by Paige North
“That picture…” he starts to say. Then anger completely takes him over. “That message. Who is it from?”
No hiding anymore. Nowhere to go.
“I messed up so badly,” I say.
But it goes beyond that, because now that I think about it—now that Liam seems to have run out of patience and he’s really going to screw me over—this might even affect Cage’s deal with Igor. He’ll question Cage’s judgment in choosing a “girlfriend” if my naked body is plastered everywhere online.
“Oh my god,” I moan, “I really messed up.”
I start to cry, my body shuddering with every sob.
“Karini,” he says again, softer this time, with an emotion that sounds deeper than I’ve ever heard. But crap, I don’t know anything. And I’ve dragged him into my bullshit. I’m a disaster, and I wish he would just go.
Yet he doesn’t, and that makes me even more upset. Everything starts to spill out of me as I keep staring at the ground.
“There was only one guy who was ever serious about me.” My words rattle in the night air. “At least I thought he was serious. But… God, he was the worst thing that ever happened to me.”
“What do you mean?”
Cage’s anger is back, and I think it’s directed toward Liam. But how long will that last once Cage realizes exactly what I did?
When I don’t answer, he asks, “Karini, who is this asshole?”
I hold my arms over myself tighter. “His name is Liam Phillips. I met him before summer break at a music show in a club. He was…” I shake my head and stay hunched over. “He was older. Almost thirty. Way more experienced. That night, he was near the front of the stage, king of the club. Women were all over him. But then he looked at me, and for some reason, he smiled. Then he walked over, and I…”
I slowly look up at Cage. He’s so tightly wound that I have to take a step back. Is he jealous? Or is there something more happening with him?
“Keep going,” he says in a voice so deceptively calm that it makes me shiver.
“Liam bought me drinks,” I finally say. “I’d never had a guy do that for me before. I was so flattered, and when he came right out and said that he wanted me, I didn’t know what to do at all.”
Cage closes his eyes for an anguished moment, as if he’s picturing how pathetic I was. Or maybe he’s remembering the other night when he told me how gorgeous and desirable I am, and it pains him to know that I’ve never believed that.
And never believing got me into this trouble.
“What else?” he says in that low, dangerous tone. He opens his eyes, and his gaze burns with a terrible fire.
“I’m sure you can guess the rest,” I say.
“Tell me.”
I hold back another sob, but Cage isn’t going to let me get away without telling him. And the thing is, I want to. I have to.
“Liam was obviously real bad news,” I say. “But I didn’t catch on at first. I was too busy marveling at how a hot guy like him could ever find me attractive. He dressed like a stockbroker, but underneath he was wild. I romanticized him, even when I found out that he was a drug addict.”
Cage’s gaze goes full dark.
I add, “I probably don’t have to tell you that he had little to no redeeming moral qualities.”
One of Cage’s hands unfists, but then he clenches it again. “I can’t name many drug addicts who do.”
Something about the way he says it makes him sound angry in a more personal way than I can fathom, but as he keeps drilling me with his gaze, I let the rest of my dumbass story out.
“I didn’t figure everything out all at once. It was gradual, because, at first, Liam was charming and nice. He took me on romantic little trips into the country for picnics. He brought me to a small carnival and won me a stuffed animal, for god’s sake. Then, after a few weeks, he tried to…”
I nearly choke on the words.
“Did he hurt you?” Cage grits.
My pulse wobbles as I stare into his eyes. Sparks flare there, more anger. But is that fury at himself because he let me into his life?
Or does he actually care about me more?
“Liam didn’t hurt me,” I say.
Cage’s shoulders relax, but not by much.
I lick my lips, because they’ve gone dry. “At least, he didn’t hurt me in the way you’re thinking. He did try to have sex with me, and even though I was infatuated with him, I said I wasn’t ready. Because I wasn’t. I think I instinctively knew that things between us weren’t right.”
“And what did he do when you refused?”
“He got really impatient.” I rub my chilled, bare arms, even though the night is warm. “He called me ‘boring’ and a ‘prude,’ and I felt terrible about putting him off. I still hadn’t caught on to what a shit he was. Then he suddenly became very ‘patient’ as he waited for me to come around, and I let him fool me into blaming myself for not sleeping with him. Then I did something really, really dumb.”
I lower my head again, tears really running out of my eyes now. “One night, I allowed him to take some naked pictures of me on his cell phone.”
“Shit, Karini.” Cage sounds disappointed.
“Even though I knew things weren’t right, I wanted to show him that I could be a ‘fun girl,’ and I felt like if I didn’t do something, I’d be just a boring old prudish tease.”
As silence descends, I realize how things have changed in the short time since I left Liam. With Cage, I never felt pressured. Instead of trying to prove something to him, I just…was. Cage brought something out in me. It never had to be forced.
And now all of that is about to come to an end. I can feel it.
I try to hold back those tears, but I can’t. “All in all, it took me a couple of months to finally see Liam’s darker side, and after I discovered his drug addiction, that’s when I broke things off. He was angry, bitter, but it wasn’t until he ran out of money for his drugs soon afterward that his truly evil side came out.”
