“Those are all completely valid feelings, Roz, for anyone to have, let alone a 16-year-old girl like you. I’m going to share something that only a few people here know, and I am going to ask that you keep this to yourself.”
Grateful that Malik is, finally opening up to me, I nod. “Of course I won’t tell anyone anything you confide in me, Malik,” I assure him.
“I understand exactly what you are feeling and going through now, maybe not with the outcasts, but with your role as President. You see, many years ago right before Vaughn, I had your same job, and it nearly destroyed me.” I let out a gasp at his admission. What the heck? There’s no way Malik is a former President. But then, the more I think about it, the more it starts to fall into place. His natural leadership abilities, his like-ability, his strong compassionate side and his willingness to step forward and go find a lost girl—they are all signs of a great President. Yes, I can fathom why he was chosen.
“For how long?” It is the only thing I can think of asking.
Something that looks a lot like shame washes over his face. “Less than a year, Roz. I just couldn’t do it. I couldn’t handle all the weight on my shoulders, the responsibility of everyone’s happiness. The more I found out, the worse I was feeling. I felt like I was lying to the people, spying on them, keeping track of them, and stealing the innermost thoughts of children. I just couldn’t do it. I’ve always valued honesty above all else. In the end, honesty won out and I couldn’t even stand to look at myself anymore, let alone take the respect everyone had freely given to me.” He looks down at the ground, looking ashamed, and my heart breaks for him. This is exactly how I have been feeling. As soon as I saw the inter-workings of the Career department, I knew it was wrong. It has its place, but just where are we willing to draw a line? I give Malik a long hug.
“I know just how you feel, Malik. The Career Department, it killed me. But what am I going to do? Do I walk away? If I do, someone else will just take my place, someone who may not care as much as we do. The problem is only going to be prolonged if that happens. It has to be stopped, I know, but I still think that it is an impossible task.” Malik looks up into my eyes now. His hardening with a fierce look I’ve never seen on him before.
“No, Roz, it’s not impossible. There is a way to make it happen. I just didn’t have the drive or the fight left in me when I took the post. I was much older than you when I started; my heart had already been hardened to the world. While you, child, have an openness and loving spirit that I have yet to see be rivaled. You have a fierce drive and loyalty that will bring you across the distance if you want to. The question is do you want to go the distance? It’s not going to be easy, but it will not be impossible.”
His words have ignited a spark of hope deep within me. Is it really possible? Can I take on the Council and get them to change some things. I just don’t see how; they have all the power, they can remove me in a heartbeat, and I tell Malik as much.
“But that is where you are wrong, dear girl. Do you remember the list that they gave you when you were sworn into Presidency?” I nod.
“They aren’t allowed to get rid of you unless you are going against any of the things on that list. It not only protects them Roz; it protects you as well.” I smile. That thought has never occurred to me. I always thought that if they don’t like what I am doing, the Council can just chuck me out anytime. But Malik’s right; they can’t touch me if I don’t break the rules. Malik spoke further, encouraged by the spark of curiosity he can see in me now. “The only way out is for you to leave like I did or break a rule like Vaughn. If you do neither, they will be stuck with you. They don’t have to give into your demands, but they can’t get rid of you either, so that’s a start.” It isn’t much, but I know that it will be a great start.
“So if they can’t get rid of me and they can’t change the rules, what is left?” I ask, thoroughly confused.
“Ah, that’s just the thing, sweet girl; they can’t change the rules. Monitoring is a part of the founder’s rules because it works; however, there is nothing in the rules that says that the monitoring has to be kept a secret. You know how I feel about secrets: they fester, they expand and they spread like a disease. I hated feeling like I was lying to everyone as President, but I hated even more living among them, knowing how much they were being deceived. That was why when the O.C. became available, I took the opportunity in a heartbeat, and not a day goes by that I regret coming here.”
I think about what he has told me for a moment. “So we can’t change the monitoring, but we can make it a rule to inform the people about it.”
Malik smiles approvingly and says, “Now you are getting it. However, the Council will never hear of it. They are much too afraid of an uprising. It is a valid fear, but you need to have more faith in people than they do. You must give them faith, Roz.”
“Yea, like that’s easy to do. Half of the Council doesn’t even have faith in me now as it is. I give them dance parties, not faith.” Malik chuckles at this.
“It isn’t something that can change overnight, Roz. It’s going to take you a long time. You have to first win them over and make them see the way you do before you can make a change. There is a reason why the Council is made up of so many and such different personalities. It is designed that way so it will not be easy to change their minds.” I slump at this thought.
“There is no way I will be able to change their minds, Malik. I don’t even know where to start.” A small smile creeps onto his face.
“You didn’t ask permission to come here you said, which was very smart by the way, but I’m guessing that Annabelle has been trying to get you back ever since you came, am I right?” I nod.
“Think about it. Why would they keep this place a secret from you when it wasn’t kept from Vaughn? Think, Roz.”
