by A. J. Locke
Magda. I couldn’t figure her out. She made me feel extremely on edge. It was unsettling to know how strong and knowledgeable she was. In the paranormal world, knowledge was a dangerous thing, as showcased by Renton, Larry, and Michael. Once you knew how to do something no one else did, you became a dangerous entity. Magda also had a personal interest in me, but I was not sure if that was a good thing or not. I guess it was always better to stay on the good side of someone so powerful. She had helped me, and I assumed I could go back to her for further assistance, so maybe I was overthinking things. Maybe.
For now I’d just be grateful, because there was no way I would have gotten a handle on this new pain-in-the-ass ability without her help.
But that didn’t mean the end of the road for all the problems. I wondered what the latest was with rounding up the ghosts that had escaped from the In Between. Had Kyo been caught? I got the feeling he’d be good at evading capture. He would likely show up again soon enough.
Then there was Ethan. I still didn’t know how to feel about that.
So I just sighed over my cereal bowl and kept eating. Luna stared up at me with her mouth open like she hadn’t just gobbled up her dog food. She had developed a sweet tooth over the years—through no fault of mine, of course—so the smell of my sugar-laden cereal was irresistible to her. I dropped a few pieces on the ground. I so was not an enabler though.
I was cleaning up when the doorbell rang. When I looked through the peephole, I saw Micah. I pressed my head against the door and took a deep breath before I opened it and let him in. I hoped I had the strength to deal with wherever this conversation would lead. I already knew it wouldn’t be good.
“Hey,” he said, dropping his messenger bag on the sofa. “You haven’t been answering my calls or texts.” He didn’t blow in on an angry vibe; that was good. It showed that he knew he had no reason to be angry at my avoiding him when he had continued to lie and hide things from me.
“I haven’t been ignoring you. I just have not looked at my phone in a while. I couldn’t even tell you where it was right now.”
“I was worried about you.”
“Yet it took you this long to come down here?” I couldn’t help but say.
Where was he when Larry and his army of ghosts were attacking me yesterday? Only Kyo seemed to know to be around when he might be needed.
Micah raked his hands through his hair. “I would have been here earlier, but the PTF have been bringing in crossover ghosts so I’ve been busy with making sure they are secure.”
“Are any of them linked to our victims?”
“No, with those we’ve only rounded up the ones from Carlos’ tip offs.”
“Damn,” I muttered. “Well, at least more of them are being tracked down.”
“Yeah. Why have you been so MIA though?”
“Let me tell you what yesterday was like for me.” I recounted the events with Larry, how it had ended, and where I’d gone after. But first I told him how I’d gotten my reanimation power back so my trip to Magda yesterday would make sense. Micah looked shocked and concerned by the time I was done. He stood up from where he’d been leaning against the back of the couch and came over to me, taking my hands in his.
“Unbelievable,” he said. “Larry was behind the attacks?”
“Like the cowardly little bastard he was, he tried to get others to do the deed, then came out of the woodwork when they couldn’t get it done.”
“And you…absorbed him?”
I resisted the urge to lean my head against his chest. Had to remember I wasn’t a hundred percent happy with him right now. He was lucky I didn’t pull my hands away.
“Him and all the ghosts he brought along. I did not enjoy that. They got channeled back to old boy in the In Between who’s carrying around a piece of my soul.”
“Selene.” Micah’s eyes were searching mine, concern written in every part of his expression. “Why didn’t you call me? Something this dangerous happens to you and you didn’t think I should know? You didn’t even tell me about this Magda.”
“If you had come to Ilyse’s fading, then you would have found out all about her.” I pulled my hands away, crossing them over my chest. “How are you still acting surprised and hurt that I did not call you about something? Especially after yesterday!”
“I told you, I did that for you!” Micah’s eyes were pleading, but I was not one to plead with right now.
“Did that for me,” I repeated. “Did you really think I would see Ethan and be happy once I found out what you did to give him a body?”
