by Pratt, Lulu
“A whole division,” he repeated the announcement with no emotion, his eyes void of the sparkle I’d witnessed only a few seconds before.
“What’s wrong?” I stopped him.
My banter with my father was one thing, but I could tell when something really bothered him and his reaction to my promotion was nothing like I expected. Despite his lack of excitement for my profession choice, it was never questioned that he wanted me to achieve my greatest potential.
“Ya know, Jude,” he started, putting his hands on his hips as he looked from one end of the office to the other before looking directly into my eyes. “I really thought this trip was different. Your mother said you’d been talking about making a change. We always wanted you to explore the world, but I’m getting old. I can’t keep coming to this office,” he paused, looking out to Ms. Arlene and then back to me.
“I thought you’d want to take over this. You know, carry on something for your children.”
It was a punch to the gut, and nothing I had been expecting. I’d always known my father wanted Hatch Towing to stay in the family, but it never occurred to me he would ever expect me to run the company for him.
“But Dad,” I reasoned, prepared to remind him of the many times he’d told me to do what I wanted to do, because the family business was well taken care of.
“I know, dammit!” he barked, poking his lip out. My father was a stubborn and proud man, so watching him admit he wanted something from me was a bit overwhelming. “It’ll always be yours, Jude. But it would be nice if you wanted to really be a part of it. It’s always been a family business, you know?”
“Yeah, Dad. I know.”
Unable to look in my eyes any longer, my father tried to subtly wipe the tear from the corner of his eye before gathering a stack of papers from his desk, asking me to take them home for my mother to look over.
“Okay. Uh, yeah, no problem,” I took the papers, turning to leave as if the delivery were urgent.
“I’ll see you for dinner,” he growled and I nodded my agreement, closing his glass office door behind me.
My walk was heavier, my shoulders weighing me down as I made my way to my car. Driving through the countryside, the wind sung melodies in my ear as it passed through my hair. What was usually my time to unwind from a high-stress job had turned out to be more intense than I planned.
Between Holly, who I hadn’t spoken to since her abrupt departure after the food tasting, and my father’s heavy admission about the family business, I felt the strong need for a vacation from this vacation. When I saw the neon lights of the bar flashing from the side of the highway, it might as well have been a foreign beach.
Temporary or not, I was looking forward to a brief escape from reality when I stepped into the small bar. As everyone turned to face me, I caught the two familiar eyes excited to see me.
“Are you fucking kidding me?” Dylan smiled, raising his hands in the air before signaling to the bartender.
Two beers and a huge basket of chicken wings later, we’d caught up on everything. Dylan told me all about the plan to open a second hotel in Savannah before considering branching out further.
“You’ve got to come down and see it, man. This time next year, we’ll have the new hotel up and running. What are you doing tomorrow morning?” he asked.
“I’ve got breakfast with my mom, but I can come in the afternoon,” I offered.
“Ah, I promised Chris I’d take him on a walk tomorrow,” he shook his head.
I couldn’t stop the smile from spreading. It was obvious Dylan loved his nephew beyond words, holding true to a promise he couldn’t possibly understand. Maybe it was the look in his eyes, or possibly the liquor still burning my chest, but something permitted me to speak freely.
“What’s up with Holly and Chris’ dad?” I asked the question that had been burning deep in my subconscious.
“Who knows?”
“What’s that mean?” I pushed, insisting on an explanation.
“I’ve never met the clown. You know Holly is private. She always says the only man she’s bringing home is her husband. I guess she didn’t want to be with the guy, or he didn’t want a kid, but she refused to tell anyone who Chris’ father is. And he isn’t on the scene. Listen, I don’t get into the drama of my sister. She’s got a son, I love him like he’s my own, that’s it,” he huffed, signaling the bartender for another round.
“Oh, how Holly is doing?” I asked as the bartender placed the cold mugs on the bar.
