He needed time to process the doubt REDWOLF77 had poisoned him with. He’d wanted to give up after that, but Evie had insisted they keep trying. Now part of him hoped they never found a suitable match so he wouldn’t have to find out he couldn’t handle watching Evie with another man, while the other part of him couldn’t stand not knowing. He’d been so concerned with making sure that Evie wanted this as much as he did that he didn’t stop to wonder whether he would be the one who got cold feet.
And now he had them, and he didn’t know what to do with them.
He got off the bus in front of the hospital and grabbed a second cup of coffee from the cafeteria before heading to his locker, where his heart kicked at the sight of the photo he kept taped to the inside. It was taken before they had gone from friends to lovers: he and Evie when they had both been struck down with a cold in the same week. They looked terrible with red and raw noses and unwashed hair, but it had been a good day of being lazy on the sofa watching DVDs. She’d tried to hide her face when he took out his phone but he’d tucked his fingers into her armpits and tickled her, and the shot he got was a little blurry but made him deliriously happy whenever he saw her smile. He’d almost gone crazy with wanting to kiss her, even with the runny nose and puffy eyes.
REDWOLF77 was right. He was protective of her. He loved her. God, he loved her. He couldn’t bring himself to say it, but that didn’t stop him from loving her. If she gave him any indication whatsoever that she wanted to end this he’d do it, but his Evie was fearless.
Which was why he needed to be sure he found the right man. Not for him, but for her. For them.
Someone he could trust not to hurt her.
Someone he could trust not to take her away from him.
Coming out of her apartment, fingers flying over the screen to return Ryan’s text, Evie didn’t see the wall of plaid and hair standing on the other side of the door until she walked into it.
‘Jesus!’ Seth stepped back as she jumped, and returned her smile with a scolding look. ‘Maybe they should start giving out tickets for walking with those things.’
‘Or you could stop being a dinosaur, trade in that flip-phone and start communicating like someone your own age,’ she countered, hand still against her throat as her heart crawled back down where it belonged. She leaned in the doorway and looked down at the toolbox in his hand. ‘Is there a problem?’
‘You didn’t get my notice?’ She shook her head. ‘Why do I bother? I got my grant. I need to measure the windows on the inside, and while I’m in there I thought I’d run the tape through the whole place and check out that slow drain of yours.’
‘Planning to evict me?’
‘Never, though I expect I’ll be getting your notice to quit in the fall when you finally move upstairs.’
‘Shush,’ she said, though he was probably right. She’d spent more time in Ryan’s apartment since moving in than she had in her own, and Ryan had already teased that he should start making space for her in his closet.
‘The bathroom is kind of grungy, but that’s nothing new. Go ahead.’
She stepped aside, and Seth looked down her body. ‘No work today?’
‘I always have the day off after I do evenings.’
His first look had been nothing more but a quick intake of the green leggings and white sneakers she wore, but the second was slower, more discreet. It was the same look she got on the elevator with him when she first came to look at the apartment, and, just like she had to keep back her giggle then, she had to do it now as she watched him tuck his interest away.
When she first moved into the building, she became a little giddy whenever she ran into Seth. ‘Sex on legs’ was how she described him to her sister once. Not at all her type, not like Ryan, but he certainly fitted nicely into those fantasies that had yet to be indulged by a young woman out on her own for the first time. In her imagination, Seth had her on her knees in the elevator or bound to the cage down in the storage basement, or even bent over the banister outside her apartment with his hand in her hair.
She would have settled for a hard screw in her virgin bed and was on the verge of asking him for a drink when Ryan became a fixture, and her fantasies about Seth were overtaken by the flutter she got just thinking about her adorable neighbour. Then, once Ryan told her about Seth’s wife, she couldn’t meet Seth without feeling a little sad.
It was a little funny watching him walk into her apartment now, the picture of manliness with broad shoulders covered in plaid and the ink on display from the elbow down where his sleeves were rolled up, but wearing moccasin slippers, his usual uniform.
