They carried their coffees to an empty table and sat.
“What about you and Brent?” She leaned forward and studied her. “Have you two spoken? Tried to work things out?”
“No. We decided us getting together again wasn’t such a great idea,” Ellie said. She’d decided this time.
“That’s too bad. I remember you were so in love with him years ago, and he was relieved to hear that the fiancé thing was a hoax,” she said, sipping her coffee. “And I saw him leave your cottage the other night.” She raised an eyebrow suggestively over her coffee cup.
Ellie shook her head. “Nothing happened.” Thank God. There’d be no way she could go back to Callum and ask for forgiveness and another chance if she’d gotten physical with Brent. “I just don’t think we’re the right fit, you know.” She cradled her cup, wishing she’d said no to the catch-up. Talking about Brent and Callum only reminded her of the choice she’d made, how she’d ultimately hurt both men...in varying degrees.
Brent would immediately bounce back, and he’d probably already forgotten about her again. But Callum had so many other things going on right now, and she’d only compounded his stress and disappointment. “What we had was teenage love. That doesn’t always work in adulthood.” She knew that now. A little too late.
But she wouldn’t keep beating herself up over lost time. All she could do was keep moving forward.
“Well, I’m sure things will work out when the time is right, with the right one for you,” Alisha said, sipping her coffee. “And hey, a group of us are going camping in two weeks. You’re welcome to join us,” she said.
“Oh, I’m not sure...”
“No crazy adventures this time, I promise,” Alisha said quickly. “Just maybe s’mores and reading by the lake?”
Ellie gave a small smile, for the first time feeling seen by the other woman. “Thanks, I’ll think about it.”
Unfortunately, there was only one person she wanted to spend her time with right now, and he wanted nothing to do with her.
* * *
SO ELLIE WASN’T with Brent.
Sitting at a table, shielded by a large cookie display, Callum could hear Ellie and Alisha talking a few tables away. Ellie had decided Brent wasn’t what she wanted after all. That thought gave him an irrational, momentary lift. Which was dumb. Ellie hadn’t wanted him before Brent, she wouldn’t want him now either. But at least knowing she was no longer trying to fit in with that group and be what Brent wanted made him feel better for one person he cared about.
And she obviously had heard about Sean and was here to offer support to him. He sighed. He couldn’t accept that support. That was why he’d been ignoring her calls and texts the last few days. Her sympathy and kindness wasn’t what he wanted. He wanted far too much from her, and he didn’t want another stressful situation to be what drew them together. If Ellie wanted to be with him, she would have chosen him that night in the cottage when he’d opened himself up, been vulnerable and laid all of his cards on the table.
He was angry, but he was mostly just hurt and disappointed. Still, he was glad that she hadn’t ended up with the other man either. She deserved so much more... He wanted to be the one who gave her everything, but that wasn’t up to him.
He chugged his lukewarm coffee—the third one so far that day—and checked his watch. He had to get back to his brother. Getting up, he tossed his cup into the trash can and headed toward the door. He hesitated, seeing Ellie from a distance, smiling and talking to Alisha. She looked so beautiful in that blue sundress she’d worn at the cottage, her hair in soft waves around her shoulders, her wispy bangs refusing to stay out of her eyes.
He missed her. Missed seeing her. Missed talking to her. Missed touching her and kissing her.
Maybe he should say hi. Thank her for coming, even if that was as much support as he could take. Let her know he appreciated her reaching out.
He shook his head and pushed through the cafeteria doors.
Right now, he wasn’t sure he could handle opening himself up to further disappointment.
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
FOUR UNANSWERED TEXT messages and three calls later, one thing was certain—Callum’s silence was driving her insane.
In the two years that they’d known each other, they hadn’t gone more than a day without talking. Most days they saw one another. It was true that people didn’t realize what they had until it was gone. She felt hopeless and lost and desperate to just talk to him. If he refused to answer her calls and texts, there was only one thing left to do.
Ellie climbed the stairs to Callum’s apartment the next morning, her heart ready to burst out of her chest. He couldn’t avoid her if she was standing right in front of him. But what would he say to her? Would he be angry and annoyed that she was being this persistent or would he be happy she was making the effort?
She paused at the door.
Could she do this? Apologize and tell him how she felt? Hope that he could forgive her for hurting him?
The timing was really bad, but she needed him to know she was there for him and his family, whatever they needed. And she was afraid that if she let too much time pass without reaching out to him and telling him that she was falling in love with him, it might be too late when she finally did find the courage and strength.
She took a deep breath and knocked on the door. Silence. She peered in through the window and listened intently for the sound of footsteps or voices inside. Nothing. His car was in the driveway, and she knew visiting hours didn’t start at the hospital for another two hours. She’d purposely chosen the early morning visit as her best chance of catching him. The thought that he might still be in bed added another level to her anxiety. She’d had a chance the week before to be in bed with him—in a beautiful setting with champagne and chocolates and rose petals—and she’d totally blown it.
