by Banks, R. R.
I really despise the fact that Knox has gotten into my head so far that I’ve been walking around feeling paranoid the last couple of days. Since meeting with him, I’ve found myself jumping at shadows and scanning faces in the crowd, searching for the threats. And I hate myself for that.
Being scared all the time that somebody is going to come out of the darkness and whisk me away sucks. It really sucks. It’s sapping some of the joy I take from life. I’ve tried to live my life in a fearless way and enjoy every last minute I have on this planet.
Needless to say, this whole scene is really killing my vibe.
“Yeah,” I admit. “I am. I hate it, but I am.”
“Then maybe hiring somebody to watch your back wouldn’t be such a bad thing.”
“Seriously?”
She cocks her head as she looks at me. “Of course. Why do you sound so surprised?”
“Because you’ve been so against it,” I remind her. “You said it would be a little pretentious and that my image would take a hit if I had some meathead following me around.”
“I was against it because I didn’t realize there was a real threat to you,” she amends. “I’m all for keeping you safe, kiddo. Whatever it takes.”
“Yeah, but –”
“But nothing,” she cuts me off. “What I’m against is stupidity. And I think taking unnecessary risks with your safety would be pretty stupid.”
I take a drink of my water and set the glass back down. “I guess this means my fiercely independent feminist cred is going to take a hit.”
Maura shrugs. “Nonsense. Nobody would ever judge you for this. Just because you’re fiercely independent doesn’t mean you have to put yourself in danger,” she replies. “But it might not even matter in the grand scheme of things.”
“What do you mean?”
She turns to me and smiles. “You haven’t been online?”
“Sure,” I tell her. “I’ve sent some emails and –”
“You haven’t Googled yourself lately?”
I laugh. “No! What kind of a narcissistic idiot Googles themselves?”
Maura’s smile is sly. “Well, I’m the kind of narcissistic idiot that does, for one.”
“Oh,” I murmur. “Sorry.”
She waves me off and laughs. “It’s a good idea to know what’s out there being said about you,” she explains. “Especially what your audience is saying.”
“Yeah, I try to avoid reading the comments section.”
Maura takes a bite of her salad and demurely dabs at her lips with a napkin.
“It’s a useful tool. Which is why it’s a good thing I spend some time Googling you on your behalf,” she adds. “Somebody uploaded a video of what happened at the last event to YouTube.”
I shrug. “And?”
“Turns out, people enjoy their favorite mystery writer having a bit of mystery in their personal lives,” she chirps. “Sales of Obsidian Fields have spiked. You’re sitting on the fringes of top ten of the New York Times Bestseller list, Felicity. Do you even know how huge this is?”
I’m floored by the news. The Times’ Bestseller list top ten? Making that list is something I’ve dreamed about for a long, long time. The fact that I’m sitting on the fringes of the top ten is news that has my heart racing and a smile stretching wide across my face.
At the same time, though, I feel somewhat conflicted. It’s only because of what Knox – and my stalker – did at the event that I’m receiving this attention. It’s only because I was a footnote on the evening news that interest in my book shot up again – and subsequently rocketed me up the Bestseller charts.
I’m excited – and I’m not entirely sure it’s appropriate to feel that way. Which leaves me not knowing how to feel about any of it.
“Hey, don’t you feel bad or guilty about having some success. You didn’t ask to get it like that. But there’s no reason you shouldn’t reap the benefits of it,” Maura states. “Kiddo, in this game, all attention is good attention.”
I give her a tight smile but can’t deny my excitement. I don’t know that I necessarily agree with her assertion – I’d argue that the attention Elliott Graham is giving me qualifies as bad attention. But I get her point.
“So, you think I should hire a bodyguard?” I ask.
“Until we figure out a way to get that headcase out of your life, I don’t see the downside,” she replies. “Who knows? Maybe your stalker boyfriend will get us another viral video we can use.”
