by Deja Voss
“Why are you so fucking perfect?” he asks.
“Hardly,” I say, throwing my head back and laughing.
He whips his car into a parking lot and puts it in park, leaving the engine running. He leans over and gives me a peck on my cheek. “I’ll be back in a minute. I have to run inside and talk to Fabian real quick.”
I eye the big black building in front of us, pink neon light shining from behind the almost sheer black curtains in every window.
“Club Taboo?” I ask. “Isn’t everyone like… naked in there?”
“Is my little mouse jealous?” he asks, raising his eyebrows.
“No, but your little mouse is curious as to why you’re meeting your best friend at a sex club when you’re supposed to be taking me out for cheeseburgers.”
“You want to come in with me?” he asks. He slides his sunglasses off and tucks them in his pocket. He’s got this goofy smirk on his face.
“Kind of?” I half ask. I’ve only heard about this place from Janka, and from what she’s told me, it’s pretty much wall to wall banging, an all out orgy. I don’t think I have to worry about him diving in for a quickie, but I don’t think it’s exactly the kind of place an engaged man would hang out at. Plus, my curiosity is killing me.
“Well let’s go, then.”
I suck in a quick nervous breath and he helps me out of the car, wrapping his arm around my waist, his hand draped over my hip like he’s holding on to a piece of precious property. Like he’s showing the whole world that I belong to him. I don’t exactly hate it at all.
He pulls out a key from his pocket as we walk around the side of the building to the back door. “You have a key to this place?” I ask.
“It’s not what it looks like. Our holding company owns a portion of this club along with a couple others. I might be a VIP guest but it’s only because I’m an investor, not a frequent flyer. This place is more of Fabian’s thing, anyway.”
He swings the door open and I don’t know what I was expecting, but this isn’t it. All the overhead lights are on as a janitor mops what looks like a dance floor area. The air smells like bleach and there aren’t even cages or poles, just a nice looking bar, and lots of leather furniture.
“The club doesn’t open until after dark,” he says, guiding me through the building. “I’m sorry you’re getting the watered down version. I can bring you back later if you want to see everything in full swing.” He shoots me a devious wink, and I can’t help but wonder if that’s something I’m into and just never realized it. If I was going to be here with anybody, it would definitely be him.
As we walk down the long hallway, things get a little weirder. There are rows and rows of rooms with big glass floor to ceiling windows, and each one seems to have a different theme. One looks like a castle with all sorts of torture devices, and I bite my lip, trying to keep my commentary to myself. I can’t hardly believe people are doing community theater in there. I don’t want to admit it, but it kind of turns me on, thinking about kinky people acting out their fantasies for everyone to see.
The next room has a big four post bed with what looks like a cage underneath it. There are whips and handcuffs hanging neatly from pins on the walls. “People use these rooms? Like every night?” I ask. “What is that cage for?”
“Everybody has their kink, Mia. I’m not here to judge. I’m just here to profit.”
He squeezes my hand and I wipe my fingerprints from the glass window with the sleeve of my sweater.
“And what’s your kink?” I whisper in his ear.
“You.” He kisses my forehead. “And a couple other things that I’m sure you’ll find out about in the near future.”
Heat pools between my thighs. I have no idea what my kink is, but I wouldn’t mind letting him run wild on me through this place until we found out. Obviously, after hours. I don’t think I could ever have sex with other people watching.
“I know you like being tied up,” he says with a devious grin. I can’t look him in the eye. Last night I don’t know what possessed me when I wrapped his tie around my wrists, but I’m glad I did. Maybe deep in my subconscious I have a little submissive streak. All day every day I fight for my independence, but having a soft place to land where I can just let go just might be my kink.
I think about the handcuffs I found in the back of his car the other day, and how my mind immediately went to a perverted place. “Are those your handcuffs in the back of the car?”
His jaw tightens and he raises his eyebrows. “I never really intended on using them that way, but I don’t hate that idea.”
I don’t know if it’s being here in this place where so many people have collectively explored their dark desires, or the way his hand travels down my back and onto my ass, but I am ready to tear his clothes off right here.
We get to the end of the hallway, and through the glass window I see Magda, hanging upside down from the ceiling on some sort of leather contraption. Her hands are bound, and her legs are spread, and Fabian is walking around her tugging on the restraints. I instinctively cover my eyes, feeling like I’m looking at something I’m not supposed to be seeing.
“I’ll just be a minute,” Serafin says casually. “You can come in if you like.”
I look at him like he just grew a horn in the middle of his head.
“They just installed that swing today,” he says. “They’re just making sure it’s secure.” He starts to laugh, and I realize they’re both fully clothed, Magda’s gray sweatsuit about as chaste as anything I’ve seen in my life. “You think I’m going to just walk you in here and throw you in the fire?”
“Hi guys!” Magda shouts. Her face is bright red from hanging upside down. “It took us all day, but I don’t think we’ll have to worry about anybody ripping the ceiling tiles out again.” She swings her legs around to the best of her ability, bouncing up and down. “You wanna give it a whirl, Mia?” She giggles, and I feel like such a nerd because I thought what Serafin and I have been doing lately is spicy and kinky. It already feels like he’s taking me to another planet when we have sex, I don’t need to purposely defy gravity in one of those contraptions.
