“You’re thirty years old and live in a sleeper van and coast through life one adventure to another. There’s not much to figure out.”
Her casual dismissal of who he was hurt. But he knew it was just a defense mechanism. It actually gave him hope. “My sense of adventure was what originally attracted you to me.”
“Yes, but...it...”
“Gets old,” he finished.
She sighed. “I just need more stability, more predictability. Someone who stays in one place for a while.”
He turned in the seat and moved closer. His face just inches from hers. “How are those guys working out for you?”
She swallowed hard. “They are... I mean, things...”
“So good, then?” he asked with a small grin as he moved even closer.
She lifted her chin defiantly. “As a matter of fact, it was good.”
“So why did you break up?” he asked, running his thumb along her jawline and down the side of her neck. How he missed kissing that neck...
“We weren’t right for each other,” she said, and her chest heaved.
“He was a bad kisser?” he asked, moving even closer.
Alisha’s eyes dipped to his lips and she licked hers.
Thank God. The reaction, the confirmation he’d been hoping for. “Do you want to be reminded of what a real kiss feels like?” he asked. His tone was light and flirty, but his heart was pounding. So many nights in his van he’d dreamed of this moment. Fantasies of being with her had plagued him mercilessly.
She closed her eyes, and for a split second, he thought she might lean in. But then they snapped open again. “Are you seriously trying to kiss me right now?”
“I was thinking about it.” Not anymore. He reluctantly moved back. “Sorry, I was going off a vibe...never mind.”
“Are you high?”
He stiffened. Damn, was he really reading things wrong? Was she over him? His ego had him retreating. “I don’t know. You’re the one in charge of my meds,” he mumbled.
She stood and grabbed the blanket. “Well, looks like the lightning has passed.”
So had the moment he’d obviously imagined.
CHAPTER FIVE
“WHY ON EARTH won’t this baby poop?” Cheryl sat on the edge of the hospital bed, looking ready to promise baby Rose a pony if she’d just have a bowel movement already so they could go home. “With Darcy, it was like ten hours from the first contraction to sending us on our way. I’m losing my mind here. I want to go home.”
“I know...” Alisha tickled the baby’s tummy. “But we can’t rush these things, you know. They have to happen naturally. In due course. When people are ready for them. I mean, sure, sometimes things can take you by surprise, but those aren’t necessarily the best moments, you know...”
Cheryl stared at her like she had eight heads. “We’re not still talking about poop, are we?”
She sighed. “Arron tried to kiss me last night.”
Cheryl blinked. “Arron. Tried. To. Kiss. You?” She looked seriously confused. “In a dream?”
Alisha needed to catch her friend up on the latest developments.
Three minutes later, Cheryl sat dumbfounded. “So your call almost killed him.” She looked sheepish. “Apologize to him for my part in that, by the way... And now he’s staying with you. You told him you don’t have feelings for him anymore, even though you absolutely do. And then he tried to kiss you?”
Alisha nodded. “During the lightning storm.” That part shouldn’t be left out. She’d been weakened by the moment. She’d almost let her guard down. Every minute since the almost kiss, she’d yo-yoed back and forth about whether rejecting it had been the right thing. The jury was still out, but she’d gone back to bed frustrated and even more confused. She’d escaped the apartment that morning before he’d woken up, to come talk to Cheryl.
Who looked even more confused now. “Right...okay. Um, why?”
“Why what?”
“Why didn’t you kiss him?”
“Why would I have kissed him?”
“Oh, I don’t know. Maybe because you’ve been so insanely in love with him for over a year that you sabotaged a great, mature, stable relationship with a lawyer!” Her usually zen best friend exploded.
“Okay, I’m gonna blame that outburst on post-baby hormones,” Alisha said, but then she sighed and collapsed in the chair next to the bed. “I know. You’re right. There is quite literally nothing in the world I’ve wanted more than a kiss with Arron since...the last time he kissed me. But I can’t go down this path again. I know this isn’t permanent. The minute he can drive, he’ll be hitting the open road and I’ll be left in the dust.”
“How do you know?”
“Because it’s who he is.” She still couldn’t believe he’d tried to engage her in conversation about his travels. As though it shouldn’t bother her to hear about how great he’d been doing out there, alone, without her. Not once regretting his decision to leave.
A woman likes to hear that there have been regrets!
“You love that about him though,” Cheryl said gently, opening Rose’s diaper and taking another peek.
“I love his spirit. I don’t love that he lacks the support structure for a lasting relationship.”
“A relationship according to your rules,” Cheryl said.
She frowned. “I think it’s more like societal rules. People who decide to settle down, settle down. Living in a van is not exactly settling down. In fact, it’s most probably the opposite of settling down.”
“Do you want kids?” her best friend asked, surprising her.
She hesitated. “Someday. Maybe. I think. I don’t know yet.”
“Do you want to buy a house?”
“Again, maybe someday, but I’m more focused on saving money right now...” Her mother was an investment adviser, and she often said there were just as many downsides to investing in a home in the current climate as there were benefits. She eyed Cheryl, knowing where this line of questioning was leading.
