‘Where are you going?’ her mother frowned.
‘To get ready for work,’ she smiled. ‘I can’t be late again.’
‘You’re going to work, after being up all night?’
‘Of course.’ She smiled brightly. ‘Don’t worry, Mum, I feel great.’
‘But—’
‘I’ll be fine, really I will.’ She kissed her concerned mother on the cheek before going upstairs to wash and change.
The day passed in a haze for Robyn, not a tired one, but a euphoric one. She hummed to herself while she worked, beaming at anyone who looked at her, including Selma, a Selma who was pleasantly surprised by the change in her.
‘Find yourself a new boy-friend?’ she wanted to know.
‘No,’ Robyn answered happily.
‘Then what—You’re back with Rick! Are you? Is that it?’ Selma was almost as excited as Robyn.
‘Mm,’ she nodded.
‘Going to keep him this time?’ Selma asked slyly.
Robyn laughed. ‘I’m working on it.’
She didn’t even bother to go home after work that evening, anxious to be with Rick as soon as possible. She could always call home from Rick’s house.
She didn’t knock on the door but went straight in, knowing that he would either still be in bed or resting in that lumpy chair, certainly in no condition to come downstairs and open the door to her.
‘Rick?’ she called out his name so that she wouldn’t startle him when she appeared in his bedroom. He didn’t answer, so she knew he must be asleep again. Well, that wouldn’t do him any harm, and when he woke up she would make him something light to eat. And later …
The sight that met her eyes as she let herself quietly into the bedroom caused despair to shoot through her body. The bed, chair, and table remained, but everything else, every personal item had been removed. Rick had gone, removed himself as suddenly as he had arrived!
CHAPTER SIX
HER first thought, rather hysterically, was that Rick hadn’t said goodbye to her as he had promised he would. Then she remembered that he had said goodbye, he had teased her about kissing her would-be seducer goodbye. If she had known it was to be a final parting she would have refused!
Why had he gone like this? Why, when they loved each other? But they didn’t! Oh, she had been so stupid. Rick hadn’t said he loved her, he had only shown her that he wanted her. And she had deceived herself into thinking it was love because she had wanted him to be in love with her.
He had warned her she would be hurt, but the pain she was going through now was unbearable. Rick had opted out of her life, left her at a time when she had been at her happiest.
How long she stood there she never afterwards knew, but it was dark by the time she pulled herself together enough to drag herself back downstairs, switch off the lights and close the door to Orchard House for the last time. She would never come back here; just to look at it from the outside would be painful reminder enough of her impetuous love for Rick.
She hadn’t cried—she couldn’t. Inside she was numb, past pain, past feeling, the pain too deep-rooted to even hurt her. Rick hadn’t just rejected her, he had walked out of her life for good.
Her mother was in the kitchen when Robyn let herself into the house. ‘My God, you’re all right!’ she cried, grasping Robyn’s arm to make sure she was really there and not just a figment of her imagination. ‘Where have you been, Robyn?’ Concern gave way to anger. ‘Your father and I have been so worried!’
‘I went to see Rick—’
‘But he isn’t there!’
‘How do you know that?’ Robyn asked sharply.
‘He came into the shop—’
‘Oh,’ she said dully. ‘No, he isn’t there. He’s gone.’
‘Then where have you been all this time? It’s hours since you left work,’ her mother frowned.
‘I know. I—I was thinking.’ She just wanted to go to her room, to be left alone in her misery.
‘All this time?’ her mother persisted.
‘Yes,’ Robyn snapped.
Her mother sighed. ‘All right, dear. I can see you’re upset. Although what your father will say … He’s out looking for you, you know.’
‘I’m sorry,’ her voice was emotionless. ‘Tell him I’m sorry.’
‘You can tell him yourself, love. He’ll be back soon.’
‘I’d like to go to bed—if you don’t mind.’
‘Robyn …’
She looked at her mother with lifeless eyes. ‘Yes?’
‘Last night. Did you—’
‘No.’ She gave a bitter smile, knowing that she couldn’t take any credit for that.
