by Maeve Binchy
“Well, the wine manufacturers would sponsor it,” April said, annoyed.
“Not until the place is up and running, they won’t,” Lisa said.
“Anton could have fashion shows here,” Miranda suggested.
Everyone looked at Lisa to see how she would knock this one down, but she was careful. She had been too snide already.
“That’s a good idea, Miranda. Have you any designers in mind?”
“No, but we could think up a few,” Miranda said.
“I think it would take from the meal itself,” Anton said.
“Yes, maybe you’re right.” Miranda didn’t care; she was there only for the laughs and the pizza anyway.
“What do you think, Lisa? Do you have a background in marketing and business as well as graphic art?”
“No, I don’t, April. In fact, I’ve just decided to do an evening course in management and marketing. The term starts next week, so at the moment all I have is my instinct.” Lisa even managed a smile.
“Which says …?” April was obviously keen.
“Just as Anton says, that the food is going to be extraordinary and everything else is second to that.” She had surprised herself with the announcement about the evening class. She’d had the vague notion that such a thing would be a good idea, but being challenged by April had made up her mind. She was going to do it. She’d show them.
“You didn’t tell me you were going back to college,” Anton said when the others had all left. It had been touch and go as to whether April would ever leave, but somehow she realized that Lisa would outstay her and she did go grudgingly.
“Ah, there’s lots of things I don’t tell you, Anton,” she said, scooping the glutinous pizza and paper plates into a refuse bag.
“Not too many, I hope,” he said.
“No, not too many,” Lisa agreed. This was the way it had to be played. She knew that now.
She signed on for the business diploma the next day. They were very helpful in the college and she gave them a check that was the very last of her savings.
“How will you support yourself?” the tutor asked her.
“It will be hard, but I’ll manage,” she said with a bright smile. “I have one client already, so that’s a start.”
“Good. That will keep you solvent,” the tutor said, pleased.
Lisa wondered what he would say if he knew that the one client wasn’t going to pay a cent for the job she was doing and that he was costing her a fortune because he liked a woman to smell of expensive perfume and have lacy underwear, but because he was putting everything he had into the business he was unable to buy her any of these things.
At her first lecture, she sat beside a quiet man called Noel Lynch, who seemed very worried about it all.
“Do you think it will help us, all this?” he asked her.
“God, I don’t know,” Lisa said. “You always hear successful people saying that qualifications don’t matter, but I think they do because they give you confidence.”
“Yes. I know. That’s why I’m doing it too. But my cousin is paying my fees and I wouldn’t want her to think it was a waste.…”
He was a gentle sort of fellow. Not smart and lively and vibrant like Anton’s friends, but restful.
“Will we go and have a drink afterwards?” she asked him.
“No, if you don’t mind. I’m actually a recovering alcoholic and I don’t find myself at ease in a pub,” he said.
“Well, coffee then?” Lisa said.
“I’d like that,” Noel said with a smile.
Lisa went back to the bleak terraced house that she had called home for so long. Why was Anton so against her moving into his premises? It made absolute sense for her to be there, and once settled she could persuade him to give up his ludicrous bachelor existence with the others. After all, they were still on the prowl, while he had everything sorted: his own restaurant, his own girlfriend. What was the point in keeping up the charade of all being men about town?
If she could have gone back to the restaurant now and told him about the introductory lecture, it would have been great.
Mother was out somewhere and Father was watching television. He barely looked up as she came in.
“It went very well,” she said to him.
“What did?” He looked up, startled.
“My first lecture at the college.”
“You have qualifications already: a career, a job. This is just some kind of a figario you are taking.” He went back to the television.
Lisa felt very, very lonely. Everyone in that lecture hall tonight had someone to talk to about it. Everyone except her.
Anton was out tonight. He and the flatmates were going to some reception, not that he would have been very interested, but he would have listened for a little bit anyway.
Katie would have cared, but Katie and Garry had gone away on a long weekend to Istanbul. It seemed a very long way to go just for three nights, but they were highly excited about it and regarded it as one of the great explorations of all time.
There were no other friends. None who cared. What the hell? She would call Anton. Nothing heavy, nothing clinging, just to make contact. He answered immediately.
There was a lot of noise in the background and he had to shout.
“Lisa, great. Where are you?”
“I’m at home.”
“Oh, I thought you’d be here,” he said, and he actually sounded disappointed.
Lisa brightened a little. “No, no, I was at my first lecture tonight.”
“Oh, that’s right. Well, why don’t you come along now?”
“What is it, exactly?”
“No idea, Lisa, just lots of fun people. Everyone’s here.”
“You must know what it is.”
She could hear him frown. Even over the phone.
“Love, I don’t know who’s running it, some magazine company, I think. April invited us. She said there was unlimited champagne and unlimited chances to meet people, and she was right.”
“April asked you.”
“Yes, she’s part of the PR for it all. I was expecting you to be here too.…”
“No, honestly, I have to dash,” she said and got off the phone just before she began to weep as if she were never going to stop crying ever again.
