by Banks, R. R.
I look at her, a spike of outrage lancing through me. “What the hell do you know about me?”
She chuckles. “I know just about everything there is to know about you. In fact, I may know you better than you know yourself.”
“Yeah, I somehow doubt that.”
She points to herself. “Remember, excellent at what I do. Digging up information about people is kinda within my area of expertise.”
I open my mouth to fire back but can’t really rebut her point. She is very good at what she does, and I know she can find out just about anything she wants to. What she doesn’t know is what’s in my head and what’s in my heart. And right now, neither do I.
She’s not wrong about some things, though. I do like my freedom. I do like being able to pick up and go where I want, when I want. I can’t deny that. I’ve lived my life for fun and for doing what I want. I guess I am pretty much an overgrown frat boy.
It’s the first time I’ve really considered it, but it’s something that’s really resonating with me right now.
“Also, if I may suggest something –”
“Could I stop you even if I wanted to?”
“Yeah, probably not,” she chuckles. “If by some chance, you stay with Felicity and raise your kid with her, you’re going to have to find a way to make nicey-nice with the agent.”
“Or, Felicity could get herself another agent,” I comment.
“True. That’s possible,” she responds. “But, just in case, you should figure out how to make peace with her.”
I let out a rueful chuckle. “I think that ship has already sailed. The best I think we can hope for at this point is a cease-fire. I don’t see us being BFFs anytime soon.”
Cassie chuckles as I sit back again and sort through the rubble of my life – a life that seemed so fantastic less than two days ago and now seems on the verge of blowing up completely.
The wild swing my life has taken over the last few weeks has thrown me for a big-ass loop. It’s also shown me that maybe I actually have been missing something in my life all these years. That maybe living my life the way I have, doing whatever strikes my fancy – everything from the ski resort, to the football team, to everything in between – is because I actually do have a hole inside of me.
Perhaps all of the living for fun and living the life I want is because I’ve been trying to fill that hole. Maybe everybody who’s told me that over the years have been right all along. Maybe it’s because I really haven’t found my red dot, as Felicity had told me once.
Or maybe I’m just all fucked up in the head right now, and I’m not thinking right. About anything. Maybe it’s time I start taking things a little more seriously. Or at least, time to start doing things differently than I have before.
I look over at Cassie and purse my lips, an idea firing through my head. The timing isn’t ideal, but then, if we always waited for the timing to be right, shit would never get done.
“I want you to come work for me,” I tell her.
She laughs. “You want to do this now?”
I shrug. “Like you said, at least we know Felicity is safe tonight,” I explain. “We’ll regroup and take a run at things tomorrow. Until then, it seems like as good a time as any to do this.”
She scoffs. “Work for you, huh?”
“I can use somebody with your skills,” I admit. “Especially in my – technology department.”
“You couldn’t afford me,” she deadpans.
“You know I can.”
She smirks. “I know. I’ve just always wanted to say that.”
I laugh softly as she pulls the car into the lot where she’d parked. She puts it in park and looks over at me, her expression serious.
“I’ll think about it,” she tells me.
I nod, knowing that’s about the best I’m going to get at the moment. Which is fine. I’ve got bigger fish to fry right now anyway.
“You free tomorrow morning?” I ask.
“I can probably clear my schedule. What do you have in mind?”
“I need you to get into that Waters asshole’s emails and phone records. I talked to Detective Reid earlier. Guy’s in the wind and they can’t find him,” I tell her. “I’d like to get a line on him soon.”
“I can manage that.”
“Good,” I respond. “I’d also like a little backup in the field if need be.”
She chuckles. “Don’t you have guys for that?”
“Consider it a field test,” I shrug. “See if you’re worth what I’m considering paying you.”
She arches an eyebrow at me. “I haven’t accepted your offer.”
“You will.”
“Smug. Arrogant. Cocky,” she lists off my better traits. “You’re lucky you’re rich, you know that?”
“I’m serious. My resources paired with your expertise? It would either be a terrific partnership –”
“Or an absolute disaster,” she finishes for me.
“Exactly.”
“You make it sound so tempting.”
“Gotta roll the dice in life sometimes if you want to get ahead,” I tell her.
She climbs out of the SUV, turns, and looks at me through the open door for a long moment. She gives me a smirk and shakes her head.
“I’ll touch base in the morning. Let you know if I’ve found anything,” she informs me.
“Fair enough.”
Cassie hesitates for a moment. I get the feeling she’s teetering on the brink of saying yes to my job offer, but I can tell she doesn’t want to look too eager. She’s smart enough to know it weakens her negotiating position. Not that she has to worry about it too much, since I’m planning on paying her a hell of a lot better than the shithole PI firm she’s working at right now. Especially if she can help me bring Felicity back in and get Blake Waters off the streets.
“Don’t worry, man. We’ll get your girl back and take this asshole off the board. Whatever you decide to do after that is up to you,” she says, leaning back into the car. “But like you said, sometimes you gotta roll the dice in life if you want to get ahead.”
I purse my lips and nod at her. “Thanks, Cassie.”
“Goodnight, Vaughn,” she says.
