“Hearts are broken all the time. I cannot be held accountable for his pain.” Cordelia answered coldly. “Why must you make me feel so awful, Hes? When I came to tell you my news, I was happy. Nay, I was elated. Now I feel horribly sad!”
“I want you to be happy, of course. But I also want you to listen to reason, and to be aware of the consequences should you—”
Cordelia walked away before Hester could finish her thought. She knew it was useless to try to talk sense to her sister. Regardless of what Hester said, Cordelia would likely be engaged to Alexander Snowley by the week’s end.
Hester spent the rest of the night in solitude, which was hardly unusual. She lingered in a forgotten corner of the room, quietly watching Mr. Hargrave and his many female admirers. He even danced with a few of them, and never so much as glanced in Hester’s direction. He was well and truly finished with her—and she was finished with him.
When they returned to Hyacinth’s cottage, Cordelia was no longer speaking to her, and her tired aunt did not seem like good company. As Hester passed by Frank’s room, she lingered by the door, poised to knock. Hester needed to talk to someone, and Frank was always an amiable companion. Surely she was too old to worry about the impropriety of it?
As soon as she knocked, Hester was tempted to turn and flee. Visiting a young man in the middle of the night was entirely out of character for her, even if the young man was practically family. With his hair looking even more disheveled than usual, Frank appeared at the door. He looked very unprepared for a visitor, and Hester felt a bit guilty for rousing him.
“I did not wake you, did I?” She winced as she asked the question.
“Not at all. I was reading.” Frank stepped away from the door and limped back to his bed. “Forgive me, but I must sit. I have an ache in my back.”
“You need not apologize.” Hester closed the door behind her and tiptoed into the room, a bit reluctantly. “Do you always read at night?”
“Too often, yes. As I said before, I waste many candles.” He pointed at the candle on his nightstand, which was nearly depleted. “To what do I owe the pleasure of your company?”
“I… I suppose… I…” Her tongue nervously swept across her lower lip. “I suppose I was in need of a friend.”
“I thought you would prefer the company of Cordelia.”
“Cordelia… is cross with me,” Hester confessed. “Mr. Snowley asked her to marry him, and I mistakenly tried to be the voice of reason.”
“Ah.” Frank accepted the news with an apathetic nod, as if it was expected. “I see.”
“She has not accepted his proposal,” Hester added, “but she is considering it.”
“Do you think she will consent to be his wife?”
“I honestly cannot predict the outcome. She seems quite smitten with him… and yet, Cordelia has always been a bit fickle. It is very possible she will lose interest in him, now that his heart is officially won.”
“So she enjoys the conquest more than the prize?”
“That is… a depressingly accurate way to put it.” Against her better judgment, Hester sat beside Frank on the bed. Such brazen behavior might have been expected from Cordelia, but certainly not from her. “I understand how you must feel, as I am no stranger to disappointment tonight. I was ignored by Mr. Hargrave. It was almost as if he went out of his way to avoid me.”
“I am sure you imagined it.”
“No… sadly, I am not imagining anything, nor am I exaggerating. He shunned me quite thoroughly!” Hester sounded strangely cheerful about it, as if relating to Frank’s lovelorn misery gave her pleasure. “His interest in me was extinguished so quickly, one might think I had said something to offend him. Unfortunately, I think my only offense is that I was very forgettable.”
“Forget about him. If he cannot appreciate a good woman like you, he does not deserve your attention.”
Hester tugged at the fraying edge of her gown. All of her clothes were old and unfashionable, but her father spared no expense when it came to the younger sister. Cordelia’s wardrobe was always expanding. Muslin gowns, fashionable garments and lacy bonnets were her constant gifts. And yet, Hester was never jealous of her sister—until tonight. She wished Mr. Hargrave had attached himself to her as easily as Mr. Snowley attached himself to Cordelia. Why were some women blessed with bountiful luck and beauty, while others had none?
As she shared her thoughts, Hester sighed. “Perhaps some ladies are never meant to be loved.”
