“I know. I tell myself the same thing, but I can’t help the way I feel. It’s terrifying when it happens and it’s even worse knowing I’ll live through it and have to try and move on afterwards.”
Mac was silent for a moment. “If you know it’s going to happen, why don’t you pull back and break this link, as you call it?”
Shame washed over her in waves. “Because the last time I did that, the information I gave the police wasn’t accurate and a killer was almost set free because of me.”
Chapter 4
Again, she waited for any indication from Mac that he was revolted by what she had revealed about herself, and again she was surprised when he pulled her closer and asked what happened.
“Because I didn’t play it through to the end, I didn’t get the whole story and, as a consequence, the information I gave the police was incomplete. It happened several years ago when I was called into an investigation and linked with a young woman who had been strangled to death. Her body was dumped in the woods, and though the police knew she had been assaulted by multiple attackers, they didn’t have any evidence to prove which one had actually killed her. There were four suspects, four college boys who’d had too much to drink at a party and managed to coax the girl into one of the dorm rooms.”
Rennie leaned into Mac, enveloping herself in the incredible warmth of his body and the arms that held her so protectively. It had been exactly like this when they were trying to find Angel, and she was starting to wonder if he held some mysterious power of his own that somehow kept her nightmares at bay.
Mac pressed his lips to her temple. “Take your time, sweetheart, I know this isn’t easy for you.”
“No, it isn’t, but you need to hear it. The girl was attacked by all four boys. I know this, not because I stayed connected with her, but because they all confessed. I was with her for the first two, but when the third one started touching her, I broke away. I just couldn’t…” She squeezed her eyes shut, trying to block out the horror of that night.
“When I gave my report to the police, I told them the second boy couldn’t be the killer because I knew she was still alive when he left. The other boys verified it, of course, and he was eliminated as a murder suspect. If I had stayed with her to the end, I would have known he returned after the others had gone. Not only did he assault her again, but he was the one who strangled her and dumped her body in the woods.”
“Obviously, the police figured it out,” Mac reasoned. “If they hadn’t, you wouldn’t have known who really killed her.”
“Yes, they did. The girl had a vinyl covered purse and he picked it up and buried it near the dump site. It was discovered some time later and, of the four boys involved, his were the only prints on it. But by then it was too late and he had gone on the run. Eventually they found him, but only after he attacked two more women. It was my fault they didn’t catch him right away because they took my word for it that he wasn’t there when she was murdered. Since then, I’ve forced myself to stay with the victim until I actually experience the death.”
“You weren’t responsible for what that boy did afterwards, Rennie. Even if you did tell them he was the first to leave, they should have considered the possibility he came back. You did what you could and led them to the four boys who attacked her. If not for that, they might all have gone free.”
“I wish I could believe that,” she said, consumed with guilt even now. “At least now you know why I have to play the visions through no matter what I think is going to happen.”
“I can understand that, honey, but it doesn’t mean you have to lock yourself away from the rest of the world. You have a right to live and experience something other than someone else’s last dying moments.” His voice softened. “I realize the physical relationships you’ve had were probably difficult considering everything you’ve gone through, but you can’t tell me you don’t experience totally different feelings when you’re making love than when you’re being brutalized in these visions.”
She drew in a slow breath, staring blankly at the ocean. “I guess I haven’t made myself clear. I wouldn’t know the difference, Mac, because I have only had one kind of sexual experience.”
“So you’ve never…I mean, with a real man?”
Rennie shivered. “I was too scared. All I have ever known about sex deals with the violence and shame of it. The first one happened when I was only fifteen and it took quite some time to bounce back.”
“Fifteen? No wonder you felt like bolting when I said I wanted to take you to bed.” He hugged her to him, a fierce desire to protect her taking a firm hold. “You would never feel any pain with me, Rennie, I promise. I know you’re scared, honey, but I would bring you so much pleasure, make you feel things you never dreamed of.” He brushed a soft kiss to her temple. “It would be incredible between us.”
