by J. Naomi Ay
“Well what are you doing here?” I said and then caught myself for I should not speak to him this way, nor speak at all unless spoken to and thence from my knees. But, I was an old woman and could be excused these faults, especially when I had raised him as if he were my own.
“Do you not still bake on Friday?” he said and though he spoke the Noble Mishnese, his deep voice still sang the song of the street
“That I do,” I replied. “And you are in luck because today I have made your favorite buns with my own raspberry jam which I put up this last summer. Come now, lad.” He followed me into the building and up the three floors to my flat. “I’ve put in an elevator,” I said. “And look how I have refinished the floors in fine polished wood. Isn’t the building nice and warm too? No more rats, no more chills, no more bad smells, and my buildings are the most coveted addresses in Old Mishnah.” I chattered away because he did not speak but took my satchel from me as I fumbled with the lock on the door. We went in and he stood for a moment waiting, holding his hand out as if to remember this place.
“Take off your boots, dear, and hang your cloak there.” I headed to the kitchen to put buns on a plate. “Coffee or tea?”
He did not reply but when I returned he had done as I asked and was standing by the window with his ugly feet bare, seemingly gazing out as the sky turned to night.
“Do they know where you are?”
He nodded, but still did not speak.
“Come sit,” I said, resting in my favorite chair and taking a bun and a cup of tea for myself.
He sat down on the sofa, which was new this last year and covered in the finest silk damask. The Firestone rings upon his fingers flashed, and the heavy gold bracelets around his wrists clanged against the plate as he reached for a bun. The plate cracked from the touch of the bracelet, splitting the image of his own face in two.
“Sorry,” he said and dropped the bun in disgust.
“It’s alright, dear. It’s just a dish. I’ve got plenty more.”
He turned away from me and pressed his thumbs on his eyes, a gesture I recalled from the days of his youth.
“What’s the matter, Senya? Why have you come?” I set down my tea cup and studied his face. “What do you think you will find here with me?”
He shook his head, and the light in the room sent shivers through his black hair.
“Oh, my dear,” I cried. “You are so little changed.” I rose from my seat and went to him. I wrapped my arms around him and held his head against my old breast, stroking his beautiful hair as I had when he was an infant in my arms.
“She left me, Meri,” he said after a time.
“Her father was dying. She was right in wanting to see him. It was never a choice between you and him. She loved him too as she should.”
He nodded as if he understood my words, hanging his head in sorrow and grief.
“I can’t rescue her.” His voice caught. “I can’t do it. Too many will die.”
“Of course you can’t do that. You couldn’t plan this, my poor sweet boy.”
“She should have obeyed me!”
“Ach, my child,” I said. “Don’t you know she was born of your own rib? You would have run off just the same.”
“I wouldn’t,” he insisted. “I wouldn’t leave her.”
“No? I think, my Senya, you already had.”
He pulled away from me.
“That which you seek cannot be found here,” I said.
He sat again for a long time, his face like a stone. How he used to draw into himself like this. I would wait as long as necessary until he wished to speak again. There was no one who knew him as just a man with a heart that could be broken and a soul that could be lost, save me.
"I’m sorry I didn’t take care of you, Meri,” he said after a time.
“But you did, my son,” I protested. “You fixed my back and healed my face and gave me great riches.” I waved at the flat around me. “You gave me the ability to take care of myself, and for that, I thank you.”
Now, he rose again to go.
“You have no need to apologize to me, Senya. Your penance belongs elsewhere. It is I who must apologize to you. For all these years I have cursed myself for my weakness. Never should I have brought you to the Father. I should have run away with you before walking through that door.”
“Then he would have lived, Meri, and how many more children would have suffered by his hand? All is as it should be.”
“Perhaps,” I agreed. “Perhaps all is as it should be now, no matter how it saddens you.”
“Thank you, Meri.” He bent down and kissed my cheeks, first one then the other.
“You are welcome, my child.” I held up the sapphire bracelet and jingled it for him.
“She’ll be back. She loves you still. I am certain of it.”
He nodded silently and then slipping on his boots and cloak, left me again.
Chapter 14
Moira
It was winter here in Mishnah, and the weather was horrid. It was worse than ever before with wind and waves and lightning storms. Never in all my years here in the Capitol City had I ever seen such torrents of weather.
On the day of the great trembler and tidal wave, I was in my room resting, when everything began to shake and then before we could even recover from all that was falling and flying around us, a great wall of water roared into this very Palace. I was indeed fortunate my apartments were on the topmost floor for I was spared damage from the water although I did lose many beautiful objects from my glass collection. I would have to start anew acquiring my glass art. At least it would give me something to do.
On this day, in winter, I was boarding my limo en route to my sister Dora’s estate. My sister was ill and perhaps would pass on soon. Our other sisters had already departed this Rehnor and soon it would be only I that remained.
There were no male heirs amongst all my sisters and I. For a time, Akan had inherited my father’s duchy of Dekoor but since his death it had reverted to the Crown and it was for the Karut to give out to whomever he desired. Rumor had it he would give it to his own boy when he came of age. I was uncertain how my father would feel about this and equally uncertain how I felt myself.
