I’m going to find a cute guy that doesn’t expect anything from me, and I’m going to have a little fun.
Chapter Twenty
Fred
“You look really good,” I tell Phoebe, and she rolls her eyes at me.
“That’s, like, the tenth time you said that. Did I really look all that bad before?”
I look over at my sister before turning my attention back to the road, unsure of how to respond. Would the truth be too cruel? The last time I saw you it looked like you hadn’t showered or washed your clothes in weeks. Yeah, probably too cruel.
She sighs, her eyes on me. “I guess I shouldn’t really ask, huh?”
“The important thing,” I say, my voice bright, “is how good you look now. It’s obvious you’ve turned a corner. Mom and Dad are going to be so happy to see you.”
She stiffens a little and I tamp down the frustration. Phoebe had never gotten comfortable thinking of Martha as her mom and had never, to my knowledge, called her anything other than her first name. And bitch, occasionally.
Don’t think about that now, I remind myself. All the shit that went down in the past doesn’t matter now. The important thing is that she’s here. The important thing is that she’s clean.
When Phoebe had called me this morning, asking if we could meet, I’d been shocked and more than a little suspicious. She hasn’t willingly seen me in months. The last time we’d been face-to-face had been over my last spring break, when Jet and I had driven from apartment to apartment in the city trying to find her. When we’d finally located her in a grungy studio, it had been obvious that she was on something. She had begged me to leave her alone, to never come back. To let her live her life. How do you agree to something like that? When it’s your own little sister?
“Fred,” she says softly, reaching across the console to touch my hand briefly. “I really am sorry.”
“You don’t have to keep apologizing,” I say firmly. After her call, I’d driven home immediately, skipping my last class with little thought. If she was actually reaching out to me, I was damn sure going to be there to help. She’d spent most of our lunch apologizing to me for everything she had done. It wasn’t necessary—the important thing was that she was here now.
Phoebe sighs. “I just know that I messed it all up so badly. And the last thing Daddy needs is me sleeping on his couch.” She sniffs and I’m afraid she’s going to cry again. She had spent a fair amount of lunch doing that, too. “I can’t believe I didn’t even know that they moved. What the hell kind of daughter doesn’t know something like that?”
“You know now,” I remind her. “And they’ll be happy to see you back home, Phoebs. Even if home is a little different now.”
“We’ll probably end up killing each other in such a small space,” she says, but her tone is amused. “They might be begging me to go back to drugs and get out of their way.”
“Not a funny joke.” I’m quiet for a moment, remembering my discussion with Mom when I found out they were leaving the house. I’d asked about Phoebe and she’d said they would cross that bridge when they came to it. That she needed to live her own life. But surely, they’d be happy to have her, right? They’d welcomed her back home countless times over the years, trying to get her help. But this time was different. This time she’d called me. This time she wanted help.
“You can come sleep on Jet’s couch if things get too tense,” I tell her. I know she wasn’t serious about our parents wanting her to use again just to get her out of their hair, but I also want her to know that she has an option if things do get rough. An option besides for going back to her friends.
“Oh, Jet Taylor,” she says, grinning. “He was always so hot. I wouldn’t mind sleeping on his couch.”
“He has a girlfriend now,” I tell her, laughing when her eyebrows shoot up to the top of her forehead. “He really does.”
“That’s crazy,” she breaths. “I was convinced he would be a wild-child until the end of his days.” She makes a face. “And I never got my chance with him. What an unlucky break.”
“Please, let’s stop talking about getting a chance with my best friend, okay?”
She turns to face me. “What about you? Any lucky ladies in your life?”
I hesitate, not knowing if I should tell her about Ellie. What would I say? I’m in love with this girl who agrees to sleep with me and hang out sometimes, but refuses to be my girlfriend. It’s awesome.
“Not really,” I tell her instead. “I’m seeing someone, but it’s not serious.” Isn’t that the truth.
Phoebe frowns. “That sounds like you.”
“What do you mean?”
“You never let it get serious because you’re always so busy worrying about everything and everyone else.” She fiddles with the hem of her coat. “And I know that about you and I called you anyhow. I’m such a jerk.”
“Stop it. You can call me anytime, you know that.”
I pull into the lot of the apartment building our parents now call home and Phoebe looks up at the facade, a frown on her face. “This is weird. Thinking about them up there.”
“Their place is nice,” I assure her. “It really is.”
I grab her duffle bag from behind our seat and hop out of the car, taking her arm to lead her up to the apartment’s front door. “You want me to explain?” I ask.
She shakes her head. “No, I’ll tell them. It’s the right thing.”
I kiss the top of her head. “I’m proud of you, sis. Even if this is tough at first, they’ll come around. They’ll be proud of you, too. I promise.”
She squares her shoulders as I press their buzzer. “I hope you’re right.”
***
Two hours later things have finally calmed down enough that I can take my phone out into the hallway to call Ellie. There had been a lot of crying at first—not only from my sister but from our parents as well. They had discussed their expectations for living in their home and she had complied. She had to complete an outpatient therapy program, which she seemed almost eager to do, and come to work in my dad’s office Monday through Friday. And, of course, there was to be no drug use under their roof.
