by Jerramy Fine
An important fixture of the original Season (see Chapter 6), this ball was initially held at London’s Grosvenor House. Recently revived, it is now held alternately at Kensington Palace, the Dorchester Hotel, the Wallace Collection, the Treasury House, or the Savoy Hotel. The ball continues its long tradition of raising money to improve the health of mothers and babies; the West London hospital that used to benefit is now known as Queen Charlotte’s Hospital.
What to wear: The event requires wearing a long white dress and curtseying beside a giant white cake. (Origins of which belong to the wife of King George III, who asked her favorite ladies-in-waiting to present her with a massive birthday cake.)
But don’t let the virginal dress code and crazy cake custom deter you—Queen Charlotte’s Ball is still a splendid place to see and be seen.
Hunt Balls Throughout the Country (see also Parable #1, p. 33)
Foxhunting in the UK is nothing like any kind of hunting you will find in the US No one wears camouflage and Day-Glo orange, no one camps or eats cans of baked beans, and (this is the most important part) no one is officially allowed to kill anything—as hunting with dogs has been outlawed in England and Wales since 2004. So more than anything, joining a hunt is just an opportunity to wear great clothes, chat to floppy-haired Englishmen (aka hotties on horseback), watch the hounds, and see the countryside. You don’t have to ride like Zara Phillips to go hunting or to be an ardent hunt follower—as long as you can hang on and aren’t completely terrified of horses, you’ll be fine. And if you don’t own a horse, you can easily rent one for the day.
When: Late October to the end of March.
What to wear: Fabulous wool jacket (in black, blue, or tweed), cream jodhpurs, leather boots, a collarless shirt, leather gloves, riding hat.
Where to find your nearest hunt: Baily’s Hunting Directory, www.bailyshuntingdirectory.com.
Faux pas: Mentioning the hunting ban (many are still very bitter about this); calling them “dogs” (they’re “hounds”).
For more information on correct hunting conduct, subscribe to Horse and Hound Magazine, www.horseandhound.co.uk.
You don’t necessarily have to hunt at all in order to attend a hunt ball. Sometimes you merely have to own a ball gown and buy a ticket. Hunt balls generally take place in marquees attached to some elegant country house, and they are usually a delightful social mix of old English gentry, Bright Young Things, and inebriated students from the Royal Agricultural College. Dress code can be black- or white-tie, so make sure to double-check. Here is a short list of the most riveting (and most raucous) hunt balls in the country:
Beaufort, www.beauforthunt.com
Berkshire, www.berkshire-hunt.co.uk
Berwickshire, www.berwickshire-hunt.co.uk
Heythrop, www.heythrophunt.com
Ledbury, www.ledburyhunt.co.uk
Quorn, www.quorn-hunt.co.uk
Warwickshire, www.warwickshirehunt.co.uk
The Young Lord’s Taverners Ball
www.lordstaverners.org
This black-tie London gala is especially boisterous and popular among well-heeled twenty-somethings (not to mention the bittersweet setting of Parable #4, p. 151).
Any Fundraising Ball Where Prince William or Prince Harry Is a Patron of the Charity
Prince William’s favorite charities are listed below. (See “Harry Hunting,” page 124, for a list of Harry’s charities.)
