INSIDE OF YOU
a novel
HAVEN FRANCIS
Inside of You
Haven Francis
All rights reserved.
Copyright © 2014 by Haven Francis
This book is a work of fiction. Any resemblance of characters to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. The author holds exclusive rights to this work. Unauthorized duplication is prohibited. No part of this book can be reproduced in any form or by electronic or mechanical means including information storage and retrieval systems, without the permission in writing from author. The only exception is by a reviewer who may quote short excerpts in a review.
For information: [email protected]
Although I will probably never allow my kids to read this book (even when they are old for New Adult romance!) they are the reason why I write and this book is dedicated to them.
Table of Contents
Three Months Ago - Jessa
Chapter 1 - Paxton
Chapter 2 - Jessa
Chapter 3 - Paxton
Chapter 4 - Jessa
Chapter 5 - Paxton
Chapter 6 - Jessa
Chapter 7 - Paxton
Chapter 8 - Jessa
Chapter 9 - Paxton
Chapter 10 - Jessa
Chapter 11 - Paxton
Chapter 12 - Jessa
Chapter 13 - Paxton
Chapter 14 - Jessa
Chapter 15 - Paxton
Chapter 16 - Jessa
Chapter 17 - Paxton
Chapter 18 - Jessa
Chapter 19 - Paxton
Chapter 20 - Jessa
Epilogue – Paxton
Acknowledgements
Love Is Relative
Three Months Ago - Jessa
Manny, Polly’s guitar tech and my personal body guard for the evening, is hovered over my body, pushing off any rabid fans that get between me and the exit. I try to turn my head around to get one more look at the sexy as hell, mesmerizing, lead singer of Polly, but Manny’s bulging muscles are blocking my view. I give up and just listen, I try to find Paxton’s deep, raspy voice over the roar of the crowd. Manny gets me out of the conglomerated mass and loosens his vise grip on me, so I pivot my body and I grab onto his shoulder, peeking over it, needing to see Pax on stage one last time. I don’t know how he can see me in my dark corner, but his eyes lock onto mine and a sexy smile breaks out on his face and I feel like I’m falling in love all over again. With that guy up on stage. My boyfriend. My Paxton. Fucking weird, in the best way.
Manny gets me backstage just in time to see Paxton giving one last wave to the crowd before turning and walking off stage. His eyes widen when he sees me and he hoists me up on his hips and buries his tongue in my mouth before I even have a chance to smile at him. Holy shit, Rock God Paxton is definitely a guy I want to get to know. “Can you please stay out of the crowd next time?” he grumbles onto my lips.
“Yeah, I can. It was madness out there, but holy shit, Pax… it was amazing. You are fucking amazing.”
He holds me on his hips until we’re back in the greenroom where he sets me down and nails me against the wall. “You’re just figuring that out?” he asks, his eyes piercing mine, his hands buried deep in my hair, holding onto my head.
“No, I’m not just figuring that out. I just didn’t know that you could do that… that you had that much power over all those people. It’s crazy.”
“It is crazy. I’m ready to get out of here. Give me a minute,” he tells me, giving me a sweet kiss before going to get his stuff.
The room is loud, everyone is pumped up and ready to celebrate. Billy and Louis are in the corner, slapping Paxton on the back, shaking his shoulders out of excitement. I’m glad Paxton did this – for himself and for the guys and for all those people out there who have been waiting for them.
Vi comes over to me and gives me a hug. “That was awesome, wasn’t it?”
“Awesome is not the word… stunning, mind blowing… a complete turn on,” I add as I watch Pax walk back to me.
“Oh, Jesus,” she mutters through her laughter. I can see her shaking her head out of the corner of my eye as Paxton slings his arm around my waist.
“Let’s go guys, our table’s waiting,” Billy says about the private table that is awaiting Polly at Lux, the smaller club next door.
“Jess and I are heading home,” Pax tells him.
