by Reece Butler
Matt curled his lip at him. “And you didn’t measure up to Daddy?”
Eric rubbed his breastbone, wincing at the sharp pain. “Something like that.”
“What aren’t you telling me?”
Even as a kid, Matt wouldn’t stop badgering until he knew everything. He liked to see life in black and white. When things were gray he held judgment until he got all the facts he needed, then he decided on which side of the line it would go. Once a decision was made, it was over.
That was one of the reasons Eric stayed away so long, and said so little when he was home. He didn’t know what he’d do if Matt added up what a fool Eric had been, and it came out black. After what he’d lost, he couldn’t face losing his brother as well. But now he’d have to tell the truth. It shouldn’t hurt after all this time, but it did. He’d been so naïve, and her betrayal had been like a poisoned knife twisted in his gut.
“Vivian was a geologist I met at college,” he stated abruptly. “We both got hired for the same company and went to South America together.” He paused. Even now, after everything, he still had to admire her. “She was full of life, wild and adventurous, laughing at danger and challenging herself every moment.”
She challenged him, as well. She’d pushed him to do things he had a hard time with, including climbing into small airplanes. She had her pilot’s license, of course. She laughed at him, calling him names, flashing her small, perfect breasts at him to get him to follow her into the plane. He’d done it, for her. At the time he thought she cared, and was helping him. But she’d only done it for a laugh. She wanted to see how much power she had over him, how far she could push him to do what terrified him.
“You never told us about her. Not one word.”
“No, I didn’t,” he admitted. “Vivian Gould was a wealthy, sophisticated woman with a trust fund.”
He absently ran his finger over the name carved into the old table. Some boy a hundred years earlier had had his hide tanned over that stunt. Or maybe it was a girl. Many of them weren’t shrinking violets. Vivian would have done it, but no one would have dared punish her.
“And?” prompted Matt.
“She could probably buy the whole of Tanner’s Ford Valley if the Association would ever sell. Not that she’d want it,” he added. “Back then I was a bottom-level engineer, struggling to repay my college debt. But in the jungle, we were equals.”
He’d thought they were equals, though he’d treated her with the care and respect due to his woman. He knew that anywhere else, he’d be nothing compared to her. He loved the idea of her choosing him.
“How long did this go on?”
“About a year. I wanted to be with her all the time, but my job was in the villages. Her job sent her to remote areas. She loved flying, loved the rush of adrenaline.” He closed his eyes, remembering for the first time in years. “She was wild for days after one of the pilots let her do aerobatics. It damn near killed me, knowing she was challenging death in that tiny piece of junk.”
“Did she love you?”
“I thought she did. But Vivian loved her freedom more.”
Thinking of it brought near-crippling pain. Not the type a pill would solve. A slam to the shoulder brought him back.
“Tell me what happened!”
“We’d fought the night before. I’d…” Eric forced the words out, his voice raw. “I’d asked her to marry me. Even said I’d move to the city if she wanted to be near her family. It took me weeks to get up my nerve.”
Matt swore under his breath. It was almost always Eric who got his mouth washed out with soap for losing his temper and swearing. He still hated the smell of Ivory soap.
“This Vivian turned you down?”
Eric shook his head. “I could have accepted that. Instead, she laughed at me. Said I was just her latest, and should have realized this was just short term. She didn’t like sleeping alone, and Daddy wanted her to have a man around to take care of her. But, though I was the best she’d had so far, I was too controlling. She’d been meaning to tell me it was over, so was glad I brought it up.”
This time Matt did swear. “And?”
“And I stormed out before I said things I didn’t mean or destroyed the hut and everything in it. I couldn’t believe everything we’d shared meant nothing to her. She’d been toying with me, as if I was a piece of equipment she could use for a while then, when it became obsolete, throw out. I stayed out all night, furious and worried that if I saw her, I might do something I’d regret.”