“So, what’s more cost-effective than a van with no rent?” Cheryl said with a grin.
“Cheryl, come on! You’re telling me that you would actually consider that nomadic lifestyle?”
Her friend didn’t even think about it. “Five years ago? Yes. With Mitch? Absolutely.” She stood and picked up the baby as she started to cry. “Look, I think settling down means letting your heart stop wandering to other hearts. To settle on one heart for life. It doesn’t have to mean in one place or one house or one country even.”
Damn, she’d never thought of it that way. She cleared her throat, hating that Cheryl’s words were ringing so loudly in her mind. “I don’t know.”
“You love him. You’ve always loved him. And if he does leave again, you’ll still love him. So, what’s worse? Loving him and not being with him? You’ve tried that already. Or trying this new life and being with the man you love?”
Okay, so her friend had a point, but... “He hasn’t exactly asked me to go with him.”
“He tried to kiss you though, right?”
She nodded.
“So, maybe next time—let him,” she said with a grin, gently bouncing baby Rose on her shoulder.
Alisha sniffed the air and wrinkled her nose. “I think you might have poop in there.”
Cheryl released a sigh of relief as she set the baby back in the plastic crib and tore open the diaper. “Yes!” She gave a victory dance. “I never thought I’d be so excited to change a dirty diaper. Let’s go home.”
Home.
Could Cheryl be right? Was home really where the heart was? Or was that just another adage that wouldn’t apply to her?
* * *
HE HAD TO GO. Staying with Alisha while he recovered was a big mistake.
If last night was any indication, hi
s long-repressed feelings for her were unreciprocated. He’d gotten his hopes up when she’d joined him to watch the storm, but trying to kiss her had completely backfired. He’d been caught up in a moment, and showing her how he still felt had seemed easier than vocalizing it. She’d shut that down, and despite the blow to his ego, kissing her was all he could think about. Better to leave on his own terms before she kicked him out.
With his good hand, he threw his clothes into his bag and then struggled to reach his shoes on the floor, nearly toppling the wheelchair over in the process. A wheelchair he’d need to bring back to the hospital immediately so he wouldn’t be charged for borrowing it. He wasn’t sure how he was going to pull this off exactly...
A key turning in the lock had his heart racing. Shit. He’d been hoping to make a clean getaway before she got back. Their last goodbye had already left a deep scar on his heart. Would he survive saying goodbye to her a second time?
The door opened and the smell of expensive aftershave hit him before a guy walked in. Dressed in a suit and tie, tan leather shoes, dark hair gelled neatly to one side and clean-shaven, the man had to be Nick—the lawyer. The one he’d seen in all of Alisha’s photos. The one she’d broken up with.
Nick jumped back, seeing him. “Jesus. Who the hell are you? And why are you in my girlfriend’s apartment?”
“Ex-girlfriend’s apartment,” Arron said tightly, feeling his spine stiffen. “Why are you here?”
Nick’s eyes narrowed as he studied him. “Holy shit, it’s you.”
Obviously, Alisha had told her most recent ex about him. That made him uneasy. Had she said good things? Or bad things? Given the way their relationship had ended and her frosty reception to him the day before, he would put his money on bad things.
“I’m Arron,” he said in the awkwardness.
Nick shook his head and gave a wry laugh. “Unbelievable. Actually, no, it’s not...”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Nothing, man. I’ll be out of your way in a minute. I just stopped by to grab my golf clubs.” He walked past him toward the closet.
Arron had no idea what to do or say, so he busied himself with tying his shoe with one hand. He kept one eye on Nick as he grabbed a jacket and a baseball glove from the closet, as well.
It was hard to believe that Alisha had dated them both. He didn’t think he’d have anything in common with this man.
Nick was a buttoned-up professional who spent his days in an office and his free time on a golf course. Arron would rather die than do either of those things. Nick was polished and put-together...and Arron was tattooed and a mess most of the time.
She’d claimed to want the stability that Nick presented, so what had happened to tear the two of them apart? Had Nick broken things off? Was that why Alisha seemed completely against any thought of reconciling with him?
More likely, it had everything to do with Arron not being what she wanted.
Nick shut the closet door and started to leave but paused and turned back to glare at him. “I just need to know one thing—did she know you were coming back? Is that what happened?”
“Um...no. I had a climbing accident and kinda guilted her into letting me stay with her while I recovered.”
Nick scoffed. “I’m sure she was more than happy to accommodate.”
Arron’s jaw tightened. He had no idea what the guy was implying, but he didn’t like his tone or the way he was talking about Alisha. “I don’t think she is, actually. I was just going to leave.”
Just then, Alisha entered the apartment and sighed, glancing back and forth between the two of them. She held out a hand to Nick. “Key, please.”
He removed the apartment key from his key ring and dropped it into her hand.
“Thank you. You can go,” she said, gesturing to the door.
Unfortunately, Nick didn’t seem to be done just yet. “I can’t believe that you threw away everything we had for this guy.” He jabbed a thumb in Arron’s direction.
Arron frowned, too intrigued by the meaning of the man’s words to be fully insulted.
