by Jen Valena
He brought up the rear of their caravan, and Ithia slowed her horse to match his pace. His red hair and gray eyes twinkled in the sunshine. His horse was weighed down by his cooking gear and extra blankets.
“How did you get involved in all of this?”
“Fate meant for me to be involved.” Feron rubbed his copper-colored whiskers. “I grew up with Huldo and Tyrsten. Huldo has been my best friend since we were crawling. I would do anything for him. Our fates are linked.”
“What do you mean by ‘linked’?”
“Well, if it was not for this conflict, we would have worked together in our callings. Things have changed in direction, but not in our connection.”
“What were you meant to do?”
“I am skilled in the culinary arts and developing healing tonics. Huldo is gifted in identifying properties of plants and foods. Together we create beneficial remedies. I bring the fire energies of cooking talents, and Hu’s water nature comes out by using it for healing.”
“That does explain why I love your cooking so much. A warrior chef!”
Feron smiled as she flattered him. “We all have skills, represented by the sacred elements—just as I am sure you have teachers who bring out potential callings on Earth.”
“Some people are lucky enough to have teachers to help them. But we don’t have a system like yours. We don’t actively teach our people how to find their callings. We often just settle for whatever pays the bills.”
“That is what happens here now,” Feron said with sorrow in his voice.
Ithia and Feron spent the rest of the ride talking about Ithia’s Earth and Feron’s success as a chef and potion maker.
She blinked as his aura became visible to her without trying—clear and a deeper red than his hair. A color that she had read meant he was grounded and realistic. She saw that Feron was focused and determined, something Ithia only managed for short bursts. Ithia was reading him, understanding his core not just from his words and actions, but from his soul. He was a good-natured man, but also tainted with sadness, unable to fulfill his dreams. Feron distracted himself by faithfully attending to others.
He caught her musing stare. “Are you all right? Do you need something to eat?”
✹ ✹ ✹
They came upon the place in the woods where Ithia had encountered her Jaguar. She hadn’t thought much about the big cat since she had merged with its spirit. She was nervous about its power, and if she would see it again.
Tyrsten stopped abruptly. “We camp here.”
Ithia recognized the same knolls and trees that had sheltered them on that night. She approached Tyrsten as he dismounted and reached out to pet his horse’s neck. “How is Lewana doing?”
“I am surprised you remember her name since you do not like horses.”
“I never said I don’t like them. I’m getting used to them. And Lewana saved me.”
“With a little help from me,” he added.
“If she wasn’t so fast, I wouldn’t have made it to Samara’s in time. I’m sure you couldn’t have run that quickly.”
“Point taken. I will not diminish her accomplishments.”
“Where are we headed?”
Tyrsten closed his eyes, and Ithia knew he was sensing the safety of speaking aloud. “The village of Kladmunt. They will shelter us there as long as they can.”
“Why did we stop here?” Ithia glanced around and sucked in a breath through her teeth.
“Have you not figured that out?”
“My Jaguar,” Ithia guessed with her arms crossed. “Did you know I was thinking of her?”
“I sensed it. I wanted to give you some time to meditate on her meaning at your place of power. This is where you found part of your Self—where you accepted an aspect of who you are. This is a place of strength for you.”
“Any words of wisdom you would like to bestow upon me, Sauvant Tyrsten?” she asked with a mocking dutiful bow.
“I am not yet a Sauvant.”
Ithia’s playful mood shifted to a meaningful one. “You are the closest thing I have.”
“Just be open to any possibility that arises.”
Ithia wandered back to the tree where her Jaguar spirit had introduced itself. She sat down and observed the tree leaves shimmering. She closed her eyes to call Jaguar.
There was a tug on the air around her. She sensed something big sitting directly in front of her. She opened her eyes to the golden gaze. Jaguar sat in all her magnificence, her long tail whipped around her powerful paws.
“Thank you for hearing my call. Is there more that you can tell me about why you have shown up in my life?”
“You may not now understand the wisdom I will share.”
“I’m willing to hear it, even if I won’t be able to figure it out until later.”
“You are reclaiming the power to see energies clearly. You always had a talent, but your Actuation has heightened your abilities. Trust what you see. These are not imaginings. If your heart tells you to distrust a person, heed that warning. You are wise to keep few confidants.”
“Aren’t I already too suspicious of others?”
“We are gifted at detecting lies. If you sense there is deceit, follow that instinct.”
“I’ll try my best.”
“You will have to. There is going to be an upheaval in your plans. You will find a way through it. Tyrsten is not your only teacher. Your next teacher will be preceded by the sign of another spirit being. Stay alert. When everything seems its darkest that is our power. We are the unknown. Let the current of life take you to the next part of your journey even if it means surrendering to death.”
“I just accepted that I might have a purpose. Are you saying I’m going to die for it?”
“When we are no longer at the mercy of death, then we proceed with life.”
“You’re right when you said I wasn’t going to understand. You speak in riddles. If I die, I won’t be able to proceed with life. Wasn’t I expected to help these people?”
“You may find that the way you complete your task is not in the way that you envisioned.”
