by Helen Brenna
“Drugs?”
“Mostly cocaine. Some ecstasy. The truth is, if there was a drug available, I pretty much did it. If there was a man available, I did him, too. As long as he was fun, footloose and fancy-free. The badder the bad boy, the better.”
Wow. This, I never expected. Not from the likes of Sarah. “But you broke the cycle, right?”
“If you can call hitting rock bottom breaking the cycle, then yeah. The truth is…I’m lucky to be alive.”
“What happened?”
“I woke up one morning in a stranger’s bed. I didn’t know who he was, how I’d met him, how I’d gotten on his yacht. We were in the Bahamas. I’d lost two days of my life drugged up on God knows what.”
“Yeah, that’s a doozy. I’ve done a lot of crazy things, but I can honestly say I knew every single bed I ever woke up in.”
“I’m not proud of it. Safe to say, I’m ashamed of it, actually. It was the lowest point in my life, but it was also a turning point.” She sighed and seemed to be gathering herself. “Everything was different for me after that day. I knew my life had to change. I had to change. I went straight. At least I did for a few weeks. Just when I slipped back into one more binge, the real turning point hit me.”
“You found out you were pregnant. With Brian.”
Sarah nodded. “Knowing I was carrying a baby. Knowing I was going to be responsible for a little one made me do the right thing.” She held Jesse’s gaze. “So that was it. The end of the parties. No more clubs. No more of my old friends. I quit my job, moved into a new apartment to get away from that old crowd and started up my own wedding-planning business. Things were actually going okay.”
“Who’s the father?” As he held her gaze, he could see the shame virtually sweep through her.
“See that’s the thing. I don’t know,” she whispered. “At the time, I narrowed it down to one of three men. One was married at the time. One wouldn’t take my calls. But the other man…Bobby…asked me to marry him.”
“Were you straight with him? Did you tell him you didn’t know who the father was?”
“No.” She couldn’t hold his gaze and looked away. “I was scared. Didn’t have any savings. Didn’t know how I could support a baby all on my own. I convinced myself that I wasn’t really lying because I really didn’t know the truth.”
“Did you marry him?”
She shook her head. “Got engaged to him, though. Went through all the plans. For a while, the prospect of a wedding seemed to help him clean up, too, so that was another reason how I justified keeping the truth from him. I would’ve gone through with it, I think.”
“But?”
“He OD’d not long after Brian was born.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. At least not for me. Me getting away from Bobby, from that lifestyle, was very likely the best thing for me and Brian. Bobby’s mother, though, was in a lot of pain over losing her only son. She blamed me for his death and threatened to take Brian away. Like a pit bull, she just wouldn’t let go. The court ordered a blood test and it turned out Bobby wasn’t the father.”
Turning her justifications into outright lies.
“A part of me has always felt responsible for Bobby’s death.”
“Sounds to me like the writing was on the wall for that man even before he met you, Sarah.”
“Maybe. Maybe not. Either way, I left Florida and never looked back. Since then, it’s been nothing but the straight and narrow for me. Almost ten years.”
He held silent, absorbing what she was saying.
“So now you know. You’re the only one who knows every sordid detail of my past.”
“You’ve never told anyone?”
“Missy knows bits and pieces. That’s all.”
It’d taken a lot for her to admit this to him, and he wished he could say that she looked relieved. She didn’t.
“So…I guess what I’m trying to say is that…I’m sorry. I know it’s not fair, but you…reminded me of my old life. Of all the mistakes I’d made.”
She was so serious. Too serious. Everyone made mistakes. Hers were a long time in the past, way past time to let it all go. “So am I hearing this right?” He chuckled, trying to lighten things up. “It’s my fault you’re attracted to me?”
“I didn’t say that.”
He continued smiling.
“I’m trying to be honest, here, Jesse. I’m trying to tell you I’m sorry for holding my own past against you.”
