by JC Szot
“Haven’t you been intimidated by people long enough?” his hard voice growled in her ear. “Your boyfriend, Tess, God knows who else,” he sneered.
Allie pulled away from him, shock freezing her face, unfamiliar with his tone and words.
“Live, for God’s sake, Allie! Let yourself go!” He pushed her into the wall at the end of the hallway, pressing his body into hers. His heat penetrated through her clothing.
“God, your neck is gorgeous.” Marty bit into her skin. Searing pain shot through her. His hand moved over her body, clutching her breast, squeezing and twisting, kneading her in his palm.
Allie’s eyes widened, her mind scrambling to decipher if this was anger, passion, or dominance. Marty pawed at her. The button on her shorts popped. Marty yanked the material down, the zipper scraping her skin. Allie was immobile, scrambling to work through her thoughts before anything went any further.
“Damn it, Allie. Don’t you know what the word ‘yearn’ means? When you want and crave something.” Marty’s hand pushed her blouse up. More buttons popped, threads were unraveling. Marty’s lungs heaved. His breaths were hot and fast, blowing onto her skin, tunneling into her ear.
Allie’s body melted, her limbs limp. She knew his frustration. She already owned it but hadn’t allowed it to surface. This was Marty’s inability to deal with their situation, her situation. Allie had been able to bury it fairly well, but Marty had to let loose. She handed herself over to him, knowing they were better off if she allowed him a release. Marty’s determination and passion cut through her, splintering her apart.
In their moment of being consumed by their desires, none of their circumstances mattered, but once the drug of passion wore off, the same issues always remained and were still the same. Marty’s hand was entwined in her hair, strands pulling, pain and pleasure mixing, becoming unrecognizable. His pants were open. He had his cock in his hand. It throbbed in his palm, pulsating with life.
“I’m sorry.” He panted in her ear. Sweat ran down his face. His body crumbled into her. His muscles loosened. Marty moved away. “I won’t take you like this.” He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. “It’s not right.” He frowned.
“No, I’m sorry. I didn’t realize how hard this was for you. I’m being selfish.” Allie reached for him. He leaned into her arms, his heart thundering into her chest.
* * * *
Allie watched Marty walk across the street to Tess’s house, measuring tape in hand. She couldn’t reach Dan.
After dinner Allie saw Marty walk back from Tess’s, his face hard, lips contorted. He walked into his workshop and slammed the door.
Allie was tempted to go over and inquire, but she was exhausted from their emotional episode earlier this afternoon. After three glasses of wine, she went to bed.
* * * *
She woke up and rolled over at 1:00 a.m., the glow of the digital clock her faithful companion. A floor board creaked, the whine of a hinge needing oil, the clicking of a door.
Allie lay nude under the sheet. A light breeze blew, the curtain billowing out into the room. Her body lightened. A flutter rippled through her body, radiating outward. Was Marty here? Allie slipped out of bed, her feet sliding across the floorboards. When she walked out into the hall, her eyes pressed through the darkness. At the bottom of the stairs, Dan’s briefcase was resting against the third leg of the coat rack, its regular place of occupancy that had been vacant for so long.
Everything that had been revolving around her at an intense, heated speed slowed. How long would he be here? Her bones stiffened. Everything that flowed outward now retracted, pulling inward. Her feet were stuck, sinking, the wood warping beneath her feet. Before she could move his shadow turned the corner, his hand resting on the corner spindle of the banister.
“Well, isn’t this a nice way to welcome me home.” Dan’s soft voice rose to meet her as he climbed the stairs. The black, shiny soles of his dress shoes brushed over the wood as he made his ascent.
“I didn’t know you were coming.” Allie forced air into her lungs. She was naked and ready for him, but it wasn’t him she wanted, the reality of this exploding in her head.
Allie feared his touch, dreading the guilt that would glide over her body with every stroke of his hand. Thoughts of Marty chipped away at her like a chisel against a rock. What would Marty think when he saw Dan’s car? Would he believe her when she told him that she didn’t know he was coming home?
