by Elle Harte
“What difference does it make?” she set them down on the counter.
“You can stay,” I said. “But at some point, I’m going to have to know what the hell is going on with you. You’ve been gone for almost a month! I was worried.”
“If I was in trouble I’d tell you, Cooper.”
“Yeah, but you could have picked up the phone!”
I was angrier than I thought I would be.
“Yeah well you could have come to the apartment, Coop!”
At first, I thought it was a little sarcasm but then it occurred to me that she was angered.
“I called you and you didn’t answer so I thought maybe you didn’t want to see me.”
She dropped the fork and drank her whiskey.
“It doesn’t matter,” she said. “Water under the bridge.”
“Kira, what’s going on with you? You can talk to me!”
She became resistant again. “I’ll tell you. Just need some time.”
I guess everyone deserved a little space sometimes. I wasn’t going to judge her for it.
Kira and I had history. Some good, some bad but I guess that’s what it meant to have someone like her as a friend.
“So, how’ve you been, Coop? Fucked any blondes lately?” I knew she was referring to my newest scandal with an underwear model.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Coop, don’t be that way! Are you or are you not sleeping with the waste of space, airhead bimbo of the century?”
“I’m offended that you’d even ask me that!”
“Oh, my word,” she said. “She totally let you fuck her! That mean bitch. Isn’t she supposed to be going out with some Brit?”
“He’s Australian, Kira. And she claimed they were on a break.”
“I bet they were on a break,” Kira said. “On a break from boring sex with each other and now that they’ve had awesome fucks for the time being, they can both go back to being a healthy Hollywood couple! How touching! I think I’m going to cry, where do you keep the Kleenex?”
“Okay, enough. She wasn’t that bad!”
“No, she was worse! I might actually be making her sound better than she is!”
I couldn’t stop laughing. “You’re such a bitch, Kira.”
“Where’s the insult? I don’t see it.”
“Shut the fuck up, Kira or I’ll make you.”
“So, tell me what depraved thing does Miss underwear model like?”
“You know I don’t lick and tell.”
“That is such an obvious lie! That little club of yours, isn’t that basically what you do? Meet with other rich freaks and compare notes.”
I stood up to avoid the topic and get myself another drink.
“So, where’s the soccer guy these days?” I knew if I wanted to talk about something else, I needed a topic Kira would be more interested in than my secret sex life with underwear models.
“We broke up.”
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. The two of them had been so happy together. “I thought you guys were getting engaged,” I said, walking back to the counter.
“We live in a society where we’ve all been sold a standard version of happiness,” she said. “We’re told to be selfish and put our needs first. Before if your wife was sick, you’d spend every waking moment trying to make the most of your life together. Now, you don’t want to get weighed down with all that. Now, when the older model gets old instead of being faithful and trying to fix it, we opt for an upgrade. Our relationships are a result of our slavery to consumerism but we don’t see it because the packaging is just so attractive. Guy giving you trouble? You don’t have to deal with that just go buy yourself some shoes!” she paused. “And don’t get me wrong, I’m the same! I may be worse than the others. I treated Sean like he was something of an upgrade to my life than a part of it. So, he treated me the same way. Eventually, it was just another acquisition than real love. Neither of us was willing to make the effort it takes to make it special. To make it real. In the end, we both sort of just gave up. It would be wrong to say it was entirely his fault.”
It took me a while to come to terms with what she was saying. “Kira?”
“Hmm.”
I pushed myself off the stool and held out my hand. Come here.”
I hugged her. She was quiet and that was never a good thing. I had to think of something better to take her mind off Sean.
I closed my eyes and braced myself for what I was about to say next. “Reverse cowgirl.”
Kira lifted her head off my chest and stared blankly at me. “What?”
“That’s what the underwear model let me do. And she was into spanking. Like, a lot.”
“You’re such a freak.”
“I know.”
She started to laugh and then stopped. She kissed me and it surprised me and I stopped her. “Kira, I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
She took two steps backward and I was still wondering what she was up to when her fingers briefly came up to her chest and the next thing I know, the towel was around her feet.
The whole thing was so abrupt it took me a while to come to my senses. When I did, I rushed to pick up the towel and carelessly draped it around her so all the essential parts of her were covered.
“What’s the matter, Coop? Why are you acting like such a virgin? This isn’t like you.”
“For you it might be nothing to invite a random girl to your place at this hour but it’s a big deal to me, Chase.”
“I don’t know,” I said truthfully. “I guess I’m trying something new.”
“That’s right,” she exclaimed, pushing past me to get to her drink. “Mystery girl!”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Oh please, I know all about this new chick you’re trying to bang. I think her name is Brittany or Blake...”
“How do you even know that? I haven’t told anyone…”
“Oh, I remember now! It’s Blayne! Damn, I’m like the smartest person I know!”
I rolled my eyes. “I literally won an award for being smart, Kira!”
