Julia had attempted to coax Sophia out of this spell but to no avail. The more she tried to drag her friend out of this bottomless pit the more Sophia displayed her disinterest in what she had. Sophia was rather far more interested in Julia’s life. It was as if she had given up on her life because of what happened and so had chosen to focus on Julia’s life. She always seemed so captivated by what Julia had to tell her, as if she was listening to the most exciting story. Like a young girl in kindergarten upon seeing the teacher bring out a book, as soon as Julia arrived she would sit down in her usual spot on the sofa downstairs and curl up her legs ready to listen to Julia’s story. She was totally dedicated in her attention to Julia. It was as if this was the only way she had found of repaying her friend. Sophia never wanted to discuss anything about her life but seemed mesmerised by Julia’s life. Julia had never felt anyone give her such undivided attention. It was as if Sophia had placed her in the core of her world.
Shortly after the accident Julia had feared that during one of the visits Julian might drop by the house. What if he still had the house keys and just let himself in only to find Sophia and Julia having a tête-à-tête on the sofa, totally engrossed in their conversation? What would she do then? Would she leave Sophia alone with him if she asked her and how long would she be able to stay with Sophia, she would have to leave to collect the kids from school and she couldn’t exactly phone Ben and tell him that she was staying at Sophia’s house to protect her from Julian. If Ben knew about Julian’s violence and the possibility that this might happen he would be devastated that she was crazy enough to keep on visiting her friend. They would surely end up arguing about it and Ben might even go as far as to forbid her to see her friend any more. This had never occurred in the past; however, Ben’s irritation with the way Julia had been captivated by Sophia had come dangerously close to this, like a dormant volcano which was now ready to erupt.
Julia wondered whether this was the reason why Sophia never answered her house phone. Perhaps she was frightened that it might be Julian trying to contact her. Or perhaps she really had proof that Julian was trying to contact her. Perhaps Julian had turned out to be some weird stalker and this was why she had become such a recluse. The possibilities were endless and nothing seemed linear any more. The situation was one big cobweb of pain and fear. Sophia was the defenceless insect caught in this trap awaiting the end. However, Julia had the power to save her friend from this terrible fate, she would cut Sophia free from the web, she would be patient and love her and be strong for both of them so that Sophia would one day return to Julia the way she had been so many months ago. She would be the carefree goddess who had changed Julia’s life so thoroughly. Julia would be patient, these things could take years to get over, but she would be there to support her friend through this path of recovery. She considered whether she should seek out professional advice. She had suggested to Sophia that she should speak to a counsellor about this trauma; however, Sophia had fiercely resisted. Julia had offered to go with her and to pay for the sessions, although God knows what she would have had to invent to Ben to explain the additional expenses; however, Sophia would not budge.
Weeks later Julia had been invited to drinks with some of Ben’s work colleagues. The wife of one of his colleagues had just started up a private practice in psychology and throughout their conversation Julia had fished for advice about how she could assist her friend more successfully. However, the information she obtained was not very helpful and she had asked too many vague questions and the conversation had veered in another direction. She couldn’t be concrete in her questions for fear that Ben might join in the conversation, and even if she was not afraid of this happening she had so little information to go by. Had Sophia been raped? Was it also a sexual assault? What if it was not Julian after all but an attack by a complete stranger? She had never seen evidence of a fight in the house. She had never spotted anything that had been fixed or any ornaments missing from the house that could have been broken in a fight. No broken picture frames or other give away signs and Julia would surely have noticed if they had been replaced as she had been to Sophia’s house on many different occasions prior to the attack. The thought of the possibility of it having been a stranger made it seem even worse, however, the fact that it had been Julian might have left Sophia feeling even more angry and guilty that she was the one who had misjudged his character and had let him and his violence into her home. Sophia wished that her friend would open up to her about what had happened, but when she attempted to broach the subject Sophia always shied away. Diverting Julia’s eyes and changing the topic of the conversation. She was not prepared to reveal anything about that terrible night, it was as if she had blocked it out to forget about the horror of what had happened and now only had to focus on the scars it had left behind. Perhaps this was not something that Sophia was even consciously doing; maybe her friend was really suffering from some sort of amnesia about the accident. She had been hit on the head after all and even if it wasn’t because of the blow on the forehead perhaps it was a way of coping with the shock of it all. How long would this state last? What if Sophia never fully recovered? Julia wished that at times she could confide in someone to help her share this burden. She felt wholly responsible for Sophia’s well-being and it was an immense responsibility. Sophia had remained as dependent as a young child clinging onto her mother’s dress. Julia worried about Sophia spending so much time on her own in an almost catatonic state, lying in bed at night she would think of Sophia all alone in the huge house now so empty of any human contact, like a curator alone at night in a museum of priceless objects.