“And his evil side is doing something with those pictures, isn’t it?” Cage asks.
I nod. “He told me that if I didn’t start giving him money, he was going to put my naked pictures online and send them to porn sites.”
More silence.
A crazy laugh cuts the air, and as it dies, I realize that it’s from me.
“He even has some short video clips of me touching myself,” I whisper.
Cage plows his hand through his hair and paces a few feet away.
I raise my voice. “The only way I can keep Liam from putting that stuff online is by paying him off, but when he made his first threat, I didn’t have the kind of money he was demanding. He didn’t believe me though. He said I needed to go to my parents, who own a nice house, but I couldn’t do that. So I did my best, pulling everything out of my savings, but then he started pushing for even more. I finally got him to agree on the sum that I found out I could earn from selling my virginity to the Highest Bidder. The site had no idea about this situation. Liam doesn’t even know how I’m earning the cash, but I doubt he’d care.”
“Let me guess,” Cage says. “You already gave him your advance from the Highest Bidder.”
“Yes. And he’ll get the final payment after you pay me for the rest of this job. But I made him promise that he won’t ask for any more after that, and he agreed.”
“Did he? Well, you can bet a shit bag like him will keep his word on that.”
His slashing words make me cringe. “I know there are no guarantees that he’ll keep his word, but I have to believe what he said. I don’t have any other recourse.” I stuff the phone into my handbag so forcefully that I drop both items. The thumps on the concrete are deafening, but my devastation is even worse as I stand there and brace my hands over my stomach. “My god, if those pictures and videos end up online and on porn sites, my parents… They’ll be destroyed. I’ll be humiliated. And if they go viral and Igor Vasiliev learns about them…”
&
nbsp; Cage turns his back on me. I can’t see his gaze, but I don’t have to because I can feel the demons swirling around him, as if they’ve caught up to him in some way I don’t understand yet.
“Goddammit,” he rages. “You’ve been giving money to a drug addict, Karini. And this whole time, you kept it a secret.”
More tears run out of my eyes. Next he’ll probably say something about how I’ve messed up his life, because this deal with Igor is now in jeopardy. Some “family man” he’ll be with a flasher like me by his side.
“I’m so fucking sick of the lies,” he seethes.
As he slowly turns to face me, I wonder if he’s angrier about the pictures or being lied to. But it doesn’t matter. I’m already taking a step away from him, not because he’s disgusted—it’s because there’s something revealed in his gaze that I never expected to see.
Doubt.
It takes a moment for the realization to tear through me. He doesn’t believe what I’m saying.
But why? What did I do to him so that he doesn’t believe me?
As I keep trying to understand what’s going on, he speaks, his voice back to being so calm that it sends cold trickles down my spine.
“First,” he says, “I’m going to have the limo brought around. You will be going back to my place immediately and wait for me there until I return.”
He doesn’t have to say that there’ll be no “lessons” or escapades tonight. This goes beyond my bringing out the sexual animal in him.
“What about Mr. Vasiliev?” I ask.
Cage is still frigid. “I’ll make up an excuse, say you got sick and went home to rest. But you need to go out front and wait. Now.”
I flinch at that last word, wounded. All my fear and stress crash against me in a big wave, and I’m suddenly sobbing again, fumbling to pick up my phone and bag from the ground, then rushing away from him.
It doesn’t take the limo long to pick me up, and everything is a bruising whirl on the drive to the apartment.
Cage didn’t believe me. That, more than anything, is what I can’t stop thinking about. He isn’t on my side, and that’s what really hurts.
I hurry up the elevator and into his place and then, without thinking, I’m packing my bag.
I just can’t face him again. I don’t want him to call me a liar when I’m not. I just want to go, need to go.
I grab the very first flight I can find out of New York, huddling at the airport with my phone off until I’m finally in the air. I’m running away, hiding, but not from those pictures and videos.
I’m only trying to escape from what I saw in Cage’s eyes this time.
Chapter 20
On the flight home, I try to shut Cage out of my mind, but with every mile that passes, my agony grows and grows.
In a way, Cage hurt me worse than Liam ever could have. Liam never got under my skin and into my heart, so his betrayal never felt as personal.
I even think we might’ve had a future, because what would have happened if Liam hadn’t texted me with that picture during Igor’s dinner? In the end, would Cage have held on to me for longer than the term of our agreement?
The questions haunt me as I press my face into the papery airline pillow and listen to the whine of the engines in the otherwise silent plane. Somehow I fell in love with Cage during our brief time together, and now that we’re over, it’s as if I’m being sliced in two slowly yet thoroughly.
After the plane lands, I turn on my phone to see an avalanche of texts and voicemails. At first, I think they’re from Liam, but that’s not the case.
Cage has been trying to contact me.
As I sit in my seat numbly waiting for my turn to deplane, I stare at one of his texts on my screen.
Just tell me you’re okay, Karini.
And that’s only the most recent message. I want to talk to you. Call me. I only want to make sure everything is all right…
I put my phone away. He isn’t ever going to get a call or text from me, because now that I spent hours in shock and sadness because the man I fell for didn’t believe me or the terrible story I told him, I’m done. I just got through being treated like garbage by Liam, and it’s not ever going to happen to me again.
