“Looked kind of cosy…” Hadley said, her voice full of implication and fishing for information.
I gave her a look that told her what I thought of that. “There is nothing cosy about him.” Which wasn’t strictly true, but she didn’t need to know that. “Lombardi’s not known for his adherence to boundaries, is he?” I smiled at her and turned it to Mason. “So, what did you want to talk to me about?”
Talk slowly resumed around us as Mason smiled at me. Those big blue eyes watched me carefully like I had secrets to give away. “I…uh,” His eyes dropped and he fiddled with a piece of grass at his feet. “Well I mean, I don’t want to be…” He cleared his throat. “I mean, you and Roman…?”
I blinked. “Oh my God, no.” I chuckled self-consciously. “No, why would you…?”
He huffed a laugh, sounding as self-conscious as I did. “People talk.” He shrugged. “I just… If you’re not – uh – I was wondering if you wanted to go to Lacey’s tonight?” I was just about to feel something about him finally asking me out when he kept talking. “Just, the others are going. And I thought it might be nice to, you know…as a group?”
Well, now I was going to feel less bad about declining.
“Yeah, no. Of course…”
“Sweet.” He nodded.
“Oh, no!” I blurted and his face fell. “I mean, I’d like to, but I…have plans tonight. Sorry.”
I felt bad that I’d disappointed him. Although, I couldn’t say a part of me didn’t enjoy his obvious disappointment. I know that sounds terribly sadistic, but at least it was a sign that he did actually like me.
But, he rallied well. “Oh. Well another time, then?”
I nodded. “I’d like that.”
“Next weekend, maybe?”
“Maybe.” I grinned.
He smiled, turned to Tucker, looked at me again, then started talking to Tucker. I felt Hadley nudge me none too gently.
“What?” I hissed, elbowing the offending elbow.
“You didn’t tell me you were busy tonight?”
“So?”
“What are you doing?”
“Uh…babysitting,” I said. I looked at her out of the corner of my eye and saw her looking sceptical.
“Babysitting?”
I nodded.
“Who the hell are you babysitting for?”
“Family friend,” came out before I could stop it.
“How old?”
“Five.”
She nodded. “Well, have fun.” I knew how much fun she thought I’d be having.
I smiled. “I’m sure I will.”
So, I’d successfully lied to Hadley again and she’d bought it again. My stomach twinged uncomfortably and a part of me wished I felt like I could tell her everything. But she’d either think there was more to Roman and I than there was or she’d be on my case about how there wasn’t more to us. So lying seemed like the only choice at the time.
And, I guess it wasn’t quite a lie; I’d sort of signed up for babysitting Roman. He wasn’t five, but Maddy was. So, not too bad, really. As lies went…. Maybe…
h
I had a quick look for Roman’s ute in the carpark after school and was almost surprised when I saw it. I wandered over and opened the passenger door.
“You know we should probably…” I stopped as I saw him put his finger to his lips and kick his head into the back seat.
I peered around the seat and saw Maddy asleep in her car seat.
“You didn’t have to come back for me,” I hissed.
He shrugged. “She’s asleep anyway,” he said quietly.
I rolled my eyes and clambered awkwardly into the car.
“You’re not getting any better at that you know.”
“Thanks. I hadn’t noticed,” I muttered as I went to pull the door closed and saw Hadley, Tucker and Mason waving at me.
My stomach did a weird sort of half flip-half shrivel, jump-plummet thing as I waved back and pulled the door closed.
“What were you shouting before?” he asked as he pulled out of the carpark.
“I don’t know.” I pulled my eyes from Mason, wondering at that weird feeling in my stomach.
“You okay, Barlow?”
I rested my head back on the seat and closed my eyes. “No.”
I heard him chuckle, then felt him reach over to take my hand. I was surprised by the action, but I tried not to let it show.
“What’s up?”
“At Lunch, Mason may or may not have asked me out.”