I have been asking myself that from the moment I found out about this compound. I still have not one idea as to why Vaughn could know and I can't. “I’ve been asking myself that over and over, Malik, but I keep coming up stumped. That’s what upsets me the most.” It is now his turn to nod.
“Several things are different, Roz. For one, Vaughn came up with the ban because he wanted to get rid of people who didn’t want to live with by the way he did things. The Council agreed with his way of thinking so there was no problem there. You, however, my little fire cracker, see things different from the Council’s views, and that is why they both love and fear you. As much of an asset you are to them, you can also hinder what they want to be kept intact. I don’t know for sure, but if I am to guess, they have not intended to keep it from you. You said you started creating acts right off the bat, right? You went out to the prisons even, which I think was quite brave. It’s amazing how hands on you are, and as much as I’m sure the Council appreciates that about you it also became their biggest threat. Vaughn locked us up and threw away the key; they knew you would come to find us and talk to us like you are doing now.” Malik takes in a deep breath before he continues: “So now, you have to ask yourself not what they are hiding from you, but rather who.”
Okay, now I am lost. They are hiding someone from me? But who do they need to hide from me? “Malik, I’m so confused here. Why would they hide someone from me?”
“Why indeed. But why do you also feel drawn to the very person they wish for you to never find?” Instantly, I know where he is going with this.
“Dex?” I ask, totally amazed and confused at the same time. He just nods his head.
“But why do they want to hide Dex from me?” The thought of his torn up and scarred beautiful body goes through my mind. “Did they do that to him? Did they torture him, Malik? I need to know! Is the Council to be blamed for his pain?” Malik shakes his head.
“It isn’t my story to tell, dear one. That is for Dex to tell you when and if he decides to tell you. You two have gravitated towards each other from the moment you got here; don’t think I haven’t noticed how much you already mean to each other after just
a week. He will open up to you in time, but in order for him to do that, you are going to need to do the same. Be careful with how much you tell him, Roz; he hasn’t finished healing yet. Inside, he is still very angry and bitter. I don’t want him to use this as a catalyst for violence and destruction which I’m sure is what the Council will think if they realize you have found him. You are going to have to keep that fact very hidden. It is your only ace. Dex is going to be your key in taking down the Council, but even he doesn’t know that yet.”
After that, Malik told me that he needs to take a nap before we go back to the compound, but I can’t turn my thoughts off. How in the world can the Council use Dex against me? What can he possibly know that they do not want me to know about? And if he is in fact so dangerous to them, why not put him in prison? Why do they let him live here among the people? I must find out, and I can’t let them know why I am staying here so long. When I get back tomorrow, I am going to send Annabelle a message and pray she doesn’t catch on. Somehow, I’m going to find a way to get everything out in the open, even if I have to take the Council down to make it happen.
Just before dawn, Malik and I wake up and eat the rest of the food. We take turns in finding a large rock to go behind in order for us to ease our bladders. We stretch our legs and take off for the long hike back down the trail.
We walk mostly in silence. Malik knows how much I am still digesting what we have talked about before, and he is good at letting me mull it over. Once we are about half way to camp, I see a huge figure in the distance making his way towards us. There is only one giant I know and I can’t keep the smile from my face.
Malik chuckles and says, “’Looks like someone missed you.” I can’t help but grin because I missed Dex too.
“It doesn’t look like he missed me as much as he wants to tell me off, if that expression on his faces means anything.” I say it once I get a closer look at his handsome and furious face. Malik laughs at my comment.
“It’s all coming from the same place. Go easy on him.” Malik continues on and I stop to wait for Dex. He shares a few fast words with Malik before he makes his way to me at a brisk pace. He doesn’t say a word; he just scoops me up and holds me close for a long time. I can tell that I scared him and I feel horrible for making him worry, but at the same time, it’s nice to know that someone cares for me. After a while when he still hasn’t put me down, I laugh slightly. “Is this my punishment, to be smothered to death? I’m pretty sure you broke a few ribs,” I manage to joke. He puts me on my feet and then holds me at arm’s length, taking me in from head to toe, assessing me for injuries. My goodness, I just walked down a hiking trail and Malik would have told him if I was hurt, but I still find it nice to be cared for so I let him act like a mother hen for a bit.
“Satisfied that I am in one piece now?” I ask, not being able to keep the sarcasm from my voice.
“No,” he says then scoops me up into his arms, catching me off guard and making me squeal.
“Would you put me down, you big oaf?”
“Nope,” he starts spinning me around until we are both dizzy, and then he carries me off the trail down to a patch of grass and lays me down there. He moves down next to me for a while, not saying anything, just looking up at the sky. After a few moments, he turns on his side. “You know you scared me to death, right? If it wasn’t for Gracie who’s having a hard time at night, I would have been up here last night searching for you. Don’t do that again!”
I smile at him and nod. I brush the hair out of his eyes and touch his rough cheek with my hand. “I’m sorry Dex. The last thing I wanted to do was to worry anyone. I just needed to clear my head but I fell asleep while resting, and when I woke up it was already dark.” He nods like he has figured that out as much.