“I want to believe that, Mac. And I want to believe you could handle knowing what I’ve gone through to help solve a murder, but I’m not sure you can. I’m not sure any man could.”
“The only thing that would bother me is seeing you in so much pain. Give me the chance to help you through it when it happens, Rennie. I think you’re an amazing woman, probably the bravest woman I have ever met.”
“I am not brave,” she denied vehemently. “I’m terrified and have to force myself to stay connected.”
“But you don’t pull away and that’s what makes you brave. Don’t you think I’m scared when I’m facing down a cold-blooded killer? But it’s my job, my duty, to get them off the streets, so I do it. Just the way you face it, honey; head on, in spite of the fear.”
Rennie looked up at him. Even in the shadowed light of the moon she could see the sincerity of Mac’s words in his eyes. “You won’t be angry if I ask you to stop?”
He smiled softly. “No, I won’t be angry.”
“No matter how far we go? I mean, what if…”
“Rennie, I won’t force you to do anything that makes you feel frightened or even uncomfortable. We’ll take it slow and when you want it to stop, it stops.”
She drew in a shuddering breath. She wanted him, wanted all the passion and heat and pleasure she knew he would give her. How could she deny herself this night with him?
With quiet resolve, Rennie slipped her arm around his neck and whispered, “Take me home, Mac.”
***
As promised, Mac took it slow. So agonizingly slow in fact that Rennie wanted to tear his clothes off and pounce on him. She’d nervously led him up to her room, fully expecting him to undress her the moment they got there. Instead, he pulled back the comforter and asked her to lie down on the bed, removing only her shoes and then his own before climbing onto the bed beside her. He kissed her for what seemed like hours, steadily building the internal heat between them until she thought she would go mad. Gradually, Mac began to caress Rennie through her clothing, running his hands slowly down her thigh and back up again to cup her breasts. It was pure torture.
By the time he slipped his hand beneath her dress, she was a trembling mass of jelly. His hands felt hot against her bare skin, the most tender of touches, and yet it made her ache and throb all over. And the way he looked at her made the muscles in Rennie’s abdomen quiver like a bowstring that had been pulled too tight. She wanted him, wanted to feel him moving inside of her, wanted what his hands and his lips promised. Unable to endure it any longer, Rennie’s fingers worked frantically to unbutton his shirt.
“Easy, sweetheart,” he whispered. “Let me do it.”
Mac moved away from her to stand beside the bed. He watched her intently as he unbuttoned his shirt and tossed it aside, but Rennie barely notice. She was too busy trying to catch the breath that had been stolen from her lungs when he exposed his magnificent chest. He stripped quickly, but didn’t seem to be in a hurry to return to bed, granting her a few moments to greedily drink in every detail of his naked body. He was incredibly aroused and Rennie wondered inanely how she was ever going to take all of him i
nside of her. When she finally steered her gaze back to his face, Mac was smiling softly.
“Stand up, honey,” he said as he reached out to take her hands.
Mac drew her loosely to him, allowing her to decide how fast or slow they went from there. Timidly, her fingers splayed across his corded chest. She loved the feel of his muscles, loved the power and strength that rippled beneath her hands, but what brought the most pleasure was the feel of him trembling beneath her soft touch. His chest rose and fell rapidly, his heart hammering wildly against Rennie’s palms.
Her light, feathery touches had quite an effect on him, if the hoarse moans were any indication of the pleasure she was giving him. Considering she had turned the tables and was now torturing him just as he had done to her, Mac was doing fairly well at maintaining self control. But when her hands glided down past his belly, Rennie knew she had pushed him about as far as that self control would allow. With a low growl, he crushed her to his chest, devouring her lips with a passionate kiss that set her soul on fire. It was that searing, bone melting kiss that finally freed her.