Katie came back from Istanbul and called Lisa to say she had a present for her. “How was it at the college?” she asked.
“You remembered?” Lisa was amazed. Nobody else had asked.
“I got you a terrific present at the bazaar,” Katie said. “You’ll love it!”
Lisa felt a prickling behind her nose and eyes.
She never remembered getting Katie a present from anywhere. “That’s lovely,” she said in a small voice.
“Will you come over this evening? Garry and I will bore you to death about all we saw.”
Normally Lisa might have said that she’d have loved to but she had a million things to do. But she surprised both herself and her sister by saying that there was nothing she would like better.
“Brian might come as well, but he’s no trouble.”
“Brian?”
“Our tenant. We gave him the two rooms upstairs. I told you about him.”
“Oh, yes, of course you did.” Lisa felt guilty. Katie had indeed been wittering on about someone coming to live upstairs. She wished she had thought of asking for the rooms herself, but as usual the timing had been all wrong.
“You’re not trying to set me up with this Brian, are you?” she asked.
“Hardly! He’s a priest and he’s nearly a hundred!”
“No!”
“Well, fifty anyway. Not about to break his vows. Anyway, don’t you have a fellow?”
“Not really,” Lisa said, admitting it for the first time to herself.
“Of course you do,” Katie said briskly. “Anyway, I’m glad you’re free tonight—come around seven-thirty.”
Lisa was free that night. She had been free the
night before, and the night before that. It had been three days since Anton had gone to April’s party. Lisa was waiting for him to contact her.
Waiting and waiting.
Brian Flynn turned out to be a very decent man and great company. He told them about his mother, who had dementia but seemed quite content and happy in whatever world she lived in. How his sister had married a man called Skunk, how his brother had left one wife and fled from one girlfriend.
He told them about a holy well that he didn’t rate very highly and about the immigrant center where he worked now and how he had a lot of respect for the people there.
Occasionally, he asked Katie and Lisa about their family. They both made excuses to get onto other subjects, so he either gave up or realized this was not an area where they were comfortable.
Garry talked cheerfully about his parents and how his father had originally said that being a hairdresser was only a job for “nancy” boys, but had slightly softened in his view over the years.
He told them about the time he had gone to the zoo on his birthday when he was seven and his parents had told the elephant that he was the best boy in the country, and they told him that the elephant would never forget this because elephants don’t forget. And to this day Garry always thought that the elephant remembered.
They smiled at the notion.
Lisa wondered why she had ever thought Garry plodding. He was just decent. And romantic too. He showed them pictures on his phone of Katie with her hair blowing as they went for a cruise on the Bosporus and another of her with minarets in the background. But he hardly saw anything except her face.
“Katie looks so happy,” he said over and over.
“And do you have a young man of your own?” Brian Flynn asked Lisa unexpectedly.
“Sort of,” Lisa answered him truthfully. “There is a man I fancy a lot, but I don’t think he is as serious as I am about it.”
“Oh, men are fools, believe me,” Brian Flynn said with the voice of authority. “They have no idea what they want. They are much more simple than women think, but more confused as well.”
“Did you ever love anyone? I mean before you joined up …,” Lisa asked.
“No, nor after either. I’d have been a useless husband anyway. By the time they end this celibacy thing for priests, I’ll be too old to get involved with anyone and that’s probably all for the best.”
“Is it lonely?”
“No more than any other life,” he said.
As Lisa walked home from Katie’s house she took a detour that brought her past Anton’s. There were lights on upstairs in the room he was going to have as his office. She yearned to go in, but was too afraid of what she might find. April with her legs stretched out on his desk, Miranda sitting on the floor and any number of others. She went home in the dark and let herself into the house where there were no lights and no hints as to whether anyone was at home or not.
Just silence.
Next morning, she got a text from Anton: WHERE ARE YOU? I AM LOST WITHOUT YOU TO ADVISE ME AND SET ME ON TARGET AGAIN. I’M LIKE A JELLYFISH WITH NO BACKBONE. WHERE DID YOU GO, LOVELY LISA? A TOTALLY ABANDONED ANTON
She forced herself to wait two hours before replying, then she wrote: I WENT NOWHERE. I AM ALWAYS HERE. LOVE LISA
Then he wrote: DINNER HERE? 8PM? DO SAY YES.
Again, she forced herself not to reply at once. It was so silly, all this game playing, yet it appeared to work. Eventually she texted: DINNER AT 8 SOUNDS LOVELY.
She made no offer to bring cheese or salmon or artichoke hearts. She couldn’t afford them, for one thing, and for another he was inviting her—he must remember that.
He had, of course, expected she would bring something to eat. She realized that when he went to the freezer to thaw out some frozen Mexican dishes, but she sat and sipped her wine, smiling, and asked him all about the business. She didn’t mention the reception that April had invited him to. She only asked had he made any new contacts to help him with the launch.