“Come on, man. We have to celebrate- tonight was fucking epic. What the hell are you talking about… going home?” Billy says, clearly pissed off. I’m looking up at Paxton with questioning eyes. Why aren’t we going to celebrate? He should be celebrating.
“I’m not trying to be an asshole, but the only celebrating I want to do is with my girl,” he says severely, taking an arm off me so he can lean into Billy.
“Jesus, you can’t wait a couple hours to get it in her?”
Paxton takes his other hand off me so he can shove Billy in the chest. “You think I’m gonna let you talk about her like that? Huh? I. Don’t. Want. To. Go. Out. You should fucking understand that.”
“Alright, alright. I get it, calm down. We’ll celebrate later, somewhere low key. It’s cool.”
Paxton nods at him then comes back to me to retrieve my hand and drags me out of the room. He leads me down a dimly-lit hall and to the back door that opens to the parking lot where his car is parked. But before we get there, we are bombarded by a small crowd of fans. People reach out and touch him, the looks on their faces are completely star struck. Photos are being taken, words are being yelled, but it’s all so surreal I feel like I’m watching from a distance – the details are lost on me.
Paxton has me protectively under his arm. He brings me to my side of the car and gets me shut inside. I watch out the window as hands touch him and faces surround him. He holds his hands up – saying ‘hey’ or ‘back off’, I’m not sure. When he opens his door I can hear their voices, but then the door shuts and it’s just us.
“Holy shit,” I mutter, my eyes still on the people outside of the car.
“Gotta get out quicker next time,” Paxton says, putting the car in reverse and backing out slowly as not to run over any of his fans.
“I had no idea my man was wanted by so many,” I tell him, looking over my shoulder at the people who are still staring after us as we drive away.
“It’s weird, isn’t it? That part of this has always blown me away. It’s just music, it’s just us on stage making music. Why do they gotta get so deep into our business? I mean, who gives a shit?”
“I get it. When you were up on that stage I felt like you were singing to me. All I wanted was to know you and be touched by you – I mean, like I didn’t already know you and get to be touched by you. Like I was just another fan. You, singing on that stage with your looks and your confidence and your body and your guitar and your voice. Jesus, Pax. I totally get it.”
“Oh yeah?” he asks, looking over at me with a sexy grin on his face while moving his hand up my thigh.
“Fuck yeah. And you’re mine. I’m the only one that gets to go home with you and know you and know how it feels to be touched by you. It’s madness.”
Paxton grips my thigh tighter and his foot pushes down on the gas pedal so we’re flying through the streets.
“How did it feel being up there?” I ask him.
A smile comes over his face and his eyes light up as he looks at me. “Good. Perfect. Like it’s supposed to feel. A total adrenaline rush. Like it did when I first started playing.”
“I can’t imagine. I mean, all those people there for you, screaming your name, singing along with every lyric.”
“It’s t
hat - feeding off the energy in the crowd- but just strapping my guitar back on and belting out those words – I feel like I want to start writing again, you know? I’m so detached from all that stupid shit I had to sing about tonight. It ain’t me anymore. I want to write down what I’m feeling now. I want to write love songs about you and fuck off songs to my mom and I want to say something to kids like Jason who need to hear it. I haven’t felt like that in a long time,” he tells me, the determination clear in his voice as he pulls up to our apartment.
His excitement is contagious and I’m still riding off the energy from the show. I jump out of the car and practically sprint to the door. I get it open and Paxton chases me up the stairs, nailing me against the wall before we get the door to our apartment open. His tall body arches over mine and his big hands pull me into him. I can feel the heat from his body and I can taste the adrenaline in his eager, frantic kiss. It’s possible that I’ve never wanted him more. His hands move to my waist and he pulls the button on my jeans apart and gets them unzipped. Blindly, I’m trying to shove my key in the lock. I manage to get the door open and Paxton pushed off me long enough to get inside. My mind is racing, I can’t even speak. I want him inside of me so badly. I kick my shoes off as his hands cling to my waist, his mouth on my neck.
