That didn’t stop her from wondering what it would be like to feel what he felt when he was aroused.
His lips lifted in a taunting smile. “I told you you weren’t brave enough, so you might as well give up now. Without the mental seduction, you’ll never get what you want from me.”
Sarah frowned, retorting, “You would think that by now you’d know I won’t fall for your tricks, wicáhmunga.”
Instead of responding, he dropped to his knees in front of her, caught her chin in his hand and studied her face for a long moment. Then he gave an amazed shake of his head.
“You look so . . . wicked, but I know the talisman’s distorting your image. I also know that deep down you’re fighting its evilness, and that’s why it doesn’t want you to connect with my mind. It’s afraid you’ll learn it’s lying to you, that it’s been lying to you all along.”
She opened her mouth to object, but he quickly went on, “I’m convinced that there is no window to release Lucien, Sarah. The talisman used him to get me into this unholy cocoon with you. It wants me to brutalize you so you’ll turn on me, and then it’s going to make you kill Lucien to avenge me for raping you.”
“That’s a lie!” she declared, jerking her chin out of his hand and climbing to her feet. She glared down at him, her hands balled into fists at her sides.
“It’s not a lie, Sarah. It’s the truth, and I can prove it to you.”
Before she could reply, he reached down and snatched the sunglasses off the floor of the cocoon. As he lifted them toward his face, a wave of terror swept through Sarah. She didn’t know what he planned to do, but it was a trick, and she couldn’t fall for it. She had to make him take her as he was meant to take her. She couldn’t fail again!
He slid the glasses onto his nose and said, “Look at yourself in the mirrored lenses, Sarah. See what the talisman is doing to you.”
“No!” she yelled, spinning around and burying her face in her hands before she could focus on the image of herself.
She didn’t hear him stand, and she jumped when he placed his hands on her shoulders. She tried to move away from him, but he forced her to turn around so that she faced him.
“I won’t look,” she said fiercely, keeping her hands over her face.
“Of course you’ll look,” he murmured softly, compassionately. “Your scruples are too strong to let you turn your back on the truth.”
“I know you lust for me, so why won’t you just do what you’re supposed to do?” she whispered brokenly.
“Because it’s wrong.”
Sarah wasn’t prepared for such a simple statement, and the sincerity with which he delivered it rocked her to the core.
He lies! the voice inside her screamed.
If the voice had made the claim earlier, Sarah knew she’d have listened to it. But its charge was too loud and sharp in contrast to Sebastian’s quiet delivery.
Slowly, fearfully, she lowered her hands. Her gaze was centered on Sebastian’s chest, and she stared at the triangle nestled in the dark curls covering its muscled expanse. The triangle no longer glowed red. Indeed, it no longer glowed at all but had returned to normal.
Drawing in a deep breath for courage, she raised her gaze to his face. As she focused on the image reflected in the mirrored lenses, she gave a frantic shake of her head. That . . . grotesque ghoul wasn’t her. It couldn’t be her!
But it was her, and she knew that no amount of denial would change it. Worse, she knew that Sebastian was wrong. The talisman wasn’t distorting her image. It portrayed the true essence of her soul.
As the horror of that hit her, her entire body began to tremble and her legs went weak. She wanted to scream and cry and rail, but she couldn’t find the strength to release a whimper, let alone an angry word. Instead, she sank to her knees, wrapped her arms around herself, and cursed Wanága for not destroying her before she’d come into her powers. Now it was too late. She’d become a horrible monster, and she’d remain that way for the rest of her life.
“Sarah?” Sebastian questioned gently as he again knelt in front of her.
“Go away,” she stated dully, refusing to look at him.
“I’m afraid that’s not possible. We’re stuck in this damnable cocoon, remember?”
Reluctantly, she raised her head. She’d expected to again confront the demonic caricature of herself in his glasses, and she was both surprised and grateful to see he’d removed them.
“I don’t know how to make it go away without hurting you,” she said, tears suddenly blurring her eyes. “I would if I could, but I don’t know how.”
“I do,” he said, reaching out to stroke her cheek. “Open your mind to me, and then make love with me.”
She flinched away from his hand. “How can you touch me when I look like this?”
“Because I can see beneath the surface to the real woman inside. She’s good and kind and brave and strong. She’s a fighter, and she isn’t going to let the talisman defeat her.”
She gave a miserable shake of her head and glanced down as she confessed, “What you see is the real woman. It’s the other that’s a fake.”
“That’s what the talisman wants you to believe, but I know it isn’t true.”
She didn’t respond, and he again caught her chin and raised her head, forcing her to look at him. His eyes stared deeply into hers, and she shuddered, horrified to think of the ogre he must see in their depths.
She tried to pull away from him, but he held her fast and whispered, “Let me help you.”
“Why would you want to help me?” she asked, her tears spilling down her cheeks. “All I can bring to you and your people is death.”
He released his hold on her chin and dropped his hand to his lap. “If that were true, the talisman wouldn’t keep trapping us in here. That has to mean we still have control of our souls, and as long as we maintain control, we have a fighting chance.”