Oddly enough, her admissions only served to make her even more attractive to him. Bad girls were sexy. Bad girls masquerading as good girls were damned near irresistible. He was going to have to watch his Ps and Qs even more now. “Apology accepted, Sarah.”
“Can we start over?”
“Hmm. I’m not sure about that. I have a feeling there’s already too much water over the dam between the two of us for that to work.”
“We can try. There’s no harm in that, is there?”
Starting over. Sounded harmless enough. So why did it feel as if this change in their relationship didn’t bode well for him?
“You never know,” she said, raising her dark eyebrows. “We might even become friends.”
Now that, he knew, was never going to happen. Sarah’s friendship was the last thing he wanted from her, but things between them probably did need to change. “Okay, sure. Let’s start over.” He held out his hand. “Jesse Taylor.”
“Sarah Marshik.” She grinned as she shook his hand. “Pleased to meet you.”
In that moment, he knew. He should’ve never come to Mirabelle.
THERE WAS A REASON Sarah planned happy things like weddings. She hated funerals, even more than thunderstorms, and chose a seat near the rear of Mirabelle’s small church. About a week had passed since she’d heard the news through Garrett of Jean Andersen’s death. Apparently, Jean and John’s daughter, Grace, a model who lived in L.A. and Mirabelle’s biggest celebrity, hadn’t been able to make it to the island any sooner for a more timely service. The rumor-mill speculation, never particularly kind to begin with, was that the daughter had refused to miss some big fashion show in Paris. It made more sense to Sarah that it had taken a while to make preparations, considering Jean had died in Arizona.
In any case, the delay had given relatives and friends a chance to travel from far and wide to Mirabelle. Arlo and Lynn Duffy, as well as Jan and Ron Setterberg, both snowbird couples, had returned to pay their respects. Before retiring, the Duffys had owned both Duffy’s Pub and Mirabelle Stable and Livery. Although the Setterbergs were also retired, they still owned the building from which Sarah rented both her flower shop and apartment. Despite the circumstances, it was nice to see both couples midwinter.
Not long after Sarah had arrived at the church, Hannah came to the door. She spotted Sarah and made a beeline for the seat next to her. Missy and Jonas came in and sat beside Hannah. Much to Sarah’s surprise, Jesse appeared next in the doorway.
“What’s he doing here?” Hannah said.
“He knows Carl,” Missy whispered. “I think it’s nice that he came.”
Jesse headed toward the outside of a pew on the other side of the church. He nodded at Jan and Ron Setterberg, who were already sitting toward the middle of that same pew, and sat down. Jan said something to Ron. He shook his head, but then Jan got up and moved to the other side of the aisle. Ron sighed and followed.
“Ouch,” Hannah whispered. “But then Jesse’s probably used to that kind of cold shoulder.”
No one ever got used to that kind of obvious scorn.
Jesse, clearly aware of what had just happened, looked down for a moment, as if to gather himself, and then kept his gaze focused toward the center of the church as if he hadn’t noticed Jan’s rudeness. Sarah might’ve expected that kind of reaction from Jan, but Ron acquiescing to Jan’s judgmental behavior surprised her.
A few moments later, Shirley Gilbert came down the center aisle, was about to move into Jesse
’s pew until she saw him and kept moving on to the next open seat. No surprise in the reaction toward Jesse that time, either.
Sarah was about to get up and go sit by him when Garrett and Erica entered the church. They saw Jesse and immediately joined him. Sarah took a deep breath and relaxed, but she couldn’t help feeling a little more compassion for Jesse. Possibly even respect. He could’ve gone to a town where no one was aware of his past. Instead, he’d come to little Mirabelle, where everyone knew everything about everybody and faced outright censure.
Sarah glanced back at the door and saw Sean coming into the church. He went up to Carl and Carol, who were standing in the entryway with their two kids, Nikki and Alex, and gave them both hugs. They talked for a few moments and then Sean took a seat next to Erica.