He drops to his knees in the living room, pulling my jeans and underwear down with him and then just pulling all of me down, catching me before I fall and laying me on the carpet. I get his shirt off and he gets me naked, then he stands, hovering over me, looking like the most desirable thing I have ever seen as he unbuckles his pants, his taunt arms and chest flexing with the force, his lips wet, his hair already a sexy mess and his eyes looking intense and sexy as hell. “I need in you now, beso,” he tells me.
“Then get your pants off and get inside of me,” I tell him through my labored breaths.
He gets naked then gets between my thighs, his hands pushing up my body, over my breasts and around my neck as he positions himself at my entrance.
“Beso… did I thank you… for getting on that pill?” he asks as he slides inside of me with a long groan.
“Every time you’re inside of me,” I mutter.
Paxton thrusts his body into mine and I hold tight to him. He leans into me so he can kiss me and it’s not the crazed, needy kiss I’m expecting, but a lazy one. He tastes me and licks me and keeps his eyes on mine the whole time. His body slows to match his mouth and the circles he’s running inside of me are torture.
I hitch my legs around his hips and pull him in deeper. He gives me one last deep, tender kiss before sitting up and grabbing onto my hips and I let out a breath of relief. The way he builds my orgasm up – slow and torturous – hurts, but it’s always worth the pay off and he’s going to give it to me now. He grinds his hips into me at an increasingly deeper and faster pace until I’m screaming like a lunatic. When I’m about to fall over the edge, he slows down and I yell out of frustration. When I open my eyes, Pax is smiling at me. “Don’t torture me, Pax… please,” I beg him.
“I don’t want this to end,” he mutters through his ragged breath, reaching down to run his fingers over my face and down the center of my breasts until he is holding onto my hips again.
“We can do it again, Pax. Please, baby.”
“You don’t have to beg me, beso. I’ll give you whatever you want,” he tells me, his body already moving me towards my release. I keep my eyes open, watching his face-the ecstasy that comes over it when he climaxes - and I let go… falling over the edge with him.
His eyes open and he gives me a cocky smile. “Shit,” he mutters before laying his chest on mine, bring his mouth to my ear. “You make me feel so fucking good,” he whispers into my ear before propping himself up and looking into my eyes.
“Oh yeah?” I ask him. “Better than the feeling you get when you’re up on that stage?”
“Ha,” he laughs under his breath. “Yeah. Better than that. Better than anything I’ve ever felt. You are the best kind of high.” He pulls out of me with a groan, then stands before scooping me up into his arms. He carries me to our bed, bending down to give me a sweet kiss on my lips before settling down beside me.
“Is that what it feels like when you’re high?” I ask him.
“You never been high?”
“Yeah. I mean, I’ve smoked weed. But the way you make me feel, when your body is inside of mine, it’s not anything like being high.”
“No, it’s not the same thing. The adrenaline from whatever high I’m on – the music… the coke… you… that’s all the same. But when I’m inside of you, looking down at your mouth and your eyes, knowing you’re mine, knowing how much I fucking love you and need you… that don’t come close to anything else I ever have or ever will feel again.”
“Are you addicted to me?” I ask, wrapping my leg around him, tasting his neck.
“What do you think?”
“I crave you all the time. If I can’t have you I can’t focus on anything except how long it will be before I can get more of you. Sometimes I think it’s wrong, that I need help, because I need you too much and I know I could never quit you. Is that what it feels like to be addicted to something?”
“That’s exactly what it feels like,” he says and I hear the darkness in his voice.
I reach my hand out and run it over his face until his expression relaxes. “Is that why you didn’t want to go out tonight? Are you afraid of what you might do?”
He lets out a biter laugh, rolling onto his back and propping his hand behind his head. “Billy and Louis are going to start using again. They always do. They were probably high tonight – it used to be the only way we’d do this shit. High on coke or some other upper. But that thought never even crossed my mind tonight. I don’t need any of that when I have you. I don’t want any of it. I want to do this the right way. I want to keep us safe.”