“I thought you would be happy that he was OK, that he was whole. We took on that project to try and give him a life again.”
“And once again, you had to lie to me,” I said. “Don’t you see a pattern here, Micah? You lie about something you know is wrong and unethical, but you think will help me or make me happy, but when I find out, am I happy? Did you really think it would be different this time around because you used ghosts from people that were already dead? It’s still wrong. You have them trapped in those runes on Ethan’s back just like your uncle had your mother and his wife and daughter trapped in runes for years. Maybe your reasoning was they were the ghosts of bad people. OK, sure, the In Between is where people who had violent unfinished business end up, but that isn’t the only type of ghost a circle is used on and you know it. There are ghosts who were forced over because they wanted something unattainable like being able to carry and birth a baby, or something too risky like climbing Mount Everest. And I seriously doubt you stopped to make sure you were only putting ‘bad’ ghosts in those runes. Not that it would matter because no ghost deserves that fate. Being stuck in the In Between for all eternity is punishment enough, trust me.”
Micah shook his head. “I know, Selene. I know the ethics are muddled. I just wanted to try and make it right. I wanted to give you some ray of happiness.”
“And I truly believe that,” I said. “But once again, you made choices that I just cannot agree with and you put me in a difficult position. Before, it was make the bad choice and I continue to live. And I chose to die. Now, it’s make the bad choice and Ethan gets to live, and I get to keep my friend around. But what happens if the other choice is made?”
“This time it’s not up to you.” Micah wouldn’t meet my gaze. “It’s up to Ethan.”
“That may be true, but it’s my choice whether or not I will have anything to do with all of this and it pisses me off that you put me in that position.”
“Damn it.” Micah blew out a breath and raked his hands through his hair again. “I just can’t do anything right by you, by us. I can’t fix this no matter how much I try.”
“That’s the thing, Micah. You’ve been trying to fix things on your own terms without factoring me in, without thinking about what might really work. You convince yourself that whatever choice you’ve made is the right one and I’ll just come around, but you have yet to see that you’re wrong. The first time you didn’t want to see me die, and to a large extent I get that. But this time you had a chance to do it differently, and you did the exact same thing again.”
“What was I supposed to do then? Force Ethan into the Afterlife? You know where ghosts who are forced over end up. Would you want that for Ethan?”
“No, of course not.” I thought about Ethan spending eternity in the In Between and didn’t want to fathom that being his end game. There’s no way he would ever deserve ending up there. Especially with pits full of ghost beasties, monstrous, shadowy ghost animals, and other asshole ghosts wanting to suck him up.
“He’d been doing just fine, even though he was bound to me. If Tielle could have gotten a ruling that he should not be forced into the Afterlife, he could have continued on as a ghost.”
“Doing what? Living with you, cooking your meals, taking care of your house and dog, and playing video games all day? You really think he was happy like that?”
I was a bit taken aback. “I know it wasn’t all rain
bows and sunshine around here with everything that was going on, but Ethan was taking it in stride the best he could.”
“Taking it in stride is not the same as being happy,” Micah said. “In case you forgot, Ethan barely wanted to go outside and he only went to see his family because you forced him to. You knew how much he did not want them to see him the way he was. No matter how tangible his bind to you made him, he was still a ghost. Not alive. Not to mention the fact that he was dealing with murdering Andrew and Ilyse, and almost killing you too. What do you think that did to him mentally? It fucked him over completely. All of his problems stemmed from being a ghost. He hated it. We didn’t force this new body on him. He willingly participated and he knew exactly what it would take. And he’s happier now. He’s been receiving therapy, and has expressed nothing but amazement and joy that he has a physical body again and is no longer in a position where he could be forced to kill someone.”
