by David Evered
‘That’s great news! Will you now become a full-time author?’
Peter laughed. ‘It’s not as straightforward as that. I need to have confidence that I have further books in me. Each time I’ve finished a book, I’ve been left with the feeling that I’ve shot my bolt and offered up everything I have in me. There’s also a small question of income. Most novelists don’t become seriously rich or even moderately rich! I shall continue as I am for at least a few more years. I should love to reach the stage where I could give up the law and spend half of each year here in France, but that is a bit of a pipe dream at present.’
Tilly looked enquiringly at Jenny. ‘We know from the many hours we spent talking to Sally last spring how much she had relied on your friendship and support. What does the future hold for you?’
Jenny smiled. ‘I wish I knew,’ she hesitated, ‘or perhaps I don’t. These last two years have been momentous for me as well. I hope that regular time in France may be a feature of my future, but what will be will be!’
* * *
Peter drove slowly back to the house after dinner and as they entered the lounge, he said, ‘I know it’s late, but would you be prepared to sit and have a drink with me before we go to bed? I just feel the need to think and talk. This week has been so full of memories, which have been enhanced by our conversations at the Brownings. They are such generous and open-hearted friends. I wouldn’t like to lose them,’ he paused, ‘and Tilly’s gentle probings are always thought-provoking!’
‘I’ll get us both a brandy,’ said Jenny. ‘Talk, or sit silently if you prefer it – I’m equally happy either way. Like you, I feel this week has also reconciled me to the events of last year, to a much greater extent than I’d ever thought possible.’ She smiled. ‘And I shall mellow further with a brandy!’
They sat for many minutes in silence, cradling their drinks. Peter finally broke into their private reveries and said, ‘I’m so glad we have visited the places that Sally and I felt were special to us, and it seemed absolutely right that you should share them as well. Then there was our visit to Domme, which brought back memories of that magical evening with you and Cass and Stefan, talking of whom, I think we need some music.’ Peter got up from his chair and selected a record from the shelves and placed it on the turntable. The soft and alluring sounds of Elgar’s Salut d’Amour filled the room. After a few moments, he turned and looked across at Jenny who had put her glass down and whose eyes were filling with tears. ‘I’m so sorry,’ he said. ‘I should have realised that this might revive difficult emotions for you. It just seemed appropriate – I’ll take it off.’
‘No, don’t do that,’ she said, half tearfully and half smilingly. ‘It certainly brings back memories but they are ones that I want to keep fresh in my mind.’
Peter walked over to the chair where she was sitting and took both her hands, pulling her gently to her feet. He put his arms around her. ‘Jenny, I don’t quite know how to say this. We have shared so much over these last two years – it seems as if we’ve had a lifetime of experiences over that time. Some of those have been immensely happy and some extremely sad, but we’ve shared them, as well as our thoughts and emotions. You’ve been Sally’s confidante and you’ve been my confidante. I feel we have become loving friends in all senses but one.’ He paused. ‘Do you remember that evening when you suggested you might join me to give Cass and Stefan some space and privacy? So many memories of the last three years have flooded back into my mind this week, including that magical evening in Domme. You have no idea how close I came to taking you into my bed that night!’
She giggled. ‘I was rather presumptuous, wasn’t I? But it just seemed that it would have been the most wonderful and natural way to end the evening.’
‘Yes, and so it would have been, but I’m wondering now if that offer is still open? It would enable us to seal our loving friendship!’
‘Yes, Peter, it is.’
He hugged her and continued, ‘Our week here has helped to clarify my thinking and there’s something else I need to ask you. Jenny, it has taken me a long time to recognise what an intrinsic part of my life you have become. I don’t know where our loving friendship will take us but, if nothing else, these last few years have taught me to take risks with my life and I have this overwhelming desire to take a risk with you – would you be up for it?’
‘Peter, you don’t even have to ask.’
What might have been is an abstraction
Remaining a perpetual possibility
Only in a world of speculation.
What might have been and what has been
Point to one end, which is always present.
Literary References in the Text
Chapter 7
‘Men make their own history, but they do not make it as they please; they do not make it under self-selected circumstances, but under circumstances existing already, given and transmitted from the past’.
18th Brumaire of Louis Bonaparte – Karl Marx
Chapter 29
‘The past is but the beginning of a beginning, and that all that is and has been is but the twilight of the dawn’.
The Discovery of the Future - HG Wells
Chapter 30
References to Christian, the Hill of Difficulty, the Delectable Mountains and the Celestial City.
The Pilgrim’s Progress – John Bunyan
Chapter 32
‘I learn by going where I have to go’.
The Waking – Theodore Roethke
Chapter 33
We shall not cease from exploration
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time
Little Gidding – Four Quartets –TS Eliot
Chapter 35
What might have been is an abstraction
Remaining a perpetual possibility
Only in a world of speculation.
What might have been and what has been
Point to one end, which is always present.
Burnt Norton – Four Quartets – TS Eliot
