SIDNEY: Ah well, that’s wonderful news. You see, as I envisage it, once I can get the necessary loan, that means I can put in a definite bid for the adjoining site – which hasn’t incidentally come on to the market. I mean, as I said, this is all purely through personal contacts.
RONALD: Quite so, yes.
SIDNEY: I mean the site value alone–just taking it as a site–you follow me?
RONALD: Oh, yes.
SIDNEY: But it is a matter of striking while the iron’s hot–before it goes off the boil …
RONALD: Mmm …
SIDNEY: I mean, in this world it’s dog eat dog, isn’t it? No place for sentiment. Not in business. I mean, all right, so on occasions you can scratch mine. I’ll scratch yours …
RONALD: Beg your pardon?
SIDNEY: Tit for tat. But when the chips are down it’s every man for himself and blow you Jack, I regret to say …
RONALD: Exactly.
[The sitting-room door opens. GEOFFREY enters. Mid-thirties. Good-looking, confident, easy-going. He caries a glass of scotch]
GEOFFREY: Ah. Is there a chance of sanctuary here?
RONALD: Hallo.
GEOFFREY: Like Dick Potter’s harem in there.
SIDNEY: Dick still at it?
GEOFFREY: Yes. Keeping the ladies amused with jokes …
RONALD: Is he? Oh, dear. I’d better–in a minute …
GEOFFREY: You’ll never stop him. Is he always like that? Or does he just break out at Christmas?
SIDNEY: Oh, no. Dick’s a great laugh all the year round …
GEOFFREY: Is he?
RONALD: You don’t say.
SIDNEY: He’s very fascinating character, is Dick. I thought you’d be interested to meet him. I mean, so’s she. In her way. Very colourful. They’re both teachers, you know. But he’s very involved with youth work of all types. He takes these expeditions off to the mountains. A party of lads. Walks in Scotland. That sort of thing. Wonderful man with youngsters …
RONALD: Really?
SIDNEY: Got a lot of facets.
RONALD: Got a good-looking wife …
SIDNEY: Lottie? Yes, she’s a fine-looking woman. Always very well turned out…
GEOFFREY: Yes, she seems to have turned out quite well.
SIDNEY: She does the same as him with girls …
RONALD: I beg your pardon?
SIDNEY: Hiking and so on. With the brownies, mainly.
RONALD: Oh, I see.
GEOFFREY: Oh.
[Pause]
RONALD: Better join the brownies, then, hadn’t we? [He laughs]
SIDNEY: [at length; laughing] Yes, I like that. Better join the brownies. [He laughs] You must tell that to Dick. That would tickle Dick no end.
GEOFFREY: [after a pause] Nice pair of legs.
RONALD: Yes.
SIDNEY: Dick?
GEOFFREY: His wife.
SIDNEY: Lottie? Oh, yes. Mind you, I don’t think I’ve really noticed them …
GEOFFREY: Usually, when they get to about that age, they tend to go a bit flabby round here. [He pats his thigh] But she’s very trim …
RONALD: Trim, oh yes.
GEOFFREY: Nice neat little bum …
SIDNEY: Ah.
RONALD: Has she? Hadn’t seen that.
GEOFFREY: I was watching her, getting up and stretching out for the crisps. Very nice indeed.
RONALD: Oh, well, I’ll keep an eye out.
[Pause]
SIDNEY: That’ll be the hiking …
GEOFFREY: What?
SIDNEY: [tapping his thighs; somewhat self-consciously] This–you know. That’ll be the hiking …
RONALD: Yes. [After a pause] How did you happen to see those?
GEOFFREY: What?
RONALD: Her … [He slaps his thighs] I mean when I saw her just now she had a great big woolly – thing on. Down to here.
GEOFFREY: Oh, you can get around that.
RONALD: Really?
GEOFFREY: I’ve been picking imaginary peanuts off the floor round her feet all evening.
[RONALD laughs uproariously. SIDNEY joins in, a little out of his depth]
RONALD: You’ll have to watch this fellow, you know.