Alisha looked uncomfortable as she shifted from one foot to the other. “Seriously, Nick. Get out.”
“I’m leaving.” Nick turned to him. “You missed one hell of a birthday party, man.”
Arron frowned. “Excuse me?”
“The surprise party she threw for me...on your birthday. June third, amiright?”
Arron blinked, and one look at Alisha’s flushed, embarrassed expression confirmed the truth of Nick’s words. She held the door wide open and motioned Nick out of the apartment. Then she closed the door and avoided Arron’s gaze as she went to the kitchen. “Are you hungry? I can make something...”
“Is it true—what he just said? Did you mix up our birthdays?” he asked, wheeling the chair into the kitchen.
She looked away and waved a hand. “Simple, stupid mistake. Don’t read anything into it.”
He pushed his body out of the chair and hopped on his good leg toward her. “I’m going to read everything into it.”
She sighed in exasperation. “It was nothing.”
“It caused your breakup.”
“Fine.” She placed her hands on her hips and squared her shoulders. “Maybe I wasn’t completely over you, and it...interfered with my relationship with Nick.”
His heart raced and a new hope surged as he moved toward her. “I never completely got over you either. That ill-timed attempt at a kiss last night was something I’ve wanted for a very long time.”
She swallowed hard. “You were the one who left, remember? You ended things by driving away. I was here all the time.”
He sighed. “Langdon’s death hit me hard. I couldn’t grasp the fact that he was really gone. I thought if I got away, I wouldn’t feel it as bad, you know.”
She nodded. “Well, you went to all four corners of the earth. Couldn’t possibly get much farther away than that.”
“It didn’t work. The pain of losing Langdon didn’t fade...” He paused. “And neither did the pain of losing you.” He took her hands in his and stared into her eyes.
“Then why didn’t you come back?” Her cool facade dropped and he saw the hurt and disappointment and questioning in her expression. It killed him to see it, but it also reconfirmed what he’d been hoping—that things maybe weren’t as over for her as she claimed.
It was time to confess the truth. It might be the only way to move forward with her, the only way to get a second chance. He released a slow, deep breath. “I did. About three weeks after I left.” He paused. “You were already dating Nick.”
Alisha’s mouth dropped open and he felt the energy shift between them, as realization seemed to dawn on her that maybe all of this hadn’t been completely his fault.
* * *
ALISHA FELT ILL. Her stomach twisted into a tight knot as she stared at the man she’d always longed for.
He’d come back and he’d thought she’d already moved on. Technically, she had. Nick had been a good friend at first, a shoulder to cry on, and then it had led to something more... Or at least she’d desperately tried to force it into being something more.
She had no idea what to say. No way to really explain what had happened. The reality was she had fallen quickly into Nick’s arms, seeking comfort, desperate to replace Arron in her heart with someone else so that she wouldn’t feel so damn hollow.
But how did she tell him that?
Instead, maybe she could show him how she felt. Moving toward him, she steadied him against the kitchen counter and wrapped her arms around his neck. Her entire body tingled with the familiar sensation of being pressed close to him. The scent of his woodsy cologne enveloped her and she realized how much she’d missed that smell. She swallowed hard and licked her lips as her gaze flitted back and forth between his eyes and full, deli
ciously tempting mouth. “So I’m thinking about kissing you. I’m going off a vibe... Stop me if I’m reading the signs wrong,” she said, moving closer.
His one good arm wrapped around her body, drawing her closer. His breath against her skin was warm and his gaze burned with desire. “There won’t be any argument on this end,” he murmured against her mouth.
She stood on tiptoe and leaned her head back, closing the gap between their faces. Arron’s head lowered toward hers and she closed her eyes as their mouths connected.
A deep, happy sigh of release escaped her as she clung to him tight, deepening the kiss that she’d been craving for so long. How she’d refused it the night before, she had no idea. She should definitely win some kind of medal for self-control. Right now, she had none. She wanted to kiss him and hold him and touch him and never let go.
Being in his arms felt like home. Cheryl was so right about her heart settling on his. There was no questioning whether the relationship was right. There was no need to second-guess or wonder if he felt the connection too.
He separated her lips with his tongue and held her closer, as though he too was struggling with not being able to get enough. She could stand here kissing him all day...
Out of breath, he reluctantly pulled back, and the smile on his face made her heart soar. She’d missed that smile so much. Seeing the look of happiness on his face that mirrored the happiness in her heart had her almost floating. The weight of all those months of missing him and longing for him and denying her emotions drifted away in that incredible moment.
“That was quite a kiss,” he said, holding her tight.
“We had a lot of time to make up for,” she said.
And for now, she refused to think about how much time they had together before they once again found themselves at a crossroads with a decision to make.
CHAPTER SIX
Two weeks later
HIS SOUL HAD always craved adventure. Spontaneous, unpredictable, impulsive...all traits that he didn’t even try to deny. But no matter how far he’d traveled the past year, how high an adrenaline rush he’d found or how breathtaking the scenery around him, he’d been unable to erase Alisha from his thoughts, from his heart. He’d missed her every day and he’d have traded it all for her.
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