by Kate Eastham
‘Oh, I’m always pale. I’m going to be fine, don’t you worry,’ said Maud, trying to smile. ‘I can’t thank you enough, though, Tessa, for all your kindness to me and Alfred. I don’t know what we’d have done without you.’
‘Ah, you’d ’ave rattled around in steerage for a bit but you’d ’ave been right enough, especially with a good lad like your Alfred. He’s an old ’ead on young shoulders is that one.’
‘He is, for sure,’ said Maud, glancing proudly at her adopted son who was saying goodbye to Cathy. ‘And Tessa, I just want to say, I know you’ll be busy with getting the children sorted out and everything, but you know where I’ll be in a few days’ time, up at the Infirmary, if you need me.’
Tessa nodded and then she grabbed hold of Maud with her free arm, pulling her into a tight embrace. ‘I’m so glad that you ’ad the wrong ticket. It’s been a pleasure getting to know a bit about you and your boy.’
‘Likewise,’ said Maud firmly, blinking back tears as Tessa pulled away, wiped her face on her sleeve and called for her gaggle of children to assemble.
Maud heard Eddy shouting before she saw Alice’s red-gold head bobbing up and down with excitement. Then Alice was shrieking, ‘Maud, Maud,’ and jumping with the baby in her arms.
Maud’s heart swelled with joy. ‘Eddy! Alice!’ she cried.
Eddy came running towards her with her nurse’s cape flying, grabbed Maud and squeezed her tight, almost lifting her off the ground. ‘Jeez, woman, you’re as thin as a lath …’ she stated loudly, before setting her back down.
Maud could feel the new coat bagging around her. ‘It was a rough crossing,’ she said, starting to laugh. And then she was crying and reaching out to hug Alice and baby Victoria as well.
Eddy grabbed Alfred and gave him a squeeze.
‘Is Miss Fairchild all right?’ asked Maud, suddenly anxious about her old friend.
‘Yes, she’s fine, Maud,’ gasped Alice, wiping her eyes with the flat of her hand. ‘She’s back at the big house, with a private nurse, and still trying to rule the roost by all accounts. Driving the new housekeeper crazy.’
‘That’s good,’ said Maud, leaning in to speak softly to the baby and breathe in the scent of her hair. ‘Mmmm, you have grown, haven’t you, Victoria?’ she murmured. ‘And your hair is so long … and look at that streak of red at the front, it’s so bright now, just like your mother’s.’
‘Right, Maud,’ sniffed Alice, ‘you’re to come with me now and stay at Stella’s place tonight, it’s all arranged. And then tomorrow, you and Alfred can go up to see Miss Fairchild.’
‘And I’ve managed to finish my rounds early, so I can see you safely along to Stella’s,’ said Eddy, ruffling Alfred’s hair. ‘We nurses on the district have to toil almost every hour of every day, not like some with comfortable hospital jobs who get an afternoon off every single week.’
Alice laughed and stuck her tongue out at Eddy, then she put her head close to Maud’s as they continued to murmur baby talk with Victoria.
Eddy saw Alfred frown as he looked past her, and when she turned she caught a glimpse of someone stepping out of the shadow of a building. And like a knife, she felt the sharp realization of who it was. ‘Nancy Sellers, what the …?’ she murmured to herself, knowing she had to act quickly to prevent Maud from seeing the woman. Catching Alfred’s eye, she put a finger to her lips and then she stepped directly in front of Maud and Alice, standing with her hands on her hips so that her cape formed some kind of shield. Fortunately, Maud had her back turned to Nancy. When she was certain that neither of her friends had seen the intruder, she glanced over her shoulder, drawing in a sharp breath when she saw the true reality of the situation. Nancy was pregnant – very pregnant – and she was looking past Maud, as if expecting to see someone else coming off the ship. Even though most of the incoming passengers had now dispersed.
As soon as Alice looked in her direction, Eddy opened both eyes wide and pulled an urgent face. Then she stepped aside so that Alice, too, could glimpse Nancy.
Instantly, Alice took Maud’s arm. ‘Come on, Maud, you look exhausted,’ she said, leading her away.
Eddy stood her ground for a few moments and kept an eye on Nancy. She marvelled at the brazenness of the woman, still standing with her head held high, proudly displaying the curve of her belly as she looked towards the ship.
