“Damn right I would. I’m not interested in getting married again. Ever. One mistake was enough for me.”
Savanna could understand that. After Terry had died she’d sworn herself off the idea of marriage. She wasn’t about to put her faith and hope into another man and suddenly have it all stripped away for a third time. And so far she hadn’t met a man who’d been able to make her think any differently.
However, these past couple of months since she’d started a life of her own, there had been more and more times Savanna had imagined what it might be like if she had a husband who loved her, and a baby of her own. But that kind of thinking was hazardous to her heart and she tried not to dwell on it. She’d had her chances with love and lost. Now she had to focus all her attention on finishing her education and becoming a CPA.
Joe leaned back in his seat and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Why would Megan want a brother or sister, anyway?” he muttered after a few moments. “Her mother and I have tried to give her most everything she’s ever asked for.”
Savanna’s gaze slanted across to her boss. “Apparently not the things she really wanted. She obviously wants for you and her to be a real family.”
Joe’s expression was almost pained as he glanced over at Savanna. “We are a real family,” he reasoned.
The man just didn’t get it, she thought sadly. He viewed everything logically, not emotionally. It was no wonder he couldn’t bend, couldn’t laugh, couldn’t love.
“If you say so, Joe.”
Several hours later Joe shook hands with Leonard Brown and his associates as they filed out of the small conference room. Nearby, Savanna gathered the notes and reports her boss had used at the meeting.
“Well,” she said when he was finally able to join her back at the long table. “This has turned into a profitable day for you.”
Joe picked up the stack of papers she’d neatly arranged and stuffed them into his briefcase. “It looks that way,” he said flatly.
Annoyed by his lack of enthusiasm, she exclaimed, “Looks that way! My word, Joe, you just agreed to a contract to drill not just one well, but two! I think it’s wonderful.”
Joe snapped the briefcase shut. “Are you ready to go? I’ve got to get back to my room and make a bunch of phone calls.”
Stung by his shortness, Savanna merely nodded and followed him out of the room. Once in the corridor, he punched the elevator button, then glanced over his shoulder at her.
“What are you going to do now?”
Savanna didn’t know why he bothered asking. He obviously wasn’t interested in her comings and goings. In fact, ever since she’d told him about Megan wanting a sibling, he’d seemed to distance himself from her.
Well, if hearing the truth bothered him that much, Savanna couldn’t help it. She wasn’t going to stop speaking her mind just because he didn’t like what she had to say. The man needed to wake up and see the world around him!
“Megan has been up in her room ever since we got here. I’m going to go do something with her.”
“Like what?”
Savanna bristled at his skeptical tone. Apparently he believed she didn’t have any sense of proper behavior for herself or a young teenaged girl. And why? Simply because she could laugh at life? Because she didn’t live by his rigid standards?
“Oh, I don’t know, Joe, maybe we’ll put on Lycra dresses, black fishnet hose and high heels, then hit the streets of Houston and see what we can find.”
His face turned dark red. “I don’t find that amusing.”
Her brows lifted mockingly. “That’s not surprising. You don’t find anything amusing. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I think I’ll take the stairs.”
She was halfway up the first flight when Joe appeared beside her. Not bothering to glance over at him, Savanna continued to climb.
“I don’t want you and Megan leaving the hotel,” he said.
“Why not just go ahead and narrow it down to our room?” she asked flippantly.
He made a sound of frustration. “This crabbiness isn’t like you, Savanna. Or maybe it is. Maybe I just don’t know you.”
“No, you don’t know me,” she said, her voice becoming a bit winded. “Otherwise, you would instinctively know that you could trust me to take good care of your daughter. And not lead her down a path of corruption!”
“I didn’t think that. I don’t think it! I just don’t want you two out of the hotel. At least, not without me. It isn’t safe and I don’t want anything happening to either of you.”
“Fine,” she returned. “Whatever we do, we won’t go far.”
Joe didn’t say anything else until they reached the landing of the eighth floor, then he turned and put his hand on Savanna’s shoulder.
She looked at him questioningly and was surprised to see his expression had softened.
“I just wanted to thank you for your help in the meeting. Leonard was impressed with you.”
It was the first sign of appreciation he’d given her since she’d gone to work for him, and Savanna felt her earlier frustration with him drain away as quickly as it had come.
“It’s just my job, Joe,” she said, then, smiling, she reached out and patted his chest. “As for you, I think you’d better get out from behind your desk and do something physical. You’re breathing a little hard, Mr. McCann.”
Joe groaned as he watched the swing of her hips as she walked away. He was breathing hard, all right. But she was the cause of it. Not seven flights of stairs!
Megan was delighted with Savanna’s idea of going down to the hotel gym. After a workout with weights, the treadmill, the stair climber and the rowing machine, they donned bathing suits and soaked in the hot tub.
When their skin finally began to shrivel and Savanna had regained her strength, the two of them dressed and went down to the lobby in search of a beauty salon.
As they sat waiting on plush pink chairs and looking through glamour magazines, Megan reached over and squeezed Savanna’s hand.
“This is really fun, Savanna. Thanks for coming on this trip. Now that Mommy’s gone, I don’t get to do stuff like this.”