Frank started to reach for Hester’s hand, but he quickly pulled away. “I am sure that isn’t true.”
“It is kind of you to disagree, but I am well aware of the truth.” She thought she felt tears forming in her eyes, so she looked away from him. “I will never find love, but I have accepted it.”
“And love shall always elude me,” Frank added. “You need only to watch me hobble across the floor like a fool to know that is painstakingly obvious. My damnable infirmity…”
Though Hester shook her head, she did not think it was appropriate to correct him so soon after Cordelia broke the young man’s heart. She did not want to sound patronizing or disingenuous. “I have given up on Mr. Hargrave,” she announced. “From this moment onward, I shall never spare him another thought!”
“I’m glad to hear it.” As a smile flickered across his lips, he said, “I mean no offense to your sister, but I have given up on her as well.”
“We are quite the pair, are we not?” Hester threw back her head and chuckled, and when she did, Frank was momentarily transfixed by her neck. Long, pale and ivory, he thought it was a strangely beautiful sight. Hester was handsome, willowy, and timidly charming, and those qualities had always appealed to him. For the first time, he wondered if he had set his cap on the wrong sister. It was a shocking, unexpected thought.
“Have you really never been kissed?” Frank’s question thoughtlessly flew from his mouth. Perhaps he should have taken more time to consider the impropriety of it.
“Oh…” Hester dragged her long fingers along her forehead in despair. “It was Cordelia who put that thought in your head.”
“Indeed… and perhaps I should not have mentioned it.”
“No, it is quite alright. I cannot blame you for your curiosity. Unlike Cordelia, at least you are sincere.” Hester drew a deep breath before answering his query. “There was a young man when I was fifteen. It was the tiniest kiss… and it happened ages ago. I can hardly remember back that far. I was a child then. The tender age of fifteen was not so long ago for you, but for me, it is half a lifetime!”
For reasons he did not quite understand, Frank’s heart sank when she mentioned their ages, and the sizable gap between them. “You should have many suitors, Hester,” he suddenly said. “I can’t imagine why you don’t. You’re every bit as pretty as Cordelia.”
“That’s doing it a bit too brown, don’t you think?” Hester asked with a chuckle. “You are very kind, Frank, that much is undeniable. I don’t think anyone has ever said something so ludicrous, but I appreciate it nonetheless.”
“It is not ludicrous.” It was a bit unexpected, but Frank found that he could not stop staring at her. Hester was a very striking woman, with the palest gray eyes, and lips as pink and plump as berries. She had a freckle between her neck and collarbone, and he was tempted to touch it. Not even Cordelia held him quite as spellbound. “I think you are lovely.”
“Well… I… you…” Hester was temporarily tongue-tied. She was unaccustomed to receiving compliments of any sort, especially ones that sounded so sincere. When she finally recovered her wits, she repeated, “You are very kind.”
“I… admire you. I’ve always admired you.” Frank reached for her, and boldly rested his hand on top of hers. “Very much.”
As Hester stared at his hand, she felt the strangest sensation. Blood rushed into her head, her heart raced, and she momentarily struggled to catch a breath. Why would such a simple touch make her so unsettled? “I… admire
you as well.” When she felt his fingers caressing hers, she wanted to pull her hand away. She should have pulled her hand away. But she enjoyed the sensation so much, it was impossible to deny herself the pleasure of it.
“I care for you,” Frank continued. “Very much.”
“As a sister, surely.” Hester’s words were accompanied by a nervous chuckle. “And a much older sister, at that.”
“Not as a sister,” he corrected her. “And more than that.”
As Hester slid her hand out from under his, she immediately lamented the loss of his touch—and yet it was necessary to put distance between them. As her pulse thumped wildly in her neck, she rose from the bed and quickly retreated to the door. The moment was painfully awkward and perplexing, and she needed to be alone. “Good night, Frank. Sleep well.”
“Good night, Hester. I hope to see you tomorrow… well rested, and in considerably better spirits.”