PRINCE WILLIAM’S CHARITIES:
Centrepoint. Provides emergency accommodation, support, information, and training for homeless young people in London. Prince William is a patron. (His mother was also a patron at the time of her death.) William is heavily involved in the charity and recently spent a night sleeping on the streets of London to help raise awareness. www.centrepoint.org.uk
The Child Bereavement Charity. Provides specialized support, information, and training to all those affected when a child or parent dies. Prince William, who knows all too well what it’s like to lose a mother, is a patron and often holds private meetings with bereaved families and children supported by the charity. www.childbereavement.org.uk
Tusk Trust. Funds environmental conservation across Africa, combining the interests of people and wildlife alike. Prince William is a patron. www.tusk.org
Raleigh International. A UK-based educational development charity that aims to help people of all backgrounds and nationalities discover their full potential. Both Prince William and Kate Middleton are Raleigh alumni—Prince William went to Chile with Raleigh International in 2000, and Kate did the same in 2001. www.raleighinternational.org
Absolute Return for Kids (ARK). Delivers programs in the areas of health, education, and child protection across the globe. The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge made their first philanthropic appearance as a married couple at an ARK fundraiser in June 2011. www.arkonline.org
Help for Heroes. A charity formed to help those who have been wounded in Britain’s current conflicts. Prince William gave a speech to launch the opening of a new rehabilitation center and frequently visits many of the wounded soldiers. www.helpforheroes.org.uk
Royal Marsden Hospital. A world-renown cancer center specializing in diagnosis, treatment, care, education, and research. William is president (a position previously held by his mother, Diana, Princess of Wales). www.royalmarsden.nhs.uk/home
The Royal Society. A fellowship of the world’s most eminent scientists, the oldest scientific academy in continuous existence. http://royalsociety.org
Henry van Straubenzee Memorial Fund. Aims to lift Ugandan children out of poverty through education. Princes William and Harry are joint patrons.
www.henryvanstraubenzeemf.org.uk
SkillForce. An education charity working with young people throughout Great Britain who are in danger of leaving school without the skills and qualifications they need to succeed in life. The Duke of Cambridge (an official patron) launched the SkillForce Prince’s Award in recognition of the contribution that young people make to their communities. www.skillforce.org
The Prince’s Rainforests Project. Founded by William’s father, the Prince of Wales, to discourage deforestation rates and show the vital link between rain forests and climate change. Princes William and Harry appeared alongside their father and an animated frog in a recent public awareness film on the subject. www.rainforestsos.org
Diana, Princess of Wales Memorial Fund. Established in September 1997 to continue William’s mother’s humanitarian work throughout the world. www.theworkcontinues.org
The American Friends of the Foundation of Prince William and Prince Harry. Supports the UK Foundation of Prince William and Prince Harry and other charities that support at-risk youth, environmental conservation, and injured Armed Forces personnel. In July 2011, during his North American tour, Prince William played in his first ever American polo match at the Santa Barbara Polo & Racquet Club to raise funds for this charity. www.foundationpolochallenge.com/foundation.html
Fields in Trust. Aims to ensure that everyone has access to outdoor space for sports, play, and recreation. Prince William is the patron of this charity’s Queen Elizabeth II Fields Challenge, which creates playing fields throughout the UK in honor of the Queen’s Diamond Jubilee. www.fieldsintrust.org
For more information on Prince William’s philanthropic engagements, write to: The Foundation of Prince William and Prince Harry, St. James’s Palace, London, SW1A 1BS, United Kingdom.
How to Tie a Bow-Tie
A good-looking Englishman suddenly turns into a drop-dead gorgeous Englishman the second he dons a tuxedo (aka “dinner jacket”). If he has tied his own bow tie rather than used a tacky clip-on, even better. All girls should know how to properly tie a man’s bow tie before a formal event. It’s a relatively small skill, but if done correctly and with nonchalance it leaves a lasting impression (not to mention that Englishmen find women deftly tying things around their necks to be extremely sexy).
Regal Hunting Ground # 6: Sailing and Skiing “Holidays�
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Everyone seems so surprised to hear that until the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge embarked on their North American tour in June 2011, Kate Middleton had never traveled to the United States.15 It’s actually not that surprising. Young Brits in that elite social sphere don’t really consider America to be a vacation destination. When the Castle Crew go on holiday, there are really only three options: safari holidays, sailing holidays, and skiing holidays. I’m not going to ask you to head to Africa just yet (after all, you only just landed in Great Britain), so in this section I will focus on the latter: sailing and skiing.
Sailing
Most of the Castle Crew will have a father, grandfather, or boss who owns a boat—so if you want to seduce a Sloaney sailor, Cornwall or the Caribbean are your best bets. And while you may be picturing dazzling sunsets and countless cocktails on deck, the reality of most sailing holidays is an expectation to roll up your sleeves and actually help sail the boat—so you may want to brace yourself for abrupt orders and strange nautical jargon. (See “Sailing Lingo,” page 164.) Please keep in mind that the boat must have real sails; if you’re on a giant powerboat (or floating “gin palace”) you’re probably hanging out with the wrong crowd.