Chapter 17
August was now in full swing and the weather had settled down to a bearable heat. The sun shone brightly and Julia adjusted her sunglasses which tended to slip down her nose. This morning she had dropped of the children at the swimming pool where they had a two hour session. She had dashed straight into the car to visit Sophia for a short while during this time. The traffic during this time was not as bad as during term time and Julia knew that the drive would not take long. She was munching through her breakfast, some toast which had now turned stone cold, whilst juggling the motions of turning the steering wheel. She was shedding brown crumbs all over her light cotton top and down her cleavage. Ben would be irritated to find the car in this state; she really needed to stop eating in the car as it left such a mess. This was one of the things she lectured the children about not doing and so limited herself to doing it, together with drinking straight from the milk bottle and eating in front of the telly.
She was driving down the stretch of road leading up to Sophia’s house. The windows were rolled down and the wind was blowing through her hair, still damp from her morning shower. The branches of the trees above her blocked out part of the sun so that she kept emerging in and out of the shadows. She was distracted by the loud music in the car and her hasty attempt to finish off her breakfast before her arrival. She rarely switched on the radio with the children in the car as she preferred to listen to their chatter; however, she needed this company when driving alone. Julia was about to turn into Sophia’s drive when a black saloon drove past her in the opposite direction. The windows of the car were slightly tinted and with the speeds of both cars she only caught a flickering glimpse but she had recognised the woman in the passenger seat. The driver had been a dark-skinned, middle aged woman; however, the passenger was a much older woman. She had seen that woman somewhere but where? She tried to think why that woman’s face had been so familiar. Was it someone she knew by sight from the school rounds: possibly the grandmother of one of the kids in the children’s school? She would have recognised her from having seen her at the school gates upon collection or drop-off, however, she wasn’t totally convinced. Perhaps it was someone from their local church? In the past Julia had also helped at various voluntary activities run by their church, perhaps she had met this woman there. Julia felt irritated at herself for not remembering where she had met the
woman. The woman had not recognised Julia or at least she had not shown any signs of recognition and perhaps Julia had seen wrongly after all. This was possible as the car had drove past hers very quickly.
Julia had turned into Sophia’s drive and was standing outside her front door still racking her brains to try and remember where she had seen the woman and she remembered just as the door opened. She was now sure of it. She was completely sure about it. It was a woman she had only spoken to once in the past but it was someone that had struck in her mind. The woman in the car she had just seen was without any doubt Sophia’s mother. A thousand thoughts crossed Julia’s mind in that instance and the prime one was that she was hurt that Sophia had never mentioned to her that her mother also came to visit her. Why was she being so secretive? Was it the first time that her mother had visited her since the accident? Had her mother moved to live somewhere close by, somewhere close to her daughter’s house so that she could visit her frail daughter regularly? This did not make sense, surely she would have moved in with Sophia had this been the case. Sophia’s house was large enough to accommodate four more people easily with its spacious bedrooms and living area, so why would her mother move into another house? Was it to let Sophia retain the last bit of privacy she had? Had Sophia prevented her mother from moving in with her? Julia was sure that Sophia had not been exceptionally close to her mother. Why hadn’t Sophia ever mentioned her mother to Julia? Was Sophia scared of the two women meeting? Perhaps Sophia had not told her mother about what Julian had done to her and had covered up the cause of her injuries. A hollow feeling crept into Julia’s stomach. She had always thought that she was the only one taking care of Sophia, that she was all that Sophia had left now but it seemed that this was not so.