She knew that Nancy had seen her, but there was no flicker of recognition on the woman’s face; she merely looked past her. Eddy didn’t care. She just wanted to keep an eye on Nancy, to make sure that she didn’t make any move towards Maud. If she set one foot in that direction, Eddy would be straight there, blocking her path. No one threatened her friend. No one.
3
‘The nurses should be strong, active women … of unblemished character …’
Florence Nightingale
‘I’ll take the bag,’ called Eddy, easily catching up with them. ‘Maud, you look fit to drop,’ she said in a lively fashion, trying to hide concern for her friend who’d returned from New York pale and pinched with black smudges beneath her eyes, like a ghost of her former self.
‘Thanks, Eddy, what would I do without you?’ said Maud, her voice still weak from many hours of seasickness. She was glad of the help; even after a few paces she was unsteady as she tried to walk in a straight line.
Maud was grateful for Alfred steadfastly walking in front, still balancing the luggage on his head, and Alice at the other side, linking her arm, as they progressed slowly behind Eddy, who was out in front as usual.
Alice leant in towards her. ‘Just concentrate on walking, Maud. I’ve heard that the effects of a lengthy sea voyage can take some days to recover from, but you will be fine.’
‘I know,’ smiled Maud, giving Alice’s arm a gentle squeeze with her own.
‘Look at madam, out in front,’ giggled Alice. ‘Do you remember that first time she led us through the city, when I was pregnant and we were going to seek advice from Stella?’
‘Of course,’ said Maud. ‘We nearly lost her, she was walking so fast. It was a good job she was wearing that big hat of hers with the red silk flowers.’
Alice laughed. ‘But she found that place, didn’t she? Down the alley, next to Lime Street Station, she led us to the brothel. Three nurse probationers out for the evening. What a sight we must have been, waiting to be shown in for the first time. And who would have thought that I’d still be living there?’
‘Not me, that’s for sure,’ replied Maud. ‘I would never have gone through the door if we hadn’t been so desperately worried about you and your pregnant belly.’
‘Strange, isn’t it, Maud? How life unfolds … I can’t imagine living anywhere else now.’
‘I know, look at me back in Liver—’ Maud lurched sideways, and Alice had to grab her. And then she started to laugh. Quietly at first, but soon it was taking over her whole body.
‘Maud?’ said Alice, a crease of worry between her eyes. ‘Are you all right?’
‘Yes, I’m fine, I’m fine,’ gasped Maud, stopping for a moment to force the laughter down. ‘It’s just that I didn’t think it would feel so good to be back home.’
‘Well, that’s probably because you’ve been so horrendously seasick … wait till—’
‘No, it’s more than that,’ said Maud, softly. ‘It’s all of this: being here again with you and Eddy, having my feet on home ground, and smelling the city.’
‘Smelling the city?’ laughed Alice. ‘It pongs!’
Maud laughed again but she knew what she was feeling, and she was surprised at just how good it was to be back in Liverpool. Smiling now, she took a deep breath, savouring the salt and tar of the harbour, the smoke, the horse muck. And as she walked, a man sitting on a step enjoying a smoke tipped his hat and gave her a cheeky wink.
Their progress was slow but Maud didn’t worry, it gave her time to take in the red brick and stone of the buildings. And when, at last, she saw the cloud of steam rising above Lime
Street Station, her body tingled with expectation and she knew that they didn’t have far to go. As they walked through the crowds of people making their way in and out of the station, she smiled to herself as she noted the exact spot where she’d asked Harry to marry her. She could almost see him there, leaning against the brick wall with the dog at his feet and a smoke in his hand. Looking like he didn’t have a care in the world.
‘Are you all right, Maud?’ said Alice gently. ‘It’s just that you’re slowing down. Should I shout for Eddy to come and help?’
‘No, no, I can manage,’ soothed Maud. ‘I was just thinking about times gone by, that’s all.’
‘I know,’ replied Alice, giving her arm a squeeze. ‘There’s been a lot going on, and it feels like you’ve been away ages.’
Maud saw Eddy glance back and smile at them. ‘Come on, you two,’ she called, ‘don’t let me have to carry you both, one under each arm.’
Alfred started to giggle.