The limo departed the courtyard and my driver took us toward the west coast. Old Mishnah had changed much in sixty years. Even now through this wind and rain, I could see tourists lining the streets. New Mishnah too had grown and spread nearly to the hills in the west and beyond the shores of the River Nika in the south. The Karut’s company dominated much of the central part of the city. His flags flapped in the breeze as we flew by. When we had cleared the hills and risen higher to cross the continental mountain range, I heard a strange noise from the empty seat in front of me.
“What is that?” I said to my lady. She was nearly deaf herself and did not hear the scratching sound. I feared it was a rodent of sorts but as to why a rodent would be in this limo I could not fathom. Again I heard it and was about to summon the driver when from behind the chair, wedged between the driver’s compartment and my own, the boy emerged.
“What in the Saint’s name are you doing here?” I demanded.
“Oh my, oh my,” my attendant cried, most distressed at this sight.
“I say,” I repeated myself in my sternest voice. “What are you doing in my limo?”
“I’m running away,” the child said and then burst into tears.
“Oh heavens,” I sniffed as the little one’s face turned red and great globs of discharge emerged from his nose. He coughed and he heaved and sobbed making a great mess of himself and his sleeves.
“Blessed Saint,” I sighed and told my lady to clean him up. She found him some tissues and sat down next to him, wiping his face. She held his head against her prominent chest and stroked his fair hair.
“Where are you running to?” I demanded when he had quieted enough so that I might get a word in edgewise.
“I don’t know,” he sniffed and threatene
d to start sobbing all over again.
“Oh heavens,” I sighed again.
“Why are you running away?” my lady asked which was terribly ignorant of her.
“I miss my mommy!” the boy wailed.
I was tempted to slap my lady for it was well known the child was now motherless and the Karut’s heart and soul had turned to stone.
“Oh hush!” I snapped, but he did not, and my lady’s buxomness did not quiet him anymore. “Come here,” I demanded and he did so, placing his small body next to my side and imploring me with those almond shaped blue eyes. “Now listen to me young man,” I commanded. “Sometimes wretched things happen to us, and there is naught to be done about it. You are a Prince of Mishnah. Blessed Saint, you are a Prince of this entire enormous Empire of Rehnor and therefore you must be strong even in the face of adversity.”
“What does that mean?” he whispered and swiped at his nose again.
“It means you must always be strong. Always,” I declared and handed him a fresh tissue. “And stop crying.”
“But I’m very sad,” he frowned and wiped his nose.
“Of course you are. We are all sad sometimes, but you must always, always, no matter what act like a Prince. The people expect that of you.”
“What people?”
“The people of Mishnah of course.”
“The people of all Rehnor,” my lady added.
“That’s right,” I nodded.
“Are you sad?” the boy besought me.
“About your mommy?” I was about to say no but quickly bit my tongue. “I did not know your mommy that well. I am sad about others of course.”
“My mommy was nice,” he nodded. “My mommy was the best mommy. Who are you sad about? Your mommy?”
I thought on this. I could tell him I was sad about my husband, but if truth be told, I was not. I was sad about my son, but since his mommy was the one who killed my son, I best not dwell on that. “I am sad about my daughter,” I declared at last. “I miss her very much.”
“Is she dead?” He looked at me with surprise in his eyes.
“Yes,” I replied. “She has been so for a long time already, but I still miss her every day.”
“How did she die?”
I gazed down upon his little head. He had lovely hair. Not black like the Karut’s nor so blonde like the Human’s but a nice light brown with a touch of gold. It did not curl wildly either. I put my hand upon it and brushed it away from his eyes. His hair was very soft, childlike. He was really so young, hardly more than a baby himself. “She died having a baby,” I said and even after all this time, my throat closed as I uttered these words.
The boy studied my face. I did not cry. When one was Queen, one must never shed tears.
“Did the baby die too?”
“No,” I replied. “No, the baby was your father.”
The boy thought on this for a while. I thought upon this for a while as well. I realized my hand was still on his head. I was enjoying the warmth of his little body next to mine.
“That’s why you’re my other gramma,” he concluded and looked to me for confirmation.
“I suppose so,” I said. “Indeed.”
He leaned into me, putting his arms around my waist. I was stiff at first. I was not the type to enjoy such affection. I could not recall when I was last the victim of hug. Perhaps it was dear Phylyp who held me as this. Phylyp always loved to touch and be touched in return.
“Gramma Moira,” the child asked, granting me this name whether I wanted it or not. “Can I come stay with you?”
“I don’t think your father would like that,” I replied, lightly putting my arm around his little body, testing the sensation of returning his embrace.
“He won’t care,” the boy said. “Auntie Luci might but daddy won’t. Please? I promise to be good.”
“You must act like a prince at all times,” I replied before I could catch myself and silence my tongue.
“I can do that,” he insisted. “I am Prince Shika de Kudisha of the Empire of Rehnor.”
“Yes, you are,” I agreed. “And the future Duke of Dekoor or so I am told.”
“Does that mean I can stay? You can ring Lord Taner and ask him.”