“You may have a fighting chance, but as you said on the mountain, I’m corrupted. Even if we defeat the talisman, I’m doomed.”
She almost expected him to deny her assertion.
When he didn’t, she couldn’t decide if she felt disappointed or relieved. A part of her wanted—needed—his reassurance, but she didn’t think she could bear him lying to her.
“Will you do it, Sarah?” he asked instead. “Will you open your mind to me and make love with me?”
“The talisman will fight us,” she said, wiping at her tear-stained cheeks. “In fact, I’m surprised it isn’t fighting us right now.”
“The fact that it isn’t fighting us tells me that we still have free will. It can try to tempt us away from our choice, but it has to let us make the choice in the first place. That means we can fight back.”
“It won’t be as simple as you make it sound.”
“We can do this, Sarah.”
“How can you be so confident?”
“Because I know you want to fight the talisman as much as I do. I trust you to help me win this battle.”
I trust you to help me win this battle. She closed her eyes, his words vibrating warmly inside her. His trust was the last thing she was worthy of, but he was giving it to her anyway. He was a fool. But so was she, because she wanted his trust, even though she knew he’d regret giving it to her.
“I’ll do it on one condition,” she said, opening her eyes and cursing when they again filled with tears. She quickly blinked them back, because she knew that he wouldn’t take her request seriously otherwise.
“If it’s within my power, I’ll do anything you ask,” he said.
“It’s within your power.” She had to pause and draw in a deep breath before she could find the fortitude to continue. “When this is over and we’ve defeated the talisman—and I know we’ll defeat it—I want you to promise
you’ll help me kill myself.”
He frowned and shook his head. “My race doesn’t believe in suicide, Sarah, and even if we did, there’s no reason for you to kill yourself. The coven released the talisman into your society, so we’re responsible for what’s happened to you. We would never punish you for that, and I swear we’ll take care of you. You’ll have to be confined, but you’ll never want for anything.”
“I’ll be confined, but I’ll never want for anything?” she repeated with a bleak laugh. “I know you mean well, but listen to what you’re saying, Sebastian. In the first place, you’re assuming you can keep me confined. What if I still have some power after the talisman’s gone? And even if I don’t, what if, somewhere down the road, someone accidentally releases me? I could end up like Seamus Morpeth, running off to torture innocent people.”
He opened his mouth to respond, but she held up her hand. “Maybe neither of those scenarios would ever happen, but I’m twenty-five years old. I’ve spent the past twenty of those years doing nothing but training to be the guardian. I’m not about to exchange that prison for another that could last fifty or more years. If I can’t lead a normal life, possibly have a husband and a family, then I don’t want a life at all. I’ll do anything you want, and I’ll fight against the talisman as hard as I can. But you have to make me this promise. You have to swear that when this is over, you’ll help me kill myself.”
When he looked hesitant, she said, “Sebastian, before you say no, I want you to understand that I’ll do this with or without your help, it’s just . . .”
“It’s just what?” he prodded when she couldn’t continue.
“All my life I’ve been alone,” she said, hating it when she again felt the sting of tears. She rubbed her hands across her eyes to erase them. Then she stared at him pleadingly and said, “Please, Sebastian. Don’t abandon me at the end. Don’t make me die alone.”
“Oh, Sarah,” he whispered hoarsely.
He started to say more, but she knew he wanted to console her, to try to talk her out of her plans. But she also knew that nothing he said would change her mind, so she threw herself into his arms and sealed her lips over his. She’d worry about getting his promise later. For now, she’d make love with him, and with any luck, she’d bind him so tightly to her that he’d never be able to say no to the only thing she’d ever ask of him.
Chapter 17
Evil Spawns
AS SARAH THREW herself into Sebastian’s arms and pressed her lips to his, he decided that the talisman didn’t know a damn thing about using seduction as a means of corruption. Her kiss, given willingly and honestly, was far more lust inducing than the oral pleasure she’d given him earlier.
When she slid her tongue into his mouth and began a shy game of thrust and parry, he suddenly recalled that when they’d made love on the mountaintop, she’d been a virgin. He knew it was ridiculous, but possessiveness surged through him at the knowledge that no other man—or, in his case, warlock—had ever made love to her.
And now it was time to introduce her to another first. He wanted— needed—to make love to her with his mind. Burrowing his hands into her thick mane of hair, he started to ease away from the kiss.
“No,” she murmured in protest when he finally managed to pull his lips away from hers. As he looked at her, she stared back, her golden eyes filled with hot, urgent passion as she whispered, “Please. Don’t stop.”
“I have no intention of stopping,” he said gruffly. “I just want to make it more pleasurable. Open your mind to me, Sarah. Let me show you how you make me feel; then, you can show me how I make you feel.”
She closed her eyes tightly and shivered. Sebastian wanted to believe it was a sexy reaction to his words. Her tense features, however, told him that it had nothing to do with him. He suspected that the talisman bedeviled her, and he frowned, feeling a strange jab of jealousy. He didn’t want her attention on the talisman or anything else, for that matter. He wanted her focused on him and him alone, and he was tempted to crush her against his body and plunder her with kisses until she shut the damnable object out of her mind.
