“Deal,” he said, trying and failing to hide his pleasure.
These would be the slowest healing injuries he’d ever had.
CHAPTER THREE
THIS WAS A huge mistake.
Just seeing Arron again had knocked the air from her chest. Letting him stay in her apartment was going to be torture. It was a nine-hundred-square-foot space with one bedroom and one bathroom... Oh my God, how had it not occurred to her until this very second that she would have to help him into the shower?
He’d be bathing with his underwear on for the next few weeks.
She should never have agreed to this. But he was right. He had nowhere else to go. He couldn’t live in his van in this condition. And she did feel responsible for what happened to him.
Damn, she never should have made that impulsive call. He could have gotten hurt far worse...or...nope, she wouldn’t think of the worst-case scenario.
The current scenario—that he was her roommate indefinitely—was bad enough. And the idea shouldn’t be giving her butterflies like fluttering little beacons of hope in the pit of her stomach. Nothing would happen between them.
She unlocked the door and wheeled him inside with the chair she’d borrowed from the hospital.
As the door closed behind them, she fought to steady a breath. Memories of the last time they were alone together in her apartment flooded back...
“I need to get away,” he said, pacing the living room. He was a mess. Unshaven, with dark circles under his eyes, his fauxhawk a mess, and wearing the same clothes he’d worn to Langdon’s funeral three days before. He smelled slightly of booze and she knew he’d basically been living at The Drunk Tank. She’d wanted to give him space and time to deal with his grief, unsure how much support was too much or not enough in a new relationship. Her heart had ached for him, but she was so terrified of the difference in the man standing in front of her.
She’d usually seen him so casual, so carefree...and this wound-up, on-edge version of him was someone she didn’t even recognize. Losing his twin brother had him unraveling, naturally, and she was desperate for him to reach out, grab hold of her for comfort. Not push her away and claim he needed even more space. Not insisting on being with him the last several days had been a mistake.
“Where do you want to go?” she asked carefully. Maybe a short vacation would give him time to grieve. It obviously wouldn’t be a fun getaway, just time to decompress, process and learn to start moving on. She could take a week off and go with him.
“Anywhere but here,” he said, running a hand through his hair.
“We could go to a beach somewhere...or to a cabin in the mountains?”
He shook his head. “I’m talking longer than a week.”
She swallowed hard. “How much longer?”
He collapsed onto her couch and stared up at her, his expression so full of pain she could barely breathe. The look in his eyes pleaded for her to understand what he was about to say.
“A while,” he said, suddenly calm but eerily somber. “I gave notice on my apartment. I just can’t be there...”
The one he and his brother shared. Again, she understood. “You could stay here. With me.”
He looked like he didn’t understand, and that hurt. They’d been dating only three months, but the relationship had been going so well. She’d hoped the next step would be moving in together eventually and not under these circumstances, but sometimes life gave you a new set of rules. “Not move in or anything,” she said quickly, ignoring the jab to her heart. “Just until you feel better and find a new place.”
He stood and paced again. “I’m not sick, Alisha. This isn’t something I’m just going to recover from. Langdon is gone.”
“I know. I’m so sorry you’re going through all of this... I just mean I’m here. Whatever you need.” She was desperate to help him, any way she could. Langdon had been his only family and she didn’t want him to navigate this hollow despair by himself. Every day at the hospital she witnessed the pain of losing loved ones. This one was tragic and sad and it didn’t make sense. People needed help to process that kind of loss.
He turned toward her and a look of hope glimmered in his eyes as he took her hands. “I bought a van. I want to travel around for a while.”
He bought a van? When? “What about work?”
“I already told Cassie I need time off...indefinitely.”
He had? He’d planned this road trip and discussed it with his boss before telling her? She’d thought they were closer than that.
“Come with me.”
“Come with you where?” He was losing it and she understood, but he needed to think clearly about the huge life decision he was making. And asking her to make.
“I don’t know yet. Anywhere. Everywhere.” He seemed almost delirious.
“What about my job?”
“Take a leave of absence.”
She’d just gotten promoted. She was just settling into the new head nurse position. She loved her job and her life... Traveling around the world had never even crossed her mind. While she wanted to be with him, especially in his time of need, he needed to know how impulsive this idea was. She took a deep breath. “Arron, I think you need to take a few days. Think about this when things don’t feel as heavy.”
“When things don’t...” He shook his head and released her hands. “Alisha, Langdon and I were closer than brothers. This...”
“Is complete shit, yes, I know.” She reached out and touched his arm. “Sweetheart, I know. But I just think you’re not thinking clearly right now.”
He tensed. “Maybe not. But if I don’t get away from here for a while, I’m not going to recover from this.” He paused and stared at the floor. “Langdon had such big dreams, you know. So much he wanted to do. So much he won’t ever get a chance to do. I feel like I owe it to him to try to live life to the fullest.”
