by Karen Woods
Rachel choked back the tears. Her mother did care for her after all. She turned around slowly and all she wanted to do at the moment was to hold her mother in her arms. She’d starved herself of affection for years but at this moment, all she wanted was to be in a safe place and be told everything would be alright. The words spoken now were on another level, hearts were opening and long-suppressed feelings were being expressed. “Mam, I should have listened to you but I just got it all so wrong in my head. I thought I knew best. I hated you for not looking after Mikey when I got sent down and I just couldn’t get my head around it.”
Agnes held a flat palm over her heart. “I couldn’t breathe love when you got sent to prison. I couldn’t look after myself, never mind my grandson. Our Cath was going to take him on but Dave was the one who said she couldn’t. Don’t you think it hurt me to know I’d let you both down? I’ve blamed myself time and time again for the path you took. Could I have done more? Did I listen enough? My mind was racing every night and I was making myself ill.”
Rachel hugged her mother and the familiar smell she could remember from being a child was there again. Rachel’s heart melted and her shoulders shuddered as years of emotions finally came to the surface. She’d not cried like this for years. Rachel was a blubbering wreck. “I just got lost, mam. I was a rebel and I couldn’t stand to be told what to do. Our Cath was everything I should have been and I know I let you down.”
Agnes gripped her tightly in her arms and looked her straight in the eyes. “We both could have done things differently. I know that now. I’ve never told you this but I did go to the care home to get Mikey back. I sat outside that place for hours in the pouring rain fighting with my emotions. In the end, I just walked away. I couldn’t do it. I made mistakes with you and who’s to say I wouldn’t have ruined Mikey’s life as well. I couldn’t take the chance!”
Rachel was struggling to breathe, she was having a panic attack. Why had nobody ever told her this before? It could have made such a big difference. It could have ended all the years of pain she’d suffered. Agnes kissed the top of her daughter’s head and smiled as she looked deeply into her eyes. “Let’s turn the page and start again. We can both have a clean sheet now. Let’s start a new chapter.” Rachel nodded and for the first time in years she felt loved.
Dave walked into the kitchen and he was swaying about. He stumbled up to the both of them and patted his flat palm across Rachel’s bum cheeks. “Yep, let’s all try to get along now. Too much time has passed for us to all be at loggerheads.”
Rachel pulled away from her mother. This guy gave her the creeps and as soon as Agnes left the kitchen she growled over at him. “Don’t you ever think you can lay a finger on me again! You make me feel sick to my stomach and I’ll never ever let you get under my skin again. Our Cath is your wife, just remember that. I took the blame for last time but if you come within an inch of me I’ll cut your bleeding balls off.”
Dave stood with his back against the wall. He smirked. He licked his lips slowly and made sure he kept his voice low. “You loved every minute of it, just like I did. I’ve never forgotten you know.” There was a noise just outside the room and Rachel was spooked. Dave dipped his head behind the door and once he knew nobody was there he carried on talking. “You’ll always be a slut in my eyes, love. You can’t polish a turd. The two of them in there might buy your bullshit but I won’t. You love cock and you always will. Anyway, if you ever fancy a quick knee-trembler you know where I am. We’d just have to be more careful this time wouldn’t we? We don’t want to upset your sister do we?”
Rachel was livid and she walked straight up to him and spat in his eye. “You dirty no-good bastard. I was young when you got a grip of me, I should have known better. I’ll tell you now, if you ever come near me again, I’ll tell Cath. I swear to you, I’ll tell her everything.”
Dave chuckled and ran his hand over his crotch, he was obviously turned on by the whole episode. “What, you think she’ll ever believe a lying dirty skank over her own husband? Good luck with that,” he chuckled. Rachel couldn’t wait to get away from him, he made her skin crawl and given the chance she would have shoved a blade deep in his chest, stabbed the fucker up. He was dangerous and she knew in the future she would have to tread carefully where he was concerned. Rachel walked to the kitchen door and froze as Cath walked into the kitchen, she had taken her by surprise and she was sure she’d been listening to the conversation. Cath walked over to the kitchen sink and placed her glass carefully there. As she looked over her shoulder she gave Dave a look that could kill. She raised her eyes and snarled over at him. “I suggest you finish your drink. We’re going home now.” Dave didn’t know which way to look, had she heard what he’d said or what? He obeyed his wife and never said a single word. Cath was in a world of her own and started to sing in a low voice.