Without another word, Hester exited and headed to the room she shared with Cordelia. As she traveled down the hall, she closed her eyes and tried to hold the image of Frank’s face in her mind as long as she could. In particular, her mind’s eye lingered on his lips.
At what point did she start wondering what it would be like to kiss him? When did her foolish heart decide it was acceptable to have so much affection for him?
“Madness…” Hester quietly chided herself. “Utter madness.”
Chapter Nine
It was an overwhelming revelation. Hester never imagined she would have feelings for him, of all people—how could she allow it to happen? She should have loved him like a brother, if anything. Her attachment to Frank was absolutely illogical in every possible way. He was more of a boy than a man, and she had no business feeling that sort of affection for him. And yet, ever since she woke, she ached for his company.
Hester tried very hard to make excuses for herself. Frank had been kinder to her than any man ever had—how could she not feel affection for him? And even if he was young, he seemed very mature for his age, and had likely endured more hardship than she could possibly imagine. But did his maturity make her feelings any less absurd?
“Perhaps…” Hester stared into the looking glass, whispering to her reflection. “Perhaps I do not care for him as much as I believe I do? Perhaps I… perhaps I was desperate to feel something for someone after the disappointment I suffered with Mr. Hargrave?”
It was senseless to deny how she felt. Ever since Frank’s hand held hers, he had invaded her every thought.
She thought she heard Frank thumping down the hall with his walking sticks, and for a moment, Hester forgot to breathe. His footsteps halted in front of her door, as if he considered knocking, before he finally moved on. It was noon, and she had been anticipating crossing paths with him since she woke. Determined not to let him escape, Hester ran to the door and flung it open.
“Frank!” She was so eager to see him, her voice squeaked when she shouted his name.
“Good afternoon, Hester,” Frank greeted her as calmly and cordially as he could. He had to pretend he wasn’t hovering outside her door, dying to knock, desperate to see her again. “You look lovely. The curls framing your cheeks are very fetching.”
Hester had taken a bit more time to style her hair, but she doubted he would care. She traded her usual bun in favor of some cherubic curls, and she had dabbed a bit of lavender perfume on her neck. There was a hint of rouge on her lips, which gave her mouth a rosy glow. She hoped the extra effort she put into her appearance was subtle enough to escape his notice. “I am sure I do not deserve such compliments, but I appreciate them nonetheless.”
“I… I… you…” Frank gave his neck a scratch as he fumbled over his words. Hester was relieved to see he looked just as nervous as she did. “I… well… I was wondering if you would care to join me in the garden?”
“Oh, I would love to!” Hester exclaimed, and a moment later, she felt a bit sheepish for her enthusiasm. “That is to say, I… I really have nothing else planned. Should I read to you again? We can resume the story of Emma.”
“I absolutely would love that,” Frank answered with equal enthusiasm. “I love to listen to the sound of your voice.”
Frank’s words had both of them blushing. “Should I invite Cordelia?”
“No!” Frank was adamant. He wondered if it was a bit too obvious that he wanted some time alone with Hester. “I… I mean to say… I enjoy your sister’s company, but I would rather not bother her with books. She tends to bore easily.”
“Indeed she does.”
After Hester retrieved her book, they headed to the garden in silence. They moved slowly, as walking was a bit laborious for him. Frank had always envied able-bodied men and their confidant swaggers. Ungainly as he was, he knew he had no hope of impressing Hester.
As they walked between rows of daffodils, Frank considered plucking one of the flowers and presenting it to her as a gift. But he feared it would look too obvious, so he decided to let the flowers stay where they were.
“There is a pleasant breeze,” Hester observed. “The weather is very fine today.”
“And no rain. We are lucky.”
“Oh dear… I should not resort to inane conversations about the weather. I believe that is what frightened Mr. Hargrave away. I bored him to tears.”
“You could never frighten me away,” Frank assured her. “I love to listen to you talk. About anything.”