She rang the doorbell. Nothing. Had he seen her from the window and decided to pretend not to be home? She knocked on the door again. “Come on, Callum, I just want to talk,” she called out.
The next-door neighbor poked his head out through his living room curtain and she offered a small smile and wave.
“Two minutes. That’s all I’m asking for!” She was bordering on stalker behavior, and she knew she must look odd standing out here so long, begging him to open the door, but she couldn’t let Callum continue to avoid her. He had feelings for her and she was falling in love with him. They couldn’t just let that go. She wasn’t willing to let him go. At least not without a fight. “Callum!”
“Ellie?” his voice said behind her.
She winced. So he wasn’t inside, ignoring her.
She turned and her mouth went dry, seeing him standing at the bottom of the stairs in just his running shorts and shoes. Shirtless, sweat glistening on his body, damp hair falling across his forehead and days-old stubble along his jawline, he had to be the hottest guy on the planet. The hottest guy on the planet, who had confessed his feelings for her, and she’d walked away. Making her the dumbest woman on the planet.
“What are you doing here?” he asked in her silence.
All of a sudden, she wasn’t sure how to begin. What did she say now that she had his attention? “I needed to talk to you,” she said. Her voice sounded strangled, unsure, so she cleared her throat. “I’m sorry to hear about your brother.”
He nodded, taking deep breaths in and out. “Thank you. Alisha told me you stopped by the hospital. I appreciate that—I know hospitals aren’t your thing.”
“How is he?”
“Doing better every day. It’s been a long battle and it will always be,” he said sadly. “Erika has set him up with a therapist at the hospital, and Sean’s agreed to continue to see him after he’s released. She’s adjusting his medication, and at least now I know that he may need more support than he admits.”
This had to be s
o hard on him. He must be feeling so much pressure. “If there’s anything I can do...” Her voice trailed away as her uncertainty rose. He didn’t seem upset to see her, but he didn’t look happy either.
“Thank you,” he said.
She stared at him for a long beat, the tension-filled silence growing thicker around them with each passing second. “Callum, I made a mistake,” she blurted out.
He placed his hands on his hips and stared at the ground. “I’m sorry things didn’t work out between you and Brent.”
So he knew she wasn’t with Brent and still, he hadn’t reached out or wanted to talk to her. Her confidence wavered even more. Had he really already shut the door on them? On her? “I’m not... I’m just sorry it took me so long to see what was in front of me. You.” She paused. “You were always there with your support and friendship...and love. And I was so blinded by what I thought I wanted, needed, that I didn’t know that that was you. All along.” She almost didn’t recognize her own emotion-filled voice. When was the last time she’d felt so vulnerable? So exposed?
He took a deep breath, his gaze still on the ground. The silence went on for an excruciatingly long time.
What was he thinking? What was he feeling?
“Say something, please,” she said softly.
His gaze rose to meet hers. Pain and disappointment and uncertainty reflecting in his eyes made her heart sink. “So much happened in the last week. So much changed between us. I opened myself up, I shared things with you.”
She nodded. “I know. And all of that meant so much.”
“Our physical connection was definitely there, and I thought maybe we were connecting on a deeper level. A meaningful level,” he said.
“We were,” she whispered. They had connected in so many ways, on so many levels. They’d both felt it.
“Then you chose Brent,” Callum said, his voice hardening slightly as though steeling himself against further hurt.
Her shoulders sagged and a lump formed in the back of her throat.
“I’m sorry, Ellie, but I’m not okay with being second best.”
“That’s not what you are,” she said quickly, taking several steps toward him. “I was just too stupid to see how amazing you are. It took that time together to realize it. It shouldn’t have, but...damn, Callum, I’m sorry.”
“I don’t want an apology, Ellie. I want to go back to that moment of decision in the cottage in the woods and have you say my name. Choose me. I want to erase the pain and disappointment of you deciding that I wasn’t enough.”
Her heart shattered. “You are enough. More than enough. And I know I hurt you and I don’t deserve another chance. I can’t go back in time and change things, but I’m hoping you can forgive me long enough to let me show you how much I care about you. I’m falling in love with you, Callum.” There. She’d said it. Her heart was out there. Whether he’d accept it or not hung in the balance.
He stared at her, tormented, torn...as though processing her words yet not fully hearing them or believing them.
She dared another step closer and reached out for his hand. He didn’t pull away but he didn’t lock fingers with her either. She stood there, staring at him, waiting...holding her breath. She wanted to wrap her arms around him and cling to him tight until he believed her, trusted in her words. But all she could do was stand there, waiting.
He swallowed hard and slowly removed his hand from hers. “Ellie, I’ve got a lot going on right now. My brother...the job at the resort...”
All valid reasons why he couldn’t think about “them” right now, but she knew they were really just excuses—a defense mechanism against more damage he obviously didn’t think his heart could take.
She’d hurt him once. Why should he believe that she wouldn’t do it again?
* * *
WHAT THE HELL did he say?
