by Kate Eastham
‘Yes, of course,’ offered Maud, as the door clicked to.
Female Surgical was busy, and it took Maud a while to get to Mrs Martin’s bed.
‘Hello there, Nurse Linklater.’ She smiled, warmly. ‘You look a bit tired today, I hope you’ve not been overdoing it.’
‘Oh no,’ lied Maud. ‘And how are you today?’
‘I’m very well. In fact, now that the soreness is starting to go, I’m realizing that I feel much better than I’ve done for some time. That cyst, or whatever it was, it must have been really weighing me down. And Sister Pritchard’s thinking ahead – she’s telling me that once the stitches are out, then I’ll be able to go home. My neighbour, Mrs McCluskey, she’s itching to have me back. She’s got a copy of Miss Nightingale’s Notes on Nursing and she’s raring to go. I think she always wanted to be a nurse herself, but then she married and had all those children.’
Maud smiled, she could easily see Mrs McCluskey as a very sharp ward sister.
‘Anyway, Nurse Linklater, I just wanted to ask you something – I’ve been hearing rumours that there is a very tiny baby being looked after in the Nurses’ Home. Mrs Horrocks in the next bed, she overheard one of the orderlies talking about it. I believe that she’s only weeks old and a real bonny little thing. Do you know anything about her?’
Maud was incredulous. For a second she couldn’t speak. ‘Yes, I’ve heard that, too,’ she said, in the end.
‘Well, it’s just that, I like to give something to all babies in trouble, or those without family. And I don’t know the wee one’s situation, but I want you to take these few shillings.’
‘No, I couldn’t, Mrs Martin, honestly.’
‘Nonsense,’ she said, pressing the coins into Maud’s hand. ‘They are for the baby. I’ve never had any of my own, and my husband was a shopkeeper, he left me well provided for. Please, take this and make sure she gets it. I’ve been thinking about that little girl ever since Mrs Horrocks told me the story.’
All Maud could do was smile and say thank you.
‘Look what Mrs Martin gave me for Flora,’ she said to Alice, pulling the coins out of her pocket when she caught up with her in the sluice, later on.
‘But how did she—?’
‘Like you said, everybody knows everything in this place. And there was no chance that she was going to let me refuse. She doesn’t appear to know anything about the link between Flora and me, so it’s strange that she chose to give the money to me, isn’t it?’
‘Things sometimes happen for a reason. It’s like there are unseen bonds that connect us,’ said Alice, her eyes wide. ‘Maybe Mrs Martin is one who can read them?’
‘Not long ago, Alice, I would have dismissed what you’ve just said as balderdash. But do you know what? These days, I’m prepared to believe anything.’
‘That’s the spirit, Maud,’ laughed Alice. ‘Now can you believe me when I tell you that I need you to look at Mrs Horrocks’s wound? And can you believe me when I tell you that you are probably the finest surgical nurse in the whole hospital?’
‘Oh, stop it,’ blushed Maud.
Word came through in the afternoon that Flora was to be discharged that evening. Maud found Harry waiting for her to come off duty, in just the same place where he used to stand before they were married. Seeing him there made her heart beat a little faster, but she tried not to smile.
‘Have you got the fire lit at home?’ asked Maud.
‘Yes, Sister,’ he grinned.
She tried to frown, but she couldn’t. She had to settle for ignoring him instead.
Once they were all packed up and walking down the stone stairs – Harry in front, carrying a large bag packed with extra napkins, nighties, the toys that had been given, a feeding bottle, two jars of expressed milk and a steam kettle, and Maud following behind with Flora in many layers of shawl – Maud began to feel a bit sad. She would miss knowing that the baby was just along the corridor and she could pop in and see her whenever she wanted. She hadn’t even asked Harry where his rented room was; it might be right over the other side of the city, for all she knew.
