Now when you were in my tummy Thomas I was so fat."
“How fat mum?”
I made a circle with my arms to show him and he laughed, I loved hearing Thomas laugh it was my most favourite sounds in the world. Ryan would never hear him laugh again. I thought bitterly. Thomas pulled me out of my dark thoughts by nudging my arm to continue.
"Ok, where was I? Oh yes, when mummy was getting really big I had to stop working and I concentrated on getting ready for you. Poor daddy wanted to stay at home with me too but he had to work so we could buy you all the things you needed. After a very busy few weeks at home, we had everything ready for your arrival.
It was a normal weekend, I was lazing about in bed. Usually, I was up first at the weekends because daddy could have a lie in as he didn't have work but this Saturday daddy was up and dressed, he then told me I needed to get up quickly and get dressed too as he had booked a surprise holiday. It wasn't very far away, we didn't need to get on a plane or anything. It was a little country house in Cornwall.
When I was ready daddy helped me get into the car and we drove to the most beautiful house I'd ever seen.
It looked like a house from a fairy tale with ivy growing up the outside and a little front garden full of flowers every colour you could think of. It had a little cottage door that we had to duck to get into, well I didn't have to duck but daddy did. I waddled into the house looking for the kitchen I wanted food Thomas, I always wanted food when you were in my belly. I ate so much I thought I was going to pop. We had a lovely time, daddy took me to the beach and showed me his surfing skills, we had yummy dinners. It was perfect.
On our last day, we had been walking through this lovely village when we came upon this beautiful little church. Daddy suddenly got down on one knee and asked me to marry him. I had thought he'd been messing about, thought he was crazy but then he pulled out a ring.
Daddy came up behind me and put a blindfold on which made me scream, he told me that the surprise hadn't ended here and he had one more for me. He led me into the church, but we didn't stop, we carried on walking until we reach the gardens out the back all I could smell was the flowers.
When he took off my blindfold the flowers I had smelt were Jasmine.
“That's why they’re mummy's favourite flower.”
The little white flower covered the place, spread along the wall to the side, in front of me covering a pergola which led to another man standing under a tree. He had a book in his hand. It was a minister waiting to perform the ceremony. I looked to your father as I was very confused then daddy got back down on one knee and said “I was hoping this holiday could be our honeymoon. Will you marry me now my love for I can't wait another moment without you being my wife?”
It had been awhile since I'd told him the story and after I had finished he had asked question after question. I had obliged, of course, it was as if he wanted to paint the whole picture in his head, he was remembering his daddy.
He perked up while we were taking, and thought maybe, I was panicking slightly after everything I'd seen and heard over the last 24 hours. I definitely still wanted a doctor. I wanted to get a professional to look at him or I was going to have to seriously start thinking about taking him to the hospital if it came to that. I wasn't letting anything happen to him.
I got up and paced the room I need to figure this out quick. If, Thomas did have this N17 thing the news said it was fatal in only 75-80% of cases which meant there had to be something out there that helps, that not everybody died from it. But the opposing thought; what if he just has a normal everyday bug and I rush out, take him to the hospital and something worse happens?
That biker gang was still roaming about in the area I was sure of it. The feeling I’d got from the men I meet this morning had been screaming violence and death I could taste it. I had known with every fibre in my body they had meant us great harm. Would taking Thomas back out there be more dangerous for him?
If I could get a doctor here to look at Thomas they could tell me if he had this virus. If he did, I would take him to the hospital and fuck anybody that gets in my way, I would tear them to fucking pieces. On the other hand, if he just has a normal bug then I could keep him safe here. I looked for the phone I didn't know any personal numbers for any doctors but I did know the number for Applewood medical Centre. It was hardly ever used and if it was, it was for minor injuries. I was hoping, praying that somebody was there, I dialled the number having an uncanny memory when it came to remembering telephone numbers, I usually only had to see a number once or twice and that was it forever burned in my brain, shame it only worked on numbers though, it’s weird how the brain works as I was utter rubbish at remembering faces and names.
I paced the room while the number rang and rang Please pick up, please pick up. I chanted to myself like some kind of mantra. After what felt like forever somebody finally answered, it was a lady’s voice “Hello can I help?”
“Yes, thank god you answered, please my son is unwell I need a doctor.
"Well, I'm ever so sorry, Miss .........
"Its Mrs. McNeil, please my son really needs to see a doctor is he there?" The line went so quiet I thought I'd been cut off.
“Err Hello, are you still there?”
“Yes Sorry, I’m afraid the good doctor sadly passed away yesterday.”
“Oh, I'm sorry.” I didn't know what else to say, tears wanted to burst out my eyes but I knew crying wasn't going to help Thomas, I was about to put the phone down when I heard the lady speak again ........Mc Neil?
"Sorry, could you repeat that I missed it?"
“I asked did you say your name is McNeil as in Sadie McNeil?”
“Yes, that's me why?”
"Hello, Sadie I am the nurse that saw to your head last week how are you and how are your toes? Healed up I hope."
The way she said it was weird!