“Allie.” Dan’s arms slipped around her. “I’ve missed you. Wow, you look decadent.” Dan lowered his face to her, placing a soft kiss on her cheek.
“I didn’t think you were coming.” Her anxious words repeated themselves. She strained to see his face in the shadows.
“That was the whole idea.” He chuckled softly. “Let me shower. Go wait for me, and stay the way you are.” He brushed past her, the bathroom door closing.
Allie climbed into bed. She listened to the water running in the bathroom. She tried to relax. Her body needed to be open to receive him. His damp body slid across the sheets next to hers.
“Come here.” Dan pulled her on top of him. His hands danced down her skin, resting on the slope of her ass.
“How long will you be here?” she asked.
His smooth face nuzzled against her. “Only two days.” His answer muffled by her body.
“I didn’t think you wanted to deal with the travel.”
Dan pulled away from her, his wounded voice pushing through her protective darkness, her curtain of shame.
“Aren’t you glad?” His eyes lurked in the shadows, the outline of his face and hair below her.
“Of course.” Allie straddled him. She closed her eyes and went through the marital routine of giving and receiving.
She reached for a method, a way to get through. In the back of her mind, she found one. Allie could pretend she was Tess, on stage performing for all her club peers, but was that the person she wanted to be? There was better inside of her. She turned off the voices in her head. She put everything into her performance. When Dan’s smooth and slender cock eased into her, reclaiming its place deep inside of her, a battle began to rage. Love and lust collided in her head and in her heart, one determined to fight for the finish.
With Dan being gone for so long, Allie knew she could captivate him with her performance. The emotions that once knitted them together were now fading for Allie. She didn’t think he’d miss them during this short visit. Dan’s sensitivity and touch seeped into her pores, tugging at her core, making her fight all the more difficult. Allie caught herself watching their shadows on the wall, acquaintances reunited for a brief moment in time.
* * * *
The next morning Dan slept in. Allie went down and started the coffee. Marty’s workshop door was open. He’d surely seen Dan’s car. Allie ached to talk to him. She would have to stuff herself with the old people-pleasing Allie, never confronting, swallowing whatever was in front of her. Marty walked out of the workshop. She stood in front of the sliding glass door begging for his acknowledgment, a slight gesture, a crumb of reinforcement.
His stare met hers across the yard. It was heavy and direct. Her breath caught. She refused to take more air until he did something. Something that told her all was not lost due to this misunderstanding. Marty smiled weakly, licking his lips. He looked over at Dan’s car, his brows pulling together. Allie smiled back, shrugging, still uncertain what he was thinking. Her body unwound. They were still bound by their secrecy, a future unknown, a presence raging within itself.
While she choked down breakfast, Dan suggested that they invite Marty and Tess over for dinner. Eating had now become out of the question. Allie hadn’t seen Tess since the day before, her vacant driveway a relief. Allie couldn’t bear the two of them at once, especially now that things between Tess and Marty were strained.
Allie eagerly volunteered to walk over and invite Marty. She dressed carefully, selecting a pair of pale-pink shorts, a therapeutic color
she would use on a baby shower card, along with a white, sleeveless blouse. Tiny buttons ran in a line down to the rise of her breasts.
The workshop door was now closed. Allie stepped across the paving stones ascending onto the porch. She tapped on the glass. She heard water running in the kitchen. Marty came to the door, his dark, moody eyes drinking her in through the glass. He slid the door open. Allie walked past him, turning to meet his stare.
“I didn’t know.” She dissected his expression, anticipating his response, wanting him to say he believed her. His face was disgruntled, a complex mess. “He came home last night at 1:00 a.m. I actually thought it was you sneaking over. I wished it was,” Allie sighed. She looked down at her feet, fresh grass clippings stuck to her manicured, pink toes.
“He didn’t call?” Marty’s eyes narrowed, not fully convinced.
“No. He said earlier this week that he had to stay. I mean, he’s going back,” she stammered. “It’s just that this was meant to be a surprise.” Allie pulled him away from the door, around the corner into his small, dark laundry room.
