“Ellen.” Dean held up his hand. “Stop.” He moved to the kitchen when he heard the knock at the door. “Please get that.”
“Order me around, why don’t you.” Adjusting Brian in her arms, she walked to the door and opened it. “Frank.”
“Don’t.” Frank saw the door ready to shut. He kept looking at Brian. “I didn’t come here to see the kids. I just wanted to check on Brian. How is he?”
“Da-da!” Brian squealed with excitement, reaching out his arms to Frank.
Ellen said nothing. She lowered Brian’s arms, stepped away from the door, and shut it.
<><><><>
Robbie’s voice was not the one Henry wanted to hear coming from the security training area. He wanted to hear Frank’s. When he found out that Frank wasn’t pulling the extra training, Henry left the area and went on his search for Frank.
He followed the many ‘I saw him over there’ as if he were searching for Elvis. His search led him nowhere except from one spot to another then finally back to Frank’s home. All Henry kept hearing in his head was the last thing Frank said to him. ‘I screwed up everything, Henry. Everything.’ and that was right before Henry got the brilliant idea to get Nick from Ellen. Not only did he not help Frank at all, but he made matters worse for himself. Henry’s luck had been so bad, that if seclusion from everyone was possible, Henry would consider it. When Henry got to Frank’s house, he found out Frank must have been considering the same thing. Frank wasn’t there, but a small duffle bag and a knapsack, both packed tightly were, lying on the floor by this bed as if waiting for the moment to be taken.
<><><><>
“You’re mistaken,” Dean spoke to Henry as he powered down the computer program.
“No, Dean, I’m not. I saw the bags myself.”
“Henry, this is ridiculous. Frank would not leave Beginnings.”
“How can you say that? You have his kids. You have the woman he loves.”
“They’re still his family and I hardly think he would up and leave them.”
“Do you really want to take that chance?” Henry asked.
Dean took a slow deep breath. “When would he leave Henry? How can he get out without anyone knowing?”
“At twelve-fifteen a.m., one at a time, all perimeters are shut down and started up. He watches the sequence from the tunnels, waits for that time, and goes. Mark in Monitoring told me that he was out at the hatches three times today. Three. That’s where the supplies are. He’s going, Dean, I feel it. If he goes, we’re screwed. Just like this community cannot beat the plague without you, this community cannot beat The Society without Frank. I don’t feel safe if he’s not here. Do you?”
Dean took a second to think. “What can we do, short of following him around?”
“Give him a reason to stay.”
“He won’t stay for me, Henry.”
“But he’ll stay for his kids and he’ll stay for ... Ellen.”
Dean spun to Henry. “What are you saying?”
“I can’t talk to her, Dean. She won’t listen to me, but she’ll listen to you.”
“What do you want me to tell her, Henry? You want me to tell her to forgive Frank? I tried that.”
“I want you to tell her to go to Frank.”
“No,” Dean said strongly. “No.”
“She went to you when you needed her.”
“She stays with me, Henry. No.” Dean shook his head. “I will not give her up willingly to Frank. If I do that, she’s gone.”
“Listen to you.” Henry moved closer to him. “You have her. Why? Who stepped back when you were at your lowest point? Frank. He said nothing to you about being with her because he knew you needed Ellen. He saw she was the key to a part of your recovery. Ellen is a key to Frank’s recovery. He’s not going to beat this drinking if she abandons him. He’ll beat it with her by his side. We’ve said this all along. We also said it would take a dramatic turn to make him face it. Frank had his dramatic turn. He’s facing it, but he can’t do it alone. He needs Ellen. You have to get her to help him, Dean.”
“I can’t.”
“Yes, you can.”
Slowly Dean closed his eyes and sat down. “You want me to convince her to be his support? I can try to do that. To get her to get to the point where she will give him reason to stay ... I don’t know if I can do that. I don’t know if Ellen will do that.”