He’d been ready to destroy the entire camp, but even that furious, he would never have harmed her. After calming down he’d spent the rest of the night both making bargains with the devil, and swearing to God what he’d do if she took him back. What a fool he’d been, hoping he could change enough to make her want him. He’d been willing to sacrifice his self-worth to be taken back by someone who thought of him as a convenience, soon forgotten.
“I came back at first light, eager to beg her to reconsider. She was gone.”
“Moved out?”
He nodded. “That was when I realized how little she had. I’d carved things, built furniture, and hung up handmade gifts from the villagers.”
Gifts that he cherished. But, looking back, he realized she’d looked at them with disgust. He should have known then that she wasn’t for him.
“I’d made that shack our home, but she was just spending time there. I heard an engine and ran to the airfield, but I was too late. She saw me, and waggled the wings before flying away. I stomped and cursed, then came back to shower and go to work.”
He stopped, remembering the moment he’d seen it.
“She’d been antsy for a couple of weeks, expecting a package from a girlfriend. I figured it was chocolate, magazines, and nail polish. Girl stuff. She’d opened it while I was out.” He took a breath, but could only delay so long. “Her friend had sent a pregnancy kit.”
Matt groaned. “Don’t tell me…”
“She left it on the back of the toilet for me to find. And then she flew away.”
“Positive?”
Eric nodded, his throat too tight to speak. He’d thought he was as broken as could be when she left him. He was wrong. He’d seen that final insult, cruelly left to cause him pain, and had done everything but curl up in a ball and die. Tom, who Eric was sure had built-in radar for things like this, had hauled him back to the land of the living. For a long while he only survived, but he got over it. He vowed he’d never let a woman get under his skin like that again.
“Did she come back? Apologize? Explain?” demanded Matt furiously.
“She crashed.”
“Oh, man! Was she killed?”
That’s what he thought when he’d heard about the crash. No matter how angry he was with her, he’d prayed that she was alive. A waste of emotion.
“No,” he said, “she broke her arm and was banged up.” He swallowed and forced the next bit out. “I found out later our baby didn’t survive.”
“Baby! Dammit, Eric! Why didn’t you say anything?”
“I still don’t know if she crashed on purpose, or not,” he continued. “Whether our baby died from the crash, or she terminated the pregnancy after she got back home.” He shrugged. “She didn’t want me, so she never came back or sent word.”
Her period was irregular, she’d told him, so he hadn’t worried, especially as they spent many nights apart due to her travelling. He hadn’t realized, hadn’t noticed the symptoms of her pregnancy.
Months later Tom had handed him an envelope containing a copy of her medical records. He’d tracked it down using his mysterious contacts. They’d done a DNA test. It matched a sample they had of him. The baby had been a boy. His son. That sent him down another spiral. No one did anything to set off El Oso Gris. He’d spent every waking moment punishing himself with hard, physical labor. But it wouldn’t bring back the child that never was. He eventually realized she would never have told him about it. The only reason she
hadn’t taken off to Miami earlier was that her father would have asked why. She’d waited for that test, then used it and his proposal as an excuse.
A strong arm wrapped around his shoulder. Just for a moment, but it was enough to show he wasn’t alone.
“Why didn’t you come home to heal?” demanded Matt, this time quietly. “We love you, even if she didn’t.”
“You think I was going to get on an airplane after that crash?” Eric barked a sarcastic laugh. He was also too ashamed at how he let Vivian treat him. He couldn’t tell Matt, the younger brother who looked up to him, how much of a fool he’d been. “I worked my ass off so I didn’t have to think. I did my job, but I rarely ate, slept, or bathed.”
“Amen to that,” added Tom. “You were one miserable son of a bitch.”
Matt was silent. Eric let the images fade. Telling Matt had eased the pain. Not much, but it was a start.
“Why didn’t you say something when you did come home?”
Eric snorted. “You think I could tell Mom that her grandson was killed by the woman I thought I loved? A woman who, even if she did keep the baby, wouldn’t have told me about it?”
“A father has rights,” insisted Matt.
“The rights of a backwoods engineer don’t stack very high when the mother has high-powered attorneys on her side and a shitload of money to throw at them.”