“No one likes a show off, Cooper.”
I couldn’t believe she could still get to me. “I’m this close to kicking you out!”
“Oh please. You couldn’t get rid of me if you tried.” She said and picked up her phone from the counter. The towel was barely being held by her free hand. “So, if you’re not going to taste all this deliciousness, I’ll call Sean.”
“What? I thought you two were broken up!”
“Relax, it’s just a booty call.”
“And you have no one else you can call?”
“Cooper, you know I’m not in the mood for bullshit. And anyone I call is going to bring some level of bullshit. Sean and I we’re both dead inside so I don’t have to deal with anything and just enjoy the most carnal, beautiful act in the world. Remember there was a time you used to want it, Coop. Like, four weeks ago when this chick wasn’t on your radar.”
I knew it was a terrible idea. “Kira, this is a terrible idea.”
She just scoffed at me. “I don’t get people like you,” she said. “You think dating some emotionally repressed chick is going to solve all your problems?”
“Just because she doesn’t fuck every guy she sees doesn’t make her emotionally repressed.”
Even as the words were coming out of my mouth, I knew it was going to make things worse. I could tell she needed my help. I didn’t know when it got so personal.
“You know what,” she said, grabbing her things from around the room. “It was a bad idea coming here. I thought maybe you gave a shit but you’re too busy falling in love with undateable women!”
“Kira, stop it. You don’t have to leave.”
She wasn’t listening to me so I grabbed her by the shoulders and made her stop. “I’m sorry, okay. I wasn’t trying to be a jerk. I was just worried, you know that.”
“Coop it
’s okay.”
“Look, you’re an adult. You can sleep with whoever you want, if you think you can handle it.”
“I can handle it.”
“Great. And you’re right. I always fall for undateable women because then I can make it their fault when it doesn’t work out and I can enjoy the perks of having a woman while keeping us both away from the emotional gratification that a healthy relationship should provide.”
“Well, you’re an adult. So, if you think you have something with this girl that’s worth waiting for, then do it. But remember, she’s still engaged to someone.”
“How do you even…”
She held up a finger. “Don’t mess with the best.”
I nodded cautiously. “Anyway, um, I’m going to get some rest because I have an early meeting.”
“When do you not have an early meeting, Cooper?”
“What can I say some of us have to work to stay rich. Unlike some others who can rely fully on their loaded ex-husbands.”
“Get your own loaded ex-husband. Envy is not a good look on you, Cooper.”
“Ha-ha. That’s hilarious! Does Sean know you have a yeast infection?”
“What... I don’t have a yeast infection!”
“He’s coming here to answer that booty call, right? Well, I’ll just wait for him here and maybe ask you casually about that yeast infection!”
“Stop yelling!”
I held up a finger. “Don’t mess with the best!”
She threw me a glare and held up the middle fingers of both her hands. “Go to sleep, nerd!”
“I will, raging bitch!”
I know what you’re thinking. We must look like a bunch of mean people but I assure you that’s just how we talk. There’s nothing mean about it, it’s just banter.
I locked my room to make it horny Kira proof, and changed into a pair of shorts but I couldn’t rest my brain long enough to get any sleep.
Carl’s phone call was a godsend. I was trying to be patient but patience is not my strong suit. “Everything okay?”
“I lost her.”
“What?”
“I was following her when a police officer stopped me and started asking questions. He was getting suspicious so I had to be careful.”
“What about the bags?”
“I couldn’t find them either.”
“Maybe she went to a hotel. It was late.”
“Could be. But wherever she is I’ll find her. I just need some time to track her down.”
“Okay. Do your best.”
So much for peace of mind.
Attending a shareholder’s meeting without any sleep should be fun.
But to be honest, I couldn’t care less about the meeting or the repercussions of my negligence because I couldn’t stop thinking about her.
She wasn’t safe.
And she was out there on her own.
No matter how much I tried to think positive, the bad thoughts continued to come.
Blayne
The smell of fresh brewed coffee and bacon wafted through the house.
The purity of an early morning right after a rainy night played on my senses, making everything a little more beautiful and a little more intense.
The bed I was in was different but the room was the same. Somehow, I didn’t panic to find myself in a man’s clothing. The shirt came well below my thighs and the shorts were to my knees.
I followed the smell of bacon to the spacious, airy kitchen. Everything in here was bright and colorful.
A man’s figure stood hunched over a pan and it was a good figure.
“Jason?”
The figure turned to look at me with a smile every bit as bright and sunny as the house.
“You’re up,” he said, turning off the knob and bringing two large plates of breakfast to the dining table. “I was about to wake you.”
“If you get bacon within ten feet of my nose, I assure you that I will be awake.”
He held out a chair for me and I sat across from him and stared at the coffee pot that he hadn’t touched.
He realized his error and apologized. “I’m sorry, I’m not much of a coffee drinker,” he said, walking up to the coffee machine, and filling up a big cup. “I made this pot for you.”