The woman he loved just told him she was falling in love with him. It should be the happiest moment of his life, yet his emotions seemed to be on lockdown. He stared at her, trying to find the words for a long time...too long.
“Right. I guess it’s too late,” she said, her disappointment crushing him. He wanted to reach out and hold her. Tell her everything was okay. That he didn’t care about what had happened. He just wanted her. But what if this was all just because her emotions were a mess because of Brent. Maybe she was clinging to the connection they’d had because of the one she’d lost. One she’d once thought was real.
How could he take a chance that, given the choice again, she’d pick him? What if she decided he wasn’t the one she wanted either?
He really could use her support right now. He’d never trusted anyone in his life the way he trusted her, and not having her as a sounding board for the latest crisis he was going through was really hard.
They’d not only blown their shot at love, but he’d lost his best friend.
She reached into her oversize purse and took out a book. His mother’s. The one he’d put behind the counter the day he’d gotten the call about Sean being in the hospital. He’d forgotten to get it. “Meredith said this was yours,” she said.
He took it and nodded slowly. “Thank you. Amelia Dash is my mom,” he said, though he suspected she already knew.
She nodded. “Well, it looks like a great book. I’ll make sure to feature it for one of the book club events.”
Her attempt to sound casual, unfazed when he could see through the false bravado and knew she was hurting as much as he was nearly broke him. But he had to stay strong.
“I guess I should let you go,” she said, her gaze sweeping over him.
Her unconcealed attraction made him want to abandon all his common sense and self-preservation and take her inside and kiss her until he was sure she could no longer hurt him, but... “I’m sorry, Ellie, I just can’t do this,” he said. So much in his life was out of his control right now. He longed to hold her and feel safe and secure in one aspect of his life. But his brother was spiraling, and he needed to take care of his family. That was what he had to focus on right now.
She nodded, swallowing hard. Her pride obviously kicking in, she said, “Yeah. You’re right. This isn’t the best time and maybe that chance for us is gone. I have no one to blame but myself. I’m the one who let it slip away,” she said, moving past him. And with a final wave, she disappeared down the street.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
BOOK SIGNINGS WERE normally her favorite events, but the next day, Ellie’s smile was forced and her overall energy was low as she entered the bookstore to set up. Interacting with the long line of readers and pretending that she was okay was going to be exhausting. She already couldn’t wait for the day to be over.
Stormy seemed to sense her mood and followed her around the store as she turned on the lights. The beautiful fox seemed to be wondering where Callum was the last few days, as well. She’d spent a lot of time sitting in the bookstore window, peering outside.
Ellie knew how she felt.
She bent to pet the soft gray-and-white fur as the crystal blue eyes stared up at her, sad and questioning. “It’s my fault. I messed it all up.”
The fox gave a tiny whiny sound and then retreated back to the windowsill.
In the back lunchroom, Ellie poured a mug of the dark, thick black coffee Meredith had brewed already and took a gulp, not caring that the liquid scorched her tongue. Hopefully the jolt of caffeine would help restore her motivation.
All day she’d replayed her conversation with Callum, her chest only tightening with disappointment the more she remembered his words and expression as he’d rejected her. He’d said he hadn’t wanted to be second best, and while that was so far from the truth, what could she say? She had chosen Brent first.
More coffee. More regret.
Checking her watch, she sighed and squared her shoulders. She needed to pull it together. The
re was so much to do that day and hopefully staying busy would help keep her mind off Callum.
Hours later, the local author, Darla Henshaw, sat behind the signing table, which was decorated with her author signage, almost hidden behind the tall stacks of books as the line to meet her extended across the bookstore and down the street outside. Her editor, Claire Rodet, sat next to her. The polished professional in the gray pinstripe dress and two-inch red heels looked exactly the way Ellie envisioned when she thought about editors. Glamorous in a book-smart way, the gatekeepers of the literary world. Both intimidating and fascinating. Claire was friendly and polite as she opened the books to the signing page and chatted with the next people in line as they waited to meet the author.
Readers always had the most interesting questions. They wanted to know everything about the author, the process, the inspiration for the novel... Without Meredith politely ushering them away with their signed copy after the delegated thirty seconds, they would be there until Christmas.
Ellie stood behind the counter, ringing in the purchases, and within ten minutes the store had made its weekly target. The lineup at the counter was a never-ending stream of reading enthusiasts, and by the time they took a break, Ellie’s feet were aching and her fingers hurt from working the register.
Unfortunately, it hadn’t helped take her mind off Callum. If anything, it only had her thinking how incredible it would be for Callum to be signing his own book in the store someday.
He’d mentioned the new job—taking over the resort. No doubt he thought it was the responsible thing to do, the right thing. But would he still find time to write? Or would his father’s expectations leave him no time to focus on anything but eighty hours a week working at a career he hated?
Whether it was her place or not, she loved him far too much to not try to save him from that fate.
Seeing Claire sitting alone in the nonfiction area of the bookstore, Ellie hesitated only briefly before approaching her.
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