“Goodnight.”
Felicity
I’m up before the sun. Up – as if I actually slept last night. No, I was up pretty much all night, that fucking image of Knox in the blonde’s arms playing in my head over and over and over again. And every time I hear her squeal of delight and see them embrace, tears well in my eyes and I get nauseous.
I take a sip of my coffee as I stare blankly into my mug, watching the tendrils of steam curl upward.
“Please tell me you got some sleep.”
I look up as Maura sweeps into the kitchen with a flourish and a smile on her face. She pours herself a cup of coffee, spoons in some sugar, and takes a drink. She’s especially bright and chipper this morning. Frankly, it’s especially irritating. I should have checked into a hotel last night.
“Given everything that’s been going on, I managed to get you an extension on the next book,” she announces. “But you need to get cracking on it.”
I let out a long breath. How in the hell am I supposed to work with this shitstorm swirling around me? Pregnant. Being cheated on. Living in fear of a doll-decapitating stalker. Yeah, that all makes for great working conditions. I’ll definitely be able to concentrate with all of that garbage floating around in my head. No problem.
As if reading my mind, Maura sets her mug down and grabs hold of my arms, giving them a gentle squeeze.
“I know you’re going through a lot right now,” she starts. “But you’re a professional writer now. You have obligations to meet. The publishers won’t be understanding for long. The only reason they agreed to an extension in the first place is because of the publicity you’ve been getting.”
I roll my eyes. “You’re kidding me. They think all of this stalker crap is a good thing?”
She shrugs. “Given that pre-sal
es of your next book have gone up thirty percent since this whole mess started, they don’t think it’s a bad thing,” she crows. “It’s like I told you, unless you’re a murderer or pedophile, all publicity is good publicity. And even murderers and pedophiles can be decent for ratings now and then.”
It’s a really sad commentary on our society if that’s true. And I have no reason to believe it’s not, given everything that’s gone on in this country over the last few years.
“My laptop is at –”
“There’s a computer you can use in my office,” she interrupts me. “And the manuscript for your newest book is in the file marked with your name.”
She’s prepared. I’ll give her that.
“I think you’ll find that getting back to work and putting all of that nonsense behind you will be the best thing for you,” she beams. “It’ll help clear your mind and free your soul.”
I’m pretty sure that sitting here with a broken heart and a baby growing in my belly, nothing is going to be free or clear anytime soon, but I don’t say that. I don’t want to fight about it. What I want is for her to leave and give me some space, not to mention some peace and quiet.
I don’t want to see anybody, and I don’t want to talk to anybody. I just want to be left alone.
Maura squeezes my arm again and gives me a wide smile. Of course she’s happy – she’s been vindicated. She was right about Knox all along, and I was the idealistic idiot who thought I knew better. I was the naïve fool who thought I could change his true nature.
“Everything is going to be okay, Felicity,” she tells me. “I know it feels like your whole world is crashing down around you right now, but you’ll come through it just fine. You’re going to be okay.”
The way she speaks, it’s as if she’s either forgotten than I’m pregnant or is simply denying the truth of it. I don’t know if things are going to be okay for certain, but I do know things are going to change a few months from now. Everything is going to change.
I look down into the mug I’m still holding and try to shut it all out. Try to clear my mind and find some semblance of peace in my head. Maybe she’s right. Maybe if I lose myself in my work, it will help clear my head. At this point, I’m willing to give anything a shot.
Maura puts her fingers under my chin and lifts my head, forcing me to look into her eyes. She gives me a smile.
“This is probably the best thing for you. I knew from day one that man was going to be nothing but trouble,” she tries to console me. “I’m just glad we got him out of your life before he could do any more damage than he already has.”
I look down again, really not up to having this conversation right now. I actually don’t want to have this conversation at all. Maura apparently needs her moment in the sun, though. She needs to be able to rub it in my face that she was right, and I was wrong.
Honestly, I never knew she had this vindictive side to her. She’s always been tough, shrewd, and stubborn as hell. I just never realized she could be this petty. She seems intent on punishing me by pouring salt into my still-open wounds for defying her by dating Knox in the first place.
“I need to take a shower,” she says as she lets go of my arms. “I’ve got meetings this morning.”
I nod, thankful she’ll be leaving soon. It’ll give me some much-needed quiet time. Maura is humming to herself as she turns away and buzzes down the hallway toward her bedroom. Yeah, she’s being really supportive and gracious about this whole screwed up mess.
Half an hour after she’d disappeared into her bedroom, Maura comes back out, freshly showered, dressed, and ready for whatever the day throws at her.
“Listen, I’m going to talk to somebody from social services this morning,” she tells me. “We’re going to talk about some options regarding your – condition.”
My condition. Did we travel back in time to the 1950s? What’s next, is she going to send me away to an out-of-state relative to hide me in my – delicate condition? Christ. If she thinks I’m going to give up my child, she’s going to be in for a rude awakening. I’m not giving my child up. I don’t care how inconvenient it is for her.
I don’t want to fight though so I don’t say anything. I just let Maura run off at the mouth without rebutting her. It’s just not worth it. I’m not going to fight with her while I’m as upset as I am. It would be a disaster, not to mention completely counterproductive.