She let it consume her for several delicious moments, sinking into him, indulging in the riotous emotions he elicited in her. But it wasn’t enough to take, she wanted to give back, to make him feel all the things she was feeling and let the flood gates open. She’d guarded her heart masterfully all her life, and something told her Mac had done the same. But no more. The life she had led was full of shadows and pain and sorrow, but with just one kiss, Mac shoved it all away and locked it in a place where it couldn’t touch her. For the first time since she was fifteen, Rennie felt no fear.
Drawing her head back, she pushed against his chest, smiling to herself when he let her go with a sigh of resignation. He thought she was calling an end to it, but her body was too primed, too charged with sexual desire to let any lingering doubts override it now. His eyes were dark, the raw desire so blatant and overpowering, Rennie was mesmerized by it, but he made no move to bring her back into his arms and this, more than anything, assured her that Mac was a man of his word. If she asked him to stop now, he would, no matter what he was feeling or how much he wanted it to continue.
With shaky fingers, Rennie reached behind her back to unzip her dress and let it flutter to the floor. With no previous experience to guide her, she hesitated before stepping out of the pool of material and kicking it aside as she’d seen women do in the movies. Feeling sexy was not something she was used to, but watching Mac’s face as she unhooked her bra and let it slide off her shoulders to join the dress made Rennie feel her femininity in a way she never had before.
She heard Mac inhale sharply, his hands clenching into fists as if he could barely keep from lunging at her. He uttered an oath under his breath when she shimmied out of her panties but didn’t take so much as a step towards her. He wouldn’t make the first move, and she was finding a great deal of pleasure in seeing the heated look in his eyes, the tension in his muscles, the undisguised desire that was making him tremble. Her own body was tingling, her temperature driven up so high her skin was moist from it, and the strain of not touching him was taking its toll.
“Rennie…” His voice was deep, husky, and it caught in his throat when she took his hand and pulled him back towards the bed.
Mac’s eyes made a seductive sweep over Rennie’s body as she lay back on the cool, cotton sheets and offered herself to him with an inviting smile. He didn’t hesitate to stretch out beside her, the feel of his rigid flesh pressing against the softness of Rennie’s hip sending shards of excitement streaking through her. His mouth devoured hers while his hand moved over her skin in a slow, erotic caress and slipped between her thighs. The unexpected rush of heat made her gasp, the air hissing between clenched teeth as each intimate stroke ignited an aching need for more.
She couldn’t take it. It was too much and at the same time, not nearly enough. She was burning up, the heat so intense she could almost feel the steam rising from her pores. And Mac was merciless. He knew precisely where to touch and how she would respond as his talented fingers discovered new ways to drive her wild. He knew when to apply pressure and when to stop so that she was kept teetering on the edge of sexual ecstasy but denied the satisfaction of reaching the blissful state her body longed for. It was agonizing.
“Mac, please,” she pleaded, “I want…I want…”
“This?” he whispered, drawing the taut peak of her breast into his mouth.
Stars exploded behind her eyes as his thumb danced across the sensitive bud between her thighs. Her thoughts scattered like leaves in the wind; nothing registered except the escalating vibrations humming through her body and the powerful force building inside. Aroused as she was by Mac’s intimate touch, it was the warmth of his lips feathering across the swell of her breast to her neck and his passionate kiss that finally triggered her climax. Liquid heat erupted like a live volcano, giving rise to a wave of violent shudders that seemed to go on forever.
It was the most amazing thing Rennie had ever experienced, and it took several minutes before she floated down from the clouds. As she lay there struggling to catch her breath and wondering whether it was possible to die of sheer pleasure, Rennie gradually became aware that Mac had shifted positions and was gently kneeing her legs apart. It wasn’t that she was frightened; she wanted to make love with Mac and trusted him implicitly. She told herself she was ready, that there was nothing abnormal about the enormous pressure she felt when he began to penetrate her. Her jaws clenched against the stinging sensation as her flesh stretched to accommodate him, and despite the renewed desire welling up inside, Rennie couldn’t help shrinking away.
