by Jen Valena
“Don’t take it like that. I had hope that you were alive. I wanted to find you, but I thought—” Ithia looked away in embarrassment, “—you might not want me around anymore if you were alive.”
“Of course I would!”
“And I had to stay for the safety of the Women’s Circle.” She eyed him.
“Correct.” His tone was less than convincing.
“Well, if there is such a thing as Charism, it wanted us to be apart for a while. You couldn’t be with me during my experiences at the Women’s Circle. I had to grow a bit on my own.”
His face faltered.
“I thought you’d be happy for me—and that I am alive.”
“I am!” He shook his head to throw away his feelings that made no sense. “I am happy you are alive.” He paused to assess himself. “My single desire was to find you. It is confusing since I had just come to accept your death. And now you are alive.”
“You are upset that I wasn’t having as horrible of a time as you were, especially, when you could’ve been dead too.”
“No.” He turned his face away from her.
“I feel it in you.”
“Then I am being daft.”
“Just being human. Pretty sure you still count as one of us.” Ithia nudged his arm with hers.
“I should be above that petty emotion.”
“Because you’re Magian? I’m sure if we are any indication of what it means to be a Magian, then none of us are above any kind of emotional response.”
Tyrsten breathed deep as if the air could clear out his heart if he concentrated hard enough. “Something died inside me that day.”
Ithia whimpered as she understood his pain.
“None of that matters now.” He shrugged. “I do not care if you had the best time of your life while we were parted. We share paths again—and our growth.” He squeezed her hand to confirm her existence. “Speaking of growth, are you taller than before?”
They arrived in Kladmunt just as dawn staged its dazzling show over the mountains. Tyrsten snuck Ithia into his room at the inn, not wanting to wake anyone. This also allowed him a few more hours with her to himself.
Ithia shucked off her filthy woolen dress and was down to her sleeveless shift gown.
His eyes caught the scar on her shoulder. Her silver auric-glow was marred too. Tyrsten rubbed his thumb over the spot thinking of how he had thought her dead when the arrow pierced her. In that moment, everything had changed—he had realized what he wanted.
With mournfulness, he kissed Ithia’s damaged skin. “I did this.”
“Those men did.” She took his hand from her shoulder. They climbed onto the bed, exhausted from their long trek back to Kladmunt from the valley below. She curled into a ball on her side. He cradled every line of her as he buried his face in her hair. He inhaled at the back of her neck, taking in her jasmine scent. It now promised something more as all flowers do.
“You are freezing.” Tyrsten rubbed his hands up and down her body as he pressed her close.
Tyrsten channeled energy to make his temperature rise. He transferred the warmth to Ithia. The heat from his skin seemed to sear hers.
“My very own heat wave.” Even though she wanted to stay awake now that she had found him, his nurturing presence soothed her into sleep.
Tyrsten sensed her shift into the dream world. He wanted to commit the cadence of her breathing to memory, but his heavy eyelids and the intoxicating love within his arms lulled him to sleep as well.
✹ ✹ ✹
Tyrsten woke to bustling in the great room. Ithia still slept. The sun was high in the sky. He brushed her cheek to make sure she was real and decided his reality was secure enough to venture to the kitchen for a drink of water.
Rhema and Revin fixed lunch for the others sitting at the large kitchen table.
The excitement of his night bounced around inside Tyrsten’s chest, and he could not contain himself. He charged his aunt, picking her up and spinning her while he kissed her firmly on the cheek. “Good day!”
Wanting to let his bewildered brother and friend join his celebration of life, he lifted them both in his strong arms, then sat them back down with an untamable grin.
Huldo recovered first. “What did that Seer put in your tea?”
Tyrsten’s grin persisted. “Redemption.”
A flash of fear clenched Tyrsten’s heart, worried he had imagined the whole thing. He ran to his room, leaving everyone befuddled at his chaotic appearance and disappearance. He stumbled down the hall, half expecting not to see her there as he opened the door.
He burst in.
Ithia’s face wore the same fear. She had awoken in a panic when Tyrsten wasn’t lying beside her.
He grabbed her awkwardly like a terrified child grasps his mother. In this case, the giant child carried her out into the great room.
“If the others see you, then I am not hallucinating.” Coming around the corner, he announced to everyone, “I found the sign!”
Huldo rolled his eyes, then he stopped dead in his tracks. Feron, Revin and Rhema froze.
Huldo’s jaw dropped and half a word fell out. “Wha—?” He half expected Ithia’s head to roll off onto the floor from decay. Instead, she turned to give him a quite-alive smirk.
Ithia tapped Tyrsten on the chest. “Down boy.”
As he released his grip, Ithia tumbled into Huldo and Feron and crushed them both with a hug. “I was so afraid I wouldn’t see you again.”
“You were afraid? We believed we had lost you,” Feron said.
Ithia grasped his arm. “I thought for a time that was true, too.”
Huldo squeezed her arm to confirm her presence. “How did you find us?”
“I didn’t. Tyrsten found me in the valley below.”
“He just happened upon you in the forest?” Huldo turned to Tyrsten. “Did you know you would find her there?”