“I would have gone with you, ya know. All you had to do was ask.”
“I know, really I do. But there’s so much for me to think about and my time here is running out. I guess I just panicked.”
He looks sad now. He has taken his eyes off mine and brought them to the ground. “So you are going back then.”
I lift his chin until he is looking at me in the eyes. “You know I am. That’s always been the plan, Dex. I can’t stay here. I have a country to run, one that as you know needs all the help it can get. As terrified as I am, there are some major changes I need to make. Hiding out here doesn’t do anyone any good.” I am not talking about him, but he flinches as if I have slapped him. His eyes turn cold and that hard scary Dex is back.
“I see. Well you go off and run that little country of yours and I will stay here and hide.”
I sigh in frustration. “Stop, you know that’s not what I meant. As much as I want to stay here, and I do, Dex, I’d like nothing more than to stay here with you; I have a duty that I have to return to.”
This seems to calm him down a little, but not much. I can’t believe it’s been just a little over a week since we met. I never thought I could become so close to someone in such a short amount of time. Especially someone who scared me so much upon first meeting him.
“I know it’s selfish of me to want you to stay, but in such a short time you’ve brightened up this place. I don’t know what Grace is going to do without you singing her songs and reading her stories, and Zara is starting to act like she is whole again…” I grab a hold of his hand.
“And you? What about you, Dex?”
He looks at me with a fierce longing I’ve never seen before.
“I feel like I’m losing my home all over again.” He couldn't have cut me deeper if he used a knife. All the hurt that poured off of him when we first met is now back with a vengeance. He looks so broken and defeated. Part of me refuses to take the blame; he knows nothing can happen between us, he knows I am leaving, but just like my heart, his heart doesn’t care. I hug him and run my hand over all his scars, trying to take the pain away, not knowing what to say to make this right. I need to change the subject, but I also need Dex to start opening up to me. I am not sure if he will answer any of my questions, but I will not know until I ask.
“Where are your parents, Dex? Why is Grace with you and not with them?” He instantly stiffens and let go of my hand. I continue to rub his back and wait to see if he will answer or tell me to mind my own business.
He stays silent for a long time and then he very softly voices out, “My dad left when I was young. He didn’t need me or my mother anymore, and went off to save the world. He came back briefly only long enough to produce Grace and when she was born weak and sick, he took off again. I could see the hatred pouring off of him. My mom only lasted a few more years, until she died then she was gone too. I took Grace and never looked back.”
Well that explains the grief that has etched itself into him, the hurt that pours off of him and his fierce loyalty to Grace, but not the bitterness. I bring his head down to my lap and rub his head like I would do to a child. In some ways, he is a child. Nobody should have to go through being abandoned, bury a parent and then becoming one within moments. I continue caressing his head and start humming, just staying like that for a while, while I think about how much he's lost and wondering how I will be able to leave this strong yet broken man behind. I finally speak.
“I’m sorry, Dex. I’m so very sorry. I wish I can take it all away, I wish I can bring your parents back to you, and give you the love that you deserve. I don’t want to be another person who walks out on you...I can’t.”
It is the absolute truth. No matter how much the people of my Country need me, there is no way I can walk out on Dex right now, not after all he has been through. Eventually, people will understand, at least I hope they will.
Dex arises to a sitting position and looks at me. “Just like that, huh? Just like that and you are going to abandon everything you believe in just to stay and take care of me?” He sounds mad and I am at a total loss. Why on earth is he mad at me for doing exactly what he wants? He just said he wants me to stay, did he not?
“Blast,
Rosaline! I don’t want your pity. I don’t want you to stay because you don’t think I can handle another person leaving. That’s not why I told you that. You just got done saying your people need you, yet you will give them up for what, a shell of a man and a girl who is too afraid of her shadow to speak?” I jump to my feet, fully pissed off now.
“You can say what you want about me, Dexter, I can take it, but you have no right to call yourself a shell, and don’t you dare speak ill of Grace. I won’t stand for it! That child is precious and perfect and you can take your anger out on me all you want but don’t you dare bring her into this!”
I am spitting mad and pacing by the time I am done talking. I speed off down the road, intent on leaving him there. That’s what he wants anyway, isn’t it? Who knows what that man wants? I don’t even think he does. Within seconds, he has caught up to me, and I am silently cursing these short legs of mine. He touches my shoulder and I turn bitterly on him.
“NO! You can’t tell me how to feel and you can’t tell me who to love, protect, or serve! I’ve had my life directed enough in the past few months to last me a lifetime, I’m not going to follow blindly anymore, Dexter!” He smiles down at me. Actually smiled, the smug jerk! He takes a perfectly good moment to make me as mad as a hornet and then has the nerve to smile.
“There’s my little firecracker. Calm down, Tink, I’m not going to tell you what to do.”
“Don’t think just because you smile and look at me like that that I’m going to forgive you for being such a jerk.”
Divided (The United Trilogy Book 2) Page 6