Little by little the tiny church filled to capacity. People were standing in the rear and along the wall. Not long after Jesse gave up his seat for Delores Kowalski to stand in the aisle, the organist began playing somber funeral music and the family walked in to be seated at the front of the church.
John came in first with Carl on one side and Carol on the other. She’d read in the obituary that John and Jean had been married for more than forty years, so there was no surprise he didn’t look as if he was handling the loss well.
Carl and Carol looked only marginally better. Sarah didn’t know Carol well, but she knew Carl both personally and in her business dealings. Most of the weddings she planned were held at the Mirabelle Island Inn, but occasionally a bride and groom opted for the more rustic setting of the Rock Pointe Lodge. Carl, and sometimes both Carl and Carol, came to Duffy’s for happy hour.
The moment Carl’s sister, Grace, appeared at the door, the church erupted in quiet whispers.
“Skinny ugly duckling turned into a skinny swan…”
“…looks terrible…never was as pretty as my Gail.”
“…that designer, Jeremy Kahill…”
“…thought they were divorced.”
“Separated is what I heard.”
“…after the accident…”
“…said she might move back to Mirabelle.”
On and on and on, the whispered speculation continued. Sarah shook her head and glanced at Hannah. “Oh, for crying out loud, so she’s a famous model. So what?”
“You’d think she was a princess.”
The woman was wearing a black turtleneck dress and small black hat with netting that came down over her face. Large, dark sunglasses completely hid her eyes, and her long, curly blond hair, the model’s trademark, came forward to hide her neck and cheeks. She looked far too secretive to Sarah. And sad.
Her husband, a world-famous designer in a beautifully cut black suit, walked next to her. They couldn’t be divorced, or separated, not as attentive as he appeared. Grace had hooked her hand through the crook of one of his arms and seemed to be almost leaning into him.
“She’s beautiful,” Missy whispered. “Much prettier in person than in her photos.”
“How can you tell?” Sarah murmured. “You can barely see any part of her.”
“Just look at her profile,” Missy whispered. “No wonder she’s one of the highest-paid models.”
“God, I wish I had her posture,” Hannah mumbled. “So regal and confident.”
“I wonder how Carl’s doing,” Sarah said.
“I think he’s holding it together,” Jonas whispered. “But John isn’t doing very well.”
“Is he staying here the rest of the winter?”
“I think so.”
The service began and a hush fell over the crowd. Sarah felt her gaze, more often than not, settling on Jesse. He was easy to spot, standing as he was on the other side of the church. More than once, she found him watching her. Before she knew it, the service had ended and everyone was filing out of the church. She and Jesse ended up meeting at the door.
“Hi,” he whispered.
She smiled. “It was nice that you came even though you don’t know the family well.”
“Carl’s a good guy, but it’s been a while since I’ve been to a funeral.” As they walked outside, he pulled a hat over his head and tugged on his gloves.
She slipped on the ice and he grabbed her arm.
He glanced down at her high-heeled black leather boots and grinned. “Pretty, but what happened to your mukluks?”
She chuckled. “Are you coming to the cemetery?”
“No. Don’t feel like I know the family well enough. You?”
“Yeah.” For some reason, she felt she needed to apologize for the way a few people had snubbed him before the service started. “Hey, um, you know…the Setterbergs—Jan, I should say—can be a bit…”
“Who?”
“The people who got up and…then Shirley Gilbert—”
“Not sure what you’re talking about. Say, have you found an electrician yet?”
He didn’t want to talk about it. Could she blame him? “No, but I’ve made a few calls.”
“You want me to—”
“I’ll find one. Promise.”
“Okay. See ya.” He headed down the sidewalk toward Garrett and Erica’s house, and Sarah found herself wishing she could go with him.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
“A THOUSAND DOLLARS A DAY?” Sarah said, frustrated. “Just because the job is on Mirabelle?”
She was on the phone with the fifth and last electrician Garrett had recommended for the work needed to be done on her house, and all of their stories and costs were similar. They were busy with other construction projects and her job was too small for any kind of price negotiation.