SIDNEY: Oh, yes?
RONALD: Don’t leave your wife unattended if he’s around.
SIDNEY: Oh, no?
RONALD: Lock her away …
SIDNEY: [getting the joke at last and laughing] Ah-ha! Yes …
[JANE suddenly appears outside the back door, peering in]
[SIDNEY waves her away with urgent gestures]
GEOFFREY: Still raining, is it?
SIDNEY: [holding out his hand] Yes. Yes.
RONALD: I’ll tell you what I’ve been meaning to ask you …
GEOFFREY: What’s that?
RONALD: Remember that party we were both at–during the summer–Malcolm Freebody’s …?
GEOFFREY: When was this?
RONALD: Eva – your wife was off sick …
GEOFFREY: That’s nothing unusual.
RONALD: I remember it because you were making tremendous headway with some woman that Freebody was using on his public relations thing …
GEOFFREY: Was I?
RONALD: Blonde. Sort of blonde.
GEOFFREY: [a short thought] Binnie.
RONALD: Binnie, was it?
GEOFFREY: Binnie something. I think …
RONALD: Make out all right, did you?
GEOFFREY: Well–you know …
RONALD: Really?
GEOFFREY: You have no idea. Absolute little cracker. Married to a steward on P. and O. Hadn’t seen him for eight months …
RONALD: [chuckling] Good Lord …
SIDNEY: Ah – ha – oh – ha – ha-ha. [And other noises of sexual approval]
[The others look at him]
GEOFFREY: What have you done with yours? Buried her in the garden?
SIDNEY: [guiltily] What? No, no. She’s about. Somewhere.
GEOFFREY: Wish I could lose mine, sometimes. Her and that dog. There’s hardly room for me in the flat–I mean between the two of them, they have completely reduced that flat to rubble. I mean I’m very fond of her, bless her, she’s a lovely girl–but she just doesn’t know what it’s all about. She really doesn’t.
RONALD: Maybe. I still think you’re pretty lucky with Eva …
GEOFFREY: Why’s that?
RONALD: Well, she must have a jolly good idea by now about your–er …
GEOFFREY: Yes. I should imagine she probably has …
RONALD: Well, there you are …
GEOFFREY: Oh now, come off it. Nonsense. She chooses to live with me, she lives by my rules. I mean we’ve always made that perfectly clear. She lives her life to a certain extent; I live mine, do what I like within reason. It’s the only way to do it …
SIDNEY: Good gracious.
RONALD: I wish you’d have a chat with Marion. Convince her.
GEOFFREY: Any time. Pleasure.
RONALD: Yes, well, perhaps not–on second thoughts.
GEOFFREY: No, seriously. Any man, it doesn’t matter who he is–you, me, anyone – [pointing at SIDNEY] – him. They’ve just got to get it organized. I mean face it, there’s just too much good stuff wandering around simply crying out for it for you not …
[The living-room door opens. EVA appears. Behind, DICK POTTER still in full flow, laughing]
[To SIDNEY, altering his tone immediately] Anyway, I think that would be a good idea. Don’t you?
EVA: [coolly] Are you all proposing to stay out here all night?
SIDNEY: Oh, dear. We seem to have neglected the ladies.
EVA: Neglected? We thought we’d been bloody well abandoned.
GEOFFREY: Can’t manage without us, you see.
EVA: We can manage perfectly well, thank you. It just seemed to us terribly rude, that’s all.
GEOFFREY: Oh, good God …
EVA: Anyway. Your jolly friends are leaving.
SIDNEY: Oh, really. Dick an
d Lottie? I’d better pop out and see them off, then. Excuse me …
[SIDNEY goes off to the sitting-room]
EVA: And, darling, unless you want to see our car towed away again, horn blazing–we’d better get our coats.
GEOFFREY: He’s not at it again …
EVA: Past his supper time …
GEOFFREY: Oh, honestly, Eva …
EVA: Don’t honestly Eva me, darling. He’s your dog.
GEOFFREY: What do you mean, he’s my dog?
