by Beth Ehemann
We chatted for a few more minutes until Matthew came running back into the room. “Moooooom, you said we would go to the park today.”
“Oh, crap,” I mumbled.
“What?”
“I totally forgot that I told Matthew I’d take him to the park today. Think he’d go for a nap instead?”
“Good luck with that one. They never forget anything.” She laughed again. “Call me later.”
We hung up and I stared at Matthew, who had his hands clasped together and was giving me puppy dog eyes.
“The park, huh?” I sighed, already exhausted just thinking about it.
He nodded excitedly.
“Okay, let’s go see if Maura is awake, and if she is, we’ll go for a little while.”
He threw his hands in the air in celebration and sprinted up the stairs.
“Good morning, Mrs. Klein!” Matthew waved to our neighbor as we made our way down the driveway. I gave her a wave, too, silently begging her not to come over. She was a wonderful lady, but her husband worked out of town during the week, and once she started chatting with you, any plans you had for the next hour would be canceled. I gave her a quick wave and hustled down the sidewalk toward the park.
A moving van was parked across the street, and Matthew’s eyes lit up when he saw Gavin bouncing a basketball on the front porch.
“Mom! Can we go say hi?” he asked as he bounced up and down.
“Sure.” I nodded.
He wrapped his hand around the edge of the stroller like he was supposed to and we crossed the street.
“Hi, Gavin!” he yelled before we even hit the driveway.
Gavin looked up and waved excitedly, running over to meet us. “Hi! We’re moving in today. Wanna see my new room?”
Matthew’s face swung up to mine with crinkled, begging eyebrows.
“Fine, but just for one minute.” He turned and sprinted across the yard. “And take your shoes off in their house!” I called after him.
They barreled through the garage and into the house, almost knocking over Joel, who was on his way out. “Whoa!” he yelled and moved off to the side as they zoomed by. He looked out and saw me on the sidewalk. “Hey!”
I waved and he walked over.
“Move-in day, huh?” I asked.
“Yeah.” He glanced at the truck and back at me, his clear blue eyes catching me off guard again. “I don’t have too much left. Hopefully it doesn’t take all night. You don’t realize how much crap you’ve accumulated until you try and fit it all into one box truck.”
I laughed and nodded. “Ain’t that the truth.”
Before we could get another word out, the front door swung open, smacking against the brick wall, and Matthew and Gavin came flying out on the lawn.
“Whoa, whoa, whoa!” Joel called out. “Let’s not break the house before we’ve even finished moving in, okay?”
“Hey, Mom, can Gavin come to the park with us?” Matthew asked as he panted for air.
“Um . . .” I glanced from him to Joel. “It’s okay with me if it’s okay with his dad.”
“Dad, can I? Pleeeeeeeease?” Gavin dropped to his knees and pressed his hands together.
Joel sighed and looked over at me. “You really want an extra kid?” he asked under his breath.
I shrugged. “It’s totally fine. And honestly, he’ll keep Matthew busy, which means I’m not spending my time running back and forth between two kids alone.”
“Okay, well it’s fine by me then.” He turned toward Gavin, who was jumping up and down with Matthew. “Gavin, you behave, got it?”
Gavin’s grinning face nodded up at his dad and the boys took off down the sidewalk.
“Ah, ah! Wait for me,” I called out. “Guess I better go.”
Joel gave me a small grin and a nod as I hurried after the boys.
The park by our house was one of my favorite things about our subdivision. It had a huge wood castle that spanned the entire side of the park, with a shaky chain drawbridge, hanging tire obstacle course, and tons more. It also had an area for littler kids where Maura loved to play. Having Gavin there to play with Matthew really was more of a treat for me. Not only did he have the best time ever, but he was so preoccupied with Gavin that it left me some time to focus on just Maura.
She laid her head back against the baby swing as I pulled it from the front and let go. Her eyes stared up at the blue sky, her blond curls peeking out from under her hat and blowing in the wind. Life had been so hectic lately that it seemed I’d just been going through the motions to get from the beginning of the day to the end, but while I stood there, watching my sweet girl on the swing, nothing else mattered.