I was quiet for a while as I let all of that sink in. I had tried to be attentive to Ethan’s mental and emotional state because I knew how much he was dealing with, starting with getting kicked out of his body, but admittedly I’d not done a good job at it. And hell, I was no therapist. Giving someone a hug and telling them you’re there for them and everything will be all right soon only went so far. Especially when soon never came.
As much as the bad shit had snowballed for me, it had snowballed for Ethan as well. And Micah, and Ilyse, whose snowball had ended with her death. At Ethan’s hands. I was dealing with killing a madman who one could say deserved to die, but Ethan had killed two people who hadn’t deserved that fate. Andrew was dastardly, but at the time of his death his worst offense was that he was cheating on his wife and tried to force himself on me. That didn’t warrant the gruesome death he endured and the twisted way his ghost ended up. And Ilyse…gentle, caring, helpful-beyond-compare Ilyse…
I made a sound of frustration and pressed my fists to my eyes. I felt like pulling my hair out. “Micah, I get it. If I was in Ethan’s position, I would have felt the same way. I didn’t have a lot of time to really stop and think about what it was like for him. I saw him cooking and having fun playing his video games and I guess I just let that mislead me into thinking he was doing all right. Especially since he was less ghost-like due to his bind to me.”
“The bind that was killing you…”
“Yes, I get it. I’m not disputing anything you said, but you are still backing me into a corner. You are forcing me to be OK with something I am not, just like before with that whole business of how Renton saved my life. You cannot do that to me—do you have any idea what it’s like inside my head right now? It’s like a fucking hurricane. I can’t figure anything out one way or another. I can’t decide how to feel about anything. Saying I’m happy Ethan’s still around but hate the reason why he’s still around is like two trains colliding with each other from opposite directions. Nothing matches up, and all it does is anger me and confuse me and frustrate me. And it doesn’t matter how much you say you did it for me, it’s still all based on lies and unethical dealings. None of this is making anything better for us!”
“I’m sorry.” Micah looked heartbroken.
“I’m sorry,” I repeated. “In the end, all you can say is you’re sorry. But it’s not good enough, Micah. It hasn’t been good enough for a long time.”
“What else do you want me to say? What do you want me to do?”
“You think I have a clue? Did I not just describe the hurricane that is inside my head right now? I don’t know how to swim through all of this. I keep feeling like I’m sinking and I have no idea how to make it to the surface, far less pull our relationship up too.”
“You sound like you don’t have much hope for us.”
“I never said that. Although I am losing hope more than I’m gaining it. This thing with Ethan certainly did not help. I’m just sick and tired of standing in my living room having difficult-ass conversations with you that end with me wanting to throw something at you, then throw you out. This cycle has to end.”
“I wish we could go back to normal…”
“Normal?” I cut in. “And what exactly is normal for Micah and Selene? Let’s re-trace our history, shall we? We were friends and co-workers, then we spent a drunken night together, then you turned into an asshole for about a year and a half because you were pissy that I didn’t seem to like you the way you liked me. Then we worked through that and fell in love, but oh, here comes a psycho ghost and his brother murdering up the place. We take care of that, but a few months later while I’m dying of the Rot, your uncle rolls through and turns out to be an even bigger murdering psycho, to the point where I have to kill myself to stop him. Only I’m still here, and now here we are with the weight of all of that pressing down on us. There never was a normal for us, Micah, at least not the way it is for other people. This is our normal: painful, damaging decisions, and having to make sacrifices to save ourselves and everyone else. And I’m tired of it. It’s not the normal that I want.”
“It’s not the one I want either.” Micah took hold of my hands again, holding them tightly as he searched my eyes. “But through all of that we’re still here because we stood and fought together, that’s where our strength is, Selene, that’s who we are. We’re fighters.”
“I’m tired of fighting,” I whispered, tears brimming in my eyes. “I’m tired of being the one who has to save everyone and lose so much in the process. I don’t even know what my own normal is anymore. I can barely remember what my life was like before all this; everything seems like a dream. I can wish things were simpler all I want, but I know they will never be. Not for us. Not for me. And I know you think your job is to fix everything for me, but right now you can’t. Not when you’re such a big part of the problem.”
