“I’ll be in the study,” I said instead and brushed past her and up the stairs.
The specter cackled in my ears. At least one of us was amused.
*~*~*
After several hours of staring at the Jerauchian book, I began to see visions upon the pages. The man upon the page had slit his palm and let his blood pool at his feet. In the next image, a shadowy figure loomed above him. The man upon the page tilted his head back and looked into the face of the specter.
“You summoned me.” His ancient voice echoed in my ears, not in the present but a memory of my past.
I hesitated to look upon the next image but did so anyway. The man bent over and convulsed on the ground, back arched and mouth wide as he screamed. I rubbed the palm of my hand, where a scar remained, and pushed aside my memories of the past summoning and instead imagined the man writhing in pain was Earvin. I knew of a poison that would create such an effect.
I sighed and ran my hands through my hair. I was still stiff with dust from travel, and my nail beds were caked with dirt. I did not want to move. I felt conflicted. I had desired this for so long, and yet now with the power just at my fingertips, I could not stop thinking about Maea and Earvin. I wondered if he had taken her up on the ridge, a secluded spot that overlooked our valley. It would be breathtaking at sunset, and if they had left early enough, they would arrive just in time. Oranges and pinks would collide and streak the sky as the sun sunk past Snake Back Ridge.
Would the son of a farmer reach around her and bring her close to him. I imagined she would stare up at him with her large violet eyes, the eyes that saw depths of a hundred years and more. Her rose-petal lips would part, allowing him entrance into the hidden depths of her mouth.
I slammed a fist onto the table. I had grown soft! I was weakened by a woman, when I had promised myself nothing would divert me from my chosen path. Why now, when I was so close, did I lose everything now?
“It is the girl,” his voice hissed in my ear.
I rested my head in my hands, weary of his taunting.
“Of course it’s the girl,” I mumbled.
“No, your affection for her is limiting your powers. What happened to the boy who was willing to spill his own blood for power? Whose desire for revenge was greater than care of the cost. You have grown weak, and with it, your powers, too, have faded.”
I looked up. The room was empty as I expected it to be. However, the specter had not spoken this clearly to me in quite a while. A thrill of expectation rippled through me. Though his words troubled me, what could my attachment to Maea have to do with our bond?
“You were the one who told me of the girl’s powers, you showed her to me. Why did you not warn me that having her around could limit my abilities?”
The voice did not respond right away. I thought he had slipped away back into the recesses of my mind.
When he spoke next, it was hesitant. “I miscalculated. When I accepted our contract, I thought you were stronger. I thought you could resist her charms. I see now that I was wrong.”
“Knowledge of eons and you made a miscalculation.” I avoided his final statement. I was unwilling to admit that Maea had changed me. Time had changed me, as well, the longer I spent away from court, from the past I had long avoided, the less the thirst for vengeance stung. Country life suited me, it was slow but unassuming. I was hesitant to admit it, but I was content here.
He laughed, seemingly reading my thoughts. “Perhaps I did not choose wisely in you, unloved son.”
A sharp rap at my door caught me off guard. The unwelcome intrusion did little to help my mood. I stood to answer the door, but it was flung open before I could send the intruder away, and Earvin stormed in.
I scowled. He had never been so bold as to enter my study before. In fact, he spent little time in the manor itself, sticking primarily to the grounds and the keeper’s dwellings. In that moment I did not care. He had taken Maea away and now destroyed one of the fleeting opportunities I had to commune with the specter.
I raised my hand, preparing to send him flying for his insolence. He was gasping for breath and doubled over.
I lowered my hand, something was not right. “What is it, boy?” I asked.
He inhaled and spoke in a rush. “Master Johai, it’s Maea. She’s been thrown from her horse!”
Part IV
She lay pale and unmoving upon her bed. Her dark hair fanned out around her on the pillow. I hadn’t even the chance to apologize for our fight. I could not help but think, I could have prevented this. Was it possible I somehow inadvertently brought this upon her? The color of her skin, though pale, did not look yellow or blue, a good sign. Her breathing was normal and even. I checked for broken ribs and broken bones and found no protrusions along her skin, though small fractures were still a possibility. There was no sign of injury upon her, but on she slept, for several hours since Earvin had brought her back to the house.
Her eyes darted behind her lids, and I wondered what she dreamt about. I leaned on the edge of her bed, watching the steady rise and fall of her chest. The specter’s taunts still haunted my thoughts. Perhaps it would be for the best if I sent her away. Damara could make a place for her in her household, arrange a good marriage once word of her abilities spread. I was certain she could manage a life—a safer life—away from me. As selfish as it was, I did not want to be parted from her.
The door opened, and I expected Damara was back to chide me and send me to bed.
“Your grace?”
The moniker never sat easy with me, and my back grew rigid. “I prefer if you did not address me thus.” I did not turn away from Maea’s profile. I did not want to speak with the farmer’s son. Had he not meddled, Maea would not be in this place. I would have continued on, ignorant of my feelings. I would not have left and put her in danger. I held my tongue. My words would not change the past.
“I apologize. May I speak with you? It’s important.”