“Yes, they are fine thank-you, look I don't mean to be rude but I need somebody to look at Thomas not talk about my feet is there anybody there that can come here, if not I don't care what the news says I’m taking him to the hospital.”
“No, no wait, stay where you are, I can send somebody, what is your address?”
I handed over the address and she told me somebody would be there within the hour, to keep Thomas as cool as possible and get him to drink as much fluids as I could.
The next sixty minutes was the slowest hour of my life. Thomas had drifted back to sleep. Thank god, or he would see what a mess I was becoming.
Thomas liked to sleep but this much was unlike him, it added to my worry. Was tiredness a sign of this N17 virus or was he just wiped the hell out?
I reasoned it must take about half an hour or so to get from our village to here so what was taking so long? Had something gone wrong? Had whoever the nurse was sending been in an accident or run into trouble? Every second I sat there I doubted my decision, had I done the wrong thing. Should I have just got in the car the moment I knew he was unwell and taken him to the hospital? I had to keep telling myself I was doing the right thing. The little bit of TV I'd watched today, had shown as clear as day that it was a complete shit storm out there and was not safe in the least. I didn't know anything about N17 stuff really and fever is the first thing to come with any virus and most other illnesses so, I could be worrying about nothing.
No, I was doing the best thing waiting for the doctor and seeing what he had to say first before, I ran off into danger taking Thomas with me. The same argument rolled around and around in my brain until finally, I heard the buzzing of the gate at the front of the house I ran to the hall and buzzed them in. I opened the front door so they could let themselves in and went back into the living room to be with Thomas. For the last Ten minutes, he had started to stir from his sleep but instead of waking he began tossing and turning moaning, crying out about it being dark, I was trying to calm him down telling him that it was just a bad dream when I heard the front door close and shouted for the doctor to come throu
gh to the living room. I turned my head to greet the doctor and was stunned to see the nurse lady I'd spoken on the phone with. I'm not sure who I was expecting to come as she had already said our doctor had died yesterday. Even so, I hadn't expected her not that I minded, she looked to know what she was doing and I could see she had a bag of medical supplies so, I greeted her warmly and showed her to Thomas.
“Hi Sadie, I'm not sure if you remember but my name is Alice, we met at the hospital last week, I would ask how you are but I can see you are anxious for me to look at Thomas so we can do the pleasantries after. But if you wouldn't mind I could really do with a drink of water.”
"Yes, I remember, thank you so much for coming, Alice, I didn't know what to do. I can't lose him too."
Alice gently patted my shoulder and knelt beside Thomas.
“Thomas sweetie, my names Alice, I’ve come to take a little look at you.” He stirred and his eyes fluttered open.
“Hey sleepy head how you feeling? Thomas shrugged his shoulders at me indicating he wasn’t feeling great.
“Darling this is Alice, she is a nurse at the hospital and she is going to take a little look at you, is that ok mate?” Thomas nodded so, I looked over to Alice to let her know he was ready. While I had been talking, Alice had opened her bag and was putting on a pair of gloves. I moved out of her way so she could have room to do what she needed but hovered over them a moment before remembering that she had asked for a glass of water. I excused myself letting Alice know I was going to get her drink and would be back in a moment.
I walked into the kitchen and after I had made Alice's ice water I stood there a second, my hands were shaking I think my whole body was. I was terrified of what Alice would say. If I lost Thomas I didn't know what I would do but just thinking about the possibility was making feel like I was about to crumble, like somebody was stabbing my heart with a rusty dagger while stomping on my chest. I knew I wouldn't be able to survive if Thomas died, losing Ryan had been the hardest thing I’d had to deal with in my whole life, and I’d had a lot, god by the time I was 18 both of my parents had killed themselves in one way or another and left me and Sol as orphans to navigate through life on our own. Still, with the lifestyle they chose to live in the back of my mind I had always known that it was a strong possibility they would die young and had mentally prepared myself for that outcome, not that their deaths didn't crush me in every which way but, Ryan's death was different, had come from nowhere. One minute he was here, the next he was gone and the only reason I was still going, still putting one foot in front of the other was for Thomas, with him gone I had no reason to go on.
I held back the tears that threatened to choke me. I didn't know anything for sure yet. I couldn't think like this, he might not even have this fucking N17 bloody, shitty thing and if he did maybe, my boy could beat it but either way Thomas was in there suffering and I was out here feeling sorry for myself and how I couldn't cope, fucking selfish much, no I need to buck up. My boy needed me now more than ever.
I quickly splashed my face with water from the sink and walked back to the living room. I set Alice's water on the coffee table and sat next to Thomas.
"Hey little man, how you doing?"
“Ok mummy but my head still hurts.”
“Do you still feel sick? Would you like a sip of water?”
"No, I'm fine, thank you, mum."
He looked and sounded so weak, he was perfectly fine a few hours ago, I couldn't understand it. I looked to Alice, she had got up while I was talking to Thomas and was looking for something in her bag.
"Well is he ok? What is it, Alice?"
Alice ignored me and carried on looking through her bag, I waited while she looked but was growing increasingly impatient. I wanted to grab and shake her, demand some answers. She found what she was looking for and held it up to the light, it looked to be a small toy or figure she was holding but I couldn't see it properly.