‘Oh!’ Her mother’s sigh was obviously one of relief.
‘I’m sorry for asking, dear, but I—’
‘It’s all right, Mum, I understand. Is it okay if I go to my room now?’
‘Yes, of course. Are you really all right, Robyn?’
She gave a bright smile, totally false. ‘Really. He wasn’t for me, I knew that from the start. I’ll get over it,’ she lied.
‘Sure?’
‘Yes. I—When Rick came in today,’ she bit her lip painfully, ‘did he—did he mention me?’
Her mother shook her head regretfully. ‘I’m afraid not, dear.’
‘Oh well,’ she shrugged to hide the sudden shaft of pain that shot through her, ‘never mind. I’ll see you in the morning.’
She didn’t sleep, but she didn’t cry either. She stared silently into the darkness for hour after hour, her mind a blank, her emotions numb. She had heard her father return home, had heard his raised voice and her mother’s soothing one. She appeared to be successful, for Robyn heard no further argument from her father.
He made no comment during the following weeks either, in fact none of her family did. The only person who did was Selma.
‘Lost him again, didn’t you?’ Selma sat down next to her in the staff-room, as for once Robyn was unable to avoid her.
She had been doing just that for the last two weeks, making sure she never had the same coffee or lunch-break as the other girl. Today she realised her luck had changed. ‘I beg your pardon?’ she said coldly.
Selma bit hungrily into her cheese roll. ‘Whatever you did you didn’t do it right.’
Robyn paled. ‘Selma—’
‘Sorry,’ the other girl grinned. ‘But believe me, no man is worth the agony you’re going through.’
Robyn’s mouth twisted. ‘You should know.’
‘Bitchy!’ Selma accepted goodnaturedly. ‘And maybe I should know. I knew the first time I saw your Rick that you were going to get hurt. Trampled all over your heart and didn’t give a damn, did he?’
Robyn bit her lip, this being the first time anyone had so much as mentioned Rick’s name in her presence. ‘No,’ she answered strongly, her head back proudly. ‘He didn’t give a damn.’
If he had he would have telephoned her, written, got in touch with her somehow, the idea that maybe he had been called away unexpectedly quickly dying as she heard nothing from him. It was almost as if he had never existed. Only her aching battered heart told her that wasn’t so.
Feeling had returned with a vengeance a few days after Rick’s departure, leaving her pale and drawn, her severe weight loss not really suiting her already slender body.
‘No man is that good,’ Selma said dismissively.
‘That good …?’ Robyn turned to the other girl.
‘In bed.’ She pursed her lips thoughtfully. ‘Although he did look very experienced. Still, he isn’t worth ruining your looks over.’
Ruining her looks? Was she really? Considering she had never thought of herself as being more than moderately pretty this came as something of a surprise to her. Still, she couldn’t be so unattractive or Rick wouldn’t have wanted her. Rick, Rick, Rick—damn the man!
‘That’s better,’ Selma said with satisfaction.
Robyn blinked at her. ‘What is?’
‘A
t least you’re angry now,’ she grinned. ‘Oh yes, you are, and it’s better than the long face you’ve been walking around with lately. Goodness, I’ve lost lots of boy-friends, but I don’t let that get to me. Admittedly Rick Howarth was something out of the ordinary, but it was because he was that you couldn’t hope to hold him. I would just feel glad to have known him, and then move on to the next man.’
Robyn shook her head. ‘You don’t understand. I—I—’
‘You loved him,’ Selma finished with a smile. ‘I’ve been in love dozens of times. It doesn’t mean a thing. Look, how about coming to the disco with me tonight? I’ll introduce you to someone new, someone who’ll make you forget all about Rick Howarth.’
‘No, thank you, Selma—’
‘You can’t keep moping, Robyn,’ the other girl interrupted her refusal. ‘Find someone new, you’ll find Rick will soon fade from your mind.’
Never! His memory was engraved on her heart for ever, and no matter who came after him they would always be a poor second.