I could not imagine what he had to say to me, but I pushed my chair back and turned to face him. I summoned the glamour to make myself more imposing and taller. He took a step back and swallowed. The apple of his throat bobbed up and down.
“If you wish.” I swept my arm towards the door, secretly pleased I had intimidated him.
He stepped out into the corridor first. I followed him out, closing the chamber door after us. I folded my arms across my chest and increased the glamour. He fidgeted and did not meet my gaze.
“Is there any change in her condition?” He looked up, and the hopeful look in his eye enraged me. How dare he waste my time asking after her wellbeing. This was his doing!
“No. She sleeps still. Perhaps had she been safe at home where she should be, she would not be in this condition.” I formed my answer with the intent to hurt him but found no solace in it.
He flinched. “I know, and I apologize. I just wanted to distract her. She was very melancholy the past two weeks.”
I froze, and my eyes widened. “What do you mean?”
“After you left, she withdrew from everyone. She wouldn’t talk or smile like she usually did. She spent every day up in that study. She hardly ate.” Earvin motioned down the hall where my study lay.
His words hit me like a blow. I had left in such a rush, so convinced of my own damaged pride, I had not considered her. What a fool I had been! I imagined her locked up away, the bright smile wiped from her face. Had I done this to her in my attempt to escape my feelings?
“She cares for you.” The boy’s statement was unexpected and laced with regret. My first thought was to deny it. Why would she care for me? I had nothing but selfish designs for her from the start, and now that it was no longer convenient, I planned to banish her from my home. But she never knew about my plans, and if she did not, that meant…I dared not think further.
“Is that what you wished to speak to me about?” I snapped, desperate to turn the conversation from such private matters. It was unseemly for me to be discussing the e
motions of myself and my charge with a servant.
“N-n-no, I well…”
I tapped my foot.
“Maea was acting strange before the animal reared. She had stopped speaking, and her eyes looked distant. Shortly after that the animal reared, and she was thrown. I thought I should tell you. Perhaps it will help you diagnose her.”
I grunted. But my mind was whirling. Could it be a vision? I had not considered the possibility. She had never been overcome during normal activities before, but it could explain her lack of injury and her comatose state.
“Thank you,” I said, “if that is all.” I stepped away and back into the room. I resolved not to leave her side until she woke. If it was a vision, as I suspected, I wanted to be the first to hear what she had seen.
*~*~*
I stayed beside her through the night. At some point, I had fallen asleep. I awoke with a crick in my neck as the bed shifted beneath me. I sat back in my chair and rubbed my sore neck. Maea stood across the bed from me. Dressed in her nightgown, her black hair tumbled over her shoulders, she stared at me, her mouth slightly parted.
I could not think of a more beautiful sight. The light coming from her window cut through her hair and illuminated it with red.
“Johai, you’re back.” She breathed my name, and I felt my pulse quicken. I stamped down the feelings. I must set her straight.
“I am sorry I did not return sooner.”
She shook her head. “I know. You retrieved the book, the one that will unlock its power.”
An ominous shiver crept up my spine. I had never spoken of my bond or the summoning to her. Her powers were uncanny, and for the first time, I was afraid of her. If she knew this much, how much of my heart had she seen and chosen to keep secret.
“You dreamed of my journey?”
She lowered her gaze. “I followed your progress in the bowl. I feared you would not return.”
‘I would never abandon you’ hung from the tip of my tongue, but if I were to send her away, as I planned, such sentiments would not be appropriate. It was best if she thought me indifferent and cold. It would make the transition easier on both of us. “I do not think it wise that you continue to spy on me in that manner.”
“I know, and I am sorry. I just wanted to explain. I do not love Earvin. I consider him a companion but no more.”
I raised my hand to stop her speech. “There is nothing to explain. Your choices are your own.”
She looked crestfallen for a moment. I could see the hurt in her eyes and wished I could be the one to comfort her, but I had to remind myself this was for the best.
“Yesterday, I saw the results of the journey. I saw what grows inside you day by day, biding its time. He pretends to be weak, but he holds immense power. He’s waiting for something, a moment, or maybe an object, I cannot be certain, but I know he will use you to destroy everything, Johai. I have seen your face leading armies, raising fields with fire, and the many faces of the dead as they fall before you. But your face is changed. It is much too cruel to belong to you.”
I wanted to deny it, but I could not. I knew what I had summoned, what I had bargained for with my life, but I never expected Maea to find out. I had wanted her to be an innocent in all this, a pawn in my game for revenge.
“I know you summoned him to heal your wounds. I saw how they treated you as if you were less than them because your mother was Jerauchian.”
“Stop,” I said in a commanding tone, but she continued.
“You felt alone and secluded. They ostracized you, even your father and grandfather, your father’s mother, refused to acknowledge your existence. Your mother’s death was not your fault. You should not blame yourself. It only makes sense that you would want more power to fill that hopeless feeling and the loneliness. But you’re not alone now, Johai, you have me.”
“Do not speak of things you have no understanding of!” I shouted, and my voice echoed across the chamber.
She stared at me for a moment without speaking, then said, “Johai, tell me you are not planning on using its powers. Tell me you will turn away from this path you have travelled down.”