Rachel picked up her coat from the side of the sofa and dusted it softly. Her original intention when she came here was to ask for some help with the money for her son but after what had been said here tonight, she knew she could never ask them for a handout again. She had to prove she was on the straight and narrow now. Agnes’s eyes were closing as she sat back in her chair. It was late. She looked older than Rachel remembered her. The years of torment she’d caused her were visible in every deep wrinkle on her skin. The sleepless nights, the twenty-four-seven anxiety that Rachel had caused her. Yes, she’d aged her.
Rachel crept to her side and tapped her gently on the top of her shoulder. “Mam, I’m going to set off home now,” she whispered.
Agnes was alert and tried to stretch her eyes open wide. She wriggled about in her chair. “You can stay here love. It’s too late for you to be walking the streets at this time of night.”
Rachel started to put her coat on. She was touched and those words meant everything to her. It was there for everyone to see. Agnes really did care about her daughter. This was the first time in ages that anyone had ever really showed that she mattered in their life.
Dave grabbed his car keys from the table and rattled them in his hands. “I’ll run you home. I’ve had a few scoops but I’m alright to drive.”
Cath growled at him and spoke in a stern voice. “You’re going nowhere. You’ve had more than enough to drink. I’ll pay for a taxi if you want Rachel?”
“No, no, I’m going to call in the late shop and get some fags and a loaf. It’s not that late and I like the exercise. The fresh air will do me good.”
Dave was out to cause trouble and he just couldn’t keep his trap shut. “Yeah, let her walk. It’s not like she will be in any danger is it. I mean, who’d want to touch that.”
Agnes jumped from her chair and there was no way she was listening to his filthy mouth. He could be a right arse sometimes and he never thought about anything before he put his mouth into gear. “Oi, less of the snide remarks. I think you should go and make a black coffee for yourself, it’s obvious you’re pissed.”
Cath dug deep in her purse and pulled out a ten pound note. “Here you go cock, get a taxi. You take no notice of Dave. He just thinks he’s a bit of a joker that’s all. You know what he’s like.”
Rachel turned down the money, even though she could have done with it. “No, honest. I’ll walk. Mam, if it’s alright with you, I’ll come and see you again tomorrow or something.”
“You don’t need to ask, just come here whenever you want, love. It’s a fresh start remember.” Rachel pecked Agnes on the cheek and squeezed her tightly in her arms. Bridges had been built here today and the family was reformed again. This was the happiest day of her life and as she left the house, she felt like the worries of the world had been lifted from her shoulders.
*
Rachel walked along the main road. For some strange reason she kept looking over her shoulder. Something was wrong, she was edgy as her pace quickened. The roads were quiet tonight and hardly any traffic was flying by. Nipping across a field, Rachel knew it would take at least ten minutes off her jo
urney. The field was dark and as soon as she started to cross over it she realised she’d dropped a bollock. The thick brown mud gripped her feet and every step she took she felt like her legs were going to fall off. Branches crunched behind her, before struggled breathing could suddenly be heard. Rachel turned her head quickly but she couldn’t see anything. She stood frozen, eyes wide open. “Hello?” she murmured. There was no reply. Mikey’s mother picked up speed and carried on her journey home. Was her mind playing tricks on her? Was she imagining it? Every few steps she took she kept twisting her head behind her. Somebody was definitely there, hidden away in the shadows of the night. The silver moon shone brightly in the sky and made her way across the field safely. She would never come this way again. She’d put herself at risk, she could have been attacked. Rachel staggered over the last part of the muddy marshland. Just as she got out of the gates she turned around and looked behind her. There was a silhouette of somebody in the distance, she knew she hadn’t imagined it. Who the hell was it?