Savanna’s heart melted at the happy sparkle in Megan’s eyes. Perhaps the girl had been blessed with financial security and the things it could buy. But she needed more than that. She needed love and a sense of belonging.
“I’m glad you’re enjoying it, Megan.”
“I’ve never had a manicure in a salon before,” she said with a giggle. “Do you think Daddy will mind?”
Savanna gave the teenager a reassuring smile. “If he does, I’ll bring him down here and make him get one.”
Megan laughed. “That’s really funny, Savanna.” Then, her expression suddenly serious, she asked, “Do you like my daddy?”
Savanna shrugged. “Yes. Most of the time. Other times I don’t like him at all.”
“Yeah, I know what you mean. I don’t like him when he’s giving me long-winded lectures,” Megan said glumly. “When do you not like him?”
“When he’s being bossy,” Savanna answered without hesitation.
“But, Savanna,” she said, her face a comical puzzle, “Daddy is your boss.”
Savanna looked over at the teenager. Megan was right, she thought. Joe was her boss and she’d best not let herself forget it.
Hours later Savanna sat on the restaurant balcony, staring out at the lighted skyline of Houston. She knew it was getting late and she should be heading back to her room. But she still felt restless and knew it would be futile to try to sleep.
Earlier in the evening she’d tried watching TV, but Savanna had never really been a television person and the only programs she could find were cop shows or sitcoms with bad acting. She liked baseball and eventually ran through the channels until she found a game already in the seventh inning. But the score was so lopsided she couldn’t get interested. Finally she’d come up here to the restaurant and ordered a pot of coffee.
If she was going to be awake, sh
e might as well be good and awake, she thought as she lifted her cup to her lips.
“What are you doing up here?”
The unexpected sound of Joe’s voice startled her and coffee went splashing across the white linen tablecloth. “Damn!” she muttered, sopping the hot liquid from the back of her hand.
Joe quickly pulled out the wrought-iron chair next to hers and reached for her hand. “Did you burn yourself?”
“No. It’s fine. Really,” she assured him.
She quickly pulled her fingers from his and refilled her coffee cup from the insulated pot the waiter had left on the table. “Would you like a cup of this?”
He pushed the empty cup in front of him over to Savanna. “I thought you and Megan had retired for the night.”
“You thought half right. Megan is fast asleep. I…just wasn’t ready for bed yet.” She glanced at him. “What are you doing up here?”
Shrugging, he glanced out at the darkened skyline. “It’s been a long day. I thought I’d have a drink and unwind a bit before I went to bed.”
“Then perhaps you’d better order something other than coffee,” she suggested.
He took a careful sip of the hot liquid. “I doubt it will keep me from sleeping,” he said. But she certainly would, he thought as his eyes glided over her features, which were softened even more by the flickering shadows around them. She was still wearing the dress she’d worn to supper tonight. It was light blue, thin and gauzy, and had a big white collar. If the neckline hadn’t veed to the cleft between her breasts and the waist cinched in tightly to silhouette her curves, it would have been a sweet, demure dress, appropriate for even the front pew at church. As it was, she looked flirty and sexy and too damned tempting for Joe’s peace of mind.
“You, uh, were quiet at supper,” Savanna remarked after a few moments. “Is something wrong? Leonard didn’t back out on the deal, did he?”
Joe stared into his coffee cup. “No. Everything is still on. In fact, I’ve already got the wheels in motion.”
“That’s good.”
“Yeah.”
The one flatly spoken word drew Savanna’s eyes to his face and her heart sank as she realized nothing was there. No joy. No anger. It was as if he was anesthetized and had lost the ability to feel passionate about anything.
“I don’t understand you, Joe. Today, after the meeting, you seemed—” Not really knowing what to say, she broke off with a shrug. “Well, it was like you didn’t care if the deal had even taken place. And you don’t seem any happier about it now.”
He frowned at her. “Why do you keep harping about happy? My job has nothing to do with being happy.”
Savanna’s soft laughter was full of disbelief. “Do you always go around lying to yourself?”
Sarcasm twisted his features. “Do you always go around trying to psychoanalyze people?”
She gave him a saucy grin as if to remind him his glowers and rough voice didn’t daunt her. “Only when I think they need it.”
“Well, I don’t need it. I made a deal today to drill two new gas wells. What do you want me to do? Laugh and shout hallelujah?”
“It might be nice if you would. At least then I’d know you weren’t a total iceberg.”
If he were an iceberg, he would’ve already turned into a puddle of water, Joe thought miserably. Just looking at her overheated him. “Savanna, I’ve tried to get it over to you that I’m not the laughing, shouting hallelujah type. Never was. Never will be.”
“Why not?”
With a heavy sigh he rose from the chair and walked over to the wrought-iron balustrade guarding the balcony. “I don’t have time for such nonsense. Besides, why should I act thrilled over something that’s barely going to make a dent in McCann’s financial problems? God, I’d be ashamed to be happy,” he muttered. “Especially when I know my father would have a fit if he could see the condition of the company today.”
I’d be ashamed to be happy. Savanna had never heard anything so sad.