Tyrsten shook his head no.
“Incredible,” Feron said.
“I would say so.” Huldo gave Ithia another hug. “That is some connection you have.”
Feron placed a warm tea cup in her hand. “Please, tell us your story.”
Ithia agreed, but there were some parts she could not tell them.
13 ✹ Holding Surrender
The quiet intensity of his soul, his eyes—
the universal mirror, absorbing and reflecting everything.
— Ithia Sydran
Ithia recounted her adventure after their separation at Callow River, but she held back what she hadn’t even told Tyrsten—what happened to her right before he had found her. She didn’t want to upset him so soon after he had had such a sense of relief.
And she wanted to forget.
After an hour of sharing, Ithia excused herself. A shadow drifted over her mind, encircling her and pulling her. She felt thin, like an over-stretched balloon. The scent of gardenia arrived again. Once inside the privacy of Tyrsten’s room, she shuffled to the bed but collapsed before reaching it.
Tyrsten had sensed her mood shift, but dismissed it as exhaustion of retelling her story. He left her to rest. As the hours passed, and she didn’t rejoin them, he worried. It occurred to him that life might not be so kind as to return Ithia and let him keep her. In trepidation, he rushed to his room.
Her body—contorted and unconscious—lay slumped against the side of the bed. Tyrsten placed Ithia onto the mattress.
She didn’t stir.
“Ithia?” he whispered in his sweetest voice.
Tyrsten checked her forehead. It was a little too cold to the touch. Her breathing and pulse were almost imperceptible. If not for the color still holding a weak grip on her cheek, she could have been taken for dead.
“Ithia!” he shouted in a panic to rouse her.
She didn’t flinch.
Huldo and the others heard the alarm in Tyrsten’s voice and ran down the hall to see what had turned his joy into terror.
✹ ✹ ✹
&n
bsp; Ithia’s life force remained outside of her body. She didn’t move the entire time Tyrsten held vigil as day turned into night and night turned into morning.
“It has now been a day’s cycle.” Huldo stood in the doorway. “You need to get some rest.”
Tyrsten didn’t budge. “I cannot.”
Huldo detected an almost inaudible groan from Ithia. He rushed over and hovered on the edge of the bed.
Tyrsten sat up. “Ithia?”
Her eyes cracked open, blinking, as if they had never seen the world before. Bleary-eyed, she tried to focus on Tyrsten’s face. “What now?” she asked, almost irritated, as if accusing him of interrupting her twenty-four-hour nap.
Huldo huffed in amusement.
“How do you feel?” Tyrsten touched her cheek. Her temperature had returned to normal.
Ithia rubbed her forehead. “Why are you both staring at me like that?”
“Possibly due to you being gone for a day-cycle.” Huldo threw his arms up.
Tyrsten held her tight. “You were barely alive.”
“I lost a whole day?”
Tyrsten kissed her temple in relief. “I was so worried when you would not wake.”
“See—I’m fine.” She attempted sitting up but stopped abruptly.
Tyrsten saw a shadow pass from her eyes.
“I just needed some rest—to process what’s been going on.”
“Of course, I make a habit of sleeping for a whole day-cycle when I am processing.” Huldo smiled and patted her hand. “Glad to have you back—once again.” He left to let Tyrsten and Ithia work out this event by themselves.
As Huldo shut the door behind him, Tyrsten urgently kissed her and studied her eyes. “Do not ever do that again.”
“How can I promise that when I don’t know what happened?”
“What do you remember?”
“Hmm. I don’t remember dreaming, just blacked-out.” Ithia feared the cause, but didn’t want to divulge what had transpired since the women’s circle. She noted the bags under Tyrsten’s drowsy eyes, and his aura wavered. “You look terrible.”
“I cannot deal with this!” Tyrsten threw his face in the pillow to suffocate the chaos swirling within him.
“I’m sorry, but you really do look bad.”
His muffled voice responded, “No, not that. I had you back and then—poof—you were gone again.”
“I’m right here.” Ithia stroked his hair.
He lifted his head and frowned. Tyrsten seemed to have aged years within a few minutes. “No, you were not in your body. And a darkness surrounded you.”
“You saw that?” Ithia bit her lip, not wanting to continue this topic. A mist hung in the corner of her memory, but it fled from her mental grasp. A shadow had ensnared her again.
“Yes. I kept calling you back.”
“I wish I had an explanation, but I’m all right. See—” Ithia gave him another kiss, this one more passionate than the one he gave previously.
For the moment, he was satisfied with that as an answer.
“I noticed while you slept…” Tyrsten held her hand in his. He rubbed his fingertips over her unadorned finger, devoid of the treasure he had given her. “What happened to the ring?”
“I took the ring and pendant off.”
“Why would you do that?” He asked, crestfallen. “Oh. You wanted to forget me.”
“I didn’t know if I would ever see you again. They were reminders.”
“That does not mean you should erase your past.”
“I figured if you had survived, you would be glad to be rid of me—since I was so distracting.” Ithia reached down into her pack for the jewelry.