Rita was waiting obediently outside and she trotted along behind them as they made their way through the city. It turned out that they were following the same route that Maud had walked every time she’d set out for Stella’s place near Lime Street. In fact, they turned down a street not all that far from the railway station. I’ve been passing the end of this street on a daily basis, she thought, with no clue that Nancy was there all the time.
At the end of the street she waited outside the property, with the dog sitting politely beside her, as Harry put down the large bag and fiddled with the keys. She was at the point of taking over when he finally got the door open and, with a glance behind that revealed the shadow of guilt on his face, he led the way up the creaky wooden stairs to a room on the first floor.
After another clumsy fiddle with the keys, the door swung open. Maud took a deep breath and entered the room, with Rita trotting in behind her. There was a good fire, it was nice and warm, and the flickering light from it showed her the crib that stood ready, as Harry moved across to place his bag on the bed and light the lamp.
Maud saw the bed and her stomach tightened – this was the room where he had stayed with Nancy in those days after he came back from New York. The bed was unmade, as if they’d only just got out of it. Maud fancied that if she walked across the room and laid a hand on the sheets, they would still be warm. She felt a small shudder go through her body and then Flora began to whimper in her arms.
‘What’s the matter, my sweet?’ she murmured, unwrapping her from the shawl, seeing the baby’s eyes blinking in the light.
She sat on a chair by the fire, with the baby in her arms, and tried not to look at the bed. Harry was busily unpacking the stuff from the bag, his head down. She could see a flush of red at the back of his neck.
‘I’ll find another room as soon as I can,’ he said, glancing back over his shoulder. ‘This one’s within walking distance of the hospital but I think we need a fresh start, and I’d like to be even closer to you.’
Maud took a deep breath. She wasn’t sure now that she wanted him all that close – if only she could see the baby without seeing him.
‘Yes, you do need to be somewhere else …’ she faltered, ‘and, well, I don’t … I won’t feel all that comfortable coming to this place to see Flora. And I will want to see her regularly, just to check …’
He glanced back over his shoulder again, with a glimmer of something in his eyes – hope, maybe?
‘Right, Harry,’ called Maud, as Flora started to squirm and thrust her arms out of the shawl, and then she was crying. ‘That’s a hungry cry. Can you prepare a bottle of milk?’
‘On the double,’ he called, jumping up, shrugging out of his jacket, throwing it on the bed and then straight away picking up the turtle-neck glass feeding bottle. ‘Miss Merryweather showed me how,’ he said by way of explanation.
Once he had the rubber teat secured on the neck of the bottle, he was striding across the room and handing it to Maud. He watched carefully until the baby was suckling and then he crouched down in front of Maud, stretching one hand out to stroke Rita as she lay in front of the fire. ‘And tomorrow Daphne’s going to call by and meet Flora and try her with the wet nursing. And if that works, once she’s strong enough, I’ll take her to Daphne’s every day.’
Maud twisted her mouth ever so slightly.
‘I’ll be with her every night, of course,’ he added, hastily.
Maud glanced up, with her eyes narrowed.
‘I will, I promise you, Maud,’ he ventured, his eyes wide.
She had to believe that at least, in that moment, he was entirely sincere, so she nodded her approval as Flora continued to guzzle her milk and the dog gave a satisfied groan and stretched out even further in front of the fire.
Harry was back up on his feet now and over to the bag to finish unpacking. Maud didn’t want to look
at him, so when she wasn’t gazing at Flora she fixed her eyes on Rita, stretched in front of the fire. She hadn’t noticed until now but there were grey hairs on her muzzle and when she was lying down her ribs were clearly visible. Maud could see the slow beat of the dog’s heart and for some reason it made her feel calmer.
Once Flora had finished the feed, Harry came over and held his arms out for her. He laid her against his shoulder and rubbed her back to get her wind up, and then he rocked her until she was sleeping. Maud held her breath as he tenderly laid the baby in her crib, leaning down, with his white shirt all untucked, to give her a gentle peck on the cheek. She had to clear her throat to stop tears springing to her eyes, and then she was up on her feet and checking the room, making sure that all was in place in case the baby had a coughing fit overnight.
