He placed his face in his hands and tried to decide the best course of action. It was obvious what he wanted. He wanted Laura to be back in here. He wanted her to sleep with him. But wasn’t it wrong to impose this on her?
She’d already done so much for him. She’d given up a real marriage. She’d devoted her life to taking care of his child. She took care of the laundry, the cooking, and the cleaning. She had to be just as tired as he was by the time he got to bed. Did he really want her to feel like she had to be in his arms through the night as well?
He must have sat there for a half hour. He gave himself every reason why he should leave her alone. And every reason made perfect sense. But it all boiled down to being selfish. He wanted her there with him.
Maybe he’d just ask her if she’d be willing to come back in here. If she said no, then he’d abide by her decision. He wouldn’t try to talk her into it. He’d just ask and see what she said. It didn’t hurt to ask, right? A simple question. A simple answer. If she said no, he’d be alone, just as he was now. So what did he have to lose? Nothing. Absolutely nothing.
Steadying his nerves, he rose from the bed and went to Elliot’s room. He slowly opened the door, careful not to wake his son, and stepped into the room.
“Is something wrong?” Laura whispered. “Did you have another nightmare?”
Surprised she was awake, he turned to her. She was sitting up in the bed, those lovely blonde waves falling over her shoulders. Whether she realized it or not, she was a beautiful sight.
He blinked the thought away. No. He wasn’t here for that. He was here because he was having trouble sleeping, and from the looks of it, maybe she was, too.
“I couldn’t sleep,” he whispered as he went over to her.
“I can’t sleep, either,” she replied.
Well, that might be a good angle to go with this. “I slept better when we were in the same room. I’m not sure why. It was just easier.”
“Do you want me to go back to your room?”
He wasn’t sure if he detected a hopeful tone or not in the question. It was hard to tell when they were whispering. “It would just be the same arrangement we had before. Nothing will happen.” There, that should make her feel more at ease about it. “It might be best for Elliot. He’s going to get older, and it’ll be awkward if you stay in here all his life. It might be best to get the sleeping arrangements settled now.”
After a moment, she stood up. “That’s probably a good idea. I don’t want to be in here when he’s ten.”
Yes, that was a good way of thinking about it. This was better for Elliot. And the couch wasn’t very comfortable. The best solution was to sleep in the same room. Also, they’d managed an entire week without doing anything. Surely, they would manage to continue on in the same room without doing more than holding each other.
She went to one end of the bed and lifted it up, a silent affirmation that he was welcome to go through with this. He lifted the other end, and they worked quietly together to get it into his room. Soon, he was pressing her bed against his while she closed the door to Elliot’s room.
When she came back, she didn’t hesitate to slip into his arms. The difference from being alone to being with her was startling. Already that feeling of peace had returned. He no longer felt restless. He felt complete.
“Thank you for moving back in here,” he whispered.
She wrapped her arm around his waist and gave a squeeze, which he understood was her way of saying he was welcome.
He closed his eyes, and finally, he was able to have a good night’s sleep.
Chapter Sixteen
Two weeks went by, and it seemed to Laura things fell into a comfortable routine. At the very least, the normal day-to-day chores made it easier to forget the strength of her feelings for Jesse. There were times at night when she was aware of his arousal.
Before coming to live on the farm, she wouldn’t have understood what an erect penis meant, but having watched Jesse get his two horses in the same fence in hopes they’d produce a foal, it didn’t take much imagination to figure out its significance.
Laura, however, hadn’t given any thought to the process of having children. She had Elliot, and she couldn’t have loved him any more than if he was her own. But she was excited by the prospect of where things might possibly be leading in the bedroom. If she thoroughly enjoyed it whenever Jesse touched her, she had no doubt she’d get pleasure from consummating their marriage.