He knew, however, that if they hoped to beat the talisman, she had to make this choice on her own. And, if she decided to open her mind to him, he would have to be the submissive partner in their lovemaking, letting her take the lead and maintain control. Otherwise, the talisman would twist everything he did to her, even sexual penetration, into an act of aggression.
He drew in a deep breath, shaken by that realization. He wasn’t bothered by the thought of letting Sarah take control of their lovemaking. He knew from experience that playing the passive role could be highly satisfying. But what he felt toward her was not the normal manifestation of desire. It was barbaric lust sparked by the talisman, and he wasn’t sure he could remain acquiescent while she made love to him.
Sarah suddenly opened her eyes and announced, “I’ll open my mind to you.”
Her capitulation was too swift, and Sebastian warily searched her face, looking for an answer to his unease. When he noted the overtly libidinous gleam in her eyes, his own libido went on a rampage. Once their minds joined, the desire simmering between them would explode into passion so intense it would consume them.
At the thought, he suddenly knew why her agreement disturbed him, and he drew in a shaky breath. The talisman had used reverse psychology on him. It had made him think that it didn’t want Sarah’s and his minds to connect, but that was exactly what it wanted. It knew that once they linked, Sarah’s every look, every touch, every kiss, would be magnified to unnatural proportions. The talisman would use that amplification to heighten his desire for her and fuel his lust until he was sexually reduced to the same level as a caveman. There was no way he’d be able to refrain from tumbling Sarah to her back and taking her just like the talisman wanted. He couldn’t go through with this! He had to keep his mind closed to her!
Except I have to go through with it, he told himself, angry at letting the talisman dupe him. If I tell her I changed my mind, she’ll think I set out to humiliate her by making her agree to my terms only to turn her down. Any measure of trust she has in me will be destroyed.
He closed his eyes and inwardly cursed. How could he have been such a fool? Why hadn’t he seen the talisman’s scheme? Why . . .
He stopped himself. Self-castigation wouldn’t solve anything. He’d walked into the talisman’s trap, and now he had to ensure that he escaped the snare. And he would escape. He was not a caveman, and there was no way he would lose this battle because he couldn’t control his hormones.
Opening his eyes, he said, “I’m ready whenever you are.”
AS SARAH DREW in a deep breath, preparing to connect with Sebastian’s mind, the voice inside her cried, You can’t do this! He doesn’t want to help you. He wants to control your mind so he can learn your secrets and steal the power of the lightning. Then he will destroy you.
Sarah’s survival instincts flared to life at the declaration, and it took all her willpower to squelch them. She knew that everything the voice said might be true. But after seeing the image of herself in Sebastian’s sunglasses, she also knew that, regardless of his motivations, she couldn’t allow herself to survive. If he told her the truth, they’d defeat the talisman and he’d help her die. If he lied to her, then he’d destroy her, and she’d be spared seeing herself fully evolve into the monster she now knew she was.
Knowing the voice would continue to torment her, she didn’t give it a chance. She stared deeply into Sebastian’s eyes and opened her mind to him.
All her life she’d read others’ minds, but this was the first time she’d actively joined with one, and she started when his psyche suddenly meshed with hers. His thoughts and feelings overwhelmed her, jumbling her own thoughts and emotions, so that she couldn’t separate her personality from his. It was disorienting and frightening, and she im
mediately began to withdraw.
“No. Don’t pull away. Give yourself a few minutes to adjust,” Sebastian said. She was looking at him, but she was so muddled she wasn’t sure if he actually spoke or mentally communicated with her.
“I’m speaking,” he told her. “I know this is a new experience for you, and until you become accustomed to it, the sound of my voice will help you maintain your own autonomy.”
“I don’t feel autonomous,” she replied shakily. “I feel . . . swallowed up.”
“You’re not being swallowed up. You have complete control over your mind, and you can break this link at any time simply by deciding to do so. But you’re feeling confused right now because you’re trying to absorb everything at once. Focus on one thought or feeling until you’re anchored. Once you’ve done that, you’ll automatically begin to filter our thoughts and feelings, and you’ll know which is yours and which is mine. Then you can pick and choose which ones you want to pursue. So pick a thought or feeling and focus, okay?”
“What thought or feeling should I focus on?” she asked, still feeling shaky but intrigued by his premise.
He flashed her a grin. “You mean, whose thought or feeling. It can be yours or mine. All that matters is that you’re comfortable with it.”
Sarah nervously flicked her tongue across her lips. She was tempted to choose his mind as an anchor, if, for no other reason than the novelty it presented. But she knew that she’d be playing with fire. She might feel overwhelmed, but she was very conscious of his physical desire. Indeed, it was so uppermost in his mind that it nearly swamped her own senses.
Instead, she concentrated on looking at him, letting herself absorb the details of his face. For the first time, she saw the tiny lines that flared out from the corners of his eyes, the small scar that rode high on his left cheek. How did he get that scar? she wondered, barely resisting the urge to touch it.
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