by Jean Plaidy
Margaret turned away, but Ailie was looking at her slyly.
“There is Master Clement who comes here so often. Have you noticed how he looks first for Mercy? It would not greatly surprise me if our solemn Mercy told us she was to be Mistress Clement one day.”
“Mercy is too interested in her studies to think of aught else.”
Ailie laughed. “John Clement and her studies both interest Mercy very much. There they sit, heads close together, talking of drugs and disease. Sometimes when I see them I think I shall die of laughter. I do indeed, Meg. I say to Giles: ‘You talk of my beauty…of my charming ways…and that is by far the best way of courtship. But there are other ways, I have discovered, for I live in a strange household. Some lovers exchange recipes and talk of the internal organs of the sick instead of the eyelashes of the loved one.’”
“Ailie, have done with such frivolous gossip.”
“I will not. For ’tis a strange thing, Meg that, when a girl has found a husband, she is anxious for all her friends to do the same. However solemn, however learned they may be, I want them to be married as I shall be.” Ailie began to dance a stately measure with an imaginary partner, tossing back her hair, smiling coquettishly into the face she saw in her imagination. “This is the newest Court dance, Meg. Giles taught it to me. Oh, how I long to be at Court, to dance in the great halls while the King’s minstrels play in the gallery. I shall have rich gowns, Meg, and jewels…. I shall be the happiest girl in the whole world…and all because Father has won the King’s regard; for Meg, had he not done so, I do not think Giles’s father would have readily given his consent to our marriage.”
“You think of nothing but yourself, Ailie. Might not Father rather be at home as he used to be?”
“How could he prefer that! Giles says that the King is as fond of his as he is of Master Wolsey…and mayhap more…for while the Cardinal makes great efforts to please the King, Father does it without effort; while the Cardinal has to be a worshipper of the King, Father has but to be himself. Nay, we are going up, Meg. Up and up. Father will win more honors yet, and there are many who will be ready—nay, eager—to wed his daughters. But some of these, I vow, look not farther than their own home.”
Ailie was looking at Margaret slyly, and Margaret said: “Enough of this. Is it not your turn to be housekeeper this week, and have you not your duties to perform?”
“Lady More will not be hard on the future Lady Allington. So rest in peace, dear Meg. I’ll swear Will Roper is a pleasant fellow, but now that our fortunes are rising, do not be rash, Meg.”
“I do not understand you.”
“What? Have you then become a fool? You…the cleverest of your father’s daughters! Listen to me, Margaret: if you do not look to Will Roper, then he looks to you.”
Margaret packed up her books and set them on a shelf; her cheeks were burning.
“You are making a mistake, Ailie,” she said, “when you think that everyone shares your desires for the married state.”
That made Ailie laugh, and she went on laughing as Margaret, in a most dignified manner, walked out of the room.
NOW SHE must continually think of Will Roper. When, during mealtimes, she lifted her eyes, she would invariably find Will’s upon her. While she studied she would find thoughts of Will coming between her and her work.
It was disturbing.
Then she noticed a change in Will. Often when she looked up she would find him staring into space, and if she caught his eye suddenly, he would start and smile at her; and she would know that his thoughts had been occupied with matters which did not concern her.
He would spend a long time alone and seemed to find great pleasure in his own company.
He has changed his mind, thought Margaret. He does not wish to marry me after all. Can it be that his fancy has turned to someone else?
She was astonished by her feelings. Could it be that, not desiring marriage with Will, she desired him to marry no other? She began to think of what the house would be like if he left it. Her father was away so much; how would it be if Will were not there at all?
Her father…and Will! She had come to think of them together. She realized how pleased she had always been when her father spoke well of Will.
One day, when she was alone in the schoolroom, Will came in. He carried a book under his arm. She thought it was a law book until she saw that it was the Greek Testament of Erasmus.
“Oh, Margaret, I am glad to find you alone,” he said. “I want to talk to you. No, don’t be alarmed…. It is not about marriage. It is another matter which gives me much concern.”
“Please tell me, if it is on your mind, Will. I have seen that something has bothered you of late.”
“I do not know how you will receive this news, Margaret. I have been reading this Testament, and I have pondered on what I have read. I have also read Babylonish Captivity of the Church, and I have come to this conclusion, Meg. There is no truth other than this which comes out of Germany.”
“Will!”
“I know. You are alarmed. You will hate me now. Your father has expressed his views strongly…and your views, of a surety, are his views on this matter. I had to tell you. I do not believe that Martin Luther is a bad man. I believe he is honest and Godfearing. I believe he seeks a better way of life for the world, and, Margaret, I believe that he, and he alone, has fallen upon the truth.”
Margaret stared at him; his eyes were bright and his cheeks flushed; he looked quite unlike the mild law student whom she had known for the last three years. He looked resolute and noble.