“You’re my brother, and I love you no matter what.” Matt thumped him again. “But don’t you ever keep something like this from me again. You hear?”
He heard, loud and clear. He took a deep breath. “Nikki isn’t pregnant.”
“Why would she be?” asked Matt, nonplussed. “We’ve used condoms every time.”
Eric scratched the back of his head, avoiding looking up. “Yeah, well, we forgot the first two times.”
“Forgot?” Matt’s concern turned into fury. “You had sex with the woman I’m going to marry, and you didn’t use a condom? Twice?”
“I was drunk the first time, and we were so eager the second, that…”
He saw Tom’s smirk. Though Eric knew he was in the wrong, the insult made him explode. He couldn’t hit Matt, so he grabbed Tom by the shirt and hauled him upright. He drew back his fist. The room spun and he landed on his gut, hard. His right arm was twisted behind his back. What must be Tom’s foot was jammed against his backbone.
“You try that again and I’ll make sure you can’t get anyone pregnant,” said Tom calmly.
“You and Nikki thought you were pregnant?” demanded Matt.
“She said it was possible,” clarified Eric, face into the floor. “Let me up.”
“Not until you apologize to your brother.” Tom yanked again, making Eric grunt in pain. “I assume you’ve already apologized to the lady in question?”
“Again and again,” muttered Eric. “Though she was the one to jump me when—oof!”
“Wish I had my shit-kicking boots on,” said Matt. “You’d have a few busted ribs.”
“Why don’t you call the lady and make sure she’s okay,” suggested Tom. “Maybe she wanted to be pregnant, and is upset she’s not.”
The thought had never entered Eric’s mind. He’d figured Nikki’s mood was because she was tired and sore from their earlier activities. Was she as disappointed as he was? He struggled, but whatever hold Tom had on him was too strong. He could get out, but it would mean a broken arm. Doable if necessary, but not between friends.
“You made your point,” said Eric. “So back off.”
“Wouldn’t mind learning that trick.” Matt nudged Eric with his sock-clad foot before padding over to the wall and lifting the phone’s receiver.
Eric eased himself to his feet. He was a foot taller than Tom, and pounds of muscle heavier. But his good ole buddy had put him down like a dog. Considering Tom could have killed him just as easily, he was not going to complain. He shook out the arm Tom had twisted. He got a satisfied grin in return for his scowl.
“The doc went for a drive? Did no one try to stop her?” Matt listened for a moment more. “Thanks. Let me know if you find out where she might have gone.” Matt’s eyebrows met over his nose. He oh-so-carefully set the telephone receiver down.
“What?” demanded Eric.
“Doctor Meshevski left work early.” Matt spoke as if delivering a report. “She drove off, saying she was going for a drive to think things over. She’s been upset all day, so bad that Brenda wanted to head over here with a crowbar to beat some sense into us.”
“For what?” demanded Eric. “We gave Nikki lots of loving this weekend.”
Matt lifted his hands and shrugged. “Who knows? She’s a woman.”
“Maybe she wanted love as well as loving,” suggested Tom. “If she cares about you, and I expect sharing her bed with a pair of idiots would mean she does, she might have expected something other than ‘have a nice life’ when you dropped her off this morning.”
“I want to marry the woman,” replied Matt. “Everyone in town knows it.” He jammed his thumbs in his Wranglers. “But she said she won’t get trapped into marriage, so I didn’t ask her. Yet.”
“I thought she might change her mind if there was a baby,” added Eric.
“Maybe that’s it.” Matt perked up. “We’ll tell her we want her anyway, and—”
The shrill ringing of the phone interrupted whatever Matt was going to say.
“Circle C.” Matt’s forehead wrinkled. “She went where? But the last storm almost took out the road. The way it’s been coming down—” He held up a hand, so Eric kept his mouth shut. “Thanks. We’ll head out right now.” His eyes shot to Tom. “No, we have a copter on standby. It’ll be a lot faster if we cut right over that ridge.”