Rachel sprinted down her garden path and shoved the gold key into the lock with shaking hands. She was so glad to be in her own home. Once she got inside she ran to the front window. All the lights in the front room were kept off as she peeled the curtains back. Her eyes tried to focus as she squeezed them together. There was nobody there, not a soul. But she could feel something inside her, a gut feeling that something was wrong. Turning the TV on, Rachel plonked down on the sofa and drew her legs up to her chest. She hated being alone at times like this and even though Sarah was a pain in the arse, she wished she would have asked her to stay with her tonight. Looking at the clock on the wall, the midnight hour was drawing close. There was no point sitting in the front room on her own. The gas had been cut off and she was freezing her tits off, teeth chattering. She was going to bed, at least she would be warm there. Standing at her bedroom window, Rachel gazed out. In the distance she could see a shadow of somebody stood on the opposite side of the road. Her head pressed hard against the pane of glass trying to get a closer look. This time she knew she was right, she could see perfectly. The man just stood looking over at her house, he never moved a muscle. She quickly moved away from the window. Had he seen her? “No, no, who the hell are you?” she whispered under her breath. If her theory was right, the person she thought was following her now knew where she lived. Her heart raced inside her chest and she had every right to be scared. She’d gained so many enemies over the years and knew this day would come sooner rather than later. The loan man had told her he would make her pay one way or another for the cash she owed him. Was this his way of making her cough up the cash? She didn’t know. She had to protect herself and always be on her guard from this day forward. The clock was ticking and sooner or later the stalker would reveal themselves.
Rachel dragged the clothes from her body and shoved an old T-shirt of Gary’s on. Pulling the duvet back from the bed, she jumped inside and shivered as the cold night air gripped her bones. Checking her mobile phone, she realised there was a text message she’d not yet seen. It was from Mikey. With shaking hands she opened the text and read the message. “Mam, I’m struggling in here, shit’s going down. Please get up to see me as soon as. Tell Sarah I love her. If anything happens to me, I love you too.”
Rachel read the text message over and over again. It wasn’t like her boy to be weak. He never let anyone know if he was having a hard time. And what did he mean “if anything happens to me”? Perhaps the years of torment in his life had finally got a grip of him and like his mother, he’d had enough. Her heart was low and she didn’t know if she could take much more. Rachel replied to the text. “Son, just be strong. I know I’ve let you down in your life but not anymore. I’ll fix it all, don’t worry about a thing. I’ll be up to see you soon.”
The message was sent and Rachel lay in bed staring into space. Tomorrow was another day and somehow, someway, she was going to make sure every penny of Mikey’s money was returned. Gary wouldn’t be hard to find and she knew if she put her mind to it, she would uncover his hideout. Once he saw her, he would shit a brick and hand the cash back over. The moonlight shone through the window. Her eyes started to close slowly as she dragged the duvet tightly around her body. The house was creaking and with every noise she heard, her heart was in her mouth. She needed to pull herself together, this was no time to be falling apart, her son needed her.
CHAPTER TWELVE
Mikey stood inside Mark’s office and he was edgy, his eyes flicked one way then another. Where the fuck was he? The screw said he would meet him here ten minutes ago. The two of them had a thing going now and despite all that Mark had previously believed in, he was now bringing contraband into the jail for prisoners. He had no other option. He needed the extra money. He didn’t know what he was getting involved with. How on earth had he got wrapped up in such a dangerous game? If he got caught smuggling phones and drugs he would lose everything; his job, his home, his wife. He needed his head feeling if he thought he could get away with this. Someone would surely talk, they always did, the place was full of grassing fuckers who would love to see him fall flat on his face. But Mark was only dealing with the one inmate so far. Nobody knew he was bent and he was clever at disguising his crimes.