“Honestly, Frank, you are an angel among men.” Hester stopped at a bench and opened the book in her lap. Frank hobbled slightly as he lowered himself to the seat beside her, then he set his walking sticks on the ground near his feet. She read aloud, “The hair was curled, and the maid sent away, and Emma sat down to think and be miserable…”
Frank closed his eyes as he listened to her read. Hester’s voice was so soft and deep, she made his entire head tingle as she read. The sound of it was so soothing, he knew he could happily listen to her for the rest of his life.
After she finished a chapter, Hester turned to him and studied his profile. His eyes were closed, so he did not see her watching him. Frank had beautiful lips, the squarest jaw, a chiseled nose, and even his messy brown hair was adorably appealing. She was tempted to touch his long, dark eyelashes—to run her fingertips along his beige skin. He was more handsome at that moment than he had ever been.
But surely she had no business thinking of him in such a way?
When his eyes opened, Frank smiled at her. “You stopped reading?”
“I was… pondering something,” Hester said. “I should be reading Sense and Sensibility, not Emma, seeing as my good sense has recently abandoned me.”
“Oh?” One of Frank’s perfect dark eyebrows was raised. “But you seem very sensible to me.”
“If you could hear the thoughts in my head, you would not think I was quite so sensible. In fact, sometimes I believe I am entirely without sense.”
“You should share your thoughts,” he encouraged her. “I would love to hear what you are thinking.”
“I most certainly cannot share my thoughts!” Hester cackled at the idea of it. I believe I might be a bit infatuated with you. She did not think it was a wise thought to share with the young man who should have been like a brother to her.
Frank, however, was a bit more bold. “I would be willing to share a thought with you.” Though his words were brave, he could not look her in the eyes as he uttered them. Instead, he turned his gaze to his fidgeting hands. “I think you’re very pretty, Hester… you are your sister’s equal in every way. In some ways, you are even prettier than she is. She lacks your warmth and goodness. Not only are you a very handsome woman… you are also very kind, and that kindness makes you even more beautiful.”
“You are very kind as well.” Hester’s head instinctively sank to his shoulder; she desperately wanted to be closer to him. “And… handsome.”
“Handsome?” When he smiled down at her, matching dimples appeared on his cheeks. “Sur
ely not!”
“You are handsome,” she insisted. “And you are even more adorable than a basket filled with kittens!”
Frank chuckled at the comparison. “An entire basket? Fie, that cannot be possible! One kitten, possibly, but a basket of them is utterly unbelievable!”
“But it’s true! You are more adorable than an entire basket of kittens… and a bunny.”
“A bunny too? Now you’ve gone a bit too far!” Frank laughed. “No one can be as adorable as that.”
“You are as adorable as that,” Hester insisted. “And I am very lucky to have you in my life.”
When she felt his fingers sifting through her hair, Hester feared she might swoon. She had never felt a more pleasurable sensation in all her life.
As he tugged on a lock of her hair, Frank suddenly said, “I would like very much to kiss you.”
“Kiss me?” When Hester lifted her head from his shoulder, her eyes were wide with shock. “Kiss me… where?”
The thought of asking for a kiss was terrifying to Frank, but his smile was full of bravado. “This bench should be suitable enough, assuming there is no one spying on us from the window. If you’d prefer, we could hide behind that tree. It should provide adequate cover against prying eyes.”
“I meant… where would you like to kiss me? One might assume you meant my lips, but I suppose you could also kiss my hand… o-or my cheek?”
Frank’s tremulous chuckle betrayed his nerves. “I knew what you meant. My reply was an attempt at humor… a rather poor attempt, it would seem.”
“Ah. I see. Perhaps I am just slow-witted.”
“You are nothing of the sort. The problem lies with my lack of wit,” Frank insisted. “As for the true answer to your question… you must know I wanted to kiss your lips, you silly goose. However, if you’d like, I would kiss you on the bench, behind the tree, in the kitchen, in a carriage. I would kiss you whenever and wherever you would like, because I am quite certain I could never kiss you enough.”
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