His words hurt more than they should have. It was impossible not to internalize them. She wasn’t enough. A life here with her wasn’t enough. She struggled not to make it about them—about her—but she was about to lose a person she desperately loved. Unless she went with him...
“So, what do you say? Will you come with me?” he asked, his gaze pleading.
The second of deliberation had felt like a lifetime. Give him up or derail all of her life plans for a man she’d been dating for only three months. Her heart wanted to say yes, but common sense had her shaking her head. It was too much of a risk to take. “I’m sorry, Arron...” she said over the lump in her throat.
He nodded slowly and shoved his hands deep into the pockets of his dress pants and cleared his throat. “It was a long shot. Take care, Alisha.”
The loud slam of the door as he left had instantly made her reconsider, but it was too late.
She blinked as her apartment door shut behind them now and she turned to face Arron. He was staring at her expectantly, so obviously she’d missed something. “What?”
“I said, I hope your boyfriend won’t mind me staying here.”
She eyed him. That hadn’t seemed to bother him when he suggested this idea. And it really didn’t seem to bother him now, based on the mischievous glint in his eye. It was tempting to let him think she was still in a relationship, but her heart refused to lie.
“I don’t think that will be an issue. We broke up.”
* * *
SHE WAS SINGLE AGAIN.
He hadn’t expected that. Was that why she’d called him? She wanted to try again? Reconnect? Despite his broken bones, he couldn’t be too upset about his accident right now.
Maybe it was fate. If not for the call and the fall, who knew when they would’ve been in this situation? Together again. Alone.
He swallowed hard, realizing just how alone they were.
The last time he’d been in this apartment, he’d been o
n the verge of a breakdown. Then the compounded impact of losing her and his brother in a matter of days had him plummeting into despair so deep he hadn’t thought he’d ever recover. She’d been his family and he’d felt the sting of her refusal as rejection. But it hadn’t taken him long to realize she’d been right to say no. They’d only been dating a few months...and his request had been the unfair demand of a grieving man.
Unfortunately, that realization had come too late.
“I’ll set you up in the bedroom,” she said awkwardly, placing her purse and keys on the kitchen counter.
“No way. I’ll take the couch.” He wouldn’t survive sleeping in her bed, with the smell of her on the pillow and sheets, remembering the last time he’d been with her...
She hesitated, but then nodded. “The pullout is actually more comfortable and it’s closer to the bathroom anyway.” She placed his bag on the floor next to the couch and he reached for her hand.
She flinched at his touch and he dropped his hand. “You still didn’t tell me why you were calling,” he said.
She cleared her throat and released a deep breath. “I was calling to tell you that it was officially over. You and I. That I’ve...moved on,” she said, her voice strong and full of conviction.
And damned if he didn’t believe it. And damned if it didn’t hurt more than the crash at the end of his free fall.
CHAPTER FOUR
OF ALL THE nights for a thunderstorm...
Lying in her bed, Alisha stared at the ceiling, listening to the rolling thunder as the lightning illuminated her bedroom. Storms like this were her favorite.
Arron’s too.
Sitting on her front porch under a blanket with him, watching the storms rage against the beautiful mountain in the distance, had been part of some of the best nights of her life. Every new storm after he’d left had brought back the memory of him, creating a bigger hole in her heart. She’d never been able to watch them with Nick, feeling as though it would be betraying Arron in some way. And maybe forcing her to admit that her feelings for Nick couldn’t be as real as she’d wanted them to be if a storm caused her to wish she were with someone else.
Had Arron thought of her wherever he was when the sky opened up like this?
Was he awake now? Was he listening to it too? Remembering different nights...a world ago?
She sighed, rolled to her side and shut her eyes tight.
Telling him she’d moved on had been her only choice. She refused to allow him to think that she was still in love with him, pining over him, allowing her comparison of what they’d had together to destroy new relationships. They weren’t meant to be together. She’d followed the old adage, “If you love something, let it go,” hoping Arron would come back to her, and he hadn’t.
Her phone chimed with the distinct sound she’d set up for Arron’s notifications, and her heart thudded in her chest. Reaching for it, she read the new message:
You awake?
Should she ignore it? Pretend she was sleeping? Not let him know that these storms still meant something to her? That they reminded her of nights falling in love with him? That would be the best idea. No good could come from reopening the past.
She put the phone aside and pounded her pillow before repositioning her head. She tossed and turned. This bed was seriously uncomfortable. Sleep was impossible. In the morning, she was buying a new bed. And new pillows and blankets. She shut her eyes, slowly counted to ten and ignored the pull of the text message.
What if he needed something? Her vow as a nurse prevented her from ignoring a person in need. She sat up and reached for the phone.
I’m awake. Do you need anything?
That’s a loaded question, he replied.
Her pulse thundered in her veins. Right, maybe she should clarify...
Water? Bathroom break?
Dots appeared as he was typing.