A horrifying thought struck her as he headed for the bathroom, and she followed behind him.
‘Oh, I think I forgot my phone. I’ll just be a second and I’ll be out of your hair.’
As he turned on the bathroom light and set his toolbox aside, Evie veered off into the bedroom. The bed was made – she hadn’t slept in it for days – but a tangle of sheets was the least of her concerns.
Evie peeked back to make sure Seth was still turned away from her, then quickly untied the nylon restraints from the head and footboard and dropped them into the hamper. She did another quick check around the room but there was nothing else, no handcuffs carelessly tossed on to the vanity table and no vibrators or plugs mingled with the bottles of nail polish and pots of creams.
‘So, do you need to use the toilet before you go?’ Seth asked, appearing in her bedroom door as she finished her perusal.
‘No, I’m good.’ She smiled up at him as she replaced her purse across her chest. She hated to admit it, but just watching him lean on the threshold had the potential to get her really horny really fast.
‘I think you probably should,’ he said, holding her gaze with a crooked smile, and mortification gushed through her.
She clapped her hands over her eyes and groaned. ‘Oh, shit, I’m so sorry.’
‘I’ve seen worse,’ he said with a quiet chuckle as she rushed past him to the bathroom.
Laid on the lip of the tub where they had been left to dry was a row of vibrators in various colours.
‘Define worse,’ she groaned, then held up her hand. ‘No, please don’t. I don’t want to hear about the fucking machine the middle-aged couple downstairs has in their spare bedroom.’
‘You need to run up to Ryan’s and do a sweep?’
She swivelled around and frowned. ‘You’re having too much fun with this, aren’t you?’
‘I don’t have a neatly arranged line of vibrators air-drying in my bathroom, so I’m actually feeling a little bad about myself at the moment.’ He slipped a hand into his breast pocket and pulled out his cigarettes. ‘I’ll give you a minute to put those away and dismantle the sex swing in the closet.’
‘You’re not funny,’ she called after him, and quickly gathered up her freshly washed toys. She was pretty sure she didn’t need to check Ryan’s place, as they hadn’t used any toys the night before, but after she called out her goodbye to Seth she went up to check anyway.
She’d already missed her bus to the mall, and so she sank down on the end of Ryan’s bed and pulled up her text app.
Seth saw my toys in the bathroom and now I think I’m going to die.
Not the anal beads! came the reply almost immediately. He must have been at the nurse’s station or on break.
You’re not mature enough to be my boyfriend.
I’m not the one with a vibrator shaped like a dolphin.
Evie flopped back on the bed and dragged the pillows over her face. She supposed her smell was in there somewhere, but all that filled her head was Ryan.
What would have happened if you had given up on Ryan and asked Seth to come in one night?
She tried to push the question away, but it refused to be banished. She rolled over, closed her eyes and cuddled into the pillow as she would have done if he was holding her in his arms.
She knew now it probably would have ended badly. Now that she kne
w Seth better, she could see that they might have burned hot to start, but he would have left her charred. On those nights when they sat together on the fire escape she could feel the blackness inside him seep out to join the shadows around him. Some nights he drank too much and fell silent for long stretches. Other nights he caught himself before he said Rita’s name.
It’s possible that Seth would have indulged her fantasies like Ryan did, but even if she had been able to withstand his darkness, there still would have been Ryan. He still would have knocked her world off its axis, and things would have become messy.
She pressed the pillow against her face and breathed deeply, and then guilt pricked her.
Ryan would be furious if he knew she had gone ahead and made a second profile online. Not on the free site he had been trying, but one that cost her a tidy chunk off her credit card. She couldn’t take waiting any longer. If she wasn’t driven out of her mind by those filthy things he whispered in her ear while he played with her, she was twisted into knots watching his impatience grow.