EVA: [sweetly] Your house, your dog, your car, your wife–we all belong to you, darling–we all expect to be provided for. Now are you coming, please?
[RONALD smiles]
And your wife is looking slightly less than pleased, I might tell you.
[RONALD’s smile fades]
[EVA goes out]
RONALD: Oh. [He looks at his watch] I suppose I’d better, er …
GEOFFREY: Oh. Ronnie. By the way …
RONALD: Mmmm?
GEOFFREY: I wondered if you heard anything on the grapevine about the new building Harrison’s having put up …
RONALD: Oh, this new shopping complex of his.
GEOFFREY: Has he got anyone yet?
RONALD: What, you mean in your line?
GEOFFREY: Yes. Has he settled on an architect? Or is it still open?
RONALD: Well, as far as I know, it’s still wide open. I mean, it’s still a gleam in his eye as far as I know.
GEOFFREY: Well. If you get a chance to put in a word. I know you’re fairly thick with him.
RONALD: Yes, of course, I’ll mention it, if the topic comes up. I mean, I’m sure you could do as a good a job as anyone.
GEOFFREY: Look, I can design, standing on my head, any building that Harrison’s likely to want.
RONALD: Yes, well, as I say, I’ll mention it.
GEOFFREY: I’d be grateful …
[MARION comes in]
RONALD: Ah.
MARION: All right, darling, we’re off …
RONALD: Right.
MARION: Had a nice time out there?
RONALD: Oh, yes, grand.
MARION: Good. As long as you have …
[RONALD goes off into the living-room]
This really is a simply loathsome little house. I mean how can people live in them. I mean, Geoff, you’re an architect, you must be able to tell me. How do people come to design these sort of monstrosities in the first place, let alone persuade people to live in them?
GEOFFREY: Well …
MARION: Oh, God. Now he’s going to tell me he designed it.
GEOFFREY: No. I didn’t do it. They’re designed like this mainly because of cost and people who are desperate for somewhere to live aren’t particularly choosey.
MARION: Oh, come. Nobody can be this desperate.
GEOFFREY: You’d be surprised.
MARION: Anyway, it’s been lovely to see you. It’s been ages. You must come up and see us …
[SIDNEY and RONALD, now in his overcoat and carrying MARION’s coat, return]
RONALD: Darling …
MARION: Sidney, we’ve had a simply lovely time. Now some time you must come up and see us–and your wife, that’s if you ever find her …
SIDNEY: Yes, yes, indeed …
[They all go out, chattering, closing the door]
[Silence]
[After a pause, SIDNEY returns. He closes the door]
[Rubbing his hands together] Hah! [He smiles. Quite pleased. He takes up his drink and sips it. He munches a crisp]
[There is a knock at the back door–rather tentative. It is JANE]
[SIDNEY frowns. His concentration is disturbed]
Just a minute. [He opens the back door]
[JANE falls in–a sodden mass]
[Recoiling] My word.
JANE: I saw them leaving.
SIDNEY: Yes. All gone now. They said for me to say good-bye to you.
JANE: Oh.
SIDNEY: Where have you been?
JANE: In the garden. Where else? Where do you think?
SIDNEY: Oh–I don’t know. You might have been for a stroll.
JANE: In this?
SIDNEY: Oh. Still raining, is it?
JANE: Yes. [Pause] Sidney, if you’d only explained to them – I could’ve – I mean I’ve been out there for ages. I’m soaking …
SIDNEY: Yes, well, your behaviour made things very difficult. Explanations, that is. What could I say?
JANE: You could have explained.
SIDNEY: So could you. It was really up to you, wasn’t it?
JANE: Yes, I know but–I just thought that you might have–that you would’ve been … [She gives up]
[JANE starts to peel off her things]
SIDNEY: All went off rather satisfactorily, anyway …
JANE: [emptying a wellington boot into the sink] Good–I’m glad …
SIDNEY: So am I. I mean these people just weren’t anybody. They are people in the future who can be very, very useful to us…
JANE: [emptying the other boot] Yes…
SIDNEY: Now, you mustn’t do that, Jane. You really mustn’t. You see, you get yourself all worked up. And then what happens?