“How long will he be here?” Marty’s finger ran down the row of buttons on her blouse, the tip of his finger tracing the outline of her nipple. Despite the heat that he ignited, she shivered.
“Two days.” Her nipples peaked, pushing against the soft cotton, her body responding to his touch.
“I can do two days,” he whispered, grazing her lips with his, a teasing dance.
“Dan wants you to come for dinner,” Allie added between breaths, her palm sliding over his housed cock. It bowed beneath the zipper of his jeans.
“Jesus Christ, Allie.” His head snapped back, his eyes flashing.
“He invited you. What’d you want me to tell him? ‘No, I’m sorry. It’s too awkward ’cause, see, Marty and I are’—”
“Enough, Allie. What time?” He pressed her body up against the washing machine, the feel of cool metal against the backs of her thighs.
“He said five thirty.” She ground her hips against him, pressing her body into his.
“You’re all right with this?” He cocked his head at her.
“We’ll be okay. It’s only two days,” Allie reminded him, trying to sound casual. She held her breath, hoping he didn’t ask if she and Dan had had sex. Allie couldn’t deal with dodging the jealous bullet right now.
“No offense, he’s been nice to me, but I’ll be glad to see him go.” Marty’s hand traveled up her blouse. He pawed at her bra, squeezing her breast. A low growl oozed from his mouth.
Chapter 18
Dan had gone out to get beer. Allie worked in the kitchen, sliding on the beef cubes for shish kebabs. She’d made a blueberry pie for dessert. Her nerves had settled. Her being able to be in the same room with Dan and the man she was having an affair with had the feeling of a split personality. She was empowered, and at moments repulsed. She was relieved when Dan pulled in the driveway before Marty came over. As she rinsed out the wine glasses, Dan set the brown bag on the counter then reached for her, squeezing her tight.
“It sure is nice to be home.” He leaned over her from behind, licking the edge of her ear, an old behavior of his she’d forgotten.
“It’s nice to have you,” she said softly as he rubbed his freshly shaved cheek against hers.
“I can’t wait till tonight, when I have you alone. I know exactly how I’m gonna take you.” His hands caressed her back. “I have to admit that last night I was tired, but I’m well rested for tonight.” The stiff ends of his gelled hair tickled the side of her face. Last night’s struggle resurrected itself, gnawing through her, taking hold like a parasite.
Allie reached up and took his hand. She swallowed past the sharp-edged pain. Part of her was waking up to him, his familiar smell, his light touch. Could a woman want two men? Was she crazy? Allie suddenly felt hopeless. She was so sure that the feelings she had for Dan had receded, that their relationship had gone flat. The anger and pent-up resentment had made it so easy. Having him here, exhibiting all of his warm, soft ways, had her heart turned inside out.
Allie reviewed her thoughts and opinions about Tess. Allie’s previous judgments made her feel like a fraud, but she genuinely cared about people. Her heart was battling a dual attraction, not to mention the affections that she had for them both. This is a mess! Could her heart hold both Dan and Marty? Allie silently argued the angles in her mind. Should she just tell Dan?
“Marty won’t overstay his welcome, don’t worry.” She turned around, meeting Dan’s heavy, intimate gaze. His pewter-gray eyes were glazed over, his expression dreamy, full of need.
* * * *
Dan carried a tray of hors d’oeuvres over to the wrought iron table. Marty leaned against the railing of the deck. He needed to slow down on the drinking, already having downed two beers in under a half hour.
His fingers gripped the empty bottle when Allie emerged from behind the sliding glass door. The pale-mossy-green sundress she had on made everything about her radiate. Her wheat-colored skin glowed. Her eyes popped out at him. Thin straps rested on her curved shoulders. The strands of her hair glowed like a blazing sunset. Marty set the bottle down and grabbed a glass of wine nearby, tossing back half of the burgundy liquid. His tongue rebelled, swelling at the tartness, the taste in his mouth somehow relating to the shaky ground he was fighting to stand on. Dan waved Marty toward the platter of raw vegetables and dip.