In the three hours since she’d created the profile, she’d received almost twenty replies. There was a definite improvement, but no one had grabbed her so far. She hadn’t replied and wouldn’t until one of them really attracted her, and then she’d tell Ryan about it, let him have a little sulk and then show him what she’d found. If none of them appealed to her, she’d just close the account and think of all the things she could have bought with the money she’d spent.
‘Fuck! Goddamn motherfucking cocksucking bitch!’
Evie tossed the pillow aside and went to the window. She could see movement below, and when she pushed the window open all the way and poked her head out she couldn’t help her laughter.
Seth stood on the landing, soaked from the waist up.
‘Find the leak?’ she called to him.
He shot her a look as filthy as his language, then tugged his ponytail free. ‘I busted a pipe.’
‘But my vibrators are OK?’
The fury he directed towards her made her giggle, and Seth followed suit as he shook his soaked hair.
‘As long as they’re waterproof,’ he said, and leaned back against the railing. ‘It’s not that bad. I’ll clean up the floor before you get home but I’m going to have to call the plumber. Oh, look at this dirty little fucker coming to gloat.’
Marco had pattered up the fire escape and now rubbed himself against Seth’s calves.
Seth wrung out his hair and flung the water at his pet. Marco jerked but nonetheless resumed his worship.
‘I’ll throw your towels in the wash, too,’ he called up, but Evie just shook her head.
‘Don’t worry about it. I’ve got to do a load tomorrow anyway. Just hang them up and I’ll get them. You going to the hardware store?’
He picked the cat up and cradled it in one arm. ‘Wasn’t planning on it, but I am now.’
‘Good. I’ll go with you. There’s a dollar store next door and I need a few things, then I’ll make you a tea while you fix my busted pipe. Hey, Seth!’
He looked up again, and Evie snapped a picture.
‘You put that on the Internet and I’ll kill you,’ he warned.
‘How would you know? You have a flip-phone. You probably still have an AOL account. If I put it online you’ll never find it. Change your shirt. I’ll meet you downstairs.’
She sent the photo to Ryan as she headed out. Caught the landlord getting some pussy wet on the fire escape.
Too bad he kept his shirt on. He’s got a great chest.
‘Oh,’ she said, sitting on the bottom step by the mailboxes. Even after all this, it still surprised her when he said things like this and reminded her that he actually looked at other men and found them attractive.
She flashed back to the night before when he’d teased her about bringing Seth into the fold, and she actually felt faint.
If only. None of this online bullshit or getting a feel for a potential playmate. Just the three of them getting wild between the sheets.
The thump of Seth’s boots on the stairs jarred her out of the porno playing out in her head. He’d changed from his red plaid into a green T-shirt and had let his damp hair hang free around his shoulders.
‘You ready to go?’ Seth asked.
Evie nodded and followed behind him. ‘You have no idea.’
Chapter Three
Passing by Evie’s door, Ryan heard the profanity and laughed under his breath. Most people expected Seth to be either crass or a gentle giant. For most of the time, the landlord fitted the latter category – but when he slipped into the former, man, could he ever swear. He made cussing an art form.
It stopped when Ryan knocked on the doorjamb.
‘Need a hand?’
Seth turned around and raised his thick brows. ‘No offence, but you don’t look like you know how to even unclog a drain.’
Ryan crossed his arms over his chest. ‘I know how to put in a catheter. Do you?’
‘What is that? Some kind of threat?’
‘I’m just pointing out that we both know a bit about plumbing.’
Seth shuddered. ‘That might just be the most disgusting thing anyone has ever said to me, and I suppose I deserved that. No, I don’t need any help. I’m almost done. I’m just sitting here pissed off at myself for fucking up to begin with and then not being able to get a plumber. Evie’s at your place, if you’re looking for her. She was chopping up veggies for something when I left her.’
Ryan couldn’t help the thorn of possessiveness that pricked him every time he found out that Evie and Seth had been hanging out. Christ, how could he not? Look at Seth. If Ryan was still in denial about his sexuality, Seth Axworthy would have pushed him over the edge.