“You gotta remember almost half the first and last days are taken up by travel time,” the electrician from Ashland said. “Which means I’ll have to stay overnight on the island, and I’ll have to hire a helicopter to get me there and back. I’m not crossing that ice this time of year. Too risky.”
The ice had already started softening, but Garrett maintained it was still safe.
“I’m sorry, ma’am. If you can wait until June when my father-in-law gets back from Texas, he’ll be able to take care of this for a more reasonable price.”
“I can’t wait until June.”
“Well, then,” the man said, sighing. “There is someone else.”
“Who?”
The electrician hesitated before giving her another man’s name and number. “He might be more in your price range.”
“Thank you.” She called the other number.
The phone rang several times before a man’s raspy voice finally sounded over the line. “Yeah.”
She explained the situation and was happy to settle on a price within her budget and timing that worked for Jesse. She’d no sooner hung up the phone than the doorbell rang.
Brian dropped his gaming controller to run across the room. “That’s gotta be Zach!”
“Is he coming for dinner?” Sarah asked as she ground fresh black peppercorns into the bubbling pot on the stove.
“Can he?”
“Sure.”
As good of a cook as Erica was, Zach surprisingly wound up eating at their house more often than not. Apparently, from a kid’s perspective, Sarah’s plain cooking of things like macaroni and cheese, hamburgers and hot dogs, beat out the likes of grilled sea bass and prosciutto-wrapped scallops any day of the week. There was no understanding a kid’s palate.
Sarah glanced up as Brian opened the door. Zach stood on the landing, but it was the tall frame of his uncle standing behind him that sent an immediate shock of awareness to her gut.
She wasn’t prepared for this. Dressed in an old thermal Henley and her rattiest pair of jeans, not to mention her hair up in a haphazardly gathered ponytail, she’d been expecting to go up to the house after dinner to paint. Entertaining a visitor, especially Jesse, hadn’t been on the agenda.
The boys ran into the family room and immediately immersed themselves in some video game, leaving her and Jesse in her entryway.
�
�Hi.” She wiped her hands on her jeans as she walked toward the door. “What’s up?”
His gaze seemed to travel all over her in an instant, and he cleared his throat. “Did you get the note I left you up at the house about painting the kitchen?”
“Um, no.” The part of her that couldn’t help but want him couldn’t help but be disappointed that he hadn’t simply come to see her.
“Yeah, I didn’t think so. The kitchen will be easier to paint if you do it before I install the cabinets. The cabinet installation is a two-man job and I have Garrett lined up to help me next week.”
“Then I’ll make sure and get the walls painted this weekend.”
“One more thing—”
“Why don’t you come in?” It was freezing outside. The wind was whipping in off the lake, blowing the light snow that had fallen during the day into small drifts on her deck.
“That’s okay. I—”
“Come on. It’s too cold to stand out there with the door open.” She tugged him inside and closed the door.
“Can Jesse stay for dinner, too, Mom?” Brian called.
“Um…I’m not sure we’ll have enough.”
“You always make extra,” Brian said.
She did, given she was never sure whether or not Zach might show up at the last minute, but then she was used to boy-size portions, and a man the size of Jesse could likely pack it away.
“Besides, I’m not that hungry,” Brian said.
“Neither am I,” Zach added.
“That’s okay, boys.” Jesse shook his head. “Thanks anyway. I’ve got—”
“Please stay.” If they were truly starting over, it was up to her to extend the first olive branch. “The least I can do is feed you to thank you for going above and beyond on our house.”
“Yeah, well, you’re paying me for that. Remember?”
“We’re supposed to be friends. Remember that?” She held his gaze, smiling slightly. “But then I don’t want to force you to do anything you really don’t want to do. This isn’t prison, you know.”
At that he chuckled. “Dinner sounds great. Thank you.”
“It isn’t anything special. Knowing Erica, she’s whipped up something absolutely divine tonight. This is just some homemade chicken noodle soup.”