Micah pressed his forehead against mine and released a sigh. A tear rolled down my cheek.
“I wish I knew what to say,” he whispered.
“I know.” I pulled away from him, ignoring the part of me that wanted to wrap myself in his arms. That pull would always be there, no matter how frayed things were. I wiped at my eyes and then moved into the kitchen to get something to drink.
Or get a little further away from Micah, who knew…
“So what will happen with Ethan now?” This would always be a sore subject, but there was nothing I could do about it. As much as I was appalled by the runes on Ethan’s back and what was inside them, it wasn’t like I was going to go rip them off him. He made his choice and I would have to try to live with it.
“He’s going to stay in seclusion for a while longer and continue with the private therapy,” Micah said. “Once Tielle has sorted things out with the upper ranks, Ethan can reunite with his family and come out of hiding.”
“And what will he do then? Just integrate back into society? His house was burned down so he can’t go back there, and he’d be woefully behind in college…”
“Would you let him come home?” Micah asked. “Here?”
My eyes widened slightly. “Would he want to?”
“Yes, if you’d let him. He still needs you, Selene. Needs us. This journey is far from over from him. He will need us as he tries to get back to his normal life. He even wants to try and catch up in school so he can finish his law degree.”
“He was studying law? I never knew that. I figured his major would be something nerdy like computer science.”
Micah’s lips twitched.
“But yes, of course I would let him come home. I never ate so well before he was here.”
“Then can you tell him that? He needs some reassurance from you. He doesn’t think you’re happy he’s still around, despite what you said before you left yesterday. It would be good if you went to see him.”
“All right. I’ll go see him.”
“I can take you now, but I have to stop by the office to get updated information on some of the new victims of crossover ghost attacks.”
“How many are there now?”<
br />
“About a dozen.”
“Damn. And how many more have died?”
“Two.”
“Shit. I should try to see if I can draw the strains of ghost energy out of them. That was my intention yesterday, but I ended up following you and Tielle to Ethan. And then the whole Larry bullshit happened.”
“Let’s go now then,” Micah said. “And hopefully save these people’s lives.”
So off we went.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
I stood at the bedside of Harvey Whittle. He looked bloated, as though the ghost energy was filling him up like a balloon. His skin was ashen and covered in bruises. I wasn’t sure if it was from the ghost energy affliction or his altercation with Grant. Glenda was seated at his side with his puffy hand in hers.
When she saw Micah, Tielle, and I walk into the room, she immediately looked hopeful and I cringed inwardly. I had hoped she wouldn’t be here because there was no guarantee that I would be able to use my reanimation power to rid the ghost energy from her husband’s body. I didn’t want to see the crushing disappointment on her face if I failed.
Before we came down here, Micah and I had met with Tielle and told her that I had my reanimation power back. I hadn’t been able to hedge around how I had reacquired it, so I’d had to tell Tielle about the powerful dead witch who did business in the depths of a graveyard. I’d half expected Tielle to immediately dispatch a task force to round Magda up, but she surprisingly had little comment on Magda. I would have thought for sure an off-radar dead witch of Magda’s caliber would sound the alarm for Tielle.
I wasn’t entirely unhappy that Tielle made no move to go after Magda though. Something told me that doing so wouldn’t end well for her or anyone else involved. And me. After I’d told my story, we ventured down here to see what I might be able to do.
“Glenda, do you mind giving me some room?” She was seated on Harvey’s right while I stood on his left so technically she wasn’t in my way, but I still preferred if she stepped back to where the others stood by the door. Glenda stood up, but hesitated. From the look on her face, I could tell it’d been pretty much non-stop crying since her husband landed in this predicament. She bent over and laid a gentle kiss on his forehead, then looked up at me.