Especially not with Cage Bryant.
Eventually I slump into the terminal with my one overnight bag, but I’m determined to get myself together. I have to before I arrive at the pick-up area where my parents will be waiting. They were overjoyed when I let them know about my change of flight plans; they were excited to see me even a few hours earlier than scheduled.
That’s love, and I’m going to appreciate what I do have of it.
When they swing by the curb in their Mazda, I force myself to perk up, wave to them, then go to where they’ve pulled over. Both of them burst out of the car, arms open wide to me, and at the sight of their normal, hometown-America, beaming smiles, I drop my bag and run into their embraces.
As they lob questions to me about my “end-of-summer adventure,” my heart breaks even more. I’ll make myself tell them about how I went to hip restaurants and cool places with my “friends,” but I’ll be lying about these “happy times”—mostly to myself.
I miss Cage, even with all the anguish he’s causing me. Dammit, I only want to be with him again.
Soon I’m sitting in the backseat of the car, speeding along to my parents’ house. My phone dings, and both of them glance back at me: my dad’s gray eyes in the rearview mirror, my mom’s blue ones as she turns around.
I try to laugh as I say, “I’m sure it’s my friends seeing if I made it here okay.”
“Well don’t let us stop you.” Mom looks so young with her light brown hair in a ponytail, so happy to see me. “Go ahead. Answer them.”
I shouldn’t look, because I know I’m just going to see Cage’s name on the screen and it’ll break me for good. I’ll start crying, and they’ll ask me what’s wrong, and I won’t be able to answer them. But as my mom turns back around, I give in to temptation and get my phone out.
It’s not Cage who’s sent a text.
When my phone sounds off with Liam’s ringtone, my adrenaline freezes me. As I let the call go through, praying my parents won’t comment about how someone is certainly bent on reaching me, I see Dad’s brows furrow in the rearview mirror.
“Really, I’ll just get it later,” I say, but my voice shakes as I shut off my phone.
I’m acting weird, and they know it.
Later, after I go to the bedroom my parents have so lovingly kept clean and tidy for me, I finally listen to Liam’s message.
“Wasn’t last night enough to let you know how goddamn serious I am?” he yells. “Congratulations, you little twat—you just got yourself in deeper.”
After he demands even more money, I start to choke on my panic.
I text him right away.
I’ll give you the money when it comes in! I swear! Please don’t do anything, Liam.
But I don’t know if Cage is even going to finalize my payment from our arrangement. After all, he’s angry, and he’s rich enough to simply refuse if he chooses to. I mean, I broke my contract by leaving before our time was even up…hours before. I hadn’t even been thinking about the technicalities because my emotions were getting the best of me.
God, I’m really in the shit now.
When Liam doesn’t respond to my text, my stomach ties up in rough knots and, for the rest of the day, I wait in terror to see if he’ll carry through with his threats, outing my pictures to the online world.
I can’t eat.
I can’t sleep.
Not until I check my bank account first thing in the morning to find that all of the money Cage promised me is there.
Two weeks later, Cage still hasn’t said anything about the money or my leaving him in such a rush. He’s stopped asking if I’m okay. He hasn’t followed up with a call or even a text, and his silence has only verified that whatever we had between us is really over. Of course, my h
eart still has an impossible time accepting that, even as my brain constantly reminds me that it’s true and it’s for the best.
How could I live with someone who doubted me like he did?
I can’t, but I still think of him every day, sometimes every hour, and…god. It never gets better. I ache in the morning, ache during the day, and especially at night. The nights are definitely the worst, because that’s when I remember how excited he made me and how, sometimes, I would see true emotion in his eyes.
But there are a couple of consolations I can take from everything, as I sit on a stone wall at school while watching some upperclassmen toss a Frisbee. First, I’m finally picking up the pieces of my life and moving on. And, best of all, Liam hasn’t contacted me either. After I saw Cage’s money in my bank account, I immediately transferred it to my blackmailer, then texted him saying that I never, ever wanted to see or hear from him again. As far as I was concerned, we had no more business to deal with ever again.
It seems that the money has been enough to keep Liam happy, because there are no pictures or videos of me naked online. No humiliation. No worries about how all of this could’ve affected Cage’s business with Igor Vasiliev, who, by the way did agree to work with Bryant Industries shortly after I left.
I saw the business articles online…not that I’m wallowing in every piece of news about Cage or anything.
All I want to do now is graduate at the end of the semester. I’m going to move forward.
When my phone rings in my backpack, I take it out right away. It’s my mom’s ringtone, but whenever I get a call or text, I keep hoping it’s Cage.
Before I answer, I inhale the fresh air and exhale. My lungs are tight, as if I’m going to cry again, but I shove my emotions aside.
“Hey, Mom,” I say.
Dammit, my voice sounds as if I have been crying. I can’t do anything right, not even shut off my emotions.
Of course, Mom knows best. “Karini, are you okay?”
“Sure. I’ve got my favorite class in fifteen minutes.” It’s a course in recreational mathematics. I saved the fun stuff for my final semester.