“You can talk to her. You can try.” Henry leaned toward Dean. “Frank is at a low point. He has to have reason to stay. He has his reason to not drink. I believe he doesn’t want to drink anymore. We can be all the support he can get, but we aren’t the support he needs. Ellen is that support. Talk to her, just talk to her.”
The single beep of computer reminding him to shut down completely was the only sound in the silent lab. Dean sat in deep thought with Henry by his side. Not in thought of what to do, but in thought of how to do it.
<><><><>
Not a hello. Not a simple kiss to Dean’s cheek. Not even a wave greeted him when he walked into his home. Ellen did greet him but not like he expected.
“Oh look who decided to come home.” Ellen walked with haste from the kitchen. “Geez, Dean, a half hour, that’s all it would have taken and you could have made dinner. Did you see your twins outside? Did you wave to them? Did they recognize you?”
Dean didn’t argue. Calmly he glanced down at his left hand and to the ring finger. He then grabbed Ellen’s left hand and looked at that.
“What are you doing?” She asked.
“Just checking to see if I missed something.” He walked by her. “Did you save me dinner?”
“Unfortunately, I did”
“Good. I’ll eat after we talk.”
“Why?” Ellen asked with curiosity, her demeanor changing slightly. “Did something happen at the lab today?”
“You could say that.” Dean led her to the couch. “Henry stopped by.”
“We’re not talking about him, are we?”
“No.”
“Good. He was mean to me today.”
“I doubt that.”
Ellen tossed her hands up. “What is it with the men in this community? Is there a secret society bond thing happening?”
“I’m beginning to wonder that myself.” Dean grabbed her hand. “I need to talk to you about Frank.”
“Nope.”
“Ellen.”
“No, Dean.”
“Yes Ellen. I need you to listen to what I am going to say to you.”
Ellen plopped back on the couch. “Go on.”
“Go on?” Dean’s head spun. “You’re kidding? No more argument?”
“I can argue. You want me to argue.”
“No.” Dean held up his hand. “Hold back the bitching for a second please.” He turned his body to face her. “Brian is doing great, isn’t he?”
“Yes.”
“This morning at services, I thanked God, really thanked God that nothing worse happened.”
“It could have.”
“Yes, it could have. Because ...because, El, accidents happen.”
“Great, just great.”
“What?”
“You’re defending Frank.”
“In a part, yes, you can say that.”
Ellen started to stand up. “I am not going to listen to you defend Frank.” She felt Dean’s hand pull at hers. “Stop it.” She snatched her hand away. “He left his gun lying around. He left the safety off. He was drinking. He has a drinking problem.”
“You knew about it and you pretended it didn’t exist.” Dean stood up following her.
“Are you blaming this on me?”
“No! No one is to blame. It was an accident. Frank wasn’t drunk last night. He hadn’t even had a drink.”
“He was getting one.”
“So are you saying that was why it happened, because he was getting a drink?”
“Yes.” Ellen folded her arms to her.
“What if it was water?”
“It wouldn’t be water, because Frank has a drinking problem.”
“You think taking the kids from him, screaming at him at the clinic, and making him feel like the worst parent in the world is gonna get him to stop?”
“Yes.”
“Well it won’t,” Dean yelled at her. “Frank has to stop and he is going to need help, your help.”
“I refuse to help him. He started drinking on his own and he can quit drinking on his own, especially if he wants anything to do with these kids.”
“Listen to you.” Dean walked to her. “Two nights ago, he was drinking just the same and where were the kids? They were with him. You’re taking a holier than thou position here, El, and it’s wrong. Frank made a mistake. An accident occurred to one of the children while they were in his care. You cannot condemn the man for that. If you want to bring his drinking problem to light then you do it. But don’t you put this accident on his drinking when he wasn’t even drinking. Bad instances happen to good parents.”
“Bullshit,” Ellen snapped defensively.
“Bullshit?” Dean questioned with edge. “You think?”
“Yes.”
“Josh.”
“What?” Ellen dropped her arms. “Josh went out with his friends.”