‘I need to get off,’ she said to Harry, who was sitting on the bed, still gazing at his sleeping daughter.
He opened his mouth to reply but stopped short when the sound of two screaming voices reverberated up from the street – one shrill and male, and the other pleading. Maud walked to the window beside him and peered out on to the darkened scene. A woman stood with her head bowed as a man leant in towards her, his neck straining with the effort of shouting garbled words. The couple were beneath a street lamp, and it cast an eerie yellow light.
The woman was sobbing now and starting to shout back, and then the man grabbed her by the neck.
‘No!’ Maud cried, but Harry was already leaving the room and running down the stairs.
She watched him burst out of the door and go straight for the man, grabbing him and throwing him off balance as the woman lurched to the side. The man came back at Harry with his fist raised, spitting and full of rage. Harry ducked neatly out of the way and then threw a punch that sent the man up into the air before landing with a dull thud on the ground.
When Maud breathed again, she realized that her heart was pounding.
Then she watched as Harry went to the woman and put an arm gently around her shoulders, talking to her, nodding. And then she started to walk bravely away, without a backward glance. The man on the floor was starting to move, so Harry went and lifted him up on to his feet by the scruff of the neck. His nose was streaming with blood.
Harry had a few words with him and then pointed towards the end of the street, and the man staggered off. Maud saw Harry run a hand through his hair and then she could hear the sound of him running up the stairs.
His breath was laboured as he burst through the door. He was panting, his eyes were alive, and he had a streak of blood down the front of his shirt.
‘Are you all right, Maud?’ he gasped.
Yes, of course I am, she thought. You were the one out on the street.
‘It didn’t wake Flora, did it?’ he murmured, going straight to the side of the crib.
‘No, we are both fine,’ offered Maud, moving to stand beside him at the crib. ‘But you seem to have grazed your knuckles.’
‘No, it’s nothing,’ he said, wiping his hand on his trousers. ‘I’ll give them a wash after.’
Maud didn’t know what else to say. Her heart was still pounding and she was undeniably proud of what she’d just seen him do. She wanted to hug him, tell him that he’d done a good thing, but something was holding her back, she still couldn’t let herself get that close to him. So instead, she pulled her nurse’s cape more tightly around her, telling him that she’d have to be on her way, and giving him full instructions on how to use the steam kettle.
‘I’ll see you tomorrow,’ she said, reaching down to stroke the baby’s head.
He put his hand over hers and then held on to it.
‘Harry, I …’
He started to pull her towards him. She could see his eyes shining in the glimmer from the lamp.
‘No,’ she cried, pulling away.
He let go of her hand instantly and stood with his head bowed.
‘I can’t do this,’ she said, setting her mouth in a firm line. ‘This place is where you were living with her, with Nancy, and whether you fully understand it or not, you need to give me much more time to think about everything. I can’t just snap back into where I was with you, before I found out …’
‘How long will you need?’ he said quietly, raising his head to look her straight in the eye.
‘I don’t know,’ she cried, exasperated by his seeming lack of understanding. ‘How could I possibly know the answer to such a question?’
‘But can you ever forgive me?’
‘I really don’t know,’ she replied, unable to meet his direct gaze. ‘And you need to give me as much time as I need to think about things,’ she said, already making her way to the door.
He gestured towards following her.
‘Stay exactly where you are,’ she commanded. ‘I’ll call in to see Flora tomorrow but you have to promise me, no more of this. I will speak to you when I’m ready.’
Once she was out on the street, Maud glanced up at the first floor with her heart pounding. She could see the shape of him, standing in the window. He lifted a hand in farewell, as she turned to walk away. She’d promised to call by Stella’s to see Alice, but all that she could think was that she needed to be near Alfred. It was far too late to go in and see him, but maybe if the gate was still unlocked, she would be able to stand in the courtyard at the front of the building and have some sense of him, and maybe it would help her somehow.