‘Oh, I know what you’re thinking,’ Selma laughed. ‘But you’re wrong. Give it time, you’ll forget what he even looks like.’
She didn’t do that, but she did finally agree to accompany Selma on one of her evenings at the disco. She quite enjoyed herself, so much so that she went out with the other girl several times during the next few weeks. Selma flitted from boy to boy, never seriously involved with any of them.
Robyn herself was asked out several times, refusing every time, but often accepting invitations to dance. Her mother and father were a little concerned about her new friend, although once they had met Selma, an outspoken but likeable Selma, they relaxed a little. She might be a little giddy, very gullible where men were concerned, but she made no attempt to make Robyn the same.
And then one night Robyn met Brian. He asked her to dance, and because she instantly liked the look of him she willingly accepted. He was tall and dark, with warm grey-blue eyes, aged about twenty, with a sophisticated manner older than his years.
‘I don’t usually come to these places,’ he told her as they danced together. ‘My cousin persuaded me to come tonight,’ he smiled down at her. ‘I’m glad he did.’
Robyn shyly returned that smile. ‘Where is your cousin?’
‘Dancing with your friend.’
‘Really?’ She turned to see Selma dancing with a tall fair-haired boy, winking at Robyn as she saw her looking their way. ‘So I see,’ she returned her attention to Brian.
‘Can I buy you a drink?’ he offered when their dance came to an end.
She looked at him uncertainly. He seemed nice enough, was very good-looking, and besides, what harm could he do her in here? ‘I think I would like that,’ she accepted huskily.
‘Good,’ he smiled his pleasure, and took her upstairs where the drinks were served. He saw her seated at a table before going to the bar to get their drinks.
‘I’m Robyn Castle,’ she told him shyly once he was seated opposite her in the booth.
‘Brian Walker,’ he smiled warmly. ‘I’m here on holiday.’
‘In Ampthull?’
He nodded, laughing at her surprise. ‘I’m staying with my aunt and uncle, and of course Paul. I’ve been sent here to come to my senses. I’ve been accepted at drama school,’ he explained, ‘but my parents want me to become a doctor like my father and my two brothers. I’m of the opinion that three doctors in one family is enough,’ he grimaced.
‘It does sound like it,’ she agreed sympathetically.
‘Besides which I keel over just at the sight of blood!’
Robyn laughed at his woebegone expression. ‘That does sound like quite a serious disadvantage for a doctor.’
Brian nodded. ‘I would have thought so. But they insist I’ll grow out of it. I even persuaded a friend of Dad’s to talk them out of their plans for me. It didn’t work.’
‘Probably because the best person to talk to them is you.’
‘I have, but they—Never mind,’ he gave a rueful smile, ‘I didn’t intend boring you to death with my problems.’
It was nice to have someone else’s problems to think about. She hadn’t even given Rick a thought for the last hour since meeting Brian. ‘I’m interested,’ she assured him. ‘When are you supposed to start drama school?’
‘Next month. Let’s not talk about me any more, tell me about you.’
‘There isn’t much to tell,’ she shrugged.
His hand covered hers as it rested on the table. ‘Tell me anyway.’
Her short life-history didn’t take more than a few minutes to relate. With one exception her life had so far been uneventful.
Brian watched her closely. ‘I get the feeling you’re holding something back.’
‘You’re imagining it.’ Her voice was brittle.
He slowly shook his head. ‘No, I don’t think so. Did he hurt you badly?’
‘Did who—Yes,’ she admitted with a sigh. ‘Very badly.’ Damn his perception!
‘Swine!’ Brian’s tone was fierce.
Robyn gave a wan smile. ‘You can’t force someone to love you.’
‘I don’t see how he could not love you.’
‘Well, he didn’t,’ she said dully. ‘And I’d rather not talk about him.’
Brian grinned. ‘Suits me—I don’t like competition anyway. Let’s go and have another dance.’
When he asked to see her again Robyn accepted. Selma was asked out by the cousin too, so they all went out for a drink together the next evening.