He’d be gentle with her through the process. He’d kiss her and caress her in places no one else had. Then he’d settle between her legs and enter her, and maybe when he made love to her, the persistent ache between her legs would finally be satisfied. Of all the things she hadn’t expected from entertaining thoughts of lovemaking, one was the awareness of the pressure mounting between her legs. She hadn’t realized she’d desire his touch down there, much less the feel of him as he filled her core.
And the problem was, if she wasn’t distracted by more pressing matters, her thoughts often wandered in this direction. On one such day, she was sitting at the kitchen table, waiting for the bread to finish baking in the oven. Since Fanny was watching Elliot, she had nothing to do but pass the time by reading a book, but no matter how many times she read the page, the words didn’t make sense.
All she could think of was the thrill she’d experienced when she woke up that morning, her back to Jesse’s chest, and the strength of his erection as it pressed against her behind. She had the urge to lift her nightgown, wiggle up, spread her legs, pull his penis out of the slit in his drawers, and take him into her.
She’d been wet between her legs. It might be an easy thing to have him slide into her. Then, at long last, she’d get to experience the pleasure of feeling him inside her. Laura was so caught up in her fantasy that her hips started rocking on their own accord as she imagined what it’d be like to have his penis moving in and out of her.
“Do you make it a habit of burning bread?” an all-too-familiar voice called out.
Jerking to her feet, she saw Fanny come into the kitchen with Elliot in her arms. Sure her face was bright red, she went to the oven, noting the smoke coming out of it. She wasn’t sure what was worse: knowing that Fanny might have caught her moving her hips while in the chair or burning the bread.
Oh, who was she kidding? It was far worse to be caught giving into thoughts of lovemaking. Even now, her drawers were wet between her legs, and her breathing was still faster than normal. She prayed Fanny didn’t notice. She hoped Fanny only thought it was the burning bread that made her hands shake as she grabbed a potholder and opened the oven. She removed the blackened bread and set it on the cookstove. She waved the potholder in front of the oven to get rid of the smoke, keeping her back to Fanny the entire time.
This was so humiliating. And it had to happen in front of Fanny of all people?
“You’re not much of a wife if you’re this incompetent in the kitchen,” Fanny said. “It’s a good thing I don’t eat what you make.”
Usually, this would bother Laura, but right now she was so relieved Fanny wasn’t going to say anything about her sexual fantasy, she didn’t mind the reproach.
“Do you think you can handle Elliot, or should I watch him a little longer so you can take care of the mess you made in here?” Fanny asked.
“I can take care of Elliot,” she replied, still not making eye contact with her.
“Alright.” Though Fanny didn’t sound convinced, she set him down.
Then, thankfully, she left. Laura breathed a sigh of relief and wiped the sweat from her forehead. That was close. Much too close. She had to find a way to stop herself from thinking of Jesse during the day.
She glanced over at Elliot, who was walking over to her. With a smile, she held her arms out to him and picked him up when he went into them. She took him into his bedroom and changed his diaper, choosing one of her favorite songs to sing to him. The process helped her calm down, and before long, the ach
e between her legs had subsided. She still needed to change her drawers, but at least the urgency to do something about her mounting passion had gone away.
She kept thinking this need to be with Jesse would recede if she didn’t give in to it, but it only seemed to get stronger. The logical choice, of course, would be to have her bed back in Elliot’s room. Being with Jesse at night was making things worse.
Maybe she should come out and tell him she was having a hard time fighting off her feelings and that being in bed with him only made things worse. He would understand. He’d take her bed back to Elliot’s room, no questions asked.
Except she couldn’t do it. The truth of the matter was, she kept hoping something more would come of their time in bed, that on one of the nights when he had an erection, he would give into his desire and make love to her.
She finished changing Elliot’s diaper and set him down for a nap. Then she hurried to change her drawers before anyone caught her and asked her what she was doing. By the time she was done, she felt more like her old self.
