“Oh for Goddess’s sake! We’ve entered the Twilight Zone. I thought that was a myth. Who knew?” Camille exclaimed, trying her best not to laugh, but there was no use. She couldn’t contain it.
“I was thinking more of the Zoo,” Symone countered with a hysterical laugh of her own. “It’s obvious the Zookeeper has lost some of his animals.”
“Or, Santa’s Sex Den,” Cecelia said, as she directed their attention toward the Santa smacking the bare ass of a half-naked Elf while screaming “Ho! Ho! Ho! Merry Christmas.”
“I vote we grab our items as quickly as possible and get the hell up out of here,” Camille yelled over the crowd.
“I’d agree, but look at that mob in line for the televisions,” Symone groused. “I can’t fight them all and I can’t use my magic. I have a feeling it’s going to be a long night.”
“We can’t give up before we even get started ladies or Scroogey wins. I have no desire to spend the next five years in jail as some Dark Witch’s biach. So pull up your big girl panties and let’s shop until we drop,” Cecelia demanded. “I will not let her win.”
“Look, as much as it pains me to say this, the only way we’re going to survive this night is to separate. Symone, you go after our televisions. CeCe, you make your way toward the aisle with all the kitchen appliances because you need a new mixer and I’m going to need some of your delicious cookies after all of this is over. I’ll make my way toward the designer clothes, and once we have everything we came for, we’ll meet in the middle of the store by the cash registers. Take no prisoners, ladies,” Camille ordered in a voice filled with confidence and authority.
Symone was the first to go in, as she sang “Welcome to the jungle, we got fun and games,” by Guns N’ Roses before she burst into laughter. She used her sexuality to charm her way in front of the men, but her efforts didn’t work on the women. They were hard asses, which meant she had to pull out the big guns—Cecelia’s homemade brownies and sugar cookies. The women who had obviously been standing in line for hours eventually caved into the delicious smells and became putty in her hands. While she hated giving up the goods, desperate times called for desperate measures. She needed three televisions—bad—and was willing to do whatever it took to obtain them.
“Thanks for the cookie honey, but don’t think it’s going to get you to the front of the line,” an older woman said. She was wearing a box. A damn box with a red, white and blue Fourth of July headdress covered in red feathers. It was obvious she’d mixed up her holidays.
“I don’t know what you mean. I’m just spreading a little Christmas cheer and there’s nothing better than my best friend’s cookies. Would you like one?” Symone asked, as she held out the platter with as straight a face as possible.
“Well, if you insist, I could take a few off your hands,” the woman replied as she grabbed half the cookies on the plate and shoved them inside her box.
Symone refrained from asking the one question that was on the tip of her tongue. What rock did you crawl out from under? You do realize its Christmas and not the Fourth of July, right? Okay, maybe she had two questions, but who could blame her. The woman was a little—okay—a lot strange. It was like she came dressed for Halloween instead of Christmas. She also couldn’t help wondering what was under the box. A few minutes later, her question was answered—nothing.
“Oh my Goddess! What has Cecelia gotten us into?” Symone groused under her breath, unable to un-see the naked woman who had more rolls than the Pillsbury Dough Boy. Yet, instead of being lured into the chaos, she continued to move toward the front of the line with a laser-like focus.
In the meantime, Camille was making her way toward the clothes when she spotted The Gingerbread Man. It seemed as though in Wally World, you didn’t need a dressing room if you simply tried on their clothes over your current ones, which is exactly what the heavy set guy was doing in the middle of Men’s Wear aisle. While the gingerbread suit was cute, it was obvious he needed a size larger, actually maybe ten sizes larger. When he pulled out the butter to slick himself down, Camille burst into laughter.