‘She is strong, she could probably do just that,’ grinned Alice. ‘But we’d be shaken up and roughed about, that’s for sure, knowing what she’s like.’
‘She’s an unstoppable force,’ said Maud proudly.
‘Come on, you two,’ Eddy called again from the step of Stella’s place. She’d already removed her hat and hairpins and was running her hands through her thick, curly hair as she waited for them.
‘Eddy, you look an absolute fright,’ snipped Alice, playfully.
‘That’s good, then, no change there,’ laughed Eddy, opening the door for Maud and Alfred to go in first.
Maud caught her breath as they went in through the blue-painted door, past the reception room with the purple velvet settee and down the passage towards the murmur of voices and the ripple of Stella’s laughter.
‘Hello,’ said Maud quietly as she stood at the threshold of the kitchen, with Alfred beside her.
‘Maud! Alfred!’ cried Stella and her mother, Marie, turning from their tasks and rushing forward to grab hold of them both.
‘Come in, come in! We’ve got some food ready and the kettle’s on,’ said Marie, taking the bag off Alfred’s head and setting it down on the flagged floor. ‘My word, young man, you’ve done a good job carrying that.’ Then she ruffled his hair and gave him a big kiss on the cheek.
‘The wanderers return,’ smiled Stella, standing for a moment with her hands on her hips, the familiar yellow ribbon pulling back her dark hair. Then, seeing Maud falter, she was straight there by her side, gently helping her out of her coat and leading her to a seat next to the fire.
Maud sat down with a sigh. The furniture in the kitchen looked like it was starting to sway from side to side, and the voices of her friends seemed mixed up. She took a deep breath and forced herself to focus, and then it all seemed to settle. It was so warm, and so nice to be back by the fire at Stella’s, with the black cat stretched out at her feet.
‘Hello there, Hugo,’ she murmured, reaching down to stroke his scraggy fur, full of singe marks. ‘It looks like you’re still spending too much time in front of the fire.’
Hugo lifted his head and then stretched himself out even further.
‘He’s still a lazy good-for-nothing,’ laughed Marie, placing a steaming cup of tea and a buttered scone next to Maud on the table. ‘Last week I had a big fat mouse dancing around the kitchen table and he wouldn’t even get up to give chase. I had to run after it myself and shoo it out through the door. I don’t know why we keep him!’
‘Aw, poor Hugo, you have some purpose, don’t you?’ crooned Alfred, crouching down beside the cat with his cup of tea.
‘We just don’t know what it is yet,’ laughed Stella.
‘Maud, Maud,’ shouted Eddy from the far side of the room, ‘when you’re feeling up to it, we’ll tell you all about Alice and her many romantic entanglements.’
‘Stop it, Eddy,’ cried Alice, her cheeks flushing pink.
‘What’s this?’ said Maud. ‘You wrote to tell me about Jamie coming back from Australia and trying to take Victoria, which must have been terrifying. But what else has been going on?’
‘Oooh, just you wait,’ teased Eddy. ‘There is more.’
Maud laughed but then glanced across to make sure that Alice was all right to be teased. ‘You don’t have to tell me any of it if you don’t want to,’ she said quietly.
Alice smiled. ‘Oh, I want to tell you, don’t you worry.’
‘Not only that,’ said Eddy, walking across the room, ‘she got picked up off the street and taken to the Lock Hospital, nearly ended up being examined inside and out. You remember all that Contagious Diseases Act stuff, forcing women to be examined for syphilis?’
‘What! Did you? Is that still going on?’
‘It is,’ said Alice, ‘and the day they grabbed me, Victoria was sick. It was awful. Now I walk to work in a district nurse’s cape and hat. And you should do the same when you’re ready to go back.’
‘Is that really necessary?’
‘Believe me, Maud, it is. The plain-clothes police pick up any lone women off the street. You should be safe walking with me but, still, it’s best to take precautions.’
Maud glanced down at her thin body. If someone grabbed her off the street right now, she’d probably just crumble.
‘Don’t you worry,’ said Marie, placing a reassuring hand on her shoulder, ‘we’ll get you built back up in no time, and we’ll do our best to make sure you’re safe. Now, eat your scone, and drink your tea.’