“That makes me happier,” I said, when he set the cup down next to my plate. “Because I would be glad to drink coffee for the both of us.”
He grinned. And I remembered again why I’d fallen for him before. He was still gorgeous. I bet he got women without trying too hard.
“You look well rested,” he said, biting off another strip of bacon with his fingers.
“I can’t remember the last time I slept this well,” I just blurted this out without thinking. I could hear how pathetic that made me sound.
“Do you want to talk about it?” his eyes were so gentle and calming.
“I didn’t know you were such a good cook,” I had no clue where it came from. I wasn’t lying, the food was great but the way I’d blown him off wasn’t.
He just stared at me.
“Wow, I did not handle that segue so well,” I said.
He went back to his food and plain water. “Don’t think about it,” he said. “I’m sure you’re under a lot of stress.”
“Jason, I wanted to thank you for helping me last night, I was in a really bad place.”
He placed his hand on mine. “Hey, you don’t have to thank me, we’re friends.”
“Yeah.”
“Blayne, it’s just I found you passed out in the middle of the street. Anything could have happened. I saw those bags and your initials were on them. If I hadn’t been there… Blayne there are so many predators out there.”
“I know that was stupid. But the only person I know who would still want to be in touch with me is Chloe. And I couldn’t reach her.”
“You could have called me.”
I lowered my gaze to the eggs. “I don’t have your number.”
He looked a little surprised. “Oh.”
“I’m sorry, the way you left things…”
“No, I get it. I was a jerk to you, I deserve it.”
I was wondering what I should say next when Jason stood and cleared up the table. “Look, you can stay here as long as you want.”
“No!” I stood and wondered what I was doing. “I mean, I have to be on my own you know, figure some things out.”
He didn’t look convinced but I didn’t leave him a choice. “Where will you go?”
“I’m not sure,” I said. “But I lost my phone, all my numbers were in it. Do you think maybe you can help me look for someone?”
“Sure. Who do you need to find?”
“My friend Chloe. Maybe you can find her on Facebook.”
“Chloe Bradley?” he said. “From our high school?”
“Yeah, do you think you might be able to give me her number?”
“I can do better,” Jason said. “I know where she lives.”
“You guys are in touch, she never told me.”
“I used to date a girl who was friends with her. We had a ton of double dates and partied a lot.”
“Yep, that sounds like Chloe. Party a lot is her sacred mantra.”
It was good to see him smile again. I knew he had questions but he was being a great friend by not asking them. “But there’s a slight problem with that plan,” he said and took out his phone and showed me Chloe’s Facebook. Lots of pictures in bikinis. “She’s on vacation. Her flight is scheduled for tomorrow it seems. She doesn’t have a phone until then.”
Okay so that was extremely unlucky but it did explain why she wasn’t answering her phone.
Suddenly, I didn’t feel so alone. There was a part of me that still missed Nick but I wasn’t allowing myself to think about it.
“I knew I could rely on Chloe.”
“You can rely on me too,” Jason said.
I was truly grateful for that but I couldn’t tell him how I felt. I couldn’t explain
to him that I felt this deep disdain for the male population that surpassed whatever feelings I might have had for them.
Nick had managed to make such a mockery of the word love that I’d come to despise it.
I know it’s awful to think that all men are the same so let’s just think more rationally and say that all the men I tend to attract are the same.
With Jason, there was nothing sexual going on but I even felt the same way about the man who started it all. If it wasn’t for Jason, I wouldn’t have had to suffer Nick. I wouldn’t have been in such a hurry to get engaged just to prove something. But discussing all that would be petty and frankly, useless. It was my parents who wanted Nick and his family. Not me.
It’s not like I wanted this to go further. I’d stopped thinking of Jason in those terms. I didn’t think of him in a future tense. Whatever we had was in the past. This random encounter wasn’t going to change that.
“I can’t let you walk away, Blayne.”
I hadn’t been able to stop thinking about him. There was something about that face, those eyes, they put me in a trance.
I felt powerless.
Even now I couldn’t forget the way he looked under the street lights, under pouring rain, innocent and pure. Except for that darkness. That was also a part of him. To be with him would be to live with the darkness too.
And yet you can think you can tame it.
No. There wouldn’t be any taming. Not again. I couldn’t let him get to me I couldn’t deal with another Nick. So why can’t you stop thinking about him?
“Blayne? Is everything okay? You seem a little lost.”
I wanted to tell him I was more than a little lost.
That a part of me wanted nothing more than to find peace, and a bit of support even if it was from Jason. But there was another part that was restless being this close to him.
Maybe it would take me a while to return to my old self.
“Can I please get my clothes back?” I said and Jason looked visibly disappointed.
“Are you sure that’s what you want to do?”
I nodded as diligently as I could. He left me waiting in the kitchen and went to get my clothes.
I stood and cleared up the kitchen put our plates in the dishwasher.