“I will respectfully decline on her behalf,” Serafin says.
“Awe bummer. You know, every woman who walks in this door has been trying to convince this man to come play with them, Mia. Maybe you can bring him out of his shell.”
“You included?” I want to ask, but I keep my mouth shut.
“Not my scene, Magda. I don’t need an audience to get off,” he says politely. I realize he doesn’t see this place as his own personal playground, but a business, and that makes me feel a little less jealous. If he wanted Magda, he could’ve had her a million times over.
“Yeah, nobody wants to see you beating your dick raw while you cry about how lonely you are,” Fabian says, patting him on the back. “Thank God you came along, Mia.”
“Let’s go talk in your office,” Serafin says as I try to hold back my laughter.
They walk off and Magda lets out a disgruntled huff as she flails around, trying to figure out how to get herself out of the mess of straps and cuffs.
“I’ll help you.” I walk over and examine the swing, looking for the best place to start. I might not completely trust the woman, but I don’t think dropping her on her head is necessary. Not yet, at least. I unhook her arms first, and like a trained gymnast, she swings herself upward, freeing her legs one at a time and landing on the floor on both feet.
“Shit, you’re kind of strong,” I muse. “I can’t believe that’s your first go at that.”
She laughs her loud cackle, “I’ve been doing yoga for ten years now. Everybody says it helps keep you calm. The only thing it does for me is teaches me how to bend myself into a pretzel.”
“I mean, I guess hanging out around here, twisting like a pretzel has its benefits.”
“Don’t I know it,” she says. She walks over to the mini fridge and pulls out two bottles of water, handin
g me one. “Hanging out here is where I get my calm, to be honest. There’s nothing like complete submission.”
“Is Fabian your dom?” I ask.
She laughs and shakes her head no enthusiastically. “Fabian is a good man. We’re just having fun. Nothing like you and Serafin’s story. That’s like something out of a fairy tale. Two young lovers separated by their family, finally brought back together. It’s so romantic.”
It’s pretty fucking warped if you ask me, but at least I don’t have to spend my nights in a place like this to try and find my calm. Twelve years of flailing and failing was more than enough. I don’t judge her for her hobbies, I know my addictions are hardly healthy. She seems happy, safe, and free from judgement here, and I guess at the end of the day, that’s all we can really ask for from our lives.
“Do you know anything about his family business?” she asks. “Forgive me if this is too personal, but how do you reconcile going from one side of the law to the other?”
“What is that supposed to mean?” I ask. Fabian warned me she was the kind of person who asked a lot of questions, and maybe she’s just trying to make polite conversation, but it makes me really uncomfortable.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it in a bad way, I swear. Sometimes I come off as abrasive. I’m sure you already realized that. I guess what I meant to say is you’ve probably seen a lot of stuff in your day.”
“I will tell you with all honesty, Magda, the stuff I saw with my ex husband was worse than anything you could possibly assume the Kings are doing.”
“I kind of suspected that,” she says. “I’m sorry, let’s talk about something fun.”
“No, I kind of appreciate it.” I take a long sip from my water bottle. “Most people don’t have the balls to just put stuff like that out there, even though I know it’s what everyone is thinking when they look at me. I know a lot of people have a lot of assumptions about me.”
“Girl, I work in a sex club and date a King, I can totally emphasize,” she says with a laugh. “Get used to it. You don’t have to run from your past. You don’t have to love everything that happened in your life, but you can’t deny it was a part of you. All those things shaped you into the person you are today.”
Maybe she’s right. I am a lot less afraid of everyone and everything now. I know what I want from my life, and I don’t feel ashamed about it.
I really don’t know if it was because of everything I went through, though, or if it’s because I finally listened to that voice inside me the whole time telling me to go that person who was always right under my nose, that person who always had my best interest at heart, even in a world where I didn’t want to trust anyone.
“I want you to know, Serafin never comes here during operating hours. Lord knows we’ve tried over the last few years, if only to get him out of the house. That man has been a closed book from the day I met him. I don’t think he’d notice if a woman was sitting on his face. He’s only ever had eyes for you, Mia.”
It makes me feel less jealous, but it makes me feel sad, too. All these years of his life he wasted alone when he could’ve been with anyone. He should have been having fun with his friends. He has so many people who love him and care about him, and instead of enjoying and embracing that, he waited for me.
I make a pledge in my heart to never ever make him feel that way again. I will never leave him alone again, even though I know we’ve always carried a part of each other.
Serafin and Fabian come back in the room, and I go over to him and wrap my arms around his shoulders. There’s nothing in this world that needs reconciled. My past life didn’t define me, it was just a blip on the radar. My present and my future is right in front of me.
“You want the grand tour, Mia?” Magda suggests. “I can show you some of my favorite suites.”
“Maybe some other time,” I say. “You two get back to whatever it is you were doing. We have a hot date with a cheeseburger and a milkshake planned.”