She laughs but I don’t feel so great about the possibility. I don’t want to build my career on viral videos of bodyguards beating up stalkers. That’s just not sustainable. I want my career to be built on solid work and a growing, loyal readership.
“Much as I find this Mr. Vaughn distasteful, if nothing else, he’ll give us some publicity. Something any writer needs in this day and age,” Maura adds. “The commenters seem to love the guy.”
I roll my eyes. Great. Knox is the last person I want to see again. He’s an arrogant, narcissistic, condescending jerk who thinks he walks on water. Seriously, I have never met a man more full of himself in my life. The thought of having him following me around for God knows how long turns my stomach. I still don’t know why my brother is his friend.
And yet, despite all of that, I can’t deny there’s some small breakaway part of my mind that doesn’t entirely hate the idea. I’m trying to kill it, but there’s a rogue faction inside of me that’s intrigued by the man. It makes me want to kick my own butt because of how badly he repulses me.
“Can’t we find another security agency?” I plead.
“We could,” Maura shrugs. “But that guy – despite his worst efforts – is already an internet star. Might as well take advantage of it. At least then he’d be useful for something.”
I take a bite of my food, trying to come to grips with the fact that I’m going to be stuck with Knox. Taking advantage of what happened and the surge of popularity I got from it just feels wrong. It feels wrong on so many levels.
And yet, I also know that careers are often built on the smallest strokes of luck. You have to get your foot in the door – should it matter how you get it there? My career may have gotten a shot in the arm because of a crazy situation, but does it make me a terrible person for taking advantage of it?
I didn’t ask for the added attention because of what Knox did. But it’s there, whether I do something with it or not. I know I’m a good writer. But I’m a young writer, just starting out. Building a readership is a slow-going process. It takes time and patience.
What happened the other night gave my career a turbo boost. I almost think it would be irresponsible to not use every advantage that comes my way to the fullest. Right?
Yeah, I’m glad to see my powers of rationalization are fully charged and operational.
Of all the things that appall me about this situation, my attraction to that knuckle-dragging meathead is the most appalling. He is so not my type of guy. And yet, I can’t deny my attraction to him. He’s incredibly attractive and can occasionally be witty. I can’t take that from him. And because I can’t, I want to throw myself under a bus.
The man is dangerous. I should not want anything to do with him – and for the most part, I don’t. But there’s that one rogue element inside of me that’s sabotaging everything.
Seemingly pleased with herself, Maura turns her attention to her salad and takes a few bites, chewing thoughtfully. I can see the wheels turning in her head, though. There’s definitely something on her mind. Something she’s bursting at the seams to tell me.
“What is it?” I ask.
Maura’s eyes sparkle with delight. “I have more news.”
“Let me guess, Maury Povich wants to have me on his show. Maybe do a DNA test reveal or something?” I quip.
“Nothing so glamorous,” Maura replies dryly.
She’s smiling wide and is practically bouncing in her seat. Whatever it is, I’m guessing it has to be pretty big.
Maura is never one to oversell something. If anything, she downplays my expectations and puts a big check on my hopes just to keep me from getting too high. She knows the crash from higher up is harder and hurts more. She’s preached keeping an even keel to me from day one. To take things as they come and enjoy them for what they are.
It’s sound, practical advice – advice I’ve taken to heart.
“You’re practically bursting at the seams,” I prod her. “So, spill it. What is this news that has you climbing the walls?”
“I was contacted by a man from a major motion picture studio,” she begins. “It’s early, and there are no guarantees. But they are feeling around the potential of buying the film rights for Obsidian Fields.”
“A – are you serious right now?”
“Have you ever known me to be a prankster?”
Maura is a lot of things, but a prankster isn’t one of them. That’s how I know what she’s saying is true. My eyes grow so wide, they feel like they’re about to pop out of my skull. That is not anything close to what I was expecting to hear from her.