Maud slept like a baby that night, snuggled in Alice’s bed. Alice had insisted that she take the bed so that she’d be properly rested, whilst Alice slept on a mattress on the floor beside Victoria’s crib. Alfred had the best spot in the house – a palliasse in front of the fire in the kitchen, with Hugo begrudgingly sharing the space.
Maud woke with a start, her heart pounding. She was expecting to feel the movement of the ship and the noise of the engines. But all was quiet apart from the murmur of voices in the kitchen next door and the sound of someone stoking the fire. She rolled on to her back and stretched, luxuriating in the comfort of a proper bed. She knew that she should be getting up, getting dressed, seeing what needed to be done; but just for once, she lay there, staring at the pattern of tiny cracks on the clean whitewashed ceiling. She pulled the sheet right up to her nose and snuggled down even further, smiling to herself, thinking of nothing except the beauty of lying in bed.
Alice must have gone to work by now, she thought. She hadn’t even heard anyone get up. After living amidst so much noise, and feeling so ill for a full week on the ship, it was good not to be woken by snoring or coughing or drunken singing. And not only that, she’d never quite got used to sharing her bed with Harry. She liked to feel the warmth of him next to her, to know he was there, but in truth, she liked her own space.
‘You make the most of this,’ she whispered secretly to herself, knowing that she wasn’t expected by Miss Fairchild until the afternoon. ‘Just for one day, you make the most of this,’ and then she turned on her side and promptly fell back to sleep.
When she woke again it was to the sound of Marie coming through the door with a tray of tea and toast. Maud shot up in bed. ‘I’m so sorry, whatever time is it?’
‘Oh, don’t you worry, Maud, it’s still morning,’ smiled Marie. ‘Now straighten yourself up so I can put this tray on the bed.’
‘But—’
‘No buts,’ said Marie firmly. ‘I know you’re not in the habit of breakfast in bed, but just for once …’
Maud nodded. Once she was alone, she devoured the toast slathered with butter and drank the strong-brewed tea with relish. Picking two stray crumbs off the front of her nightgown, she then swung her legs over the side of the bed.
The door opened again and Marie was there. ‘Let me take your tray. And then I’m going to bring the bath in and fill it for you.’
‘No, really, that’s …’ mumbled Maud, preparing to decline. But then she felt the itching of he
r skin and the faint smell of vomit that seemed to have clung to her hair, and she knew that she had never needed a bath so much.
‘Thank you,’ she said.
‘Now do you want the bath in here or in front of the fire in the kitchen?’
‘In here,’ said Maud straight away, terrified at the thought of lying naked in the kitchen. What if someone came in?
‘Right you are,’ said Marie, holding out a hand to assist as Maud made a move to stand up.
‘You are to do nothing today except see the old lady, your friend Miss Fairchild. Alice has left strict instructions, and I dare not break them.’
Maud smiled, and opened her mouth to ask after Alfred.
‘And the young man is playing draughts with one of our girls, Lizzie, in the front room … all decent and proper. We might be running a brothel but we don’t have any customers at this time of day.’
As Maud lay in the bath, staring at the bedroom ceiling, she still felt anxious in case someone came in through the door, but the pure pleasure of being able to get properly clean far outweighed it. Marie had frothed up the water with some soap solution, to make some bubbles and preserve Maud’s modesty, and she’d told her to soak her hair. She’d be back in ten minutes to help her wash it with soft soap and bring a jug of clear water to rinse it through.
I feel like the Queen, thought Maud, closing her eyes, resting back and gently moving her hand through the warm water. This must be what Queen Victoria feels like every single day.
And when Marie came in to wash her hair, it felt like heaven. She couldn’t remember anyone ever washing her hair, or seeing her naked, apart from Harry. But with Marie, she’d begun to relax and was quite confident to step out of the bath and into the towel that she held.
‘Sit on the bed,’ Marie said gently, ‘and I’ll get another towel to dry your hair.’
‘Thank you,’ breathed Maud, feeling the bubble of some deep sorrow rising unexpectedly up through her chest and escaping out of her mouth as she spoke. It felt like the first time she’d ever been truly pampered like this. She’d been very young when her mother died and although she’d been adequately cared for by her grandmother, she now realized that something had always been missing – something that Harry almost compensated for, but not fully.