I felt Roman’s hand twitch like he was about to pull it back, but he didn’t. “And what does that mean?” he asked slowly, almost as if he didn’t want to know the answer.
I shrugged and turned a bit to face him. “I don’t know. He asked me to go out tonight, but then clarified that everyone was going and it would be fun to hang out with the group.”
“Right…” Roman’s hand twitched again. He looked down for a second, squeezed my hand and pulled his away to change gears. “So?”
“Well, does that mean he’s shy or he’s not interested?”
Roman shrugged, turned the corner, changed gears again and took my hand back. “I don’t know, Barlow.”
“Well if you were going to ask me out, how would you do it?”
He slid me a humoured glance. “Barlow, if this is a sorry attempt to get me to ask you out–”
“If I wanted to date you, I’m woman enough to just ask you and risk being shut down, Lombardi. But, thanks,” I huffed.
He supressed a smile. “Oh, you’re woman enough all right.”
I looked down to hide my smile, sneaking a look to make sure Maddy was still asleep. “So? You wouldn’t want to hang out with all our friends on a date, would you?”
Roman sighed. “Are we being serious now?”
I looked at his profile for a moment before I replied. “Yes.”
“Okay then.” He shifted adorably in his seat like it was suddenly too big for him or something and put both hands on the steering wheel. He cleared his throat. “Aside from the serious fact that our friends seriously don’t get along and I suspect not even a serious apocalypse would change that, seriously no.”
I was stuck wondering if that had been a subtle John Cusack reference so I forgot what it was a ‘no’ to for a second. “No, what?”
“No, I wouldn’t want to hang out with our friends on a date.”
“What would you want to do?”
“What?”
“Say you were taking me out on this proverbial date, what would we do?”
“Again, not asking you out, Barlow,” he chuckled.
I swatted him playfully. “I know. But… Pretend I’d asked you out! What would we do?”
“You asked me out? How would that go, then?” he teased.
“Oh, I don’t know. I expect I’d say something like ‘Roman?’ and you’d say ‘yes, Piper?’” I dropped my voice low and he laughed, then checked the mirror; but, Maddy was still asleep.
“Was that supposed to be me?”
I nodded. “Yes. Shush, I’m getting in the zone.”
“Oh, I’m sorry.”
“Not allowed. Now, shush. So, you’d say ‘yes, Piper?’ and I’d probably blush bright red and look at my shoes and say ‘I know I said I’d never be one of those girls, but I broke my promise. We said no lies, so no lies, Roman. I think I’m falling in love with you and I want you to be that guy. I want to date you.’ Right, so then–” I paused when I saw his face. “What?”
“You…” He shook his head and wriggled again. “Never mind. So, then what do I say?”
I looked out the side window. “Well, I imagine you’d say something like ‘Piper, I’ve been in love with you this whole time but I’ve been too busy maintaining my mysteriously brooding, bad boy image to admit it.’ Then I expect you’d fall to your knees at my feet and agree to date me.”
He snorted and I
turned to see him shaking his head. “Of course, I would.”
“Well, what do you think you’d say then?”
He drummed his fingers on the steering wheel and I saw him steal a couple of glances from the corner of his eyes. He leant his elbow on the door while his hand held the steering wheel and rubbed his chin with his other hand.
“I think I’d be more likely to say something like ‘Piper, I’ve never wanted to be that guy before. But even if you weren’t that girl, I’ve found myself wanting to be that guy for you. You’re beautiful, you’re smart, you know how to make me smile, you make me happy without even trying, and your touch drives me wild. I fell in love with you, Piper, before I even really knew what love was, before I really knew you. Now, I know both far more intimately than I ever thought I could, and I would be honoured to date you’.”
My cheeks had flamed burning heat, but I couldn’t look away from him. I could only stare at him and blink. My chest constricted and my stomach cartwheeled. I opened my mouth a couple of times. But, nothing came out and I forced myself to look out the other window.
“Barlow?”
“Jesus, that was…something else, Lombardi,” I breathed.