Phoebe had cried a lot, begged them to forgive her for the last decade of worry and trouble. In turn they had cried and begged her to follow through this time. In the end, we ordered a pizza to celebrate her first night home and the beginning of her fresh start.
Ellie doesn’t answer her phone. I leave a message, letting her know that I’m caught up in family stuff that I’ll explain later. “I’ll call you though, okay? Maybe we can meet up.”
I send her a text, too, which I regret immediately. If she’s out with friends, I don’t want her to think I’m being pushy. I had assumed we’d be seeing each other tonight as we do most Fridays, but we didn’t have specific plans. I sigh as I stuff my phone back into my pocket. I last saw her Wednesday and I already miss her.
“Fred?”
Phoebe sticks her head out the door of the apartment, smiling when she sees me in the hall. “There you are.” She lets the door shut softly behind her and leans against the wall. “You calling that girl? The one it’s not serious with?”
I roll my eyes at her. “You were always nosey about my love life, even when you were a little kid.”
I move to enter the apartment but she tugs gently on my sleeve, stopping me. “Hey, can I ask you for a favor?”
“Sure.”
She fidgets with her hair, a sure fire sign that she’s nervous.
“Phoebe?”
“Look, I was going to ask Daddy but I had no idea what a hard time they were having.” The words spill out in a rush, so fast that I’m having trouble understanding her. “But if I don’t get it somewhere, I’m going to be in so much trouble, and then I won’t be able to work at Daddy’s office and I’ll never get the chance to earn it on my own—”
“Phoebe,” I interrupt. “What are you talking about?”
She takes a deep breath. �
�I owe the district court five hundred dollars.”
I gape at her. “What? Why?”
Her face seems to crumple, but she doesn’t cry. “I had an outstanding ticket. When I didn’t pay they started adding fees. And now…they took my license away, Freddy. I can’t even drive.”
I close my eyes. Five hundred dollars.
“I was going to ask Daddy if I could borrow it, I would pay it back right away, I swear. But they’re having such a hard time and I know he doesn’t have the money. I just don’t know what to do. I don’t want to ask you, God, you know I really don’t. But Fred—”
“I can lend it to you,” I tell her, cutting off her babbling. “I have enough in my savings.”
The relief is clear on her face, but her eyes immediately fill with tears. “Really? Oh, God, Fred, thank you. I swear I’ll pay you back. As soon as I start making some money it will be the first thing I do, I promise.”
She wraps her arms around my neck, hugging me tight. I hug her back but my heart isn’t in it. To be honest, I’m scared. The last time I gave her money she took off for weeks and God knows what she spent it on. What if this is all an act, an attempt to get some cash?
Then it’d be a lot of trouble to go through just for five hundred dollars, I tell myself. Immediately I’m flooded with guilt. Here she is trying to get her life together and I’m doubting her already. I hug her back a little tighter.
“I’ll write you a check before I go.”
“Thank you.” The relief and shame in her voice make me feel even more guilty.
“Come on,” I tell her, smiling down at her. “Let’s go eat pizza and roll our eyes at Dad’s jokes.”
Her answering grin chases the rest of my doubts away. “I like Dad’s jokes.”
“That’s because you’re as lame as he is.”
She giggles, a carefree sound that I associate with our childhood, and I follow her back into the apartment.
Chapter Twenty-one
Ellie
“Ooh, you look pretty,” Zoe says, coming in to lean against my door frame. “What’s the occasion?”
“No occasion.” I finish my second coat of mascara and pick up the tube of lipstick, wishing Zoe would go back to whatever she was doing before. I don’t really want to talk to her about my date.
Instead she comes into the room and flops down on my bed. “I haven’t seen Fred in ages. What are you guys doing tonight?”
I catch sight of my grimace in the mirror and force myself to relax my face. “I’m actually not seeing Fred tonight.”
Zoe stops in the act of reaching for a magazine on my bed, her hand hovering an inch from the mattress as if frozen. “Who are you seeing?”
“Um, some guy from work. You don’t know him.” I busy myself with my lipstick so I don’t have to see her expression in the mirror.
She’s quiet for a long time. “Ellie,” she finally says, and there’s an edge to her voice. “What are you doing?”
“I’m getting ready to go.”
She stands and comes up behind me, meeting my gaze in the mirror. I sigh and turn to face her. “What, Zoe?”
“You’re going out with some guy from work? Would some guy happen to be your married boss?”
“Hey,” I snap. “What the hell happened to our no judgment rule?”
“What about Fred?” she asks, ignoring me completely.
“What about Fred?”
“Does he know about this?”
I put my hands on my hips, wishing I was already in my heels so I’d have a few inches on her. “He doesn’t need to know about it, Zoe. Because it’s none of his business.”
“Of course it’s his business! You guys are—”
“We’re sleeping together, Zoe! That’s all!” For some reason I feel like crying but I push it down. “He’s not my boyfriend, okay? We had an agreement and I’m not doing anything that we didn’t both agree to.”
