“I’m nervous,” I admitted outside the courtroom. We were early and another hearing was going on before ours.
“Well, don’t be.” She gave me a warm smile. “This judge is nice. Compassionate. She’ll listen fairly, and that’s all we can hope.”
Actually, it wasn’t. I didn’t only want a fair hearing. I wanted Lilac with me. Anything short of that was going to be a crushing defeat, but I nodded anyway. No sense in unloading on Julie.
“I’m going to duck into the restroom. I’ll be right back.”
I sank onto the nearest bench as she walked away, her brown heels clip-clopping on the marble floor.
“This seat taken?” A familiar voice had me glancing over. Nash. He wasn’t in uniform, but he was dressed up in a crisp white shirt with a gray tie and gray pants.
“What are you doing here?” Unable to keep the suspicion out of my voice, I still slid over to make room for him. “Are you testifying at the hearing?”
“No, I told you, I can’t do that.” Deep lines of regret creased Nash’s face, and it felt like I had similar ones on my heart. So nothing had changed, not really. “Not that they’d ask me to, anyway—this one is likely to be mainly procedural.”
“So why come?” My voice was cold, not something I recognized.
“I’m not here on official business. I took the morning off. I came for you.”
“For me?”
“I thought you could use a friend today, whichever way this goes. And I want to be that friend.” His eyes seemed more green than usual, deep pools of sympathy, and I wanted to touch him so badly it hurt.
“But what about your conflict of interest? People are going to talk, more than they have been, you showing up here.”
“I’m working on the conflict of interest.” Nash sighed. “Holmes will handle the investigation, and I’m talking with the county and the state board on other steps—I’m not the first cop to end up with a conflict of interest, and there are procedures in place.”
“So you told them? About us?” I gaped at him.
“I had no choice.”
That wasn’t exactly what I wanted to hear, but Julie came back over. “Chief, how lovely you could make it.”
“I’m not the only one.” Nash gestured down the hall. Walking through the double doors were Logan and Adam, and Adam’s mother and sister. Dolly from the donut place and a number of our servers and regular customers followed. Even stuffy Everleigh from the visitor center was there.
“What the… I don’t understand.”
“We thought it might help the court to see that you’re not alone,” Julie said gently. “That you’ve got a whole community to support you.”
“Thought you weren’t going to pull strings,” I hissed at Nash.
“I didn’t. They wanted to help. And I can’t testify, but I can be here. For you.”
He didn’t get a chance to reply because the crowd was upon us then, everyone offering words of support. I hadn’t realized how big an impact our business had made in just a few months—to have so many people ready to go to bat for me was very humbling and had my sinuses burning.
A clerk informed me it was time to enter the courtroom. Julie and I sat in the front of the small room, but I was painfully aware of Nash right behind me, a warm but highly confounding presence. What was he doing? What did he want? Was this merely—
“All rise.” The bailiff summoned our attention, and I had to drop my endless questions as my heart hammered faster. Nash and I would have to wait. This was it. Lilac’s future was on the line.
The attorney for DHS spoke first, answering some questions the judge had about where the case stood. Neither Francine nor Jimmy had made bail. Francine was facing charges of assault, child endangerment, interfering with law enforcement, and possession of a controlled substance—she’d been found with drugs when they’d searched her at the jail, adding to the trouble she was in. Jimmy was similarly up a creek without a paddle—assault, child endangerment, DUI, and the ongoing investigation into potential vandalism charges.
Finally, it was Julie’s turn to speak on my behalf. She made an eloquent little speech about how my request for emergency placement should take priority under the law as I was a relative, the only one to come forward. Then she indicated all the people behind me. “And Mr. Hanks has the support of his community. I know this court may have concerns given his age and childlessness, but Mr. Hanks won’t be doing this alone.”
For the first time in days, I felt my shoulders relax. I wouldn’t be alone if the court gave me this chance.
I’d been so damn alone all week, all the hours spent on the highway between Rainbow Cove and the hospital and the county offices. It had been like shoving a huge boulder up a cliff. But sitting there, with my friends behind me, pillars of the town there, too, I realized for the first time that it wasn’t just me against the world. The whole town wasn’t simply waiting to see if I failed. I had roots here. Connections. A network to hold me up. And it was staggering, realizing that they were all there, had made the drive for me and Lilac, that I was that important to them.
The judge asked Julie about the home study—that was still pending, and I had a checklist of things to do around the house before a second visit from the social workers. My heart sank. Maybe none of this mattered—maybe the court was going to find me lacking even with a small army behind me.
“This court always gives first priority under the law to relative placement. However, this is not absolute.”
Oh please, oh please, oh please. I squished my eyes shut, unable to watch.
The judge continued, “In this case, though, I think it is clearly in the child’s best interests that temporary custody be granted to Mr. Hanks and that the state work with him to quickly complete the home study and get the placement ASAP. The next hearing on this matter will be…” She discussed the next steps in the case, the many steps ahead for Lilac and me, depending on what happened with Jimmy and Francine. But I couldn’t think about that, could only rub the bridge of my nose and exhale noisily. I’d done it.