As she swung toward me, I quickly reached out and squeezed her chubby thigh. It was her most ticklish spot, and she rewarded me with a deep, throaty giggle.
“Well that’s the cutest sound I think I’ve ever heard.”
I whipped around to see Joel walking toward us with a smile on his face.
“Isn’t it?” I agreed, turning back to Maura.
“I haven’t had a little one in a long time, but wow, I sure do miss those laughs.” He walked up and leaned against the metal pole.
“I know. I swear they’re what keeps me going most days,” I said as I pushed her again. “Hey . . . aren’t you supposed to be working?”
“I’m done!”
“What? No way!”
“Yes way!” He nodded with a laugh. “It’s amazing how quickly you get things done when someone takes your crazy son to the park for an hour and a half.”
“Have we been here that long already?”
“Yup.” He nodded again, his bright, ice-blue eyes boring into mine. “Time flies when you’re having fun.”
“More like time flies when they’re not asking for something every five seconds.” I let out a quick laugh as I looked back at Maura. “We should probably head home and clean up for dinner soon. I’m hoping a long time at the park equals early to bed.”
“You have to let me pay you back for this afternoon. How about I spring for pizza for dinner?”
“Oh, no, that’s okay.” I stopped the swing and took Maura out.
“Come on, you have to let me do something,” he insisted.
I thought for a minute, staring down as I buckled Maura into the stroller. Dinner with a new friend was tempting, but I couldn’t do it. Even though Viper and I were going through . . . something . . . it just felt disrespectful.
“No, really. Thank you, but I’m wiped. I’m probably just going to make them something quick and crash early right along with them.”
“Okay.” He stood and nodded, tucking his hands into his hoodie pocket. “I get it, but if you change your mind, I’m right across the street now, neighbor.” He flashed me a big, playful grin that I couldn’t help but return.
“Thanks. We’ll be around all day tomorrow, too, if Gavin wants to come over again.” I started walking toward where the boys were playing.
He stepped in right beside me. “Sounds good. They can probably hang for a bit in the morning, but I’ll take Gavin back to his mom’s after dinner.”
“Matthew, Gavin, come on! Time to go home!” I hollered toward them before turning back to Joel. “Does she live around here?”
“Yeah, just a few miles away. I kinda followed her here, actually. We used to live in northern Iowa, but then she got remarried and moved here.” He lifted two fingers between his lips and whistled loudly for the boys, who were running around in the field past the park. “Anyway, I couldn’t stand to be that many hours away from Gavin, so I packed up and slept on a buddy’s couch while I looked for a job and eventually, this house.”
“Wow. That’s awesome that you moved here to be with him.”
“I don’t know if it’s that awesome.” He shrugged, staring at the ground as he walked. “He’s my buddy. The thought of missing out on the big stuff in his life was hard, but the thought of missing out on all the little everyday stuff was unacceptabl
e.”
Joel’s feelings about being away from his son and needing to be part of his life overwhelmed me. I so desperately wanted Viper to feel that way about our baby, and I hoped that eventually he would. Though the longer we went without talking, the more nervous I became.
The boys hustled up next to us and whined for the next few minutes.
“It’s not even dark yet,” Matthew complained.
“Yeah,” Gavin added. “We weren’t done yet.”
“Well,”—Joel reached over and pulled Gavin into a playful headlock—“the good news is that we live in this house now and that park is less than a block away, so you can play there any time you want.”
Gavin squealed and flailed his arms. “Can we come back tomorrow?”
“Yes, probably for a little bit in the morning.” Joel let Gavin go and he sprinted down the sidewalk ahead of us with Matthew right behind him.
“Those two are gonna run the world one day,” I said with a quick laugh.
We said good-bye to Joel and Gavin when we got to their house and crossed back over to ours. “Did you guys have fun out there?” I asked Matthew.
He nodded excitedly. “He’s so fun, Mom. We like all the same stuff.”