“Hey, Marty.” Allie closed the door behind them.
“Hi, hey, I was telling Dan earlier about the mural.” His eyes immediately reverted back to Dan. “She’s done a great job.”
“She’s a fantastic artist.” Dan rested his hand on her shoulder. The tip of his finger caressed her skin. Marty felt the burn in his throat. It spread through his body like a disease he couldn’t cure. “I’d like to see it.” Dan tipped his bottle of beer back.
“Let me take you over. Do you mind, Allie?” Marty avoided her eyes. He couldn’t hold her gaze, afraid of where it might lead, not wanting to look as if he knew her intimately, like a lover.
Marty felt her at his back, knowing that Allie was watching them walk across the yard. He wondered how she was holding up. She seemed to be okay, her casualness almost professional.
They had dinner out back, the three of them. Marty asked Dan a lot of questions about his profession. It was easier to keep the focus on him. He kept the evening flowing, not allowing for any uncomfortable silences or a shift in conversation. A safe place, not having to choose between lies and the truth.
The darker it became, the more of a visual thief Marty became, the dim glow of the citronella candles aiding him. He peeled the layers of her away, looking below the ones for show. Dan excused himself, going into the house. Marty’s lungs pulled in a rush of air, welcoming the breather. He waited for Dan to shut the glass door, having put on the central air earlier.
“How dare you torment me with that dress,” he mumbled, grinding his teeth. Just talking about it had his cock rearing its ugly head.
“I didn’t mean to,” Allie whispered.
Marty gave her a savage look. “Wait until he’s gone. You’re in big trouble.”
The door slid open and Dan emerged through the darkness, carrying another tray with pie and coffee.
“So where’s our friend Tess these days?” Dan set the tray down, his glance moving between them.
Marty shook his head. Tess was the last thing he wanted to talk about. The mere mention of her had the food curdling in his gut.
“I guess it didn’t take long for you to get acquainted with our crazy neighbor, huh, Marty?” Dan laughed.
“She has a lot of friends in Readington now,” Allie added. Her eyes flickered at his over the rim of her mug. Marty sipped his coffee, not trusting his words due to the level of liquor in his blood.
“No kidding, mm.” Dan started hacking away at his pie.
Marty waited, unsure if Allie would inform Dan of Tess’s swing club activities. Dan let the top
ic die like settling dust. Marty left right after dessert. He’d had all he could take of their charade. He, of course, had to firm up when Allie was going to come over and work on the mural.
* * * *
“You’ve done a phenomenal job on his mural.” Dan dried while she washed.
“It does look nice, doesn’t it?” Allie turned and put the last pot in the drying rack.
“Something else looks quite nice also.” Dan tossed the dish towel on the island and slid his arms around her.
Dan’s kiss was slow and unassuming. It sent Allie into a backward spiral, taking her back into their past, the way things were before everything became complicated, before distance grew into a bottomless pit, a pit in which Allie was tired of hearing the echo of her voice in.
* * * *
Dan led her upstairs to their bed. Their bodies spun in an emotional revolution of neglected affections. Allie switched her internal gears, yet she wanted to satisfy him. She let him go just deep enough so she wouldn’t miss him once he was gone, no weaning required. Her inner layers would be saved for Marty, he being able to meet her demand for daily nourishment.
“Have you thought about where you’d like to go?” Dan ran his lips up the inside of her thigh, staring up her body.
“I’m not sure. Somewhere warm.” She played with his hair.
“Mm, that sounds wonderful. Let’s go before Christmas.” His mouth ran across her hip, his lips slow and precise.
Allie succumbed to the battle, unable to bury things for too long. Dan’s touch, his gentle nature, it broke through her. He pulled her wide open, her guilt oozing out of her like an infected wound full of pus. Allie turned her head. The heat of her tears fell onto the sheet, a silent confession masked by the darkness in which she could hide.
The sooner Dan left, the longer she could run, not facing anything, prolonging the pain for later. As Dan’s body connected to hers, Allie knew that later on would eventually come.