Selma soon dropped the cousin, declaring he was a snob, although Robyn continued to go out with Brian. He was fun to be with, good-looking, and most of all he seemed to genuinely like her. He kissed her goodnight with a reserved passion, never asking for more than that, and after Rick’s demanding caresses it was nice to be able to relax with a man.
Orchard House remained empty; no other tenants moved in, either renting or buying. The house remained as a constant reminder of her stupidity, and her emotions remained aloof from Brian.
‘I only want to kiss you properly,’ he complained one evening after they had been to the cinema together and she had fought his passionate kisses.
‘I’m sorry, Brian,’ she blushed.
He turned in his car seat to stare sightlessly out of the front window. ‘I don’t feel as if I’m getting anywhere with you.’
Robyn stiffened. ‘I didn’t know you wanted to.’
He gave an impatient sigh. ‘I don’t mean physically, although goodness knows you’re attractive enough. I’m half in love with you, Robyn, surely you’ve guessed that?’
Yes, she had, but because she liked him so much, enjoyed being with him, she had hoped he would never put those feelings into words.
‘I’ve even told my mother and father about you,’ he added.
‘And I’m sure they don’t approve.’ She had learnt over the last few weeks that Brian’s parents belonged to the highest social bracket, that his father wasn’t just a doctor, but that he practised in Harley Street. No wonder they had been so dismayed by Brian’s decision to take up acting! They must have been shocked to the core.
‘They’re coming down at the weekend to meet you,’ he revealed eagerly.
Robyn frowned. ‘To meet me? Why?’ she asked suspiciously.
‘Because—well, because I told them I’m serious about you. That I want to marry you.’
Her eyes deepened to violet in her alarm. ‘Why on earth did you tell them something like that?’ she demanded to know.
‘Because it’s the truth. Oh, I know we’ve only known each other two weeks—’
‘Ten days,’ she corrected tautly.
‘Okay, ten days,’ he said dismissively. ‘But I’m in love with you. I—I want you to be my wife.’
‘You’re being ridiculous, Brian,’ she snapped. ‘No one falls in love in so short a time.’ But she had! And her love for Rick had remained constant.
‘I have,’ Brian insisted
heatedly. ‘Please say you’ll meet my parents, Robyn. They’re looking forward to it.’
From what she had learnt about Mr and Mrs Walker their sole purpose in coming down here would be to warn her off their youngest son. ‘I can’t, Brian,’ she refused. ‘It’s too soon to tell how either of us feels, and it wouldn’t be fair to your parents to put them in such a position.’
For a moment he looked mutinous, then he smiled. ‘If I can put them off this weekend will you promise to come and stay with us in London soon?’ He gave her his most charming smile.
London! Rick was in London, she was sure of it. And yet her chances of accidentally meeting him there were about nil. Still, just to know he was in the same town would be something.
‘I’m not promising anything, Brian,’ she said slowly. ‘But I’ll think about it.’
‘You really will?’
She smiled at his eagerness. ‘I really will. But no more mention of love. It’s too soon, Brian, much too soon.’
‘I won’t change my mind, you’ll see.’
And he didn’t seem to, telephoning her constantly once he had gone back to London, his holiday over. Robyn missed him, missed his companionship and the way he could always make her laugh.
‘Nice young man,’ her mother remarked one night when Robyn came back from answering yet another call from Brian.
‘Very nice,’ she agreed noncommittally, knowing that her parents had been pleased about her blossoming friendship with Brian after all her moping for Rick.
‘You don’t sound too sure.’ Her mother looked at her closely.
‘Oh, I’m sure I like him.’ She chewed her bottom lip. ‘I’m just not sure I want him to be serious about me.’
‘And is he?’
‘He says he is,’ Robyn sighed.
‘How serious?’
‘He wants me to go and stay with his parents this weekend.’
‘I see.’ Her mother pursed her lips thoughtfully. ‘Do you want to go?’
‘I—I don’t know. I—You see, I’m still confused about Rick. I’m not sure what I feel any more.’ Except that she still loved Rick with every fibre of her being. But she did like Brian, in a way she more than liked him. If only she had never met Rick …
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