Julia had hoped that Sophia would tell her that her mother had just visited her, it was the most natural way to react, perhaps she would tell Julia that there were more coffee cups running around the house than usual as her mother had just visited. Perhaps Julia would open the fridge and exclaim that the milk she had purchased for Sophia yesterday had already run out and Sophia would apologetically explain that she had made tea for her mother and her mother’s friend and this was why she had used more than usual. Perhaps the driver she saw in the car was not a friend of Sophia’s mother but a personal chauffeur. Sophia’s parents were clearly wealthy too, so perhaps this was one of the luxuries she could afford. The only time that Julia had seen Sophia’s mother was well over a year ago and the woman looked much older now. She had striking snow white hair and the same beautiful eyes as her daughters, she was physically similar to her daughter in so many ways, however, her features were far coarser than Sophia’s, it was as if she were the first draft of what Sophia was. The first draft contained beginner’s flaws which were then perfected in Sophia. However, old age had been good to her and despite being in her seventies she was still an attractive woman. The extensive, personal grooming she could afford further enhanced her best assets. If Sophia took after her mother she would certainly grow old gracefully.
Sophia did not once hint at her mother’s visit. Julia remained silent to allow Sophia the chance to start up the conversation and tell her about the visit, however, Sophia was totally oblivious to this strategy and remained silent waiting for her friend to fill up the silence with her usual chatter. She still gazed at Julia with those earnest eyes that urged Julia to talk to her as if they were pleading at her to speak. This morning Julia felt perturbed by her visit. The pain at realising that Sophia was keeping even more secrets from her had turned into anger. It was bad enough that she was caring for her friend without ever having been told what had happened that terrible night but to add insult to injury, all those nights when Julia had pictured her friend all alone in her house without anyone for company perhaps it had not been so. Perhaps she had also had her mother to support her and what about her father did he visit Sophia too? Perhaps there were even other friends that came to visit Sophia. She knew that she was jumping to conclusions and making a mountain out of something that perhaps really was just a mole-hill. Perhaps it really was just one visit and after all what right did Julia have to be so possessive of her friend? Surely she did not have a right to know everything that was going on in Sophia’s life. What harm was there in the fact that Sophia had seen her mother without telling her; she was a fully grown woman who didn’t need Julia’s permission to do anything. Julia realised that she was behaving irrationally. She needed to gain control over her thoughts. She was being ridiculous, like some jealous lover throwing a tantrum. Why was Julia feeling so insecure, this was Sophia’s mother after all not a threat to her friendship with Sophia? Her mother would surely be grateful if she knew all that she had done for her daughter. However, the feeling at the bottom of her stomach would not go away. The feeling remained throbbing inside her all day long, it was all she could think about when she drove back to collect the children, it remained on her mind the rest of the day, during dinner that night and even throughout the night as she tossed and turned around trying to go to sleep. Julia couldn’t understand why she felt so hurt. She felt betrayed that Sophia was perhaps in a better state than Julia had interpreted, but surely this was not Sophia’s fault if Julia had misinterpreted the situation. Julia felt sure that a true friend would have been happy to realise that this meant that Sophia might be getting better. Perhaps this was Sophia’s first step, she was accepting her parents and soon she would let other people back into her life so why was Julia not happy for her friend. The more she thought about it the angrier it made her feel and the guiltier she felt at not being able to feel good for Sophia. She knew that she was just being selfish like some greedy child who wanted to gobble an entire family-pack of chocolate.
Chapter 18
Julia had not completely recovered from the shock of this realisation when she was faced with an even bigger shock. Following that visit an entire week had passed before Julia had visited Sophia. This was partly because during the summer it was increasingly difficult to find time to visit her friend without telling Ben or the children; however, another part of her wanted to punish her friend. Another part of her which she certainly wasn’t proud of seemed to keep telling her to procrastinate from visiting her friend again, to punish her friend for what she had done, for having lied to Julia yet again. By not visiting her friend that week, Sophia would realise how much she still needed Julia and would surely draw her even closer to Julia. It would make her realise that Julia was everything and everyone she really needed. Deep down Julia knew that this was an immature decision after all her friend had never really lied about anything, it was rather that she had chosen to omit the truth, but they were as such not really lies. They were not like the many lies she had been compelled to lie to Ben and her children so many times. Sophia’s lies had not been bad, whereas hers were more difficult to categorise under the good pigeon-hole.