Unfortunately, her laughter came to a grinding halt when she realized that Wally World didn’t carry designer clothes nor shoes. Yet, she had to buy something, or Scroogey would win. Camille refused to break down and cry in the middle of the store. Nope, she quickly regained her composure and came up with a plan. Thinking about The Gingerbread Man, she smiled as an idea formed in her head. Instead of sporting ugly sweaters for Christmas, they’d wear ugly Christmas suits. She found Symone a pale blue suit with cute, little Santas all over it. She picked up a matching red tie and a hat of course, as well as Santa slippers. The outfit was to die for and she couldn’t wait to see the look on Symone’s face.
Since Cecelia loved Christmas lights, she’d chosen a black suit covered in Christmas lights for her. The hat matched the suit and the shirt looked like a Christmas tree. She also managed to find some Christmas tree slippers to finish off the look. For herself, she’d chosen the red and green plaid suit covered in puppies wearing Santa hats. She had a matching tie, hat and pair of puppy dog slippers that were so comfortable, she decided to wear them while in the store. Across the aisle, she noticed the woman handing out cookie samples and headed her way because she was hungry. Who knew Christmas shopping could leave a girl so famished? Camille thought, as she bit into the shortbread cookie and moaned.
“Could I get several boxes of these?” she asked the store attendant.
“Sure! Let me grab you a basket for all of your items,” the woman replied.
“Oh, thanks! That’s very kind of you,” Camille said with a smile.
A few minutes later, she was set. She had chosen several outfits for her friends. She had shortbread Christmas cookies to munch on, as she made her way to the shoe department. More importantly, she had on comfy slippers that made her feet feel a million times better. Whoever said you had to suffer for fashion had never shopped in Wally World. Excited by all of the possibilities the Megastore held, she wasn’t even startled when a guy wearing a pink, bunny rabbit suit jumped out in front of her and started dancing. Instead, she let out a laugh that could be heard throughout the store.
Cecelia couldn’t help but wonder how her friends were doing. It seemed as though Scroogey had turned out to be a formidable opponent. She needed a new Kitchen Aid Mixer and maybe one of those Ninja Bullets, so she took in a deep breath and began pushing through the crowd determined to defeat Scroogey at her own game. An hour and a half later, one torn hat, and a rip in her faux fur, she emerged from the crowd with the last red Kitchen Aid Mixer, one Ninja Bullet, and a Keurig Coffee Maker to boot.
“That’ wasn’t too bad,” she murmured, blowing a piece of hair out of her face, as she made her way toward the cash registers. When she looked down the aisle where she had originally seen the naughty Santa, it seemed as though he had upped his game. Now there was a stripper pole with several half-naked dancers spinning around it. The Mouse King and a woman dressed up as a Christmas tree sporting red and gold Christmas balls were enticing customers by handing out free candy canes. The Santa in question was currently receiving a lap dance. Ho! Ho! Ho! Cecelia thought, as she shook her head in disgust and continued on her merry way.
She let out a sigh of relief as she reached the center of the building near the registers and immediately saw her friends. Thank the Goddess. Although her friends looked as ruffled as she did, they had survived the chaos and come out on top where Scroogey was concerned, which thrilled her to no end. Camille had changed into Christmas pajamas covered in snowmen with matching slippers. Her basket was loaded with clothes, shoes, and canisters of sugar cookies. Symone had two baskets loaded with four televisions. Her makeup was a mess and the heel of her boot was broken. Yet, she looked ready to do battle with anyone who even looked at her the wrong way.
Checkout took almost as long as the shopping had, but Cecelia didn’t care. Not only had they accepted Scroogey’s challenge, but they’d won it
with flying colors. It was going to be a very, very Merry Christmas this year, especially since they wouldn’t be looking at five-to-ten years in the pokey. While their exit from Wally World wasn’t as flamboyant as their entrance, it was at least graceful. Okay, it was a hot ghetto mess. They looked like road kill. The humans had been tougher than they had ever imagined. How they did this mundane shopping year after year was beyond her? Yet, she did have a new appreciation for what they went through, so the Wicked Witch of the West had made her point in the end. Now, they had one of their own to make.