She thought: He knows that this confession of his may mean that he will be banished from the house, and yet he makes it. He knows that it will turn Father from him, and yet he makes it. He knows that Father is one of the brightest stars at the Court, and he knows that heretics are punished in this land. Yet he comes to me and says he will become a Lutheran.
Oh, Will, she thought, you fool…you fool!
But she was moved by his courage, even though it was inspired by what her loyalty to her father insisted must be his wrong thinking.
She began to repeat her fathers arguments, to prevent her thoughts running she knew not whither.
“The man is trying to tear the Church asunder.”
“What of Erasmus? What of your father in the days when they were writing In Praise of Folly and Utopia?”
She said: “They exposed certain evils in the Church. They wished these matters to be righted. This man Luther defies the Holy Pope and the whole Church. He would set up a new Church in its place.”
“But, Meg, if that were the true Church…is it not a good thing to set it up in place of the false one?”
“You would then deny the faith of your fathers?”
“I want a simpler way of worshipping God. I want to examine the Scriptures more carefully. I do not want to say, ‘My fathers thought this, therefore must I think it.’ I have thought much of Martin Luther, Meg. Can you deny that he is a great man? Think of him—the son of poor parents, thrown upon the world at an early age, begging his bread and studying…always studying. Meg, he reminds me of your father, for like him he studied the law, and like him he went into a monastery. And while he was there, he found much that was evil, and he determined to fight it with all his might. Margaret, think. These Indulgences against which he rails—are they good? I ask you: Can people buy, with money, forgiveness in Heaven? Picture him on that October day in Wittenberg…so boldly marching up to the church door and there nailing upon it his theses. He knew of the danger he was in. He knew that the whole Catholic world was against him. But he cared not, Meg, because he knew that what he did was right. He is a great man; he is a man of genius; he is a good man whose teaching I would follow.”
Margaret was deeply moved. There was so much truth in what Will said. She had rarely in her life been so grieved as when across Europe abuse had been flung by this monk of Germany, and by her father in the name of the King. What a terrible thing it
was when two good men, because they could not agree on certain points, must forget courtesy and good manners, and fling insults at one another!
She said sternly: “I do not know what Father will do when he hears of this.”
“Nor I, Meg.”
“He would not wish to harbor a heretic under his roof.”
“That is so. Margaret, I love you. It is for that reason that I could be silent no longer. I could not continue with you under false pretences. Nor can I govern my thoughts. I trust you will understand me. Speak to me, Margaret. Tell me that you will try to understand how I have fought these thoughts.”
“You…you should not fight them. All thoughts should be examined.”
“Margaret…you…you will tell your father now, I know. Then I shall go away from here. That is something I cannot endure….”
He had turned to her, but she ran from him, out of the schoolroom.
HOW THANKFUL she was that it was daytime and there was no one else in the bedroom. She lay on the bed which she shared with Cecily, and drew the curtains…shutting out the house…shutting out everything but her thoughts.
Will…a heretic! And her father hated heretics! They had inspired him with a fierceness, a hatred of which she had not believed him capable.
This was terrible—nothing more terrible could have happened. Those two were against each other.
She remembered the change in her father, his fierceness against the heretic, his absolute belief in the Church of Rome.
He is wrong to be so certain, she thought. And Will is wrong to be certain that Luther is right. Why must there be this hatred between men? Why cannot they love God simply, without dogmas that must be disputed?
Jesus had told men to love one another. Yet how could they obey that command when they disputed together with such ferocity, and instead of love fostered hatred?
Love must become the ruling passion of the world. If her father was to follow the teaching of Jesus Christ, he must not hate Martin Luther because his views differed from his own; nor must Luther hate her father and the King for similar reasons.
Why could they not say: “You believe this and I believe that. But let us go our ways in peace. Let us brood on these matters which delight us, and in so doing, if perchance we find the truth, then that is a great and glorious thing which we can show to the world; and let us light it with love, not hatred, so that all may see it.”
She sat up in bed and touched her burning cheeks. She, being Margaret, must see herself as clearly as she saw others. Margaret’s brain must examine her heart. She stood between two men—Will Roper and her father—and now she would admit that they were the two whom she loved best in the world. She loved them both so much that she could not bear to be without either of them. A cause for dispute had raised itself between them; it was like an ugly dragon whose nostrils gave out the fire of hatred.
She must turn that hatred into love. She knew suddenly that she was ready to practice deceit if necessary to achieve that end.
Margaret More looked into her mind and discovered that the most important things in the world to her were that her father and Will Roper should continue to be friends, and that she should keep them near her that they might all be happy together. Who was right—the Pope or Martin Luther? She did not know; and she realized with a mighty shock that she believed neither of them was wholly right nor wholly wrong. In any case she wondered whether she would be prepared to take sides if she could believe that one was right and one was wrong.
She wanted to live in harmony with the men she loved.
NOW THAT she knew herself, she was too honest to feign ignorance.
She rose from the bed and went in search of Will.
He was still in the schoolroom where she had left him. He was standing by the window staring out disconsolately. If he was a man who had found the truth, he looked as if he had lost all else he cared for in doing so.