“Not Josh Slagel. Josh Calaway.”
“Oh my God.” Ellen moved away from him. “Oh my God. Why are you bringing up my son?”
“Because I remember you telling me what happened when he was two years old, when you fell asleep on the couch and Josh drank floor cleaner, remember? His stomach had to be pumped and you felt guilty.”
“You are throwing that in my face. Fuck you.”
“No, El. I’m just reminding you that accidents happen. Josh could have died, like Brian could have died. Why didn’t Frank put on the safety? Why didn’t you cap that bottle tighter? Why didn’t Frank put away his gun? Why didn’t you put away the cleaner? Why was Frank getting a drink? Why were you sleeping? Were you any less of a parent? Was Frank?”
“Stop.” Ellen held up her hand. “I get your point. You slapped me in my face with it, but it was delivered.”
“Good.” Dean let out his breath and calmed down. “Now here’s the part where you have to be the strong one. You have to show Frank that all those years of friendship mean something.”
“You want me to give him the kids back.”
“Yes, but that’s not it.”
“What is it?” Ellen asked. “Tell him I’m sorry?”
“No, you can even withhold that if you want. You just have to go to him and let him know that you understand now it was an accident. And ... it’s time you offered your help, any help that he needs, in quitting drinking. It’s important, El. It’s more important than you know. He’ll quit, I’m sure of it and he’ll do it if you help him. The first step is to get him out of this slump you and this accident threw him in.”
“I should go talk to him then.” Ellen walked to the couch and sat down. “I’ll ... I’ll talk to him.”
“Good,” Dean said that one word with an outward breath. “But, El, be prepared, he’s so down on himself, he may not listen.”
“Then what should I do? What should I say?”
“I don’t know.” Dean shrugged as he sat next to her. “But to be honest, you’d better take a moment and give it some thought. Think of what you’re gonna say and it better be good.” He saw Ellen look at him through the corners of her eyes. “Because if it’s not, Frank could very well end up leaving Beginnings ... tonight.”
<><><><>
What to say and how to help Frank was foremost on Ellen’s mind. Having found very little help—word wise—from Dean, Ellen was at a loss at how to handle the situation. So before going to Frank’s, she stopped at the Social Hall and found a small group of women sitting there. She sat down with them and, for the first time, she sought out their advice, and listened to what they had to say. Ellen needed their advice. If her life wasn’t complicated enough, how was she going to include helping Frank in it without making things worse. With what they told her racing through her mind, nervously she went to Frank’s.
“El,” so shocked he spoke as he opened up his front door.
“Frank.”
“El, look.” His words were low. “If you came here to blast me I ...”
“No.”
“No?”
“Can I come in?”
“Sure.” He stepped back opening the door for her.
“Thank you.” She walked in but not too far in. “Brian is doing very good.”
Frank closed his eyes. “Thank you for telling me that.”
“You’re welcome. Frank?” She waited for him to look at her. “I was wrong for making it worse than it needed to be.”
“No, El. I was wrong. It was all my fault and I deserved everything you said. I deserved it.”
“Frank, look I ...”
“No. El, you’re right. I was pathetic. I am pathetic and I don’t deserve you coming over here. I appreciate you telling me about Brian and I’ll never forgive myself for what happened.”
“Frank.” Ellen grabbed his hand. “Come with me.”
“What?” Oddly, Frank felt pulled to the steps. “What’s going on?”
Ellen said nothing; she just led him up stairs and to the bedroom.
“El?”
“Close the door, Frank.” Ellen stepped backwards towards the bed.
Frank shut the door, as he turned around he saw Ellen lifting off her shirt. “El, what’s going on?”
“You’re down Frank.” Ellen unclasped her bra. “You need something. I want to make you feel better.”
Frank watched her stand there, undressing. Ellen looked blank, almost emotionless. Instead of being filled with any stir of desire, Frank got angry. “Help me feel better?”
“Yes.”
“What? By fucking me?”
“Isn’t that what you want?”