I open my mouth to speak but nothing comes out and I end up gaping at Maura, my mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water. My head is spinning, my heart is racing, and I feel like I’m about to either pass out, have a heart attack, or both.
A movie deal for my book is about the last thing I ever expected. It was far out there, outside what I considered the realm of possibility. It’s not even something I’d thought about, honestly.
“Not to get too far ahead of ourselves or anything but who do you picture playing Steven?” Maura prods. “Ryan Reynolds? Jake Gyllenhaal? Oh I know, what about Oscar Isaac? He’s got a definite sex appeal to him.”
I laugh. “I – I don’t know.”
“How about ideas for Elle?” Maura continues to fantasize. “Rachel McAdams? Emma Stone? How about Amanda Seyfried? I think all of them could make a perfect Elle.”
I laugh. “You are crazy.”
“I believe in aiming high. But I really shouldn’t be encouraging this just yet,” she cautions. “Nothing is done yet, and it’s only preliminary talks. They’re just getting a feel for things at the moment.”
It’s too late, though. Far too late for that. The barn door is wide open, and the cows are already running free. My mind wanders as I think about all of the possible doors that could be opening up for me. A spot on the bestsellers list? A possible movie deal? All of my dreams – and more than I could have ever imagined – are within my grasp.
I know I need to calm my racing heart and temper my expectations, but I’m finding both next to impossible to do at the moment. Everything I’ve ever wanted, all the pieces of the life I’m trying to build, are falling into place – and it’s happening at light speed.
“It’s really happening, isn’t it?” I try to keep my enthusiasm under control.
“This is it, Felicity. The brass ring is in sight,” Maura responds. “All we need to do is play our cards right, and it’s ours for the taking.”
I sit back in my seat, still reeling from it all, my mood suddenly so improved that even the thought of having to spend time with Knox at my back can’t spoil it.
I take the elevator up to my floor, my mind still spinning with the news Maura shared with me. I still can’t believe it. Although I know I shouldn’t be thinking about any of this or getting my hopes up, the possibility of a movie deal for Obsidian Fields makes putting a check on my excitement a complete impossibility.
The elevator chimes and the doors slide open. Fishing my keys out of my purse, I walk down the hallway and head for my condo, my body humming with an excited energy I’ve never felt before. Everything happening right now is well beyond what even my wildest dreams have been, and I can’t stop the smile from spreading across my face.
“Calm down, Felicity,” I chide myself.
I need to find a way to tamp down my excitement and contain the flames of my hopes. Intellectually, I know if I let those fires burn unimpeded, they’ll consume me if everything goes sideways. I know how fickle Hollywood is, and just because they’re talking about buying the movie rights to my book today, those plans could be on the scrap heap tomorrow – and I’d be left with nothing other than the burned-out husk of myself.
Rounding the corner, I see a tall vase of flowers sitting in front of the door and smile. Since I don’t have a boyfriend, I assume that Maura has sent me some flowers to celebrate this potential step forward in my career.
I honestly don’t know where I’d be without her. She’s guided me along every step of the way – from seeing raw talent in me, to writing Obsidian, to now, she’s been there. She’s always there to talk to, to dispense pearls of wisdom gleaned from her many years in the industry, or to talk about life in general. I am so thankful to Maura for everything.
Bending down, I pluck the card that’s nestled into the large bouquet of sunflowers. Some people think sunflowers are too large and ungainly to be beautiful, but I see beauty in the fact that they’re different. No, they’re not as elegant as roses, but they’re more real. More honest. They are who they are; they don’t try to be something they’re not and that’s something I’ve always loved about them. It’s one reason they’ve always been my favorite flower. The other is that they’re just so bright and cheery, how can you not love them?
When I open the envelope and pull out the card, my blood freezes in my veins. I feel those familiar icy fingers tracing their way up my spine and I start to shudder. On the card are just three words – but three words that have the power to turn my world upside down.
See you soon.