He seemed slightly distracted as he prepared the meal. He was his usual efficient self, expertly slicing avocado, deseeding chilies and squeezing limes over prawns as a starter, but his mind was somewhere else. Eventually he got around to what he wanted to say.
“Have I annoyed you, Lisa?” he asked.
“No, of course not.”
“Are you sure?”
“Well, obviously I am. Why do you think you did?”
“I don’t know. You’re different. You don’t call me. You didn’t bring anything for dinner. I didn’t know if you were trying to say something to me …”
“Like what?”
“Like you’re pissed off with me or something?”
“But why should I be? You invited me to dinner and I’m here. I’m having a lovely time.”
“Oh, good. It’s just a feeling I had.…” He seemed totally satisfied.
“Fine. So that’s out of the way,” she said cheerfully.
“I mean I value you, Lisa. We’re not joined at the hip or anything, but I really do appreciate all you’ve done to help me get started.…” He paused.
She looked at him expectantly, not helping him out.
“So, I suppose I was afraid that there had been a misunderstanding between us, you know.”
“No, I don’t know. What kind of a misunderstanding?”
“Well, that you might be reading more into it than there is.”
“Into what, Anton? You’re talking in code.”
“Into … well, into our relationship,” he said eventually.
She felt the ground slip away from her and had to struggle hard to sound normal.
“It’s fine, isn’t it?” Lisa said, hearing her own voice as if from very far away.
“Sure. It’s just me being silly. I mean it’s not a commitment or anything … exclusive like that.”
“We sleep together,” Lisa said bluntly.
“Yes, we have, of course, and will again, but I don’t ask you about who you meet after the lectures at your college.…”
“No, of course not.”
“And you don’t ask me about where I go and who I meet.…”
“Not if you don’t want me to.”
“Oh, Lisa, don’t take an attitude.” He was definitely frowning now.
The food tasted like lumps of cardboard. Lisa could barely swallow it.
“Will I make you a margarita? You’re only nibbling at your food.” Anton feigned concern.
Lisa shook her head.
“So cheer up then, and let’s talk about the launch. April has all her people working on it.”
“So what’s left to talk about, then?” She knew she sounded childish and mutinous but she couldn’t help it.
“Oh, Lisa, don’t turn into one of those whining women. Please, Lisa …”
“Does this relationship, as you call it, mean anything to you? Anything at all?”
“Of course it does. It’s just that I’ve taken a huge risk, I’m scared shitless that I’m going to fall on my face in this new venture, juggling a dozen balls in the air, just ahead of the posse in terms of debt and I haven’t the time to think of anything seriously yet like … you know … permanent things.” He looked lost and confused.
She hesitated. “You’re right. I’m just tired and intense because I’m doing too much. I think I would like a margarita. Will you put salt around the rim of the glass?”
He brightened up at once.
Maybe that priest who lived over Katie and Garry was right: men were simple. And to please them, you had to be equally simple in return. She beat down her feeling of panic and was rewarded with one of Anton’s great smiles.
The evening classes were going well. Lisa was actually much more interested than she had expected to be. She was quick, she realized.
Noel told her that she was the first in the group to understand any concept. He felt slow and was tempted to give up, but life in his job was so dreary and dull and he had no qualifications;
this would give him the confidence and clout he needed.
She learned about him during their coffee breaks. He said the classes and his AA meetings were his only social outings of the week.
He was a placid person and didn’t ask many questions about Lisa’s life. Because of this, she told him that her parents had always seemed to dislike each other greatly and that she couldn’t understand why they stayed together.
“Probably for fear of finding a worse life,” Noel said glumly, and Lisa agreed that this might well be true.
He asked her once did she have a fellow and she had replied truthfully that she loved someone but it was a bit problematical. He didn’t want to be tied down so she didn’t really know where she was.
“I expect it will sort itself out,” Noel said, and somehow that was fairly comforting.
And Noel was right, in a way. It sort of sorted itself out.
Lisa never called around to Anton without letting him know she was on her way. She took an interest in all he was doing and made no more remarks about April’s involvement in anything. Instead, she concentrated on making the cleverest and most eye-catching invitations to the pre-launch party.
There was no question of her getting anything new to wear. There wasn’t any money to pay for an outfit. She confided this to Noel.
“Does it matter all that much?” he asked.
“It does a bit because if I thought I looked well I’d behave well, and I know this sounds silly, but a lot of the people who will be there sort of judge you by what you wear.”
“They must be mad,” Noel said. “How could they not take notice of you? You look amazing, with your height and your looks—that hair …”
Lisa looked at him sharply, but he was clearly speaking sincerely, not just trying to flatter her. “Some of them are mad, I’m sure, but I’m being very honest with you. It’s a real pain that I can’t get anything new.”
“I don’t like to suggest this but what about a thrift shop? My cousin sometimes works in one. She says she often gets designer clothes in there.”
“Lead me to it,” Lisa said with a faint feeling of hope.
Molly Carroll had the perfect dress for her. It was scarlet with a blue ribbon threaded around the hem. The colors of Anton’s restaurant and the logo she had designed.