After a quick debate, she decided to make biscuits…again. But biscuits were a good choice. She didn’t have so much time on her hands to sit and wait while making those. The more she could keep her mind occupied, the better. The worst thing she could do was keep giving into fantasies of things that would never come to pass.
Humming a song, she focused on the biscuits, only glancing up from time to time to look out the window. It took her a few times of doing this to realize she was hoping to catch a glimpse of Jesse. With an aggravated sigh, she turned her back to the window and resumed the song. She had to stop doing this. She couldn’t keep moping after him like a lovesick schoolgirl.
Focus, Laura. Just focus on the job you need to do. And that was raising Elliot. Nothing else mattered. Repeating this over and over to herself, she continued making the biscuits.
***
It was after supper that evening when the moment Jesse dreaded finally came. He’d been gathering potatoes to sell at the mercantile all day, and by the time he brought the last wheelbarrow load to the barn, he caught sight of Fanny heading for his house. He debated whether or not he should help Laura, just in case Fanny wanted to give her a hard time.
No. There was no “in case” about it. She was going to give Laura a hard time. The only other times the old coot went into his house was when she gave Elliot back to Laura. She wasn’t doing that this time. This time, she was going to do something to upset Laura, and he wasn’t going to let that happen. Not to Laura. And not when he could do something to prevent it.
He hurried into the house, and as he feared, Laura and Fanny were arguing.
“You obviously don’t know how to cook right, or you wouldn’t have burnt the bread,” Fanny snapped at Laura from Elliot’s bedroom. “At least take the recipe for my grandson’s sake. I can’t have him breaking his teeth on that kind of bread. They’ll fall out well before he’s ready for the adult ones to come in.”
Jesse strode to the bedroom and saw Fanny trying to shove a piece of paper at Laura as she was trying to put a cloth under Elliot’s bottom.
“I know how to make bread,” Laura protested, finally swatting Fanny’s hand away when the woman tried to slip the paper into Laura’s pocket. “I’ve never burnt it before. I was distracted, that’s all.”
“Distracted? All you were doing was reading a book.”
Jesse crossed the room and stepped between them. “Go out to the parlor,” he told Fanny, doing his best to keep his tone calm for Laura and Elliot’s sakes. “You can tell me your grievances there.”
“She can’t cook,” Fanny argued. “She’s going to end up harming my grandson.”
“I wouldn’t have fed him the burnt bread,” Laura said as she hurried to secure the clean diaper on Elliot.
“Elsie never burnt bread a day in her life. She knew how to cook,” Fanny replied. “And to top it off, the house isn’t very clean. You have no homemaking skills at all.”
Jesse couldn’t believe this. “After I talked to you about respecting Laura, you come in here and do this to her?”
Fanny stiffened. “Respect. Respect? You want to talk about respect? I’ve caught you both in a lie.” She set her hands on her hips. “Where does Laura sleep? I don’t see a blanket on the couch, and I don’t see a bed in here.”
His face growing warm, he said, “That’s none of your business.”
“Isn’t it?” Fanny pressed. “Elsie was my daughter. You promised to be faithful to her all the days of your life.”
How dare she bring up Elsie? She’d always used Elsie in one way or another to bend him to her will. Well, he was done with it. This wasn’t healthy. Not for him. Not for Laura. And not for Elliot. He had a responsibility to Laura and Elliot, and he was going to finally stand up and do it.
“No,” he said. “I promised to be faithful to Elsie until she died. The vows were ‘until death do us part’, and she’s no longer here.”
“Her son is here! You have a duty to him. You can’t be having children with her.” She gestured to Laura. “It’s a betrayal to Elsie. She died giving you Elliot. Her sacrifice will mean nothing if you divide up your attention between him and that whore’s children.”
Laura gasped, and the last of Jesse’s patience snapped. “I’ve had enough of you,” he barked. “You’re going back to New York, and you’re going tomorrow. Pack your things.” He pointed to the door. “Now!”