“Keep me posted about your mom,” Fabian says. “I’ll call my parents and let them know. I’m sure they’ll want to send some flowers over.”
Serafin nods, and there’s a sadness in his eyes that makes me feel like it’s a lot worse than he’s letting on. I don’t pry, but I think I know exactly how to cheer him up.
18
We walk outside and the sun is starting to set, the air chilly, and traffic is backed up for miles, people laying on their horns as they make the commute home from work. It’s not even worth trying to get off the exit yet, even though my stomach is growling.
I pull out a couple granola bars from my purse and offer him one.
“Did you eat today?” I ask.
“Did you steal those from the office?”
“Listen, just because there’s food in my purse doesn’t mean I stole it,” I say with a laugh, punching him in the shoulder. “But yes, they did come from the office. They were in the community break room so they’re fair game.”
He takes one and unwraps it, eating the whole thing in two quick bites.
“Magda told me you don’t ever come to the club and uhhh… indulge,” I say, offering him my other granola bar. He shakes his head and I start nibbling at it. “I don’t understand why. It’s not like there aren’t a million girls in Krakow who wouldn’t give anything in the world to be with you.”
“I’m not going to lie, Mia, seeing you jealous is kind of a turn on.”
“I’m not jealous, for fucks sake,” I shout, even though every time I think about him with another woman I feel like I want to climb out of my skin. “You were entitled to do whatever you wanted.”
“Then why do you keep prying, mouse? I know you’re a bit of a masochist, but surely we can find better ways to deal with that.” His devious grin sends a chill down my spine.
“I guess I’m just doing what I always do,” I confess. “Everything is just going so smooth. You’re being so kind to me. I guess I’m just preparing myself for the bad shit that’s inevitably going to happen. I mean seriously, you really can’t be perfect, can you?”
He leans over in the seat and looks me in the eye, I mean really stares. He doesn’t blink or look or away and it makes me kind of uncomfortable.
“I’m not perfect,” he says. “Can’t you see it?”
I stare as hard as I can, trying to see what he wants me to see, but all I can do is get lost in those dark brown orbs.
“My eye. It’s not real. It’s a fake.”
“Really? You would never guess just looking at it.”
“That’s what happens when your parents are rich. You don’t have to say that to be kind, though, Mia. You can tell me what you really think.”
“I really think you are insane if you think your eyeball makes you any less desirable.”
He shifts over in his seat a little bit, pulling up the leg of his pants. “What about this?” he asks.
I bite my lip as he exposes the twisted flesh of his calf. I don’t know why, but my first instinct is to touch it. He pulls away for a moment, but then leans into me, letting me put my hands on him.
“You still haven’t recovered from that night,” I whisper, looking up at the sadness on his face. I’m overwhelmed with the memory of that night, how afraid he looked when those men attacked him.
“I’m as recovered as I’m going to get. It’s not like my eyeball is going to grow back, and my leg is as functional as it can be. You’d probably throw up if you saw my foot, though.”
“I would never!” I say. “And I mean you haven’t… recovered… like it’s still with you all the time. You didn’t want to be with any of the women at the club because someone might see your leg. You never even took off your pants all the way when we made love.”
“I never got any closure, Mia. Something really bad happened and everything I had going for me just disappeared overnight, and I had no control over it. Having you here is making it better. If you want to run away now that you’ve seen me, I completely understand.”<
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I want to shake him and tell him he’s out of his mind, but something inside me tells me I need to just hug him and love him. He’s never been this open and vulnerable with me before, and in this moment I love him more than I ever have. “If you think you can get rid of me that easily, you’re wrong, babe. I don’t care what you look like or how many parts you think you’re missing. I’m not going anywhere.”
I smooth the fabric of his pants down his leg and rest my head on his shoulder as we sit there watching the sun go down over the pile of traffic on the expressway. He squeezes my hand and doesn’t let it go.
“Did your dad ever find who attacked you? I tried to find out information, but it obviously was never on the news. I know your family tends to handle things internally.”
“My parents told me everything was taken care of by the time I got out of the hospital. That whole year was really hazy, though. Any time I tried to bring it up, my dad changed the subject. I guess he didn’t want me to feel guilty or worried. Whatever happened that night he took to the grave with him.”
“You didn’t accept that, did you?”
He shrugs. “I think the traffic is cleared up enough, what do you say?”
I grab the handcuffs off the back seat of the car floor and twirl them around on my finger.
I’m not done with this conversation, but I don’t want to push him, especially with his mother in the hospital. I can’t help but think maybe I am enough closure for right now. We’ll work through it together. We will heal together.
“Be careful what you wish for, misiu,” he says, shaking his head. I smile ear to ear as he puts the car in drive. I’m not even mad when he drives right past the burger place. Food is the last thing on my mind at this point.
19
Mia:
The ride home is silent and tense, the sexual tension in the air thick.
His hand clasps the bare flesh of my thigh the whole way there, inching up ever so slowly, but never close enough to give me any release. I try to focus on the road ahead. I try to count cars, try to read license plates, but it’s hopeless.