This time he slammed the phone down.
“That was Max. Sheriff Max Gibson,” Matt added to bring Tom into the loop. “He said Nikki likes to drive up the old south road. She pulls off, parks, then heads up Sinclair Gulch Creek. She has a good view of the valley from the ridge.”
Eric’s stomach dropped. This was not good, but salvageable. He turned off his concern and followed standard procedure. He headed to the cupboard containing the emergency pack. “That’s just across the valley. We’ll put it in four-wheel drive and be there in no time.”
“No can do,” replied Matt. “Rain’s been melting that snowpack for too many hours. Max said the south road is serving as a runoff for the overflowing creek and is impassable.” He turned to Tom. “If you’ve got enough go juice, I guess I get that ride earlier than expected.” He ducked to look out the window. “If you can fly in this drizzle.”
Fly? Eric checked the window. He’d call that pouring rain, not drizzle. And Tom thought he could fly that steroid-pumping bumblebee in it?
“I can fly,” replied Tom with natural confidence. “I said I’d check the Kiowa out before it gets shipped to the Gulf. She’s got full tanks, a winch cable, emergency rescue supplies, and a top-notch pilot. That would be me.” He gave a brief bow. “I expect you to name your firstborn son after me in return for my generosity, bravery, etcetera.”
“Deal,” said Matt. He held his hand out. Tom slapped it. “I’ll fly shotgun.”
Something shifted inside Eric’s gut. Nikki was in danger. She could die. He’d been torn up over Vivian leaving him, but that had more to do with the blow to his ego. This felt more like the pain from learning he’d lost the possibility of a child. Only it was worse. Way worse.
He had been infatuated with Vivian. Had loved the idea of having a son.
But he honest-to-God loved Nikki. He didn’t want to lose her, but he’d let her go if it meant she’d live. He’d give his life for her, and that meant…
“I’m riding shotgun with Tom.”
“No can do,” replied Tom, shaking his head. “You’re as green as grass and you haven’t even seen my bird yet.”
“Nikki is up there alone.” Eric pointed into the storm. “I’m not going to stand on the ground while a woman I love, who might
be carrying our baby, is lost.”
“Whoa! You said she wasn’t pregnant!”
“That’s the short answer to what Nikki said before I dropped her off this morning,” said Eric to Matt. “She said something about spotting. She thought there was a good chance she wasn’t pregnant, but she wouldn’t know for a few days. I didn’t really follow it, so figured she was hedging.”
Tom had been ducking his head in and out of the fridge while Eric spoke. He had piled polish sausage, cheese, hard-boiled eggs, and a plastic jug of orange juice on the counter. Matt, white faced and scowling, began stuffing them in a pack along with a couple of jackknives, clean dishtowels, and plastic bags.
“You puke in my ride and you are washing it down with your toothbrush,” warned Tom.
“I’ll do anything to keep Nikki alive,” said Eric.
“Even ride in my evil death machine?” asked Tom.
Eric nodded. “Even that.”
Chapter Thirty-Nine
Nikki watched as the stream, usually less than a foot deep, surrounded her car. She’d driven too far, realized her problem, then tried to back up. Of course, it stalled. Before the water got too deep she’d stepped out, grabbed the emergency kit from the trunk, and climbed to higher ground. Her boots and hooded rain jacket protected her from most of the rain.
The car didn’t owe her anything. It was old when she’d brought it with her, driving across the country with everything she could carry. Its destruction meant she had many miles to walk to get home.
Home. Eric’s place, or Matt’s ranch? Or should she get her own home? A small, two-bedroom place would do fine. She didn’t need much of a kitchen as she’d eat most of her meals at the diner.
The size of wood floating downstream had grown as the water level increased. It was now saplings and small trees which rushed past her car. One thudded into her driver’s door, making her jerk. The water was now past the floorboards. A second, larger one hit, and the vehicle shuddered. She watched as her car slowly moved downstream. It approached what she’d been told was a lovely waterfall in summer.