“So my death is the answer?”
“Hone your skills. The way to help others is to improve oneself.”
“What does it matter if I am just going to die?”
“Transitions are our natural state. Stay with the journey, not with the goal. Listen, sense, practice and learn. Speak when necessary. Quiet yourself when it is time to keep your own counsel. Be willing to sacrifice for a greater good.”
“How can I be okay about sacrificing myself?”
“You will understand when the time comes. Remember to surrender to death when the current of darkness finds you.”
She squirmed as Jaguar merged with her being. With a tug at her stomach, they were one.
Distressed, Ithia sat for a while contemplating what Jaguar had said.
When she returned to camp, Feron and Huldo were gone, gathering firewood. Tyrsten dozed on his sleeping mat. She didn’t know how she could keep this revelation from him.
Tyrsten sensed her approach. “How did it go?”
Ithia didn’t respond.
Immediately, Tyrsten sensed her worry, and all his focus centered on her.
Her aura quivered.
“What is wrong?” He waited for a reply and when one didn’t come, he pushed for an answer, “Tell me.”
She shrugged. The knot in her gut twisted. She refused to speak.
Frustrated by her lack of communication, he pried into her mind.
Ithia had the strange sensation of being mentally invaded. She instinctively shielded her thoughts. “Are you attempting to read my mind?”
He closed his eyes, chagrined at being caught. He had never used his skill so recklessly.
“I recommend you never try that on me again!” A crack of thunder boomed through the sky, mimicking her force.
He scrambled out an apology, “I should not have done that, but you are the only per
son who has ever sensed that particular skill of mine.”
“So the problem is that I caught you?” Ithia paced in a small circle. People cannot be trusted.
“I only wanted to make certain that you are all right.”
“Next time let me answer that question—in my own time.”
“You do not want me to help you?”
“Jaguar said eventually it would all make sense. I have to wait for that day.” Ithia plodded a short distance away, but within eyeshot, to think on what Jaguar had said.
Huldo and Feron trudged back into camp and sensed the tension between Tyrsten and Ithia. Huldo rolled his eyes and whispered to Feron, “What now?”
Huldo nodded toward a brooding Ithia in the distance and asked Tyrsten, “Am I right to assume that there is a situation here?”
“I made a mistake.”
“But you are perfect,” Huldo teased.
“Ithia spoke to her spirit guide. I suspect disturbing news. She would not tell me. My rationale breaks down when I am around her.” Tyrsten growled at himself. “I tried reading her mind.”
“Let me guess. She knew.”
“She was not happy with my intrusion.”
Huldo glanced at Ithia. “It does not take a mind reader to see that.”
Feron, who had been passively listening to the exchange, said, “We should not upset her. We still do not know what she is capable of.”
“You need to keep your probe to yourself,” Huldo said with a sly grin. “Give her time, she will settle down, like Anise does with me.”
✹ ✹ ✹
Huldo allowed Ithia an hour to cool off before he attempted to talk her down from her mountain of frustration.
“Mind if I join you?” Huldo asked as he gave her one of his charming smiles.
Ithia sat against a fallen pine tree with her arms wrapped around her knees and pulled tight against her body. “I could do with some company.”
“I have no extra sensory powers such as yours, but I am picking up some negative vibrations.”
Ithia had no choice but to laugh. “You possess powers and don’t even realize it.”
“How are you doing?” Huldo studied her for subtle signs of her mental state.
Ithia rubbed her shins trying to erase her anger at Tyrsten breaking the delicate trust she was cultivating. “Tyrsten doesn’t know when to quit.”
Huldo tapped her knee. “Did anyone ever tell you that you are quite astute?”
A morbid sense of doom opened its jaws and engulfed her. She didn’t want to lose Huldo. He was her brother now, the one she never had. “Whatever happens to me, I want you to know that I really…” Ithia swallowed her natural urge to keep her emotions in check. “I care about you.”
Huldo resisted tensing his shoulders, but his eyes narrowed. “Why are you telling me this?”
“I don’t want to admit this.” She checked to assess Tyrsten couldn’t overhear. “But I never felt as close to anyone as I do with you and him.”
“And we care for you. However, with you confessing this now, it is understandable that Tyrsten worries. You talk as if saying your goodbyes. What vision have you had?”
“Well,” Ithia deflected, “I am being hunted!”
“I am unlikely to forget. As for Tyrsten, he acts out of the deepest regard for you.”
“But it wasn’t right.”
“No, but he loves you—”
“Whoa!” She threw her hands up for him to stop talking. “He might have some sort of affection. But he doesn’t love me. That is a heavy word. Don’t throw it around.”
Huldo raised his eyebrows. “Whoa, and you have some strong feelings about feelings. I guess you have not been given much tenderness and devotion in your life, but that does not mean it does not exist.”
“People tolerate me or they’re repelled by me. Mostly, they tolerate me until they are finally repelled.” Ithia jumped up and brushed the dirt off her skirt. “And Tyrsten is a monk. After I help fix this Garrick problem, his affection for me will fade too.”