Nash leaned forward and squeezed my shoulder. “See?” he whispered. “This will all work out.”
I still wasn’t sure I quite believed him, and I had no idea whether I had that certainty where he and I were concerned, but in that moment I was profoundly grateful he was there. I was getting Lilac. Everything else could wait.
Nash
I’d been around the legal system long enough to know that Mason and his niece had a long, long road to travel, but my heart was still light as I headed back to Rainbow Cove. There had been too many people around Mason after the hearing for us to talk, and that was all right. I hadn’t come hoping he’d take my sorry ass back, but rather to lend moral support, regardless of where we stood. The talk we desperately needed to have could wait until we didn’t have an audience.
So I had nodded at him, trying to tell him with my eyes that I’d be around later, after I settled a few things at the station. I was already leaping ahead to “later,” though, rehearsing what I’d say, when Holmes came into my office.
“Chief?” She stepped inside, closed my seldom-shut door. “I just had a phone call from the ethics board. Are you sure you want to formally recuse yourself from the Hanks case?”
“I am.” It didn’t matter what Mason and I presently were—I knew what I hoped we’d be, and that was what mattered. This was the right thing to do, even if my mother and others might not see it that way.
“Is this because of what Jimmy Hanks is saying? Because you know I’ve got your back—I’ll say that there’s nothing going on between you and that family other than a lot of bad will on Jimmy’s side.” She crossed her arms.
“I know you’ve got my back, and I appreciate it.” I took a deep breath. “But it’s true. I’m…seeing Mason Hanks.”
To Holmes’s credit, she didn’t flinch. Didn’t look all that surprised, actually. She nodded. “Mason seems like a good guy. I heard he’s getting custody
of the kid. That’s a big job.”
“He’ll be up for it.” My confidence in our future might be shaky, but I’d never believed more in Mason as a person.
“You sure you’re ready for that? For all of it, I mean.” She leaned against my desk. The room was small to begin with, and the conversation had me feeling like the walls were inching toward me.
We weren’t particularly close, Holmes and I. I’d hired her, trained her, respected the hell out of her, but we didn’t share confidences or offer more than passing friendship. Thus, I was tempted to lie and more than a little surprised when the truth slipped out. “I’m not sure. Guess we’ll all find out.”
“Well, you have my support. And Derrick’s, for what it’s worth. And I know an out officer up in—”
“I’m not looking to start a club,” I said more gruffly than I’d intended. I took a breath and backed down. “Thank you, though, for the support.”
“You let me know if there’s anything I can do. And not just about the Hanks case.” Her brown eyes were full of compassion I wasn’t quite sure I deserved.
“Will do.” My throat felt strangely tight.
“You heading out soon?”
“In just a few.” I finished up my latest round of notes on the Hinkie shooting and headed home, making sure to drive by the tavern. Not surprisingly, Mason’s car wasn’t there. On my way home I spotted it in his driveway, so I gathered up some things at my house that I’d set out that morning and walked to Mason’s place. Down the sidewalk even. I was done with stealth.
I could have texted him, but I didn’t want to make it easy for him to shut me out. Still, my heart pounded as I waited for him to answer the front door.
“Nash?” His eyes went wide when he saw me standing there, holding the two overflowing shopping bags. “What’s this?”
This had gone much better in my head. I coughed. “Figured you might need some things.”
“Things?” He eyed the bags like they might contain live grenades.
“I went through a bunch of our stuff in the attic. Pink sheets and some other bedding from Trisha’s old room. A doll. The bear, though, used to be mine…” I was rambling and didn’t seem able to turn it off.
“I’m building the bed right now, actually.” Finally, Mason ushered me in. “Adam’s mom had a spare twin bed, so it’s just a matter of putting together the frame. Adam’s working my shift at the tavern or he’d be able to help me. I’ve got a long list of stuff to get done before the social worker comes in the morning for a final check.”
“I can help.” I swallowed hard.
“Can you?” His eyes were guarded. “Isn’t that going to cause issues for you? I mean, it was nice of you, coming to the hearing, but I don’t want you losing your job or outed over this. The gossip will die down if you let it.”
“I don’t want it to.” That wasn’t the complete truth—I hated knowing that people were talking about us, and that probably wasn’t going to change, but I’d take the gossip if it meant having a shot at Mason. “And I’m not losing my job. I’m doing everything above board. Declaring the conflict of interest and all. There are rules in place, guidelines for things like in-laws.”
Mason’s laugh was more than a little bitter. “My family’s not your in-laws.”
“Better safe to treat it like that than be sorry.” I quoted the person I’d spoken with at length at the ethics board. “I don’t want to hide, Mason.”
“Maybe I do.” He studied the scarred hardwood floor of the living room. “I didn’t stop and consider how bad the gossip could be—people are saying I roped you into something. Like, I don’t know…like I corrupted you. Maybe you don’t want to be tied to a Hanks.”
Setting the bags on the couch, I took his shoulders, made him look at me. “I want to be tied to this Hanks. You’re worth more to me than some gossip.”
“My family hates you.” Mason’s voice was pained. “My dad thinks you’re just using me—”
“Is that what you think?” I asked sharply.