I know without a doubt that it’s not from Maura. It has to be from him. The stalker – Elliott or whatever his name is. I don’t know how I know it exactly, but I can feel it right down into my bones. He left it here. Quickly looking around, I let out a small breath of relief to find that he’s not standing behind me. I’m still alone in the hallway. Scooping it all up, I quickly unlock my door and head into my condo, slamming the door behind me and locking it tight.
I quickly cross the room and throw the bouquet in the trash can. I stare at the flowers a moment as an unnerving thought passes through my mind. A simple realization that rocks me to my core.
The flowers were sitting outside my door. Which means, he knows where I live.
Knox
“I liked your performance on YouTube,” Haley cracks. “With hits like that, you could play for the Reign. They need some help tackling, you know.”
I arch an eyebrow at her but can’t keep the grin off my face. “You’re relentless.”
She shrugs. “Just sayin’.”
“Relentless.”
“Yeah, maybe.”
She throws a pillow at me playfully. Haley stopped by to drop some things off and is sitting on the edge my bed, watching me getting ready to go for a run. I look at her sitting behind me in the mirror.
“You sure you don’t want to go with me?” I ask.
“Nah, but thanks,” she replies. “I’m going to dinner with Darla tonight.”
I raise my eyebrows at her. “Things getting serious? You’ve been seeing her for what, a few months now?”
“Yeah, about that,” she shrugs. “I don’t know where it’s going, to be honest.”
“You like her, though. You like her a lot,” I turn around to face her as I tuck my shirt in. “I know you well enough that I can see it, Haley.”
Her smile is small. “Yeah, but I don’t know if she’s interested in anything more serious.”
I sit down next to her and give her a cocky grin. “I can’t believe what I’m hearing. The notorious Haley Winston with uncertainty in her voice.”
She punches me in the arm and laughs. “Shut up.”
“Seriously. You’re one of the most confident and self-assured people I know,” I go on. “When you want something, you take it. And yet, here you are tiptoeing around this girl. That’s interesting.”
Haley looks aw
ay, her cheeks flaring with color. “I’m not tiptoeing.”
“Kind of looks like it from over here.”
“Shut up.”
I give her arm a gentle squeeze and she turns back to me. It’s strange to see her so uncertain – perhaps even a little insecure. That’s not the typical Haley who is outspoken and does not settle for less. Which tells me she’s actually really serious about this girl.
“Listen, Darla is a good woman. But if she’s not willing to give you some sort of clarity about her feelings, maybe she’s not the right woman for you, Haley,” I tell her. “You deserve nothing but the best and somebody who will treasure you. Somebody who doesn’t leave you twisting in the wind like this.”
“I really like her, Knox.”
“I can tell. Which is why you should talk to her. I like Darla and think you two are good together,” I offer. “But I also know she’s a little more timid than you. I think you’re going to have to be the one to open the door to that conversation.”
It’s true. I like Darla quite a bit. Of all the girls she’s dated over the years, she’s the one I think is best suited for her. They are a good match, and each complements the other. But I also know she’s not a person given to expressing her feelings very well – whereas Haley is nothing but open about how she feels at any given moment of the day.
She sighs. “Why do I have to do it? I’m the girl.”
I laugh. “That doesn’t count. You both are. Besides, you’re not a girl. You’re a badass woman,” I answer. “And you can sometimes be somewhat – intimidating. Especially for a girl who’s a bit more meek than you.”
“Intimidating? Me?”
I nod. “Oh yeah. You are a powerful force in this universe, Haley. You come on strong and blow through like a hurricane. Some people aren’t exactly prepared for it and don’t quite know how to handle it when you come roaring in.”
As I think about the words I just uttered, I realize that same speech can be applied to another certain headstrong woman I know. As I think about it more, I can see a lot of similarities between Haley and Felicity. I don’t know why it didn’t dawn on me before now, but there are a million parallels between the two women – which would explain my attraction to her.