“Holly’s great. Really. You know we’re always going to make sure she’s taken care of. Between me and my dad, Chris doesn’t need any other father figures.”
“I hear that.” I raised the glass as Dylan did the same. One gulp after the next, I tried to bury the guilt of keeping such a huge secret from my best friend.
He was usually the person I sought advice from, but how could I ask him how to deal with my feelings for his little sister? Something didn’t make sense about Holly’s story, but I wasn’t ready to face my suspicions.
When I saw Chris, I felt something strange, but familiar. His soft curls reminded me of Jessie, and I instantly felt the love I felt holding my baby sister when she was a baby. It had been so long since I felt the defenseless grip of a tiny hand wrapped around my finger, eyes full of wonder looking up at me. I could understand why Dylan was so adamant about spending the afternoon with him.
Admiring my friend’s dedication to his nephew made me think of my father. I thought of how impressed he’d be by Dylan’s commitment, a warm feeling of pride swirling in my chest.
Holly had always been like a little sister to me, naïve and vulnerable. Protecting her was instinctual, but what I felt now was deeper than that. With liquid courage coursing through my veins, I wondered why she had gone so cold after our near perfect days together. My history with women led me to replay all my actions, searching for my mistake. Deciding not to focus on what I couldn’t control, I let loose with Dylan, but in the back of my mind I was plotting on making things right with Holly.
Chapter Fifteen
HOLLY
THE WEATHER was perfect for the annual holiday parade, and Savannah was buzzing with energy as I made my way through downtown. As a child, my family would always spend the day on a blanket, enjoying the festivities while feasting on my mom’s packed lunch.
It was a community event, with the children serving as the stars of the show. For weeks, the elementary and middle schools had rehearsed various routines to walk the parade.
Wearing Chris on my chest in a black carrier, I scanned the crowded park for a small spot to lay my flannel blanket down as my hand moved in rhythmic circles along his back. As always, Chris was relaxed and easy going, trying his best to turn to face the crowd as his attention span had been increasing by the day.
He’d recently begun to follow people around the room with his blue eyes, and now with so many people walking throughout the city, he was more than stimulated. Rubbing my fingers through his soft hair, I smiled as I thought of the traditions I was creating with him.
“You all right, little man?” I asked, tilting my head down to catch a glimpse of his tiny smile.
I’d just spotted a family packing up their blanket, and knowing how quickly spaces were being taken, I moved quickly, tiptoeing between blankets as I made my way to the open space. With one hand on the back of Chris’ head, I held him close to my chest, listening to his soft gurgles as his small fingers latched around a few strands of my hair.
“Holly!”
The word stopped my heart, the sound too familiar to ignore. It had been days since I heard his voice, since I’d done everything in my power to avoid Jude after our weird interaction at the hotel. It was too close of a call, and looking across the park, I watched as he all but jogged to get over to me.
“I knew you’d be down here,” he leaned down, searching my eyes as he awkwardly wrapped his strong arms around me. Curious as ever, Chris pushed against my body a
s he fought to turn to face Jude, his whimpers evidence of his defeat.
“I’m trying to get…” I tried to explain as another family settled into the spot I’d hope to claim. Frustrated at the bad timing, I let lose a “Dammit!”
Chris’ cry came sharp and sudden, like a siren warning everyone within a five-mile radius. Frantically, I walked back to the walkway, bouncing each step as I tapped Chris’ back with my fingertips, soothing him with soft hums.
“It’s okay, Mama’s here,” I whispered as his small body started to calm down in my arms.
“I’ve been trying to call you,” Jude spoke over my shoulder.
“I’ve been really busy,” I glanced down at Chris, unable to look into Jude’s blue eyes.
“There’s not that much busy in the world, Holly,” he whispered, moving closer.
“Trust me, you can look up and a whole year can pass before you talk to someone.”
It was hurtful and sudden, the words so sharp I wasn’t sure they actually belonged to me. We both stopped walking, Jude’s eyebrows racing to his hairline as he stared at me in a stunned silence.