21
‘A good nurse must be a good woman.’
Florence Nightingale
Maud found the gates to the Blue Coat standing open but the front door was firmly closed. Apart from the circles of yellow light cast by the gas lamps and the dim glow from some of the windows, all else was in shadow and to her frustration she could gain no sense whatsoever of Alfred or any of the other children who lived in the school. She stood in the courtyard at the front of the building with walls on three sides, turning to look at all of the windows but not even able to make out the detail of the stone cherubs. She sighed and started to walk back through the gate.
But just in that moment she heard an organ starting to play in St Peter’s Church and she could see light cast out through each of the tall windows, and then she heard the sound of voices starting to sing. The music swelled and the voices grew stronger as she came closer to the black stone walls of the church, and her heart thudded when she recognized the words. The hymn was so familiar that she knew each and every word. It was just about the only thing that she’d ever been able to remember properly about her time with her mother: snuggling up on her knee, feeling the rough texture of her apron as she sang ‘Amazing Grace’. Maud breathed in the words, as she stood looking up at the arched windows of St Peter’s. ‘I once was lost, but now am found …’ flowed over her. She took a step closer, right up to the wall, and placed both hands against the soot-blackened stone. And this time she could feel the rhythm of the ancient church, almost like a heart beating beneath her hands. She rested there, listening to the choir, feeling each word, and not until the singing had stopped did she lean away from the church.
She felt breathless as she took a step back, continuing to gaze up at the light from the windows. Rousing herself, she walked around the building, aware that her heart was beating faster and her legs were stronger. She made her way along the church path, passing by the low wall where she’d sat, not so long ago, in complete despair. Once she was out on to Church Street, she easily stepped around other pedestrians, effortlessly making her way to Stella’s place.
‘How did you get on with Harry and Flora?’ asked Alice, looking up from her chair by the fire where she sat with the black cat stretched out at her feet.
Before Maud could reply, they were interrupted by the sound of raucous laughter and a bumping sound as a visitor to the brothel lost his balance and fell against the kitchen door that she’d just closed behind her.
‘Not like that, I hope,’ laughed Alice, gesturing to the door.
‘N
o, not like that,’ said Maud, carefully removing her nurse’s cape and hat and hanging them on the peg behind the door.
‘You look different somehow,’ said Alice, standing up from her chair. ‘Are you sure you didn’t—’
‘No, Alice, definitely not!’
‘Just wondering … you seem to have a glow about you somehow.’
‘Well, that’s nothing to do with Harry,’ smiled Maud, not wanting to tell Alice about the church or the hymn, in case it somehow dispelled the magic.
‘Well, let me get you a cup of tea,’ offered Alice.
‘No, thank you,’ replied Maud, lifting her head and meeting Alice’s gaze. ‘I need a brandy.’
‘Maud!’ gasped Alice, as she moved towards the cupboard and started to remove two glasses and the bottle. ‘Right, tell me all … immediately.’
Maud took a good swig of the brandy, coughed a bit, and then she started to recount exactly what had happened with Harry.
‘It sounds like you’ve still got strong feelings for him, Maud,’ offered Alice, as Maud slowly sipped at her brandy. ‘And it might ease, in time … but you can’t just switch off those feelings. I should know … I think about Roderick Morgan all the time, it drives me mad. And I don’t have to see him on a daily basis – not like you will, if you want to visit Flora.’
‘That’s true,’ murmured Maud. ‘Unless I ask him to leave the room and stand outside,’ she added with a giggle.
‘Ha,’ laughed Alice, ‘good luck with that. I’ve seen the way he looks at you. He’s not going to be ready to ease away any time soon. And maybe that’s not what you want, either?’
Maud sighed, and then she was holding her glass out for another shot of brandy. ‘All I know for sure is that I need to keep working, I have to see Flora and Alfred, I want to live in the Nurses’ Home, and I’m quite happy to use any spare time sewing bandages for the hospital.’