She watches me for a long minute, her eyes narrowed. “That’s bullshit and you know it.”
I let out an exasperated huff and push past her to the living room, in search of my shoes.
“I can’t believe you right now, Ellie.”
“What the hell, Zoe?” I spin to face her, nearly knocking her over in the process. “This is none of your fucking business!”
“Of course it is,” she yells back. “You’re my best friend!”
“Maybe you need a reminder of that. Because from where I’m standing it sure as hell seems like you care more about Fred than you do about me.”
She reels back a little as if I hit her. “That’s such crap, and you know it.”
“Really? It sure seems like you’re judging the hell out of me on the basis of what he might think.”
“I’m not worried about him!” she yells. “I’m worried about you!”
I freeze momentarily, staring at her. “What are you talking about?”
Her face softens and when she speaks again her voice is lowered by several decibels. “I don’t think you really want to do this. I know you don’t. So of course I’m worried. Because the Ellie Canter I know never does something that she doesn’t want to do.”
The urge to cry is back and I turn away from her, all of the fight going out of me. I feel deflated. Defeated. I want to tell her how right she is, how sick I felt on Friday when I ran into Chad at the bar—if you could even call it running into him. I could tell myself it was a coincidence all I wanted but the truth was, I’d known exactly where he was going to be. He’d told me, after all.
But still I stayed and talked to him, flirted with him even. It hadn’t gone any farther than that but I’d agreed to have dinner with him the next night. And we spent the last three days at work flirting, right there in front of anyone who cared to see. Suddenly I feel like I might throw up. What am I doing?
“Ellie,” she says, her voice soft. “Come on. It’s not too late, you know?”
“Zoe—” I want to tell her all of it, about seeing Fred with that girl, how much it had scared me and upset me. And how scared and upset I was at myself for having those emotions about a guy.
“Fred is a really good guy,” she says, placing her hand on my shoulder. “And he’s crazy about you. You don’t have to be afraid of that—”
I yank away from her as if stung, the image of him kissing the blonde’s cheek flashing through my mind. “You don’t know what you’re talking about,” I hiss, straightening my shoulders. “Now, if you’ll leave me alone, I have a date.”
“You don’t even like this guy.” She follows me down the hallway and into the living room, standing right behind me while I root through the front closet in search of my shoes. “You told me that he creeps you out. You told me that you think he’s an ass for flirting with an employee when he’s married.”
“Well I changed my mind,” I snap.
“Why are you doing this?”
I finally find my shoes and stand, shoving them on my feet. I turn to go but Zoe grabs my arm.
“Let go.” My voice is low with a harsh note of warning.
“Just tell me why you’re doing this,” she says and I realize that she’s close to tears as well.
I shake off her hand. “For the same reason I do anything, Zoe. Because I want to. That’s all you need to know. I want to see this guy. You can judge me all you want but just remember, I’ve seen you do much worse shit just because it appealed to you at the time.”
She shakes her head at me, her expression a strange mix of sadness and anger. “You think you’re nothing like her, Ellie, but you’re wrong.”
It’s my turn to reel back like she struck me. “What?”
“Sleeping with some guy you don’t even like doesn’t prove how independent you are,” she says, her tone almost disgusted. “It only shows how much you’re really like your mother. She relies on men to validate her, to prove her self worth. How is what you’re doing any different?”
“Zoe!” I cry, so hurt by her words it takes my breath away.
But still she doesn’t stop. “I think you really like Fred. And I think that scares the hell out of you. So you’re going to turn around and sleep with this guy just to prove how much you don’t need him, just to prove what kind of girl you are.” She shakes her head, turning away. “That makes you just like her, Ellie. And you know it.”
I stare at her retreating back as she goes to her room, the door slamming behind her. She’s wrong, I tell myself, leaning against the wall. She’s totally wrong.
But it takes a long time for my heart to stop pounding. And an even longer time until I feel like I’m steady enough to slip out of the apartment.
She’s wrong, she’s wrong, I repeat over and over in my head as I get in my car and start the engine. She’s wrong about me being like my mom. Wrong about why I’m doing this.
As I pull out of the parking space I again see that flash of Fred, smiling down at the blonde girl the way he always smiled for me. And she’s wrong about Fred, I think, my heart constricting. Wrong about how he feels about me.
I shake my head, forcing her words out of my mind. I don’t owe her anything and I certainly don’t owe Fred anything. And there’s no way in hell I’m going to let either of them make me feel guilty about my choices.
I pull out of the parking lot, turning in the direction of Chad’s house. I don’t owe anybody anything.
Chapter Twenty-two
Fred
I’m just about ready to leave for school when Ellie texts me.
Are you still home?
I frown at the screen. In all honesty, I’m more than a little pissed at her. We’ve barely spoken since I’ve been home this week. Every time I call her she’s vaguely busy, and couldn’t make it more clear from her tone that I’m bothering her by even calling. But now she wants to see me, when I’m about to leave for a two-hour drive? Whatever.
For a few more minutes, I text back.
Is Jet there?
He’s spending the night at your place.
Escape With You Page 18