CHAPTER SEVEN
The drive back home hadn’t taken nearly as long as the drive to Wally World. Maybe, it was because they now knew what existed in that big, blue building of unknowns? Either way, they were exhausted, yet elated with their purchases. It had definitely been an interesting evening to say the least. They had grabbed the bull by the horns and won. Cecelia couldn’t have been prouder of herself and her friends. When the chips were down, they had banded together and came through for one another.
“That was freaking awesome,” Camille exclaimed. “Not only did I meet some new and interesting people, but I found a new place to buy some cheap, comfy clothes and cookies. Lots and lots of sugar cookies. How did we not know about this Wally World Megastore?”
“I know, right? I already have my eye on some new electronics for next year. That place is a gold mine of goodies. I need to bring more cookies and wear more appropriate shoes next time. This is war and we need to be better prepared next year,” Symone replied, as excited as Camille.
“Ooh! Speaking of shoes. I saw a cute pair of combat boots that would look stunning on you. I’ll add them to my Christmas list for next year,” Camille countered.
“Wait! You guys want to do this again?” Cecelia asked. She couldn't believe her friends wanted to come back next Christmas Eve. There was a small part of her that was doing a little happy dance. If she were being honest with herself, she’d had an amazing time and couldn’t wait to do it again either.
“Duh! Of course. This was the most fun I’ve had in years. I’m still laughing at The Gingerbread Man,” Camille replied.
“The Gingerbread Man?” Symone inquired.
“Yes, The Gingerbread Man. He was a heavy set guy trying to put on a gingerbread suit over his clothes. So, I dubbed him The Gingerbread Man,” Camille chuckled.
“Oh, I have one better. I came face to face with a naked lady in a box. Of course, I had no idea at the time that she had no clothes on when I offered her one of Cecelia's cookies. Although I have to admit, she was a great distraction to the crowd when she unveiled herself. Had it not been for her, I would still be in that crazy line,” Symone laughed. “The shocked look on the other shoppers' faces was priceless.”
“I’m glad you two found amusement in our little adventure. I’m still trying to recover from Santa smacking the half-naked elf on the ass. It gives me chills thinking about it,” Cecelia shivered in disgust.
“Hey, at least he was having a Ho! Ho! Ho! of a jolly good time,” Camille laughed.
“You are so wrong, but so right,” Symone snorted, as she joined in the laughter.
“What about Pipi? She had some serious issues,” Cecelia replied, as she too joined in the laughter.
“I believe Pipi was a little misguided and had confused this Winter’s Night with Fright Night. Bless her heart,” Symone chuckled.
“Regardless, I say we make Wally World a part of our Christmas tradition from this night forward. What do you say, girls?” Camille asked.
“Count us in,” Symone and Cecelia exclaimed.
Shoulders slouched, Cami looked at her friends. “I never—and I do mean never—thought I would be saying this, but Scroogey was right. We needed this little adventure to remind us of the true Spirit of Christmas.”
“Although it pains me to admit it, you’re right,” Cecelia concurred. “Well, actually, Scroogey was right and you know what that means.”
“Yep, it means we’re going to have to thank the backstabbing, Scrooge of a Witch. It also means we’ll have to be nice to her,” Symone groused.
“Come on ladies. It might not be that bad. Our admission might put her on the right path. With any luck, she’ll embrace Christmas as much as we do,” Cecelia encouraged.
“Honey, I’d rather have a root canal. Twice. Rather than give her the satisfaction of knowing that she was right and we were wrong," Cami contended.
“You're going to need a root canal if you keep stuffing your face with sugar cookies," Symone countered.
“Oh, that’s nonsense! I can’t remember the last time I saw a witch with bad teeth. Do we have dentists?”
“Yes, we have dentists and I assure you, I’ve seen plenty of witches who need to visit one,” Symone countered.
“Enough you two. Your petty bickering isn’t going to change the fact that Scroogey was right and we were wrong. Like it or not, we’re going to have to own up to it,” Cecelia demanded.