Fanny narrowed her eyes at him. “This was your plan all along. You married that,” she motioned to Laura, “whore so you wouldn’t need my help in taking care of Elliot.” She shot Laura a piercing look. “And you were so full of lust, you took advantage of his grief. What would Elsie think if she were alive to see this?”
Noting the way Laura and Elliot were watching him, he forced himself to calm down and turned to Fanny. “We’re done. Tomorrow, you’re leaving. Go pack.” When she didn’t leave, he snapped, “Do I have to carry you out of here?”
She straightened her shirtwaist and lifted her chin in the air. “My family won’t stand for this. You’ll regret it.”
“The only thing I regret is not doing this sooner.”
He made a move to pick her up, ready to haul her on out of the house, but she hurried on out. He followed behind, only stopping at the door to watch her as she made her way to the small home he’d built her. Why couldn’t it have been enough? All the things he’d done and given to Fanny… All the times he’d relented because Elsie claimed her mother had no one else who was willing to take care of her… One of the last things Elsie had asked him before she died was that he provide for her mother.
I’m sorry, Elsie, but I can’t do it. Not anymore. Not when I have someone else to think about.
“Maybe I was wrong,” Laura said from behind him.
He turned to face her.
“I should have just taken the recipe card,” Laura continued as she shifted Elliot to her other hip. “I didn’t have to be stubborn.”
“No, you did the right thing in standing your ground,” he replied. “As soon as you give in, Fanny will take advantage of you. The only way to stop her is to make her leave. I should have been man enough to do it long before this.”
There were many things he was beginning to think he should have been man enough to do sooner, but the list seemed too long to go through them all. The only thing he could do was start fresh. Making Fanny go back to New York was the only way he was going to get the clean slate he needed. He wasn’t sure what his life would look like from here, but from this point forward, things were going to change.
***
“Are you sure you want to do this?” Laura asked the next morning as Jesse stood at the door, putting his hat on.
“I have to,” he replied. “It’s the only way I’m going to be free.” With a glance at her and Elliot, who was in her arms, he added, “It’s the only way all of us will be free. I know she’s Elsie’s mother, but I’m not bound by my promises to her any
more. And,” he released his breath, “if she was here, I think she’d understand.”
Laura considered his words and figured he was probably right.
“We can’t keep living in the past,” he continued as he came over to them. “Life goes on. He’s proof of it.” He reached for Elliot, so Laura handed him his son. He took Elliot in his arms and kissed his head. “The future is waiting for us, and we need to move forward with it. Those nightmares I’ve been having… Now I realize that’s what they were about. Fanny’s been holding me to the past. Elsie wouldn’t have wanted that for me, and she wouldn’t have wanted it for Elliot. That’s not the kind of person she was.”
Once again, she was curious about his nightmares, but she still didn’t know how to ask about them. Some things were too personal to share with another person, even if that person was a very close friend.
“Well, for what it’s worth,” she began, “you have my support.”
He smiled at her. “I know. You’ve always been there for me. Now it’s time I did the same for you.”
He gave Elliot back to her.
“Don’t you want to take him with you?” Laura asked. “To let Fanny say good-bye to him? I can come along if you need someone to hold him in the wagon.”
“I think it’s best if you both stay here. I don’t know how unpleasant things will get. Yesterday was bad enough.”
Yes, he was right. Elliot had woken up twice in the middle of the night in tears. Laura had to hold him in the rocking chair until he fell back to sleep. He might be too young to understand what was going on, but there was no doubt he’d been affected by it.
“I suppose no matter how much you try to work things out, it won’t do any good,” Laura thoughtfully said.
“Not with some people,” Jesse agreed. “Fanny just happens to be one of them.”
He wasn’t happy about doing this. He had to do it, but she could see a part of him felt like he was disappointing Elsie, even if Elsie wasn’t around to see this happen.
“Is there anything you want me to do while you’re gone?” Laura asked.
The Marriage Agreement Page 14