“No!” Frank yelled strongly. “It isn’t what I want. Not like this! Who the hell are you trying to be, El? Jenny? The other woman? Thinking that you can give up your body to us men and in one lay it takes it all away, like some sort of emotional fuckin call girl?”
“I can’t believe you’re saying that to me.”
“I can’t believe you’re standing here being like this with me. Me!” Frank pointed to his chest. “Me, El.”
“Isn’t this what you need?”
“No. You are what I need. Not this. Not you like this.” His hand motioned at her. “After twenty years, this is what I get, you standing here before me like I mean nothing?” He bent down to her clothes, picked them up, and handed them to her, not even looking at her partially nude body. “I appreciate the offer. I appreciate what you told me downstairs but I would also appreciate if you took your clothes and left.” Turning from her, Frank walked to the door and opened it.
“I was just trying to help, Frank.” She held her clothes tightly to her chest. “I didn’t mean to come off so cheap.” She rushed to the door but stopped when Frank closed it slightly. “God, I feel so stupid.”
“Just tell me one thing, El,” Frank whispered in her ear as she stared at the door’s edge. “Tell me how we got to this point. Did you lose that much respect for me, that much love, that you have to withdraw in order to be with me?”
“No, Frank.” Ellen’s voice cracked. “I have to be like that.”
“Why?”
Ellen’s breath was shivering, her eyes held tight to his fingers that gripped the edge of the door. “I just do. Please let me go.”
“No.” Frank moved his head closer. “You tell me why. You tell me why you have to stand before me and act as if it is nothing. Why?”
“Because I’m afraid.”
“Afraid of what, El? Huh? Afraid of what? Of me?”
“No.”
“Then what?”
“I’m afraid of me.” She sounded so much on the verge of tears. “I’m afraid if I’m not like that ...” S
he lifted her eyes to his, staring deep at him. “I’m afraid I may never wanna let you go.”
So barreled over by Ellen’s words at that moment, Frank felt his entire being drop to the pits of his stomach, hard and fluttering, forming an emotional lump in his throat. With what he just heard Ellen say, and no longer holding back what he kept deep inside, Frank’s hands released the door and went immediately to Ellen’s face. He pulled her up and into him and placed his mouth wide and hard to hers, kissing Ellen like he hadn’t done in so long. His body shook as he did so, weakening with the whimper she let out as he pulled her closer to him. He closed the bedroom door. with the weight of their two bodies, so symbolic-like, almost as if they were closing a long chapter in their lives. And they were. From that second on, Frank and Ellen both knew, there was no turning back.
His voice was barely heard, graveled and whispered, deep from within his soul. Never pulling his mouth far from Ellen’s as he spoke and brushed his lips against hers with nearly every word. “This is what I need ... this.” Sadness and aching carried in his voice. “You are my heart. I love you.” He kissed her again, spreading his fingers across her face, caressing the lips that he so lightly touched. “When will you understand? When will you learn? Everything I am ... I am for you. I live for you.”
This time Ellen grabbed on to Frank, grasping him, kissing him as she leaned back into the door, not wanting to let him go, pulling him back each time he pulled away.
“Tell me, El.” He kissed her as they began to slide down. “Tell me.” He felt Ellen’s head shake, her lips reaching for his. “Tell me.” Another kiss. “Please.”
“I love you, Frank.”
Frank lost his breath, his eyes rolled slightly, and he gripped Ellen with everything he was.
“I have never stopped loving you, Frank.”
Parting her lips with his, Frank slipped his hand under Ellen’s hair, then lifted her into his arms and carried her to the bed.
Locked.
Side by side their bodies were joined. Frank cradled Ellen in his arms, wanting to hold her as much as make love to her His mouth held tight to Ellen’s with kisses he did not want to stop, moving almost in perfect synch with his body. Each passing sweep and press of his lips reflected the motions his body made. Slow. So slow. Deep and intense.
Blink of an Eye: Beginnings Series Book 8 Page 50