“It’s going to hurt at first,” he said softly, “but I promise it won’t last very long. Rennie, if you’ve changed your mind about this…”
“I’m okay, really,” she insisted, surprised by the sultry sound of her voice. “Mac, I want this. I want you.”
With a hungry moan, Mac lowered his head and captured her mouth in a searing kiss as he carefully forced his way past the barrier of her maidenhood. Pain speared through her abdomen but, just as Mac promised, it began to dull almost immediately. Rennie could feel him, hot and throbbing deep inside of her, and it filled her in more ways than one. Her inner muscles clenched around him, tense and waiting, until at last he began moving in and out of her in slow, easy strokes. Gradually, the pain subsided to be replaced by a surreal state of rapture that left her reeling in breathless anticipation.
Clinging to his broad shoulders, she curled her legs around his hips, the heavy coiling in her abdomen steadily mounting as his thrusts came harder and faster. The first climax had shaken her, taken her to heights she never could have imagined, and now that she knew what to expect, Rennie naively believed she was prepared to handle it. She had never been so wrong about anything in her life.
She hadn’t anticipated what Mac’s powerful climax would do to her. She hadn’t considered that the sound of his deep, guttural moan would escalate her own excitement, or that she would derive so much pleasure in knowing he’d lost all control. Rennie had never shared this kind of intimacy with any man before and was glad she had chosen Mac to show her how beautiful making love could be. It was perfect. He was perfect, and she welcomed every kiss, every touch, every glorious movement of his magnificent body and the intense feelings he created.
She felt the muscles in his back cord and her own inner muscles contract in response. He grew harder, thicker, and it triggered a second explosive climax that had her writhing beneath him and gasping for air as she struggled to hang on to some semblance of sanity. Their bodies strained against each other, a primal growl of male satisfaction tearing from Mac’s throat at the moment of his release.
Heat surged inside of her as he held himself rigidly for a moment and then collapsed over her, his breath coming in ragged gasps. Rennie stared up at the ceiling in a daze, her heart hammering against her chest, her breath as rough and shallow as his. Mac lay heavily on her, preventin
g her from drawing in the air her lungs so desperately needed, but when he tried to move away, she tightened her arms around his neck and pulled him back down.
“Not yet,” she pleaded.
How could she explain that she wanted to hold on to the incredible sensation of having his body joined with hers for as long as possible? It was the most amazing experience of her life and she never wanted to let it go. It was a ridiculous sentiment, of course, which was quickly dispelled when Mac propped himself on his elbows and gazed down her with a worried frown.
“I hurt you,” he said miserably. “God, I never meant to…”
“You didn’t,” she rushed to assure him.
“Then why are you crying?”
“I don’t know,” she laughed, surprised by the dampness on her face. “It was just the most…moving experience I’ve ever had.”
“Moving?” Mac grinned. “Honey, you were all over this bed.”
He was teasing, of course, but that didn’t prevent a furious blush from scalding her cheeks. “You can take the blame for that, Lieutenant. I’m not sure how many erogenous zones I have, but I’m fairly certain you hit every one of them!”
Mac laughed as he rolled onto his back and pulled her close to his side. “Can I presume from that statement that you weren’t scared?”
“A little at first,” she admitted. “Mac…how was it for you?”
“Incredible,” he said, and meant it. He’d had great sex with other women, but nothing compared to explosive sex he’d just shared with Rennie. “I’ve never had a woman get so hot, and I don’t mean excited. Being inside you was like having a heating blanket wrapped around me. I could almost feel the electrical current flowing from your body.” Mac was still a bit shaken by it. “I’ve never felt anything like that before.”
She looked up at him skeptically. “You mean to tell me with all the women you’ve slept with, not one of them made you feel the way I did?”
He pondered that for a moment, and it suddenly occurred to him why it was so different. “No, but then I never had any real feelings for any of them either.”
WHISPERS TO THE HEART Page 5