“Here Thomas I would like you to have this, it is very special.” She handed it over to him and as she did I got a better look at it and saw it wasn't a toy or figure it was a small wooden star.
“Thomas this star was given to me by my grandmother and her grandmother gave it to her, it has been in our family a very long time. You could say it is our families good luck charm, and do you want to know something? This star is magic and I'm hoping it might make you feel a bit better”
Thomas beheld the wooden magical star like it was precious treasure, he rolled it around in his fingers looking it over.
“Thank you.” He said clearly in awe.
Thomas was still young enough that magic and likes of were mostly believed in. I thought it rather odd that she would say a piece of wood shaped like a star had been in her family for generations but then I didn’t work with children like she did maybe, it was a line she used often.
I looked at my special boy while he sat admiring the gift Alice had given him, he strangely looked perkier, his eyes were a bit brighter along with his skin. Alice kept up the charade by telling me it was very special and that Thomas should take care of it and keep it on him at all times.
I couldn't help but look at her like she was slightly mad but it had made Thomas feel better and that’s all that mattered. Thomas was looking at me with a massive smile and wanting to keep it on his face for as long as possible I carried the pretence on.
“Oh yes Alice, we will take great care of the star won't we Thomas.”
“Oh yes mummy, I think the magic's working already.”
"I think it is, little man, how about I put your DVD back on while mummy talks to Alice in the kitchen."
After I had set Thomas back up with the DVD he was watching earlier I took Alice into the kitchen and working on autopilot I started making some coffee.
“Would you like a cup?” I offered
“Sorry but we’re out of milk so it’s either powered or black?”
“Black is perfectly fine.”
“Sugar?”
“Two please”
I made 2 black coffees and sat down with Alice.
“How is he Alice, I mean really how is he? Does he have this virus? He looks much better now he's had a sleep. I think he's ok, I mean he would be much sicker than this if he did have the virus, right. I mean he's talking and smiling surly that's got to be good.”
I was talking so much it was like I had verbal diarrhoea. I think I was so nervous to hear what she had to say I couldn't shut up. Once I'd run out of words we sat in silence while I waited to hear her medical opinion. I looked into her eyes, pleading with her to tell me he was ok. It was then I noticed the tears forming in the corner of hers and suddenly the silence said it all. The blood drained from my head, I felt dizzy and I couldn't breathe. Alice hadn't spoken a word yet her face said it all. Thomas had the virus.
I wanted to scream as loud as I could, I wanted to punch and kick something, smash up the place, but that wasn't going to help my poor boy. I took a deep breath and steadied myself on the kitchen counter and Alice placed her hand on my shoulder saying the single most dreaded word I could hear “Sorry”
I knew then she was going to explain it to me, but now I didn’t want her to talk
“I’m so sorry Sadie”
I wanted to put my hands over my ears and sing La, La, La I can't hear you so, it's not true, as loud as I could but it wasn't going to change the outcome. I braised myself for her coming words.
“Thomas does indeed have the virus known as N17 he’s in the early stages of it so, you might have some time.”
That was it. That was all she could tell me; I might have some time.
“What do you mean, I MIGHT have some time?” No, this can't be happening I told myself.
"Do you know for sure he has the virus Alice, it could just be a bug. Maybe, that Neuro virus or something like that. How do you know it's this N17 and what do you mean I MIGHT have time? How do you know all this? Surely you can't tell by just looking at him for few minutes? Don't you need to d
o some tests?"
Alice sat there and told me no test was needed that Thomas was showing all the signs; his fever was above 104 but he was still conscious, his eyes had started to redden under his lids and within the hour would look bloodshot. She'd also said that Thomas could hear voices in his head and that every patient she had examined who was infected with this virus has said once the fever set in, the voices starts. She asked who we had come into contact with as it seems to only be passed on by skin to skin contact. I went on to tell her about Jason. I didn't however, tell her about setting the car on fire, only I had towed him to another field. A guilty conscience and all.
I told Alice then that Thomas couldn't possibly have it as I had touched Jason on the forehead when I had first spotted him outside near the wall and dragged him to the car. I was completely fine.
I couldn’t have predicted her next words for all the money in the world.
“You are immune, I believe my suspicions about you are true. You bare the mark of the Fifth. A five-pointed star marked over the heart of the one, this is the one that will free us from the Darkness.”
I looked at Alice like she was crazy. But instantly placed my hand over my birthmark. When I was younger I would often cover it up but, over the years, getting older and being with Ryan I had learnt to love my body, marks and all. Before I could tell her to stop with the crazy and help with Thomas she began spouting some weird verse
After a great breaking of the world,
And evil untold, unleashed.
The Fifth, will rise.
Marked by star above her heart,
Born a mage, with powers yet to be released.
If, she can pass the tests set before her, And, defeat the darkness within.
Only then, she can be reborn,
As the last, our sister and one true kin.
The Fifth will lead, be our strength and hammer.
To defeat the Darkness, she must not stammer.
Our last chance for Balance and peace.
The Fifth Page 11