“Perhaps I shall then,” I agreed for a reason unbeknownst to me. Why I should want this little one about me at my ailing sister’s estate was beyond comprehension. “We shall see what Lord Taner has to say about it.”
He was satisfied with my answer and shortly thereafter fell asleep, leaning his little head upon my breast. He was but a poor child, I told myself and I was not cut from stone. My heart too could feel sympathy for this little one. He did not ask to be born of these parents. He, like me, was but a victim of the circumstances. Neither of us asked for this life in the Palace of Mishnah. Neither of us asked for those we love to have been torn from us. Perhaps I could love this little motherless child and who better than I, for was I not but a childless mother?
Chapter 15
Taner
During the wee hours of the morning, when night was still upon us, before the darkness gave over to the dawn, the great beast roamed the forest and beaches outside our palace.
Sometimes, if you were awake, you could hear the terrified cry of his prey. Wolves and cougars were found dead, half eaten and bereft of their hearts. Smaller animals and fish were nothing but bones. Great hawks and raptors shied from the forest hiding under their hoods and trembling on their perches.
And sometimes, in the morning, the Emperor would appear in his office with fierce gashes upon him. One morning, a long deep scratch ran down his face from eye to chin. Another day, his arm had teeth marks so deep it required sealant. He was tended to and patched, and nothing more was said until the morning I was awakened by a thought.
It was raining hard, thunderous even, with streaks of lightning periodically illuminating my dark room. I needed to get out of my bed. I had to go to the forest. I don’t know why I wanted to do this but with absolutely certainty, I knew that I must.
I lay in my bed and listened to the rain, trying to quell this urge, covering myself and burying my head beneath my pillows. Yet even so, the urge grew stronger. I must go. And so with great impetuousness, I threw back my blankets and I rushed from my bed, grabbing only slippers and robe. I ran to the door and down the staircases where upon I met Berkan in the same disarray.
Together we rushed out of the warm dry hallways and out into the night, compelled by a force, which directed our way into the dark and forbidding forest.
We ran until my breath came only in desperate gasps, my heart pounding and my legs weak, and yet we did not stop again until we came upon the most horrific sight. There before us on the forest floor lay the Emperor of all Rehnor covered in all manner of foulness, dirt and blood and gore.
Next to him lay the carcass of a baby bear. Not far from them, the dead body of the mother bear, she, too, a gruesome mass hardly recognizable from what she once was.
No one questioned how he came to be there in the forest in the wee hours of this miserable morning. No one dared to ask why he sought to fight with such creatures. Was the baby bear his target, or was it the She-Bear he determined to challenge? While he was the victor for still he lived, whereas they did not, the She-Bear had left him crippled and broken from which he never did recover. His left leg was nearly torn off, the bones were severed, the knee crushed, the muscles ripped and shredded and for an ordinary man were beyond repair. Still clutched in his hand, though, was her heart, her blood soaking his fingers and coating his bones.
Somewhere else, far off in the galaxy, on a planet, in a place where none of us knew, another She-Bear still lived to clutch his heart, making it bleed through her fingers until it ran dry.
Chapter 16
Shika
When I was six and half, my granddad back on Earth got sick, and my mom had to leave to go see him. Nana T told me she’d be back by the weekend, but she wasn’t. She never came back. Her ship crashed
and she disappeared for a very long time. There was a huge earthquake in Mishnah then and Petya and I hid under a table in the classroom while the Palace shook and then a giant wave swept through the lower floors.
Auntie Luci and Uncle Berkan came to get us when the shaking stopped and took us back to my room. I didn’t know it then but the earthquake and tidal wave happened at the exact same time as my mom’s plane crashed.
I cried and cried for a very long time. I wanted to see my dad and I screamed and yelled until finally Uncle Berkan took me into my dad's office late one night. He was sitting at his big desk holding his head in his hands and I climbed up on his lap and put my arms around his neck and I cried into his shirt. He hugged me tighter than he had ever hugged me before and when my heaving sobs finally quieted a bit, I realized he was crying too. I don’t know how long we sat there but eventually I fell asleep and when I woke up in the morning it was in my mom’s big bed curled up against my dad’s back.
Sometimes, later on, during the nights when I couldn’t sleep, I would creep back to my mom’s big bed and sometimes, if it was just before dawn, my dad would be there, too, though he wasn’t usually asleep. I would curl up next to him feeling safe and warm next to his big strong body and he would wrap his arms around me and hug me like my mom always had.
Gradually, I would begin to feel alright again. Marik and Petya’s mom kept cooking us dinner for a while but it wasn’t the same and Auntie Luci kept crying so we just started ordering stuff from the kitchens.
After a while, things got back to normal and I stopped sleeping in my mom’s bed, and so did my dad. I didn’t see him much at all then. I guess taking over the galaxy required just about all of his time.
I asked Lord Taner or Uncle Berkan if I could go visit him, but they always said no and would always make excuses how busy he was. Sometimes Marik told me bits of gossip about how crazy my dad was acting. Sometimes, he said, Uncle Berkan would catch my dad standing outside in the rain with no clothes on or sitting up on the top of a tree in the forest near the Palace.