Tyrsten snatched up the ring and placed it unreservedly on her finger. “You were not distracting. Ignoring my feelings for you was the distraction. You are my focal point. And I need to embrace those emotions because you deserve all my awareness.” He brushed her long hair aside and clasped the necklace back upon her neck. He kissed the place where it rested.
“Not to ruin the moment,” Ithia groaned, “but I have to pee like nobody’s business.”
Tyrsten chuckled.
She freshened up in the wash room.
Upon her return, Tyrsten said, “We leave tonight when the others sleep.”
“Why? Where do you want to go?”
“To a place where we can figure this out. Just the two of us.”
“Is that wise?”
“Do you wish to be with me?” His voice pleaded with her to agree to his plan.
“Uh, yeah, I guess. But—”
“Please, we must.” He clasped her face and pressed his lips on hers again to prove his point.
Dizzy from his touch, she continued her objections, “But I don’t hold you to anything just because you’ve kissed me. I don’t want you to give up who or what you are for me.”
“And that is why we go—to figure out our next move in our life together. We can meditate to find out what is true for us. I cannot do that surrounded by others even if they have the best intentions.”
“Ditching everyone and freaking them out is the way to do that?”
“It was a mistake to let them come along in the first place. I could have gotten them killed.”
“They rescued you, remember?”
“Because I blundered at Callow River.”
Tyrsten covertly packed their bags. As Ithia said goodnight to her friends, Huldo stared at her as if he sensed something was amiss.
Tyrsten placed a note on the bed explaining that they had gone to figure out what to do next and that Huldo shouldn’t come after them.
Ithia figured time alone could do them both some good, so she would go along with his plan for now.
✹ ✹ ✹
Tyrsten and Ithia arrived at a secluded cabin less than a day’s ride away. It was a shelter on the way to a long-abandoned Magian temple located higher in the mountains beyond Kladmunt.
A silence invaded their journey. Ithia did not want to reveal what had happened before he found her in the meadow. He might not understand. Tyrsten wasn’t quite the same person she had left behind.
A frigid brook traversed through the land behind the small one-room cabin. The babbling suggested a water fountain in some chic bistro garden meant to soothe her soul. She was going to need that.
The rustic cabin had the basic amenities—kitchenette, fireplace and a bed—spare, but accommodating.
They made themselves busy. Cleaning up the dust and unpacking their belongings filled the quietude that pressed upon them.
“Now what?”
“We should meditate on what it is we are meant to do, with our lives, our callings—whatever that even means—” Tyrsten paused, “and with us.”
“Yeah. Here we are, two Magians breaking the rules.”
“Rules!” He threw his arms into the air in exasperation. “And to what purpose? I have lived by the rules my whole life. And where has that gotten me? My parents were murdered. A life of seclusion. A loveless existence. For someone else’s rules. And maybe there is something inherently wrong with these rules. What if my teachers were wrong? What if the Magian eradication was for the best? Either way, why should we give up our lives for people who turn their backs on us?”
“Has all of Ma’thea turned on us?”
“Might as well have.” Tyrsten crossed the room to hold her in his arms. He tucked her hair behind her ear. “We need time to see what it means to live our lives.”
“Well, I have been out of sorts.”
“Regarding that—” Tyrsten calculated his next words. “I sense you keep something from me, since I found you collapsed in the meadow.”
“Nothing that needs to be shared at the moment.”
Tyrsten stared at Ithia for a long time, conveying he didn’t believe her.
“Perhaps there is something, but that is for me to work out.”
Tyrsten clenched his jaw in worry. “Please tell me.”
Ithia automa
tically tried to protect her thoughts. Thankfully, he didn’t attempt another mind reading. “Is there a secret you wish to tell me?” Ithia asked.
Tyrsten shook his head and left to pace the front porch of the small cabin.
The voice of Urica echoed in her mind, “The strongest of spirits will crack under the weight of their own stubbornness.”
When the night had swallowed the daylight, Tyrsten came inside, but he had little to say. It made sense that Ithia would sometimes keep her own counsel, but he still didn’t appreciate her keeping secrets from him.
Tyrsten secured the window shutters and latched the door.
They climbed into bed.
The boundary of romantic intimacy had been worn down, and it occurred to Ithia that they were finally alone. She stroked his jaw line with her finger to relax him.
He kissed her first with an innocent peck goodnight. That one became two and then several finding their way across her face. Arcs of electricity crackled at his touch. Her atoms pirouetted.
Ithia was frightened at the prospects of Tyrsten losing himself in being with her. He kissed her neck, and her heart leapt. She then realized they were both adults and either of them could quit at any point—if they wanted to—so she gave in to the pleasure, going with the momentum.
Tyrsten gazed into her eyes. “I want to be with you—”
Her throat caught on his words and took a moment to clear. “And I want you.” She asked herself why she was awkward admitting this.
His hand followed the line of her face to her neck. She held her breath as he explored further to caress her breast. She exhaled when he reached the hold of her hip.
With her next breath, she drank in a healthy, intoxicating dose of the pheromones that pulsed from his neck.
Their kisses became urgent.
Heat like a solar flare irradiated her every cell.
Is this the moment? Is he officially ready to throw away his life as a monk?