My heart soared. He hadn’t sounded that excited in a long time. “That’s awesome, bud. I’m so happy for you.”
Matthew grabbed the keys from me to open the front door like he always did, and I bent down and pulled Maura from her stroller. I stood and glanced over toward Joel’s house, surprised to see him still standing out on his porch staring at us. He noticed me look that way and gave another small wave and a big grin that I could see clear across the street. I waved back quickly and turned toward the house, not at all comfortable with the pace my heart was beating.
“I’m comin’! I’m comin’!” I yelled as I slowly made my way to the front door after the doorbell rang for a third time. I didn’t need my crutches anymore, but I wasn’t moving very quickly either.
Brody stood on the other side of the door with a smile on his face. “What’s up, bud?” He held his hand out and gave me a quick hug.
“Hey! I didn’t know you were coming by,” I said as I shut the door.
He stuffed his hands in his front pockets and lifted his eyebrows. “I’ve texted you a few times, but you don’t respond these days.”
I rolled my eyes. “Sorry. Things have been a little crazy. Here, come with me.”
He followed me into the garage, where I’d been when he rang the doorbell. I sat down on the bucket and looked over, noticing that he was frozen in the doorway with his mouth hanging open.
“What?”
His eyes moved back and forth around the garage. “What the hell are you doing?”
“I’m cleaning my bike.” I motioned toward my motorcycle.
“Why?” He finally stepped down the wood steps into the garage.
I shrugged. “Why not? I haven’t ridden it in almost a year. I figure once my knee is healed enough, I’m gonna get back on it.”
“Okay,” Brody said slowly as he took a couple of steps and leaned his shoulder against the wall. “Any particular reason?”
“Why own it if I’m not gonna ride it, ya know? There’s a lot of things I don’t do anymore that I want to start doing again.” I picked the rag back up and gently rubbed circles into my once shiny chrome tailpipe. “And I’ve been thinking about it, since I’m going to be off for a while, what if I start the ball rolling on this bar thing? You said you’d be open.”
“I did say I’d be open,” Brody agreed with a nod.
“So I figure, instead of sitting on the couch doing nothing, I’ll work on that. Then when you’re home from road trips, I can fill you in. We can go to The Bumper and hang out like we used to.”
“Sure. We can do that. But before you go off on your motorcycle opening bars, can we talk about something real quick?” He grabbed an empty five-gallon bucket from the corner, flipped it upside down, and sat down on it next to me. “Can we talk about what’s going on with you and Michelle?”
I tried not to let it show that every muscle in my body tensed up. “How do you know about that?”
He tilted his head to the side and pursed his lips together. “Really?”
Duh. Kacie.
“There’s nothing really to tell. She’s pregnant. I’m not happy about it. We fought. End of story.”
“Sounds like you did more than fought. You guys haven’t talked in over a week now.”
“Yep. She told me to leave, so I did.” I glared at him out of the corner of my eye. “What was I supposed to do?”
“I don’t know . . . stay? Talk? Act like a grown-up for once?”
I turned my head toward him and narrowed my eyes. “I don’t need this shit from you, Murphy. If you came here just to bitch at me, get the fuck out.”
He let out a heavy sigh. “I didn’t come here to bitch at you, Viper, but I am worried about you. This isn’t you.”
“Maybe it is me!” I exclaimed. “Maybe that nice, wholesome family man bullshit I was doing for the last year wasn’t me.”
“I don’t believe that.”
“Believe whatever the hell you want!” I stood up quickly, flipping the bucket over behind me. “Honestly, I don’t really care who you think I am. I don’t even know who the fuck I am. I am hockey. Hockey is me. That’s gone, and now I have to find myself all over again, so I’m getting back to basics.”
Brody stood up and gave me a hard glare. “You’re more than hockey and we both know that, but if you’re going to sit here and wallow around in some bullshit pity party, have at it. I’m out.” He climbed the wood steps and opened the door, but turned back around. “I’m also gonna say this, since I have no idea when you’re going to pull your head out of your ass and talk to me again. Last time you lost your mind, that doctor—Dr. Shawn—she helped you find it. Maybe it’s time to give her another call.”