“No.” He shook his head. “Not really. But this thing, it got complicated hella quick. You deserve a better coming out than this. Someone with less baggage.”
“I don’t want someone—I want you. And we’ve all got baggage. And I’m not coming out for you.”
“You’re not?” Looking understandably confused, his eyes narrowed. The lone lamp in the room cast deep shadows over his face, but it was the shadows in his eyes that made me ache.
“I’m coming out for me. Because I’m almost forty now, and it’s beyond time that I stop running from my father’s ghost. Because I’m worth it, every bit as much as you are. Because I deserve to be happy and not be alone. It took you to show me that, but I’m doing this for me. It’s time I was free.”
“Yeah.” Mason’s voice was husky. “Your family isn’t going to be any more understanding than mine, though.”
I thought back to my conversation with my mother. “Nope. But I can’t live my life by their rules. And I think deep down my mother does want me to be happy. And you—you make me happy.”
“I do?” He tilted his head to one side, considering me. “For real? Because it’s not just sex for me, Nash. There are some serious feelings involved here, feelings I didn’t count on, but I can’t ignore them.”
“I don’t want you to. It’s not just sex for me, either.” Unable to stop myself, I stroked his arms.
“But you’ve never been out before. Maybe you don’t want to tie yourself to me—”
My laugh echoed through the nearly bare room. “You seriously think I want to play the field?”
“Maybe.” He worried his lip with his teeth.
“You’re the best man I know. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you that before, that I made you think somehow that you’re not worthy. There’s no one else I want to be with because I know you’re it for me.”
“I can’t change that I’m a Hanks. I’m always going to be related to Jimmy and Freddy, and chances are that I’m going to have Lilac for a while.”
“It’s all a part of you. I get it.” I wanted to kiss him so badly, but his face was still wary. “I’m still going to be the police chief. Late nights. Lots of stress. It’s not going to be a picnic being with me, either. But I want us to try. For real this time. No hiding.”
“You want to date?” Mason lifted an eyebrow.
“You could call it that,” I allowed. “I want more cooking lessons and more fishing and more late lunches. But yeah, if you want dates, like movies and whatever else it is people do, I’m game.”
Mason finally laughed. “Cooking and fishing and eating sound good to me. I want that, too. Not like I’m going to have much time for the dinner-and-a-movie kind of dating.” He shook his head. “God, I have so much to do. I’m not sure I’m ready for this, Nash.”
“Then let’s tackle your list. Together.”
We still had a long ways to go, but when he nodded I finally felt like I had my footing after days of treading through wet sand and sharp rocks. Maybe it was going to take more time than I’d like, but this was a start, a really good one. The next step was getting Mason to truly believe that I meant what I said. He was the guy for me, no turning back.
Twenty-Six
Mason
Nash was saying all the right things, the things I’d waited all summer to hear, but I wasn’t quite ready to throw myself into his arms. I was damn tired, and I was afraid I might not get back up again if I let myself collapse against him with the relief coursing through me. I needed to get the room together for Lilac, and maybe I needed to stew over everything that Nash had said.
I stepped away from him, approaching his bags on the couch. It was a sweet peace offering, bringing me stuff from his childhood and from his nieces and nephews. “Let’s take this to the spare room,” I said with more decisiveness than I felt. “Then we can put the bed together.”
“All right. Mind if I take off my uniform shirt?”
I wasn’t ever g
oing to turn down a chance to ogle Nash in a white T-shirt and his uniform pants, so I nodded, watching as he undid his buttons and set the shirt carefully on the couch. Things still seemed very tenuous, like we were feeling our way out of a dark sea cave.
Ready for building, he followed me to the spare room, and we worked in near silence setting up the bed frame and getting the mattress on it. Then I made up the bed using the sheets Nash had brought instead of the plain white that Adam’s mom had donated. Lilac would like the pink, I thought. My throat went as tight and fuzzy as a shrunken sweater as Nash arranged the doll and bear against the pillow.
Fuck. This was real. I was about to get a kid. And Nash. And I wasn’t sure how to cope with either. A choked noise escaped my throat.
“Hey, now.” Nash drew me to him. “It’s been a long day, yeah?”
“Yeah.” I gratefully seized that excuse as I finally let myself be held by him, relaxing into his grip.
“You go take one of those long showers you’re so fond of. I’m going to put the outlet covers on and stabilize the dresser like they want, get the last of your list done.”
“You don’t have to do that.” My voice was thick. God, he was so nice to me. Nicer than I deserved after all the things I’d said. “Nash, I’m sorry—”
“We can both say sorry later.” He steered me out of the room and into the small bathroom. “Right now you’re exhausted and running on empty. Let me help.”
It was a sign of how weary I was that I nodded. I stripped off my dusty work clothes and turned the spray to super hot as Nash backed out of the room.
His suggestion that I shower had been a good one. The hot water worked its usual magic, and I stayed in until the water ran tepid, trying to get a grip on my roiling emotions. It had been a day. Nash. Lilac. Everyone’s support. It was almost too much.
Trust with a Chaser (Rainbow Cove Book 1) Page 21
