next day like always and does the dinner dishes and turns off the kitchen light and goes to bed.
I shiver outside for a while and then sneak in and pack some of my stuff and go. It can’t be safe for her if I stay there. I couldn’t call her because she’d pick up the phone no matter what time of night, of course worried sick, and I can’t face talking to her yet so
I I TEXTED her that Mark had an accident but that I’m OK and I’m so sorry and I love her and I’ll talk to her soon and I don’t WHAT IS THIS? What am I supposed to do? What could I possibly tell her? Or Sam, or anyone?
I’m not safe with the pack, even if I could find them again. The hunters will want to take me because of my brother.
There’s no point to recording this anymore other than I guess it focuses me? Not that it CALMS ME DOWN. So should I calm down now? Whenever I’m out in public I don’t know who might be wolves or might be hunters — that’s not true, I’d totally know by their smell, of wolf or of fear, but I’m afraid to. I DON’T want to recognize anyone this way. They’ll recognize me.
I can’t do this.
I can do this but by myself. I don’t see what choice I have anyway. It’s safe in the woods. I need to get away from here and live alone and take a deer once a month or whatever they said and just fade into the background, where no one’s going to know what I am, and I can be what I am.
Publisher’s Note
Dr. Marian Bradley, no longer with Case Western Reserve University, denies that the events described herein took place and points to the lack of any documentation at the university of the incident, as well as a lack of police records. A search of Ohio public and private school files reveals numerous students by the name of Alice who have withdrawn or dropped out; one of these, Alice Carr, has a brother named Mark who also attended Fairview High School in Maple Heights. When contacted, the students’ mother said simply that her family’s business is her own.
The journal was discovered by a group of hikers in Cuyahoga Valley National Park, inside a small duffel bag containing articles of clothing and other personal items.
Copyright © 2010 by becker&mayer!
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form without written permission from the publisher.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication data is available.
ISBN 978-0-8118-7707-7
WEREWOLVES was produced by becker&mayer!, Bellevue, Washington.
www.beckermayer.com
WEREWOLVES was illustrated by Allyson Haller and written by Paul Jessup.
Design: Kasey Free and Katie Stahnke
Editing: Steve Mockus
Editorial Coordination: Amy Wideman
Production Coordination: Leah Finger
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