Between searching for a seat, running into Jude, and dealing with Chris’ outburst, I was over my limit with emotions and even I knew I needed a timeout. With my hands on my hips, I took a deep breath, exhaling loudly before I looked up into his concerned eyes.
“I’m sorry. I don’t know where that came from. I just got frustrated trying to find a seat, and I didn’t mean to take it out on you,” I explained, nervously tapping Chris’ back again. Rocking from one side to the other, I felt his body twist when Jude moved closer, struggling yet again to face him.
“Come on, I’ve already got a spot in the back,” Jude reached for my hand, leading me around a narrow walkway before I could object.
“You okay?” I whispered down to Chris, gently touching his hair. The sun shined bright, reflecting off his curls, making them appear more red than blond.
“He’s fine. Aren’t you, buddy?” Jude leaned down, smirking when Chris flashed his deep dimples. “We’re just right here.”
Right beneath a tree, there was a red and white flannel blanket covered in shade. Looking from left to right, I noted that there appeared to be no other seating anywhere. It was prime real estate for the festivities, with clear sightlines to the parade and only a short walk to the food area.
“How did you get this spot?” I asked, impressed.
“My mom’s book club reserves a few seats and she told me about it,” he shrugged, his attention focused on Chris.
“He’s fine,” I assured him, rubbing Chris’ back.
“I know. Can I see him?” he asked, his eyes a bit desperate.
“Jude, you don’t have to stay down here with us. I know you don’t want to spend your day with me and a crying baby,” I huffed, slowly unclasping the straps to the baby carrier, taking the squirming baby into my arms.
“Maybe I do.”
Our eyes locked, and there was a seriousness in the air that contrasted with the surrounding laughter and excitement of the parade that was about to start. With all that was going on around us, there was a privacy between us eliminating all the noise of the parade.
“Ahh!” Chris screamed, interrupting our gaze. We both laughed, and I wondered if Jude, like me, was wondering how we so easily got trapped in one trance after another whenever we were around each other.
“Here, you need another view,” Jude whispered to Chris as he lifted him into the air. “Come on, sit down.”
Following his lead, I sat on the wool blanket, opening my navy blue baby bag to unpack my food. I’d packed a few sticks of celery and a Tupperware tub of peanut butter and I was craving a snack. While Jude held Chris, I dipped the celery into the peanut butter before sprinkling a few raisins on top. It had been my favorite snack for as long as I could remember, and it was one of the only sweets I was allowing myself on my new diet.
“Ants on a log? Are you twelve?” Jude teased as he held Chris casually against his body with one arm.
It had never dawned on me that being a big brother had made him so comfortable caring for babies. Jude took to Chris so naturally, holding him close as he rocked his arm back and forth.
“I’m on a strict diet, and celery has no calories,” I explained shamelessly before taking another bite of my celery.
“A diet? For what?” Jude asked, lifting Chris so that his head rested on his shoulder.
“That’s nice, but I know you can see I’ve gained a lot of weight with Chris,” I addressed the elephant in the room.
Pregnancy had changed my body, probably forever, and while I did enjoy my new curves at times, I couldn’t imagine how shocking it had to be for Jude. My entire life I was rail thin, and now I was softer and thicker in some places.
“Holly, you don’t need to lose anything anywhere. Your body is perfect.” His tone was lustful. It felt erotic, like he was imagining me naked.
Looking away, I could feel the heat in my face. It had been so long since I heard anyone so boldly compliment my body. It was intoxicating. He was kind, but I felt I could stand to lose a few more pounds.
“I’m serious,” Jude said, his right hand gripping my thigh as he pulled me closer to him. With his fingers slipping further between my legs, a slight moan felt like a breath, but my mouth was too close to his ear for it to go unnoticed. “Your body is perfect, babe.”