“Fine, but we don’t have to like it,” Cami snapped.
“I didn’t say you had to like it, but please try to have a little class. Just a little.”
Appalled by CeCe’s implication that she didn’t have class, Cami let out a gasp that could’ve woken up the dead. “I always exhibit class,” she replied in a deadly voice that would have put the fear in the Goddess.
“Except when it comes to eating sugar cookies,” Cecelia murmured.
“What did you say?” Cami inquired.
Sighing heavily, Cecelia took the bull by the horn and turned to her best friend. “Honey, when it comes to eating sugar cookies, you exhibit many, many, things, but class is not one of them. There are times you’re like a bull in a China shop. You plow down anyone and anything in your way to snatch up those delicious treats. You know it and so do we. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. We still love you.”
“Oh, I’m not ashamed,” Cami chuckled. “Why, might you ask? Because I decided a long time ago that nothing would ever stand between me and my comfort food.”
“True that!” Symone replied with a snicker that had everyone in the room laughing.
* * *
Scroogey was furious. She couldn’t believe those nitwits had passed her test with flying colors. She had so looked forward to them spending five-to-ten years in the pokey. But at last, her dream had been thwarted by three nosy witches who needed to be put in their place. Once and for all. She vowed to make them pay. Once again, she looked like a fool in front of the Witches Council because of her three nemeses. She couldn’t let it go this time. Enough was enough.
She regained her composure and plastered a fake smile on her face. A few minutes later, she materialized out of thin air into Cecelia’s living room. The decorations made her want to vomit. The foyer entrance was decorated with green garland entwined with white Christmas lights. The red velvet ribbon was the most beautiful she had ever seen, but she would never admit it. Cecelia had overloaded the garland with white and peppermint striped bulbs. There was also a set of white bulbs that resembled shards of ice stuffed in the garland. The Santa hats and candy canes made her want to roll her eyes. Everyone knew Santa was a myth. How could Cecelia still believe in such a farce at her age?
In the corner, there was a beautiful, eight foot, white tree boasting an American theme. Red and white ribbon had been weaved throughout the huge tree. Whereas, red and blue bulbs had been placed in each section of the tree as accents. The larger candy canes added a festive touch and reminded Scroogey of her childhood. When she was younger, she had loved decorating the Christmas tree with her mom. The white lights always made the tree sparkle with hope and cheer. The red lace skirt reminded her of the one that use to surround her family tree. That was before her father took being Scrooge to a whole new level. It was disgusting.
Yet, her heart melted a little when she noticed the all the beautiful snowmen in the room. The one on the dresser next to the tree immediately caught her eye. He sported the cutest red and white
top hat and checkered bow with black buttons. His face was one of the most expressive ones she’d seen in years. The fact that he was holding a platter of snowmen sugar cookies only thawed her heart a little more. She’d heard through the grapevine that Cecelia made some of the best sugar cookies in the world. Although she was desperate to try them, she kept that secret to herself. How the feisty witch had been saddled with the job of a necromancer was beyond her. Had she trampled on someone’s toes over the years? She must have to receive such a drab and depressing position in the magical community. It was almost as depressing as her job. She could never let anyone know how much she hated being the Christmas Witch.
In an effort not to digress, she cleared her throat to gain everyone's attention. “I see you ladies enjoyed yourselves tonight.”
“Yes, we did,” Cecelia replied. The megawatt smile on their faces made it crystal clear that she was telling the truth.
“Hmm. It’s obvious I didn’t make your challenge hard enough,” Scroogey replied. The disdain in her voice was palpable. Yet, when her focus shifted to the snowman holding the sugar cookies, she almost caved.
“Honey, trust me. Your task was formidable. We discovered tonight that the humans are serious about Christmas shopping. They have no problem pulling out all the stops and when I say all the stops…. I mean all the stops. Some of the things we saw in the Wally World would make your head spin,” Symone professed.
A Witchin' Winter's Night Page 5