“Okay, I need to go,” she says. “Finish your coffee, then get to work.”
“Sure thing.
She stares me in the eyes for a long moment then smiles. “Okay, I’m off. Love you, kiddo.”
“Love you too, Maura,” I tell her. “Thanks for letting me stay over.”
“You are welcome to stay as long as you’d like,” she reminds me.
I give her a weak smile. With any luck, I won’t be staying here long.
After a shower and slipping into some fresh clothes, I’m feeling a little more human again. I take my cup of coffee out into Maura’s backyard and relax in the gazebo she’s got in the middle of her backyard. The morning air is crisp, and the sky is filled with clouds the color of slate. I’d heard on the radio that we’re expecting a spring shower today, but until then, I’m going to enjoy it.
Maura’s backyard is surrounded by a high wall and is filled with what seems like thousands of plants and bushes. It’s like the ancient hanging gardens of Babylon back here. But it does make the air incredibly fragrant. All of the flowering bushes, starting to bloom, saturate the air with their aroma. Hummingbirds and butterflies flit about, adding to the peace and beauty.
I turn my face up to the sky, take a deep breath, and let it out slowly, doing my best to ground and center myself before I go in and get to work. I need to finish out this book. Maura’s right, I am a professional. I’ll need to start learning to push through whatever drama I’ve got going on in my life. I have obligations to meet.
As I sit there doing my best to relax and focus my mind, I start to get that familiar chill on the back of my neck. I’m being watched. I sit up quickly, scanning the entire backyard. I don’t see him at first, but then he steps out from between a pair of tall, flowering bushes not ten feet from me. The smile that spreads across his face is reptilian and the gleam in his eye sends an icepick of fear straight into my heart. It’s him. Elliott Graham.
“I’ve missed you,” he says.
It’s the first time he’s spoken to me and I take that as a bad sign. It means he’s escalating his behavior. Even though it’s been weeks since I’ve seen him, he’s grown bolder. More confident.
“I thought you’d gotten rid of your bodyguard,” he starts.
He’s not making any moves, isn’t making any overtly threatening gestures – he’s just standing there, talking. Not wanting to set him off, I decide the best thing I can do is carry on the conversation and keep him pacified until I can get away from him.
“I – I did,” I replied to him.
“Because you want us to be together,” a statement, not a question.
I fall silent, because there is no right way to respond to that. If I say no, he goes off like a bomb. If I say yes, it only encourages him and feeds his delusion.
“He sent some guys to watch you.” he informs me. “Don’t worry, though, I took care of them. They won’t get between us anymore.”
I slowly get to my feet, trying to figure out what he’s talking about. Then it hits me – Knox probably sent some guys to watch the house last night. The rage still burning in me is tempered by the absolute terror rushing through my body right now.
The man takes a step toward the gazebo, the smile on his face sending shivers down my spine. His eyes burn with a near-fanatical light, and I have to physically keep myself from losing my nerve and running. I just need him to take a few more steps, putting the gazebo fully between the two of us before I can make a break for it.
“I – I’m flattered, Elliott. I’m flattered that you would notice me.”
&n
bsp; It makes me sick to even say the words, but I need to keep him calm. Need to keep him talking.
“How could I not? You’re beautiful, Felicity,” he explains. “You’re everything I’ve ever wanted in a woman. My name isn’t Elliott, though. She told me I needed to tell people that just in case I got into trouble. My real name is Blake. Blake Waters and I have loved everything you’ve ever written, Felicity.”
I look at him as confusion is added to the mix of emotions flaring inside of me. “I don’t understand,” I tell him. “Who is she?”
He shakes his head. “It doesn’t matter. She told me we’d be together,” he smiles. “And here we are.”
Come on, another couple of steps. Just a couple more steps.
“Yeah,” I confirm. “Here we are.”
The man – Elliott, or Blake, or whatever his name is – steps where I need him to step. My path back to the house is clear. Summoning every ounce of courage and strength inside of me, I take off running for the house. I hear him calling my name behind me, but I don’t dare risk a look back.
I make it through the back door without being brought down, and I slam it behind me, quickly throwing the locks – a futile gesture given that the door is made of glass. I turn and look through the door, screaming out loud when I see the man’s face practically pressed against the glass. He’s staring at me with a mix of anger, hurt, and confusion in his face.
The doorknob rattles hard as he tries to get in. “She said we’d be together,” he calls through the glass. “She said you loved me.”
I have no idea what he’s talking about and don’t really care at the moment. All that matters is getting out of the house alive.
Pushing myself away from the door, the man starts banging on the glass, screaming for me to let him in. I move quickly as I hear the glass door shatter followed by the man’s howl of outrage. My heart is thundering in my chest, and I cry out as I hear his hard footsteps echoing on the floor.
That’s when it hits me – he said Knox’s guys were out front. Pissed off at him or not, I had zero qualms about using his guys to save my life. I sprint for the front door and start throwing the locks, my shaking hands trembling hard enough that it takes me longer than it should.