Rising from her chair, she went over to him. “You’re wrong to keep putting yourself down, to keep blaming yourself for McCann’s problems.”
“Who should I blame, Savanna?” he asked bitterly.
His hand was clenched over the black iron railing. Savanna gently covered it with her own.
“You need to remember that you’re flesh and blood, Joe. And no one expects you to be perfect. You need to wake up and realize that your father wasn’t superhuman, or even J. R. Ewing. He just happened to be lucky enough to build a business when oil and gas prices were booming. If he were alive today, he’d be having the same troubles you are.”
“I seriously doubt that,” he muttered. “Joseph McCann was a shaker and a doer.”
Savanna’s hand tightened over his as every part of her longed to ease the anguish she knew he carried with him from day to day.
“You are a doer, too, Joe. You’re just doing the wrong thing.”
He pulled his eyes away from the lights in the distance to look at her. She was smiling at him, but that was no surprise. He’d come to expect her smile, to even look forward to its warmth and joy.
“You say that with such conviction,” he said with a heavy sigh. “And I don’t know why. You haven’t known me long enough to make that sort of conjecture.”
“How long does it take to know a person, Joe? A day? Several weeks or months?” Shaking her head, she turned and rested her back against the balustrade and looked up at the ink black sky. “My mother and father lived together for nearly twenty years and I don’t think they ever really knew each other.”
He glanced at her upturned face. “They weren’t happy?”
“Well, on the surface, I guess you could say they were happy. At least they never wanted to divorce each other. But my mother was—” She sighed wistfully. “I don’t know—she was never quite satisfied. You see, she always wanted more children, but she would never allow herself to get pregnant again. She’d say, not with the family moving from town to town. It would be too hard to raise a baby like that. So she kept putting off her dream, waiting for perfect conditions, until finally she was too old and health problems ruled out any hopes of her having more children.”
Savanna looked at him, her expression resolute. “I learned something from her, Joe. You can’t sit around, waiting for what you really want to come to you. A person has to work for it. Life will never be perfect or easy. My mother should have realized that, forged ahead and had a whole houseful of kids. Instead, she died never getting what she really wanted. I don’t intend for that to happen to me. And I don’t want it to happen to you.”
With a muttered oath he turned away from her and stared down at the street several stories below them. “You think you’ve got it all figured out, don’t you?”
“No,” she said, determined not to let his bitterness put her off. She wanted to help him. She wanted him to believe in himself as a father and a man. “No. What I don’t have figured out is why you feel so obligated to keep doing a job you don’t even like.”
How could she know so much about him? Was he that transparent, or was she able to see things about him that no one else could see?
“You don’t understand, Savanna,” he said gruffly. “McCann Drilling was my father’s life blood and it was his wish for me to keep it going after he was gone. In fact, it was one of the last things he spoke about before he died. I gave him my promise and I can’t go back on that now.”
Moving closer, she gently touched his forearm. “I was told you should never make promises to a dying person. The promise might turn out to be too difficult to keep.”
He looked at her, a wry expression twisting his features. “But when you love that dying person—well, I wanted to make him happy. I guess I still do.”
“I can understand that.”
“You couldn’t. Not until you’ve been through it.”
Drawing her hand away from his arm, Savanna closed her eyes. As Joe looked at her, he realized for the fir
st time since he’d met her, he was seeing real pain on her face.
“I have been through it, Joe,” she said quietly. “I lost someone I loved once. He wanted a promise from me, too. But I couldn’t give it to him. Not in good faith.”
Someone I loved. The words surged through Joe’s mind as he tried to picture a grief-stricken Savanna. It was hard to do. Especially since she was always smiling and laughing as though she’d never endured a sad day in her life.
Joe couldn’t stop himself from asking. “Who was he?”
She opened her eyes, but she didn’t look at Joe. Instead, she stared at the toe of her white high heels as she answered, “My fiancé, Terry. He was in a car accident a month before we were to be married. His head was badly injured and for two weeks he slipped in and out of consciousness.”
She paused to take a deep breath and Joe could see how much it was costing her to talk about her lost love. But he couldn’t bring himself to tell her to stop. Something inside of him wanted to know her past, her pains, her hopes and dreams. Even though he knew it was wrong and risky, he wanted to know every private thing there was to know about Savanna.
“I stayed by his side as much as I could,” she went on. “At times he was lucid and tried to talk. Mostly he wanted me to promise that I wouldn’t waste my time grieving for him. That I would find another man to share my life with.” She shook her head and smiled pensively. “I couldn’t do that. At the time, it hurt too much. Maybe I should have lied just to make him feel better. But I don’t know that I could have lived with that.”
Suddenly Joe felt petty and selfish, and all the things in his life that had seemed so logical before didn’t make nearly as much sense to him now. Dear God, what was happening to him? How could this woman be affecting him this way? He’d only known her a matter of days!
“Savanna,” he said softly, “I’m sorry you had to go through that.”
Her eyes held no regrets or grief as she lifted her face and gazed into his. “I’m sorry you lost your father, Joe. But he doesn’t need you anymore. It’s time to start living for yourself and for Megan.”
“You make it all sound so simple.”
Daddy Lessons Page 9