“You’re by far the strongest person I’ve ever met,” I tell him. And it’s true. I’ve never met anyone who’s been through as much crap as he has and managed to come out of it with the kind of attitude he has.
“I don’t know how strong I am. All I know is that I don’t want to be in a position again where I have to find out if I’m strong enough.”
“Is that why you ended things with Polly the last time – because of the drugs,” I ask him tentatively. Paxton still doesn’t want to talk about what happened with him the last time he was playing. I don’t want to push him, but I want to understand what we’re up against…what he’s afraid of.
“When I got on that stage tonight it all kind of came back to me. All the things I did wrong the first time around. The drugs were part of the problem. They were making me paranoid. I never let us play at places like the Cellar ‘cause it was too much – too many people I couldn’t see, too many people that were after me.” He shakes his head and laughs. “I was fucking nuts. None of it was fun. And I mean, those ridiculous fucking songs - I used to write all those suspect lyrics just to see what I could make people do, what stupid shit I could get them to shout. I was an asshole. Nothing I did was for the right reasons. But then I saw you in the crowd and I forgot all about that shit. None of that matters. What I did, who I was don’t matter. You are the only thing that matters.”
“I’m gonna take care of you, Pax. I won’t let anyone hurt you. I won’t let those crazy fuckers in the crowd get near you,” I tell him, running my hand over his face.
“You are such a badass,” he laughs. “You’re the only security I need, huh?”
“I’ll keep those groupies in the parking lot off you too. No one gets to touch my man but me.”
“That’s right,” he tells me, pulling me close and biting down on my lip. “You’re the only one who gets to touch me and I’m the only one who gets to touch you. It’s just us.”
“Us and the thousands of people in the audience who love you.”
“Just us, beso. You’re the only one I see.”
“Do you think we’re
going to be alright, Pax? I mean, do you think this is going to be good for you… for us?”
“Yeah, I do. But, beso, you just gotta say the word and we’re out. All that really matters is us and I don’t want to do this if it’s not what you want. If it doesn’t make you happy.”
“I think I can deal with this. Watching your sexy ass up on stage. Keeping you safe with me – in bed. I think I’m going to be just fine.”
Chapter 1 - Paxton
“I’m damn proud of you, niño. You’re really making something of yourself. I always knew you would. Ask Emilio, I’ve been telling him since you were a kid – my boy’s gonna do something big with the Alvarado name. That’s what I always told him. And I was right.” Gabriel slurs his last few words and I cringe. He never had a problem holding his alcohol, but lately he’s having trouble keeping on top of, not only his drinking, but his emotions too. And apparently the information he’s getting from Santos is a little skewed. I mean, yeah, we don’t have any trouble booking gigs, but we’re not exactly killing it. We would have to leave Chicago in order to do that. We would have to go on the road, which is not something I’m willing to put Jessa and I through right now.
“We’re just local, Pops. It’s nothing to brag to your vatos about. How are you doing?” I ask quietly. It’s only one AM in Venice, but it’s three AM in Chicago and Jessa is sleeping peacefully next to me. Lately Gabriel’s been calling me more often when he’s drunk then when he’s sober which means I’m having middle of the night conversations with him on a regular basis.
“Nothing to brag about? How much money are you making putting on those shows?” Maybe Gabriel’s inflated perception is not coming from Santos, but from the checks I’m sending him every month. The last one was pretty fat, but he probably don’t realize how big of a cut he’s getting.
“Gabriel, it’s no big deal. What’s going on around there – are you staying off the pain meds?” Turns out the mess Pops was in when he crashed his car and couldn’t hold his shit together was the result of the Oxy he had gotten hooked on in lock up and had started buying off the street after I left Venice.
Inside of You (Jessa & Paxton #2) Page 1