“Just because I’m not romantic doesn’t mean I’ve failed to grasp the concept. Besides, you forced enough of those movies on me last week. I like to think I’ve picked up something.”
I nodded. “Sure. Of course you would have.”
“You okay?”
“Yeah, fine.”
He pulled into his driveway. “You sure?”
I grabbed my bag and paused with my fingers on the door handle. “You caught me off-guard, Lombardi, that’s all. No girl – no matter how smart – is going to be unaffected by you saying something like that.”
Before he could say anything, I threw the door open and climbed out.
But, the bastard was quick as he was standing in front of me when I finally got both my feet on the ground without falling over and closed the door. He was looking at me in concern and… Dear God, let that not be pity…
“Barlow?” he said, his tone a warning.
“I am fine. Okay?” I made to push past him, but he stopped me.
“I know you’re not stupid enough to fall for me…are you?”
“I like how that sounds awfully one-sided,” I huffed.
Roman grimaced, then pulled the back door of the car open. “Maybe, Barlow, just maybe,” he said softly as he got the sleeping Maddy out of her car seat. I watched her snuggle into him and it really wasn’t helping the conversation. But, I knew he needed her as a shield, “that’s because I’m not too stupid.” He closed the door quietly and turned to me.
I looked at him, completely dumbfounded. “What?”
He smoothed Maddy’s hair and stepped towards me. “Maybe I’m not too stupid and maybe it doesn’t matter either way because we both know I will never be that guy, Piper. Even if I wanted to be – even if it was for you – I don’t have it in me. Whatever this thing was, it was only ever lasting until Carter pulled his fuc–” He stopped himself, glanced at Maddy and sighed, “–his finger out and asked you out. It was a bit of fun, nothing more, and now it’s over.”
“Roman, I…”
I looked at him, not sure about anything anymore; if he’d had a planned expiry for whatever we were doing this the whole time, how did that change things? I thought he’d enjoyed my company, but would he have got bored if he’d seen an end in sight? Probably not. Easy Piper Barlow next door was a guaranteed lay without any risk of commitment, and that was definitely not going anywhere. So, what if he’d actually already got bored and just hid it really well? He’d only have to stick it out a little longer and then I wouldn’t be his problem…
I bit my lip and frowned. So many things were on the tip of my tongue. But, I didn’t know what to start with and nothing was polite enough to step forward for me to say it.
“What time’s your date?” he asked softly, cupping my cheek.
Not that it was a date.
“I…” I took a deep breath and looked at Maddy’s shoe against his leg. “I told him I was busy…” I swung my face out of his hand.
“What? Why?”
“You were feeling shit and I said I’d be there. Foolishly, I thought you needed me tonight. So, I… Not that it was a date. But, no date.” I rearranged my bag strap on my shoulder. “Bye, Roman. Tell Maddy I hope she feels better.”
“Piper,” he called in a harsh whisper, but I shook my head and ducked into my house as quickly as I could.
Of course I’d been stupid enough to think that Roman and I were friends. Friends with spectacular benefits, it’s true. But, I’d honestly felt the most normal with him than I had in longer than I really remembered. There was no bullshit between us; we said exactly what we meant, what we felt – even if it didn’t make sense to us at the time – and didn’t have to worry the other one was going to look at them differently. I could be in a foul mood and he didn’t care. Well, I mean, I thought he’d cared…as it were…but…
“Ugh, get over it, Piper,” I muttered to myself as I threw my bag on my bedroom floor. I dropped onto my bed and sighed.
‘It was a bit of fun, nothing more, and now it’s over,’ he’d said.
“Friendship included.” If we’d ever even really had that to begin with…
I took a deep breath and told myself that wasn’t tears that I felt threatening at the assumption that the time I’d been waiting for had come. Roman was moving on and I was going to keep telling myself it was okay.
Chapter Fifteen
That Sexy Wet Dog Smell.