For steel drums and balmy sunshine, head to Mustique—a privately owned Caribbean island nestled in the Grenadine Islands of St.Vincent. Mustique is owned by Lord Glenconner, who purchased it more than fifty years ago. (He figured spending winters there with his family would be cheaper than heating his giant castle in the UK!) Lord Glenconner’s island appeals to those who seek privacy and luxury, and in an age when we seem to know absolutely everything about royals and celebrities, Mustique is a place where they can be themselves. The island’s carefree atmosphere has already nurtured two royal romances: Princess Margaret (the Queen’s sister) and Lord Snowdon were regulars; and Prince William and Kate spent a romantic holiday here before their engagement.
As well as relaxing in a luxury villa, you can play Frisbee or volleyball on the beach, play tennis, or cruise around in a catamaran. If you and the Castle Crew are thirsty, head to Basil’s Bar. (Prince William’s favorite island drink is vodka and cranberry juice; Kate prefers piña coladas.)
Also try: Antigua (especially Antigua Race Week), The British Virgin Islands, The Greek Isles, and Croatia. (Harry was recently spotted dancing the night away in the latter.)
Cornwall is not as warm, but it’s certainly easier (and much more affordable) to get to! In Cornwall, the Castle Crew are most likely to be found at the Mariners Rock pub, in the Cornish village of Rock. This seaside pub was thrust into the spotlight by Prince William and Prince Harry when they began visiting every year in the late nineties. It wasn’t long before the princes were followed by hordes of British public boys from the likes of Eton, Marlborough, and Radley. (All good news for girls on the hunt!)
Rent a cottage for the weekend or stay in a quaint bed-and-breakfast. The drive is long (five hours from London by car or train), but it’s worth the trip. The beachside hotspot is filled with cut-glass accents, blond highlights, Ray-Bans, and high-fashion flip-flops. But in addition to well-spoken Englishmen, there is plenty of sailing, surfing, and water-skiing to be had right down the road. Cornwall is known for delectable scones with clotted cream, and you won’t find fresher fish and chips anywhere else. Again, the regal drink of choice is lashings of vodka and cranberry juice.
Also try: the Oyster Catcher in Polzeath and Falmouth Week in Cornwall.
Be warned: Brits flock to the Cornish coast at all times of year, regardless of the weather—it is not uncommon to see entire families wearing scarves and winter coats attempting to build sand castles on a wet and rainy beach.
(See also “Cowes Week,” page 185.)
BOATING CHIC:
Minimal makeup
Flattering swimwear (or “swimming costume”)
Polo shirt from Crew Clothing, T&G, or Henry Lloyd
Warm top to block out the wind
Sporty waterproof jacket
Sailing gloves
Sunglasses
Deck shoes from Sebago or Dubarry (heels and/or black soles have no place onboard)
SAILING LINGO
Whenever I go sailing with my English husband, I usually have no idea what he’s talking about.
“Ease the port side jib sheet,” he’ll tell me. I’ll look around me utterly confused. All I have with me are my sunglasses. There are no sheets or blankets onboard.
Then he’ll sigh with exasperation and say, “Please can you loosen the red-and-white rope on your left side that’s wrapped around that metal thing?”
Why didn’t he say so in the first place? That’s the thing about boys who sail. They speak in code.
Apparently it’s possible to jibe a jib but not jib a jibe, and a boat is never an it but a she–and that’s only the beginning of this crazy language. So whether you’re a sailing novice like me (and in my defense, I grew up in a landlocked state) or a nautical expert, it’s good to know some of the sailing lingo. Here is a cheat sheet for you to study next time you’re off to Cornwall, the Caribbean, or Cowes.