Just thought it would be a shame to waste a perfectly good storm.
Oh shit. She took a deep breath. Nothing good could come from getting out of bed to go watch a storm with her ex, who was quite arguably the love of her life but would be leaving her heartbroken again soon enough.
Then again, nothing good could come from lying here thinking about him, wishing she was watching the storm with him. Either way, she would be heartbroken.
Grabbing her blanket, she got out of bed. Checking her reflection in the mirror quickly, she left the bedroom.
He was waiting by the front door in his wheelchair. How was he getting around so well on his own?
“I’m only doing this because you’re right, it would be a shame to waste a perfectly good storm,” she said.
“Yeah, me too,” he said, but she could hear the emotion in his voice, and a new storm brewed in her chest.
She opened the door and they made their way to the front porch. She helped him onto the two-seater and sat next to him, draping the blanket over them. Their legs were touching and the small source of contact had her pulse racing. Familiarity washed over her as they sat in silence, watching together...remembering.
Regretting?
She was certainly regretting lost time, a lost connection. But he hadn’t come back until now. He hadn’t called. He hadn’t texted. It couldn’t have been clearer that he’d moved on, as well. But maybe now that he’d had his time exploring the world, now that he was back...with her...maybe...
A clap of thunder snapped her out of it.
Damn, why was she doing this to herself?
If Arron had loved her, he would have told her. In the three months they’d dated, she’d heard versions of “I love you.” I love spending time with you. I love the freckles on your neck. I love that we have a lot in common... But never I love you.
She hadn’t said it either, but she’d been about to, before his life had taken a dark turn.
Next to her, he cleared his throat. “Colorado has the craziest lightning storms,” he said. “You would have loved them.”
She tensed at the mention of his adventures. “Were you there long?” she asked politely but tightly.
“A month. I climbed Longs Peak and Lizard Head. Incredible experiences,” he said.
In another world, another situation, his adventures would sound exciting, intriguing, fascinating. She’d want to hear about them. But the path he’d chosen over her, over them, wasn’t something she could get enthusiastic about. “That’s great,” she mumbled, staring off into the distance as a lightning bolt lit up the sky.
“Driving through Ohio and Wyoming, I saw some pretty fantastic storms, as well. Some nights, I’d climb up to the roof of the van and lie there for hours.”
That sounded amazing, and the fact that she could have been there experiencing it too made her stomach twist and turn. How much had she missed by not going?
“I met a team of storm chasers in Texas. They were following a tornado—”
She cleared her throat. “Can we just watch the storm? In silence?”
He seemed surprised but then nodded. “Of course.”
Unfortunately, now she was left with her own regretful thoughts.
* * *
HE WAS MESSING this up.
He’d just wanted to break the awkward silence, ease the tension that had been simmering between them since they’d left the hospital, but he was making things worse. Of course Alisha didn’t want to hear about his journey when it had meant the end of the two of them.
“Sorry... I guess I’m just not sure what to say,” he said.
She heaved an exasperated sigh.
Shut up. Got it.
Still... He had to say it. “I missed you.”
She scoffed and his head whipped around toward her. “You don’t believe me?”
“I thought we weren’t going to talk.”
“I just think if we’re going to be living toge
ther...”
“We’re not living together. You’re staying here for a few weeks. Max.”
He nodded. “Okay...since I’m staying here, I thought we should clear the air a little. So this isn’t so awkward.”
“I’m not awkward.”
“I beg to differ.”
She turned to face him, her expression even more intense than the electricity blazing through the night sky. Maybe he should have respected her request for silence. “Okay, you want to clear the air?” she asked.
“That’s why you called, wasn’t it?” he challenged. No turning back now, and he was curious about what she’d been planning on saying. Sixteen months was a hell of a long time to prepare a speech. One she deserved to deliver if it would make her feel better.
She nodded. “Yes. Okay. Here it is.” She took a deep breath. “I was falling in love with you and life fell apart and you left. It’s been over a year and I’m completely over it.”
Bullshit. He could tell she was still struggling with feelings for him. Maybe they were no longer love, but there was definitely the same chemistry, the same spark there had always been. The way she’d looked at him in the hospital had told him everything he’d been longing to hear on those lonely nights when all he could think about was her. Even if she’d convinced herself otherwise.
“When someone is truly over something, they don’t need closure,” he said.
She flushed. “Fine. You want me to admit that I’ve thought of you a few times?” She shrugged, but it looked anything but casual. “Sure, I thought of you. But the biggest memory I have is of you leaving and never hearing from you again.”
“I needed to get away. I know that’s hard to understand.”
She shook her head. “Nope. Not at all. You’re an adventure seeker. You live for excitement and new challenges. New scenery. It was just a matter of time.”
“So you think you have me all figured out, huh?” She didn’t have a clue if that was what she thought. She was right about the adventure-seeker part, but he’d had no intention of going on those life-changing trips alone.
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