My eyes closed at his term of endearment that freed a cage of butterflies in my belly. Satisfied with our closeness, Jude draped his right arm around me as he held Chris with his left. The parade started right in front of us, young children dressed in their bright festive costumes — elves and Santa’s helpers.
“May I have one of your delicious snacks?” Jude nodded to my package of celery and I quickly created one for him. Holding the celery topped with peanut butter and raisins to his lips, I giggled, watching Jude’s suspicious glare.
“Oh, just take a bite!” I said loudly, a small part of me melting when his lips curled into a smirk, revealing his pearly white teeth. After one last glance at me, he took a bite, still smiling.
“Pretty good,” he admitted afterwards, pulling me closer so my body was flush against his.
“I guess it’s not what you’d typically be eating in New York,” I joked. Jude’s life there was such a mystery to me, one I’d love to know more about, although I doubted if I could ever truly understand a world so different than Savannah.
“It’s freezing in New York right now,” he shook his head as if the memory left a bad taste in his mouth.
“Well, at least you get a white Christmas. What’s that like?” I wondered.
“It’s more like a brown Christmas, because they never come to plow the snow. Instead, the just push it to the side, and it sits in huge grayish brown mountains for weeks at a time.”
“Don’t say that! You’re ruining my New York fantasy,” I pressed my fingers to my ears.
“You want to go to New York?” he asked, shocked.
I smiled and shrugged.
“I’ll take you to New York, okay?” he asked, letting me off the hook. “You and Chris,” he smiled, looking down at my son… our son.
It was bittersweet to have the family I so desperately wanted, knowing that Jude was unaware of his role in all this. Chris deserved to have his father in his life, and spending the afternoon with him was a like a glimpse into my dream life.
We were a family, laughing enjoying the city I loved. After the parade, Jude went to get us both Italian sausages from the food trucks. Later, we ate candy apples and split a mug of eggnog as the sun set, making way for the Christmas light show.
“We’re staying for the later show, right?” he asked, glancing down at Chris, who was fast asleep on a makeshift pallet I’d made of blankets.
“I planned to, but now that he’s sleep, maybe I should just get him home,” I wondered aloud.
“Just relax. Let’s enjoy the night together,” Jude said, and a comfor
table warmth moved through my chest.
For the first time in a long time, it felt like I belonged. Right there with Jude and Chris, I felt like I was exactly where I was supposed to be.
Chapter Sixteen
JUDE
THE AFTERNOON had gone perfectly, but no amount of bliss could eliminate the weight in my chest. The longer I was around Chris, the more it made sense. The resemblance to Jessie was too much to be a coincidence, and the look in his eyes too familiar to be anything less than family.
After failing to get answers from Dylan, asking Holly felt like the only way to get to the truth, but how could I question something so obvious? Regardless of how much it made sense, I couldn’t wrap my mind around the possibility that she would keep such a secret from me.
After a perfect day together, the last thing I wanted to do was scare her off. It was clear she had been avoiding me after our taste testing at the hotel, but my trip was ending in a little over a week and I needed to know if I was losing my mind.
There was so much that had happened since I last saw Holly, and I wanted to know every detail of what I missed. How had she fared through all of this, and after hearing her sassy comment about me disappearing for a year, I couldn’t shake the guilt.
The thought of her struggling through a pregnancy alone was too much to bear. Sure, her family should have been there, but if I had known, I would have been there for her myself, whether Chris was my son or not. She could always depend on me, and I wondered why she didn’t already know that.
“How did you figure out you were pregnant?” I blurted out the question, and the initial look of shock on Holly’s face instantly made me regret it. But then her features softened as if she was picturing a favorable memory.
Glancing down at Chris, who slept peacefully on the blanket between us, Holly began with a deep sigh. “I never celebrate holidays like Valentine’s Day. I mean, it’s a corporate holiday, and all that, but really I just have never had a serious boyfriend at that time of the year.”