Her eyes were wide as she stared at me, and for the first time in ten years, I was uncertain. Before, my revenge had been assured, I knew what I wanted. Now I doubted my future. I tried to call upon the feelings of hatred I felt when I left Keisan behind and went in search of the specter. I used to be able to recall all of their mocking faces; I knew the whispers by heart. With time they had faded, and in their place, now I saw Maea and heard her begging me to turn away from this path of destruction. The contract I made was one not lightly taken. His power was vast and untamable, and with it I had once thought to take control of the kingdom, to succeed where my father had failed.
Maea’s eyes were wide with fear. She feared me, and that hurt more than I thought it would.
After a stretched moment I replied, “I cannot.”
Part V
Maea sat amid a pile of books, parchments stretched around her as she sat knees folded on the ground. Her copious black hair was tied in a knot at the base of her neck, and a wrinkle marred her forehead as she studied a book open upon her lap. I hung in the doorway watching her, despite my response to her question a few nights prior, Maea insisted upon helping me in unraveling the Jerauchian tome. I insisted that she did not, but her mulishness knew no bounds. Our goals were at odds with one another, I sought to control the power while she wanted to destroy it, yet she shared with me anything she found. I could not understand it, yet I felt grateful for her persistence.
I clutched the small book in my hands that I had gone to fetch. I knew from the moment I acquired the book, I would need to go and fetch her book. I had hoped to never enter that room again, but there had been no choice in this situation.
Maea looked up. She had ink smudged beneath one eye, and a crooked grin tilted her rose-petal lips. I looked past her as I strode across the room to her, focused on the unlit fireplace behind her. I thrust the book towards her.
She looked at it without taking it. “What is it?”
“It’s a Jerauchian to Danhadine translation of poetry.”
She took it from me and frowned. I could see the wheels turning behind her vibrant violet eyes.
“Oh. This will help with the translating of the book!” She jumped up and ran over to the desk where I kept it.
It was refreshing to see her energy, but the creeping doubt remained at the back of my mind. I should not let her assist me. She could not possibly understand what she was helping me to achieve. I could not continue to play this game. I needed to end this charade. But she has seen the destruction the power can wreak. Why help me if she knows that? It made no sense to me.
“Maea—” I started to say and then stopped.
She was flushed with excitement as she looked up at me. The joy writ on her face proved to be my weakness.
“Yes, Johai?”
“Be careful with that. It was my mother’s.” I cursed the words as soon as they came out of my mouth. I had not thought before I spoke! I did not want her to know anything about my past.
Her expression dropped, but the intense curiosity still glimmered in her eye. “Your mother’s. Did she live here once?”
I damned her quick wit. I should have kept my mouth shut, as I usually did. “Yes,” I replied. It was too late to deny it.
I turned and walked away from her, hoping she would drop the topic. But she did not. She was, if nothing else, persistent.
“You still blame yourself for her death,” she said in a quiet voice.
My shoulders tightened, and I resisted the urge to leave without answering her. “I killed her.”
She inhaled sharply, and I felt the weight of her judgment upon my shoulders. “She died giving birth to you. That is not your fault.”
The reminder of her invasion into my privacy felt like a cold bucket of water dumped over my head. My past was none of her business. I should end this conversation
before it went any further.
“Is Keisan so terrible a place that your heritage sets you apart and causes others to treat you cruelly?” she asked.
I wanted to turn away and refuse to answer, but I had made the mistake of looking into her eyes, and the violet depths trapped me, forcing me to answer her questions. Indeed, the story seemed to spill from my mouth like a broken dam. “It put me at a disadvantage, to be certain. The purity of one’s blood is held in high regard, just below House ties. I was raised alone, and I did not mind it overmuch.” The pitiful sound of my voice grated upon me. Why could I not stop the words from tumbling out of my mouth? “I spent a majority of my time with servants, and I apprenticed beneath the court Magiker. He taught me his trade, and I aspired to take his place when I came of age. My father did not approve and barred me from continuing.
“However, after my father attempted to take control of the kingdom and failed, I was fostered to House Florett, Damara’s house, and when I attempted to continue my training, it was discouraged because my uncle, the king, did not trust me with magic. My father’s betrayal laid a stigma on me that could not be washed away. I was hated and branded the son of a traitor. I left after my fifteenth year and vowed I would not return until I was more powerful.”
She exhaled, and I expected her to pity me; instead, she said, “You’re not as bad of a person as you think, Johai.”
If only she knew the truth. I planned to use the specter to achieve just what my father had failed to do and use her to obtain it. A diviner, a woman who could see the future, would be an immeasurable asset. To know the future could help me plot to outsmart my enemies, to foresee occurrences that had been my father’s undoing.
“I think we should get back to work.” I went back to my desk without meeting her gaze, though I could tell she watched me. After a few moments, she returned to her spot on the floor, my mother’s poetry book in her hand.
Hours passed, and I felt my eyes growing heavy, and the writing on the page began to blur. I looked up to Maea. She leaned against a couch, head pillowed on her arm and the poetry book held loosely in her grasp. I could tell from the steady rise and fall of her chest that she had fallen asleep working.
In the Household of a Sorcerer Page 3