The bigger shock occurred exactly one week later at approximately the same time of the day. Julia had yet again dropped off the children for their weekly swimming session and this time she was finishing her chocolate croissant on the way to Sophia’s house. This time she did not spot any cars leaving Sophia’s house but when she turned into the drive she stared at the grass lawn in horror. She was totally rooted to the spot as if she were firmly glued to the driver’s seat. Her feet were still touching the pedals in the car and her hands were firmly gripped to the steering wheel. She felt the blood drain right out of her face and at that moment she must surely have been even paler than her friend. There in the middle of the green lawn stood a sign that said it all, a sign that made Julia tremble in fear. What was the meaning of it all? Her mind was blank and she couldn’t think of anything. A sense of nausea came over her and she felt the threat of a violent panic attack creep dangerously close. She closed her eyes as if the sight of the sign would disappear. She strained her eyes to keep them firmly shut focusing on her breathing until she began to breathe regularly once again. Her heart was still pounding but this po
unding sensation was back again under her rib-cage and no longer in her throat like cold eerie hands trying to strangle her.
Julia opened her eyes praying that she had been imagining things, but sure enough it was still there in the middle of Sophia’s front lawn. There was a large plastic sign that was swaying slightly in the summer wind. The sign was fixed to a white wooden pole that had been stuck into the soft brown soil, its mark leaving an imprint on the lawn even after it would be removed. The sign was about two metres high so that from Julia’s position in the car it looked high and threatening. The words on the sign were clear cut in bold dark letters with the sparse words ‘For Sale’ in the middle. Under these words there were two phone numbers and a logo which Julia did not recognise. The sign shocked Julia to the core. It was a sign that was the beginning of a chain of events. A chain of events that turned good into evil, so that Julia would lose all that was really precious to her. It was just a wooden sign advertising that the property was for sale but that sign was the sign of evil foreboding. A sign that the winds of change were approaching, closer and closer to Sophia and closer and closer to Julia and her life.
Julia walked up the drive, the sound of gravel loud in the stillness. Julia felt her sweaty hands and her heart beat fast within her chest. The sounds from the road seemed far away, as if they belonged to another sphere. Julia wiped her hands down the front of her tight trousers and with trepidation she rang the doorbell to her friend’s house. What would Sophia tell her? How would she react? Sophia could hardly deny that there was a huge sign in the middle of her front lawn. Sophia opened the door and her face broke out into a soft smile, she had the same wistful look she always had of late as if her head was far away in the clouds dreaming of a better world. Julia felt as if she would burst, a mixture of anger and pain welled up inside her and she felt her eyes brimming with tears. Sophia was already half-way to the living room so Julia had no choice but to follow behind her like some obedient dog. As soon as Sophia sat down Julia just stopped in front of Sophia who looked up with a puzzled expression on her face and blurted out a profusion of accusations. Julia could not stop herself, the more she spoke the more she felt she had to say. How could Sophia have done this to her? How could she even think of leaving her after all she had done for her? How could she just sell her house and leave her best friend without even mentioning anything? It was cruel and selfish of her. Julia had never spoken to Sophia as she did on that day. She felt herself trembling as she spoke; however, she could not stop, it was as if a wild beast had been unleashed and it would not stop running until it had returned home. Julia felt her throat dry up and she was at a loss for words trying to explain to Sophia just how hurt she was. She knew she was repeating herself and going over phrases she had already mentioned and she also knew that she was sounding like some panicked child. Her words were harsh and cruel and she knew that she did not really mean all she said; however, it was as if those months of pent-up-emotions had climaxed into this deluge of emotions. At one point she started to cry and her words were lost in the blubbering, hiccups of the sobs she fought so hard to control. Julia sat down in front of her hand and frantically dug into her handbag trying to find a tissue. She felt her tears hot and sticky on her face as if they were some hot, syrup overflowing from a baking tray. She knew that her cheeks were all red and flushed and that she probably had streaks of mascara all down her cheeks. She gave up trying to find a tissue and pulling her sleeve down over her hand she wiped her cheeks as she had seen Laura do so many times. She felt confused and her mind had become blank; she couldn’t think why Sophia hadn’t told her about something as important as this. If the sign was up today it meant that she must have contacted the agent a few days ago at the very least. Had prospective buyers already come round to visit the place? Was this why her mother had visited her last week, was Sophia selling her house to go back to her mother’s house? The irony of this was that Julia had thought that it was Sophia’s mother who might be moving in last week and now the scenario this week was different; however, they were still all just speculations.
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