“Your assessment of your appeal is inaccurate, at least here on Ma’thea. Whether or not Tyrsten admits his feelings, or you agree with me, it does not make it any less true. And that love makes him act foolishly. You see, I am used to acting the fool, but this is his first attempt.”
She rolled her eyes. “It’s no use arguing with you.”
When Ithia approached the campfire, she took the seat farthest from Tyrsten.
“Did you work up an appetite?” Feron nodded to her. “That was an intense meditation session.”
“I had a lot on my mind,” she said, stressing the last word.
Tyrsten twitched uncomfortably. His lips tightened to a thin line.
“Of All the Stars! Enough! We need to clear this up. Now!” Feron, the unofficial mediator, snapped. “You both go talk before dinner is done. We cannot afford you to be like this. I personally cannot handle it. This is a bad beginning to our travels. You are going to spoil the food with your nasty attitudes.”
Ithia got up, and Tyrsten followed. Once out of ear shot, she stopped and turned to face him, finger pointed in his face. “What were you thinking?”
He hung his head. “I was reacting. I feel you, your emotions, almost all the time, especially when you are near—”
“You feel me? I feel you too.” She melted some, but she wanted to be stern with him just a while longer. She riled irritation in her voice again, “That still gives you no right to invade my privacy.”
“Overwhelming anxiety passed through me. However, that is no excuse.”
Ithia wanted to quell his fears, but she knew that it would be an outright lie. “I understand, but you broke my trust. I will tell you what I can, when I know myself.”
“Forgive me?” He held his arms out in a humble offering. His thick lashes batted over his beautiful dark eyes.
She surprised him with a loud groan, “Aargh!”
“What does that mean?”
“It means I can’t be mad at you for long, no matter how hard I try.”
“Then do not try.”
She put her arms around his waist and gave him a squeeze. He cradled her. Blissfully.
✹ ✹ ✹
Ithia woke up, crumpled at the bottom of a deep pit in the ground. She couldn’t move. She struggled against a force that paralyzed her. A small opening to the bright sky blinded her. She yelled for help, but no sound came. A large, cloaked figure appeared at the opening and blocked out the light. The man wasn’t there to help.
Crumbles of dirt hit her face. The hole was collapsing. She was being buried alive. Again, she tried to shout.
Nothing.
Now she would want Tyrsten to read her mind and help her. The weight of the earth pressed on her body. There wasn’t much time. She would suffocate. She didn’t want to give into death. If this was a dream, she wanted it to end. She had one last chance to make herself heard.
Ithia screamed. She flailed her arms and legs to kick off the life-crushing dirt.
Tyrsten, Feron and Huldo sat up expecting to find themselves under attack.
Tyrsten was the first to see she was asleep, deep within a nightmare. “Ithia? Wake up!”
Huldo asked, “Is she under psychic attack again?”
“I do not sense another presence.” Tyrsten scooped her up, wary of her swinging arms and legs. “Ithia!”
She opened her eyes, pushed Tyrsten away out of panic, not fully disengaged from her dream. “What’s going on?”
Huldo said, “We were going to ask you that very question.”
“Buried.” Ithia panted. “Alive.”
Tyrsten held her closer. “It was only a nightmare.”
“That’s easy for you to say. You aren’t the one who’s going to die.”
“What?” Tyrsten eyed her in concern.
“In my dream,” Ithia explained. She had said too much. “I woke you.” She frowned.
Huldo patted her on the shoulder. “We all
have nightmares.”
“You are safe.” Tyrsten tried to soothe her by stroking her hair. “Let me hold you. I could use the comfort as well. I never quite sleep peacefully on the road.”
“I don’t think I can sleep now.”
“Then just rest.” Tyrsten held her as they gazed up at the night sky, bundled under a warm blanket.
The constellation Orion continued his jog across the sky.
“Rest,” he said as he exhaled tranquility onto her.
Ithia’s blood pressure dropped back to normal. “How do you do that?”
“I place an intention into my breath for you to relax, and it adjusts your frequencies.” He tucked the blanket around her neck. “Feel better?”
“A bit. But I feel I might slip away into nothingness.”
“Then I will hold tight.”
Even with Tyrsten’s magic and his protective arms, Ithia couldn’t go back to sleep. She was haunted by death.
She couldn’t shake the image of being buried alive. Perhaps she would never fulfill her life’s contract. Rationally, Ithia now knew that her spirit would live on in some form, but her physical body knew that her death was its final end. That frightened her. Whatever the method of her death, the result would be the same. She would be leaving Tyrsten.
The next few nights were filled with the same nightmare. Wanting to give her something pleasant to think about, Tyrsten would whisper, “See you in the stars tonight.”
She was only partially comforted by the idea of a rendezvous in the night sky because her long-held belief was that nebulas were really the homes of souls.
Was she going to her heavenly home soon?
✹ ✹ ✹
The next evening, they came across a hot spring, and Ithia bathed in it. Tyrsten insisted on staying with her while she dipped in. As she undressed, he turned his back. She appreciated him averting his eyes, but she couldn’t resist teasing him—this always lifted her spirits. She giggled to prod him.