I avoided everyone the whole weekend; it was just me, my blanket, some chocolate, and John. I avoided Hadley, Celeste and Mason by telling them I was sick. I avoided my parents much the same way. I avoided Roman by just simply telling him I didn’t want to talk to him.
I’d been going to suggest we swap numbers on Friday afternoon, but I was glad I hadn’t got that far now.
I was feeling as innocent and naïve as my friends thought I was. Stupid Piper had thought she and Roman Lombardi were friends and that it was going to be okay when he walked away. So really, the sense of betrayal sitting in my chest was my own damned fault.
I shouldn’t have convinced myself that his friendship was less to me than it was, that I was fine with it being temporary. Just the same way I shouldn’t have convinced myself that it was possible to be friends with him in the first place.
“Roman’s waiting for you by his car,” Mum said, poking her head around my doorway on Monday morning.
I tucked my hair behind my ear and busied myself so I didn’t have to look at her. “Can you drive me to the bus stop this morning, please?”
“Piper, honey. Are you two fighting?”
“What?” I huffed an incredulous laugh.
“Well, the two of you have been spending a lot of time together lately and… Well, I just assumed…?”
Great, it seemed no amount of assuring her we were just friends had worked – although if we were never really friends, was I surprised? Carmen had probably told her how much time we’d spent together while she and Dad were away. I really wished they didn’t go to book club together sometimes…
“You know what happens when you assume, Mum – you make an ass of Ume.” I picked up my bag and pulled it over my shoulder. “And that’s just rude.”
She looked me over. “Honey, I won’t pretend to remember what it was like when I was your age. But, boyfriends are hard work. Especially–”
“Whoa! Roman and I aren’t dating, Mum– Weren’t dating,” I said quickly. “No dating.”
Mum nodded, looking like she wasn’t sure if she was relieved or not. I bristled on Roman’s behalf, despite everything. “Okay, good. So, you can go to school with him, then.” She popped into my room, kissed my hair and headed for downstairs. “See you tonight, honey!”
That doesn’t mean we’re not f
ighting.
I stood in my room for a minute, flabbergasted.
Until I heard Mum open the front door with a, “Morning, Roman. She’s upstairs.”
I grimaced and didn’t even make it out of my room before he’d jogged up the stairs and was standing in front of me.
“Barlow–”
“Not now, okay?”
“Look, I’m sorry–”
“We don’t apologise, Lombardi. Those are the rules.”
“And when one of us is a fucking idiot and does something that needs to be apologised for?”
“That’s the whole point! It’s impossible for us to do anything to the other that could possibly need an apology. I don’t expect you to be anything other than your true self with me and that’s all you’ve ever been. No apologies.”
As angry as I was that I’d let myself forget what he was really like, that was the deal and I was sticking with it. We weren’t really friends? That wasn’t Roman’s fault; he shouldn’t have to apologise that I’d thought I’d seen something in him that wasn’t there.
“If that was true, you wouldn’t have avoided me all weekend. So, I am sor–”
I pushed past him with a yell of frustration and pounded down the stairs.
I felt like something weird and uncomfortable had shifted between us and if he changed any of the rules on me now the whole thing was going to implode. I felt like I was going to implode. I felt like I was about to lose my grip on all rational thought.
God, I hadn’t felt like that in so long. And, I had to get away before I did something even stupider than think I was friends with Roman.
“Piper!” he called, hurrying after me.
I didn’t even bother closing my front door behind me (luckily, Roman did), I just stormed out and started heading for the bus stop. My face felt hot, but not from flushing. I felt itchy and antsy, the kind I hadn’t felt in weeks. Even the chill in the air couldn’t cool me down. Thunder rumbled in the distance and the grey skies seemed to mirror my mood like some cheesy movie.
I thought he’d given up, but I was proven wrong when he grabbed my arm and pulled me to face him. His hands cupped my cheeks and he was kissing me. Out of pure habit, I leant into him for a second, then I pulled away and pushed against him.
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