The slam of the garage door shook the whole garage, followed by another slam from the front door a minute later.
Anger swirled around in my chest, gaining momentum with each rotation. I picked up the bottle of chrome polish that was next to me and hurled it against the wall as hard as I could. It exploded, sending streams of liquid down my wall and across my bike.
My chest heaved.
My nostrils flared.
My head throbbed.
Who the fuck did Brody think he was coming into my house, lecturing me on how to be a man? Maybe he was happy over there with Kacie and their house full of kids, mini van, and white picket fence, but that wasn’t me. That would never fucking be me.
I spent the next few hours cussing out Brody, Michelle, my knee, Kat, and just about everything else as I lost myself in the bottom of a whiskey bottle. Unlike Gam, I hated whiskey. It tasted like shit, but it was what I deserved. My eyes felt like they were hopping all over the room. I couldn’t control them no matter how hard I tried and suddenly, I remembered why I hated drinking.
Pulling my T-shirt over my head and kicking my shorts off, I crossed my room and sat down on the edge of my bed, setting my phone on my nightstand. I stared at it.
I stared at it like I was mad at it. Like I wanted to throw it.
Why did you have to answer her phone?
I grabbed my phone and squeezed it hard in my hand. When it didn’t break like I was hoping, I took a deep breath and swiped at the screen.
A picture of me, Michelle, Matthew, and Maura standing by the lake at Brody’s house was my wallpaper.
“No man ever lay on his death bed pissed off that he’d apologized too many times throughout his life, but plenty wish they’d apologized more.” Sherman’s words whirled around in my head for the ten millionth time. My head spun as I focused really hard to find Michelle’s name in my text messages. Before I knew it, I started typing.
Hey. I should have called sooner and probably should have done this in person, but I’m sorry for the way I reacted in the kitchen. I was a dick and you
were right to smack me. My head is in a weird place right now and this baby thing is making it worse. I need to figure some shit out. I’m sorry again. Kiss the kids for me.
I dropped my phone on my nightstand and crashed against my pillow, snoring before the text probably even reached her phone.
The next morning, I tried to sit up but my head weighed three hundred pounds. As I looked around the room, mentally clearing the cobwebs from my brain, everything from the night before came rushing back. My fight with Brody, the bottle of whiskey, the text I’d sent Michelle.
Holy shit!
I forgot that I’d texted Michelle. I rolled toward my nightstand too fast and my temples throbbed like my head was in a vice being tightened by King Kong. Pinching my eyes shut tight, I sat up slower and took a deep breath. Once the stars disappeared from my eyes and the puke in the back of my throat went away, I picked up my phone and saw that I had an unread text. I quickly re-read the text I’d sent Michelle and looked under it for a response.
Nothing.
I don’t know what I wanted her to say back, but I would’ve rather had her tell me “fuck you” than not respond at all.
I hit the back button to go to my my main text screen and saw my unread text . . . from a number that was no longer stored in my phone, but that I recognized from a long time ago.
No. No. No. What the fuck? When did I text her?
I glanced at the time I’d sent Michelle the text. One o’clock in the morning. I switched back to the text I’d sent Kat. Two o’clock in the morning.
My head started throbbing again. I didn’t even remember texting her. I thought I’d fallen right to sleep. My hand hovered over the screen, not sure I wanted to read what I’d said to her or what she’d said back. I swallowed puke again and pressed the tiny envelope on the screen. My text was above hers.
Hey. So. Sorry I was such a dick the first day at Gam’s. Seeing you was a shock, but she really likes you and I really like her, so I’m gonna stop being a dick.
She had responded half an hour later.
Kat: Um . . . okay. I’m not really sure what to make of this. I’m assuming you’re drunk, but I hope that you really mean this and you’ll let me do my job in peace. There’s no reason we can’t be friends, Viper. We have a long history that wasn’t always good, but I still care about you as a person. Anyway, I’m going back to bed. We can talk more about this later.