He didn’t think he really had anything to worry about, though. Seth was still dealing with losing Rita, and Evie…well, he’d like to think that Evie had chosen him over other men, including Seth, but he knew that Evie still had a little crush on him.
He had to trust her or go out of his mind every minute they weren’t together.
‘Heard you got a little surprise when you were in here earlier,’ Ryan teased, and Seth guffawed even as he strained against his pipe wrench like he was trying to pull Excalibur from the stone.
‘Yeah, quite the colourful collection. Could have been worse. She could have known I saw the stuff on the bed before she ran in here to clean it up.’
Ryan laughed sheepishly. ‘You’ve seen worse.’
‘That’s what I told her, but I didn’t elaborate. I didn’t want to scar her for life.’
‘Thanks, I appreciate that.’
He hiked his backpack up his shoulder and watched as Seth wiped his brow with his bare forearm, and he couldn’t help remembering the last time he’d seen Seth sitting on the floor of a bathroom. Rita had been there, sitting on the toilet seat with a beer in one hand and Marco, the kitten she’d fished out of the dumpster a few weeks ago, on her lap. When sweat got in her husband’s eyes, she automatically reached out and wiped it away with her sleeve, then tucked the beer into his hand.
Ryan couldn’t begin to imagine how lonely it must be for Seth to be on his own after Rita passed. He didn’t see much of her, save for once, close to the end, when Seth was lifting her out of the car. She hadn’t even looked like herself. Even with all he’d seen at the hospital, Ryan had nearly blanched with horror at her skeletal frame before stepping forward to offer his help. He’d received a warning look from Seth and backed off, and a few weeks later she was gone.
As badly as he wanted to go upstairs and lock himself in with Evie at that moment, he found the words tugging at the tip of his tongue.
‘Hey, why don’t you come up when you’re done? There’s always too much left over.’
Seth grunted with effort. ‘It’ll be a while.’
‘Then we’ll get shitfaced on cheap wine until you’re ready. We’re fun drunks.’
The throaty sound Ryan first mistook for a chuckle revea
led itself as a growl as Seth settled back. ‘I wish people would stop doing that.’
There it was, the same warning as that day outside with Rita, only with more menace. Ryan shifted uncomfortably, wishing he’d just kept his mouth shut.
‘I’m sorry.’
‘I don’t need to be pitied,’ Seth went on, grimacing as he fought with the pipe. His next words came out as a hiss through his teeth. ‘I don’t need pity. I’m not some sad old man sitting around with his cat and a TV dinner, and I got enough free food after the funeral.’
‘I didn’t mean –’
‘No one ever does,’ Seth snapped, and cursed again before sitting back. He shook his head, and for a horrifying moment, as he pinched the bridge between his eyes, Ryan worried his landlord was going to cry.
‘Evie’s waiting for you. She kept checking the clock while I was up there. Go. I’ll slip a note under the door when I’m finished, though she might as well stay the night up there.’
Ryan took a step back. He lingered even though he wished he had the ability to teleport upstairs, or at the very least erase chunks of time like the last minute.
Seth shot him another warning look, and then he laughed. It seemed to Ryan as though the other man was laughing at himself.
‘Get out of here before I make you help me.’
Ryan quietly exhaled. Free with no hard feelings. ‘If you change your mind, we’ll be upstairs.’
As soon as he locked the door behind him, Ryan dropped his pack and went in search of Evie. He found her sitting on his bed, feet bare and hanging over the edge of the bed as she channel surfed. She turned and smiled, and before she could say anything he leaned down and kissed her.
Aside from the small sound of surprise at his intensity, Evie gave in to his kiss immediately. She let the remote drop and cupped his face, and when he’d leached enough good vibes from her with that kiss and lifted his head, she was ready with a smile.
Cross My Heart Page 3