He turned as she entered. “Margaret!”
She went to him and smiled up at him. Then he put his arms about her.
“Margaret…dearest Meg…. Then you did love me?”
“I know not whether I did or did not,” she said. “I only know I do.”
“Margaret…now?”
“Yes, now!” she said emphatically. “For when our thoughts come, as you say, they must be examined. Will, some time ago you asked me to marry you. I answer you now: I will.”
“But, Margaret…your father…?”
“He has said he is pleased.”
He kissed her, and she thought: How strange it is! I am no longer Margaret More, the solemn little scholar. I do not care for the arguments in books. I care nothing but that Will loves me and that I can live the rest of my life with him and with Father.
“You are laughing, Meg. Why, you are different.”
“I am happy,” she said. “I see that it is because I am in love. Do you not like me thus?” Now she seemed coquettish, even as Ailie.
“Meg, I love you now and forever. But I feel this cannot really be happening, and that I shall wake up in a moment.”
“It is real…real as our life shall be.”
He took her to the window seat and kept his arm about her.
We shall be here together, she was telling herself. Life is good. It must be so. I will make it so.
“Meg…how happy I am! I never thought…You seemed remote…far too clever for me…and now…when I had given up hope…”
“You should never give up hope, Will. Never…never….”
“How you laugh, Meg. I have never heard you laugh like this.”
“It is the laughter of happiness, Will. That is the best sort of laughter. Not to laugh in derision at the misfortunes of others…not to laugh with relief because you feel remote from those misfortunes; but to laugh because you are happy…happy…because you have found that life is good.”
“When did you decide that you would marry me?”
“I think it must have been a long time ago, but I knew it only when you spoke to me just now. I knew then that I loved you.”
“When I told you…when I confessed?”
“It was seeing you, Will, so sure that you were right….”
“Then you, too, feel as I do.”
“I? I feel nothing but love. Sometimes I think I never have. I loved Father and I wanted to be clever to please him. You see, that was love of Father, not love of learning. Now I know that I love you too. So I have two people to love, and I love you both so much that there seems hardly room for anything else in my life.”
“Margaret! Is this Margaret?”
“Yes, it is the same Margaret. She was there all the time, I suppose, but she was hidden by the solemn scholar. She did not know herself. She saw herself as others saw her. Now she has seen herself as she is.”
They talked of marriage and he said: “What will your father say? Will he consent now?”
She was silent, amazed at herself, amazed that she who had never thought to deceive her father, could think of deceiving him now.
But she had become a woman who thought in terms of love. It only mattered that there should be amity in her house; that she, the woman, should hold her home together; and so make peace and love between those whom she loved more than her own life.
Therefore she was ready to temporize.
She said to herself: There is no need to tell Father. He has much to occupy his mind. He should not be worried with Will’s affairs. Moreover, Will may discover that he has not yet found the truth. Who knows, in a short time he may come to the conclusion that there is no truth in the teaching of this man Luther. Then shall we have had our storms for nothing. I can neither lose Will nor Father; therefore the two I love must love each other. Today let us think of love; and let us hope that tomorrow there will be no need to think of anything but love.
So now she said to Will: “Father is so rarely at home. It is a pity to worry him with your doubts and your leanings. Moreover, men’s minds change. Perhaps he will change; or
you will change. For the time, let us keep this secret. You and I will discuss these matters when we are alone…and only then….”
And she smiled at him, wondering whether she would be able to mold his thoughts to her father’s way of thinking, or her father’s to his.
She thought tenderly: They are obstinate, both of them. They are brave, and they will never accept other than what they believe to be the truth.
But she would wait.
Meanwhile she had discovered love, and for the time being she had determined that nothing should disturb it.
4
MARGARET WAS MARRIED IN THE JULY OF THAT YEAR. Will continued to live in the house, and none was more happy than Thomas in his daughter’s marriage. He saw his new son-in-law as a serious young man—he did not know of his new religious opinions—who would rise in his profession; he would be a devoted husband, an affectionate father; he would not want to go to Court; he would be content to stay in the heart of the family. His beloved daughter was married, but not lost to him.
Ailie too was married, and she left the house to live in state in her husband’s country mansions or his London house.
The family star was steadily rising.
Ailie visited the house often. When she was in London she was continually in and out. She had discovered that, much as she wished for gaiety and excitement, the family circle in Bucklersbury meant more to her than she had realized. She confessed to the girls: “I feel sentimental about home…and when I say home, I mean this house; for nowhere else can be home to me in quite the same way.”
She was not displeased with marriage. Her Giles adored her; he was ready to satisfy every whim, and there was nothing that pleased Ailie more than having her whims satisfied; nevertheless, sometimes she would talk of the old family gatherings round the fire in winter, and out of doors in summer, of the dreams they discussed, the tales they had invented, the songs they had sung; and there would be a wistfulness in her voice.