Mikey sat looking around the room. He shouldn’t have been able to get inside this place but the door had been left unlocked. If Mark was caught breaching jail security, they would throw him out of the place quicker than he could have said he was sorry. This was a prison and every door had to be locked, no matter what. There were dangerous criminals inside this place, men who would gouge your eyes out without giving it a second thought. There was no time for mistakes. Mikey had always had a nosey nature and as boredom set in he couldn’t help himself. His hand reached over to the desk in front of him and he started to read a few letters lying there. His eyes scanned the words but there was nothing of any real interest to him, just boring shite that he couldn’t really understand, there were too many big words. There was a pile of files nearby and his fingers touched the top of them, twisting them around so he could see the names on them properly. There were some familiar convicts named here, guys that he knew from the wing and without a second’s hesitation, he started to read about the criminals he was serving his sentence with. The first file he opened was Potter’s. Mikey flicked the pages over and sniggered as he clocked the profile picture of his pad mate. The lad looked scared to death on this photograph, he looked like he was going to break down in tears on it, eyes wide open, cheeks creased. What a soft twat he was! Turning the white pages, he smirked as he read the notes on his convictions. It was all what he really knew really, nothing major, just fraud like Potter had told him. Mikey closed the file and noticed a bunch of red files on the other side of the table. This was juicier; some of these guys were fucked in the head. Mikey opened a few files and held a sour expression as he read some of the notes. Dirty scumbags, twisted bastards. His fist tightened and you could see whatever he was reading made his stomach churn.
Mikey studied another file for a lot longer than he should have, he never touched it, just sat gazing at it. Slowly, he dragged the notes closer to his body. His jaw dropped low as he read the name ‘Dennis Milne’ on the front of it. His cheeks sank and his fingers just ran over the name several times. Was this really his father? The man he’d missed in his life for so long now? He was taking forever to pick them up. At last, he slid the notes closer to his body, heart pumping, alert. His limbs seemed lifeless as he paused, head twisting around, unsure of his next move. Someone was here, the door handle rattled. Mikey pushed the paperwork away and tried to regain his composure. He would have got bollocked if he’d been caught rooting through stuff.
Mark was in a panic as he entered the office. He was fully aware that no convict should have been sat in his room alone, his cheeks were bright red. “For fuck’s sake, who said you can come in here on your Jack? If anyone would have seen you, I’d be fucked. Don’t ever do it again, do you hear me, ever!”
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Mikey backed away from the table and for a few seconds he was in some kind of deep trance. Nothing was registering, his head was all over the place. Was his old man really in the same big house or was this just an old file? He wasn’t sure. Mark plonked down at his desk and ragged his fingers through his hair. He was stressed and his head wasn’t with it. His voice was low. “I’ll meet the woman tonight at the usual place. I want no fucking about. There’d better be all the money there too. A grand, like we agreed.”
Mikey snapped back to reality and replied in a sarcastic tone. This guy was a worrier and he was so on top. Mikey tilted his head to the side. “Isn’t the cash always there? Just relax will you.”
Mark wiped the invisible dust from his sleeve as he started to calm down. “This is the last lot too. I told you I would help you out but after this parcel it’s back to square one. It’s stressing me out too much. And, like I said, nobody must know about this.”
Mikey’s head was mashed and he sat forward tickling the end of his chin. He swallowed hard. “Boss, I’ve just clocked my old man’s file on the table. Is he in this joint too?”
Mark quickly grabbed the inmates’ files with shaking hands, he was fuming. This was a breach of confidentiality and he was going ape. “Don’t tell me you’ve been looking inside them. For fuck’s sake, you’re going to get me the sack! What the fuck are you looking through all this shit for, keep your nose out of it in future you daft prick!”
Mikey maintained a serious expression and his tone was low. He was no big boy now, he was after something that mattered to him. He changed his tune. “I’m just asking that’s all. You know I’ve not seen him for donkey’s years don’t you? Just answer yes or no, that’s all. I don’t need to know the ins and outs of a cat’s arse I just need to know if he’s inside this jail.”