JANE: Yes.
SIDNEY: Right. Enough said. All forgotten, eh? [Pause] Oh dear …
JANE: What?
SIDNEY: We never got round to playing any of our games, did we?
JANE: No.
SIDNEY: In all the excitement. Never mind. Another year. Well, I think I’ll have a look at television. Should be something. Christmas Eve. Usually is. Coming in, are you?
JANE: In a minute.
SIDNEY: Right then.
[SIDNEY goes out closing the door]
[JANE stands. She sniffs. She has finished putting away her things. Her eye lights on the dirty things scattered about. She picks up a glass or so and puts them in the sink. She picks up the damp cloth and wipes first where the glasses were standing and then slowly, in wider and wider circles, till she has turned it, once more, into a full-scale cleaning operation. As she cleans she seems to relax. Softly at first, then louder, she is heard to sing happily to herself, and–
the CURTAIN falls
ACT TWO
GEOFFREY and EVA JACKSON’s kitchen in their fourth-floor flat. This Christmas.
One door leads to the sitting-room, another into a walk-in cupboard. The room gives an immediate impression of untidiness. It is a room continually lived in, unlike the HOPCROFT’s immaculate ship’s bridge. While it gives signs that the owners have a certain taste for the trendy homespun in both equipment and furnishings, some of the equipment, particularly the gas stove, has seen better days. Besides the stove, the room contains a table [natural scrubbed wood], kitchen chairs [natural scrubbed wood], a chest of drawers [natural scrubbed wood] and a fridge and sink.
When the CURTAIN rises EVA, unmade, unkempt and baggy-eyed, sits at the table in her dressing-gown. She is writing with a stub of pencil in a notepad. Whatever it is, it is difficult to word. She and the floor around her are ringed with screwed-up pieces of paper. In front of her is an open scotch bottle. After a minute she tears out the page she has been working on, screws that up as well, and tosses it on the floor to join the others. She starts again.
A door slams. From the sitting-room comes the sound of a large dog barking. EVA looks up alarmed, consults her watch, gives a moan, and quickly closes the notepad to cover up what she has been writing. GEOFFREY’s voice is heard off.
GEOFFREY: [off] Darling? Eva – Eva! Quiet, George!
[GEOFFREY backs in from the sitting-room]
[GEORGE is still barking with wild glee]
George! That’s enough, George! Don’t be silly, boy. Sit, George. Sit, boy. At once. That’s a good boy. Sit. Good George. Good …
[GEORGE has quietened. GEOFFREY goes to close the door. GEORGE barks with fresh vigour]
George…! [Giving up] Oh, all right, suit yourself. [He closes the door, turning to face EVA for the first time] Hallo, darl
ing. [He gives her a kiss as he passes]
[EVA hardly seems to notice. Instead, she sits fiddling with one of her pieces of screwed-up paper. Her face is a tense blank] God, I need a drink. You want a drink? [Without waiting for a reply, he takes the scotch, finds a glass and pours himself a drink] You want one? No? [He puts the bottle back on the table and drinks] Cheers. I think we’re running into some sort of trouble with the Harrison job. Helluva day. Would you believe I could spend two months explaining to them exactly how to assemble that central-dome. I go along this morning, they’re trying to put a bloody great pillar up the middle, straight through the fountain. I said to them, “Listen, you promise to put it up as you’re told to–I promise it’ll stay up, all right?” I now have to tell Harrison that his super Shopperdrome that he thought was only going to cost so much is going to finish up at twice that. He is not going to be pleased. No, I think I’m in trouble unless I can … Oh well, what the hell, it’s Christmas. [Going to the window] You know, I think it’s going to snow. By Boxing Day, that site’ll be under six foot of slush, mark my words. That’ll put us another six months behind. [Returning from the window] Why didn’t I pick something simple? [Seeing the screwed-up paper] What’ve you been up to? [He tries to take EVA’s writing pad]
Three Plays Page 4