SAILING CHEAT SHEET:
port: the left-hand side of the boat (“There’s no port left in the bottle” helps me to remember.)
starboard: the right-hand side of the boat
bow: the front of the boat (the pointy end)
stern: the back of the boat
boom: the horizontal pole that holds the mainsail and moves from side to side (Getting in its way can be dangerous—I’ve even heard horror stories of beheadings—so when in doubt, stay low.)
knot: a nautical mile per hour (roughly equivalent to 1.15 miles per hour)
skipper: the boat’s helmsman or captain (not Barbie’s younger sister)
sheet: a rope (that looks nothing like a sheet) attached to the sail or boom
painter: a rope (that has nothing to do with painting) attached to the front of a small boat
jib: a triangular sail stretching from the masthead to the boom
jibe: to shift a sail from one side to the other going downwind
tack: to shift a sail from one side to the other going upwind
berth: a place occupied by a boat in a harbor; also how many people can sleep on the boat (e.g., “the yacht has eight berths” means she can sleep eight people)
galley: kitchen on a boat
head: toilet (“loo”!) on a boat
buoy: an anchored flotation ball used to mark a position in the water
capsize: when the boat turns over ninety degrees and everyone falls out
AVOIDING SEA SICKNESS
It can happen to even the most experienced sailing girls, so here are some tips for negating any bouts of nautical nausea.
Avoid going below deck any longer than you have to.
Do not attempt to read books, magazines, maps, emails, or text messages while onboard.
Fresh air definitely helps, so keep the wind in your face and take deep breaths.
Focus your attention on a fixed point on the horizon.
Ask if you can help steer the boat (also a good way to flirt with the skipper).
Drink plenty of water—dehydration can make you feel dizzy.
Eat light meals and avoid getting hungry—hunger pains can make you feel dizzy.
Take a motion sickness pill (like Dramamine) before you get sick (they are not effective if taken afterward).
Skiing
You definitely don’t want to go after any English guy who spends less than a week a year in the Alps.
If you’re a good skier, you’ll easily be able to impress him with your US-honed powder skills (the snow on American slopes is much better than in Europe, where they are accustomed to skiing on virtual ice). But if you’re a terrible skier it doesn’t really matter—in the Alps, the emphasis is more about eating and drinking (mainly drinking) in the fresh mountain air than it is about actual skiing. It’s about renting a big mountain cabin (called a “chalet”) with a group of frie
nds, having breakfast and dinner cooked for you every day by a pretty “chalet girl,” and drinking yourself into oblivion.
Whereas American resorts wouldn’t dream of putting nightclubs on their ski slopes and inviting the lawsuits that are sure to result by allowing skiers to do shots of Jägermeister before their black diamond runs, Europe is much more laid back about such things. If you want to ride the last lift to the top of the mountain, drink yourself silly at a slope-side bar, then ski back down in the pitch-black night with nothing but a handheld fire torch to guide you (this actually happens)—go for it!
Après skiing festivities (“after” skiing festivities) are a big deal, and there is a princely party going on somewhere every single night. So grab a group of girls and book your chalet at any of the following:
Klosters (Switzerland)
Who goes: The King and Queen of Sweden, Prince Andrew, Prince Harry, and the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge. (In 2004, Klosters was the setting of Kate and Will’s first public kiss.) Klosters is also famous for being the favorite resort of Prince Charles.
Where to stay: The Walserhof hotel, which boasts a Michelin-starred restaurant. www.walserhof.ch
Verbier (Switzerland)
Verbier is the place to be for the young jet set. When William and Harry go on family vacations, they go to Klosters, but when they go to party with friends, they go to Verbier.
Who goes there: Prince Harry, William and Kate, The Duchess of York, Hugh Grant, James Blunt, and Jamie Oliver. Princess Eugenie met her boyfriend Jack Brooksbank here when she was celebrating her father, Prince Andrew’s fiftieth birthday.
Best après ski: The Farm Club (a Sloane Ranger mecca!), the Coco Club, and PUBLIC Verbier. (Club owner Guy Pelly noticed that the same folks that love PUBLIC London are the same folks that head to the slopes of Verbier in the winter. So he figured why not bring their favorite London club directly to the Alps?) www.public.uk.com
What to drink at the Coco Club (only if someone else is buying): The Ice Chalet—a concoction of champagne and cognac, served in a hand-carved chalet ice sculpture with straws sticking through the roof. The good news is it serves eight people; the bad news is it costs $7,300. For those who want something cheaper, there is the $960 Avalanche cocktail that comes in a mountain-shaped glass dotted with Swarovski crystals.
