by Reese Ryan
A broad smile ripples through every feature of Leslie’s face. “You sound like a woman in love to me.”
“I sound like a gushing teenager.” I bury my face in my hands. “I don’t know about being a woman in love, but I do want to give this a chance. Thank you.” I hug her. “You always know exactly what to say.”
“That’s my job.” Her grin widens. “Speaking of which, I’d better get back to it.”
“Me, too.” I haul myself to my feet and head toward my office. “Hold all my calls today, please. I don’t want to speak to anyone—unless, of course, it’s Raine. I think I’m finally ready to talk to him.”
Leslie’s eyes gleam. “I’ll put him through right away.”
Chapter Twenty-Seven
It’s Friday night, and I’m on the couch sulking because Raine hasn’t called. The calls I dreaded I now crave.
Somewhere in the back of my mind I always expected this relationship to fail. Long-distance relationships aren’t sustainable. One person must eventually sacrifice everything to be with the other.
I’ve tried to relegate only a small portion of my heart to Raine so when everything went sideways I wouldn’t end up getting hurt. But his infectious smile, disarming sense of humor and big heart have broken through every defense I’ve managed to construct.
I can barely breathe. My heart is being squeezed inside my chest. I miss him more than I ever thought I would.
A few months ago I was okay with the fact that we wouldn’t be together. Now it feels like a piece of my heart is missing.
Jamie, Mimi and Leslie say I should pick up the phone and call him since I’ve scared him off. Maybe they’re right. But while I’m ready to talk to him about this, I’m not ready to swallow my pride. After all, I’m not the one who’s been keeping secrets.
So I’m righteously indignant and horribly alone. At work I’m distracted. At home I’m useless.
I struggled with whether I could deal with his lack of honesty and the inconvenience of dating someone with a level of notoriety. Now I wonder how I can bear to be without him.
My only plans for this weekend are to lie in bed waiting for the telephone to ring while eating and drinking my sorrows away. I’ve stocked up on tortilla chips, salsa, guacamole and wine coolers. I’m prepared to languish here until my alarm clock goes off at 7 a.m. on Monday morning.
I lie in bed, staring at the ceiling, trying to will the phone to ring. It doesn’t.
No position seems comfortable. I grab a pillow from the other side of the bed and wedge it behind my head. I think about him lying here just a few short days ago. Suddenly, I’m overwhelmed by tactile sensations—the warmth of his breath on my neck, the delicious tingle of his lips on my skin. My hand trembles as I slip it underneath my waistband to the throbbing pulse between my thighs. Strikingly vivid memories of our last night together swirl in my head. Tears sting my eyes. I squeeze them shut, imagining him here inside me, telling me how much he loves me.
* * *
I’m awakened by my cell phone at one o’clock in the morning. I reach for the phone but knock it onto the floor. When I pick it up I’ve already inadvertently accepted the call.
The voice is muffled because I still haven’t gotten the phone to my ear.
“Raine?”
“No, ma’am,” an older gentleman says. “My name is Peter McKinsey and I’m calling from McKinsey’s bar in downtown Cleveland.”
“How can I help you, Mr. McKinsey?”
“I’m down here with a friend of yours, and he’s completely shit-faced, he is. I can’t let him drive himself home, and the obstinate fool refuses to take a cab. Wants you to come down here and pick him up.”
“Is it Raine Mason?” I ask.
“No, ma’am. This fella has been calling himself by the name of Jacks all night. Like there are two of ’im. But quite frankly, as much as he’s had tonight, he’s probably seeing two of ev’rythin’ right about now.”
My eyes widen. Fully awake now, I shift to a seated position, pressing my back into the headboard. “Jaxson Payne?” I splutter, the words flying out of my mouth like missiles. Taking a deep breath, I try to collect myself. After all, there’s no point in taking it out on Mr. McKinsey, it’s Jaxson I’d like to strangle right now. “Why on earth is he calling me?”
“Poor fella says he hasn’t anyone else to call. Only friend he’s got in the world is you, apparently. Anyway, he’s causing quite a disruption and if you can’t come pick him up, well, I understand that and all. But I can’t have him here singing, and removing his shoes and whatnot, and otherwise disturbing my patrons on one of me busiest nights of the week.”
I let out an exasperated sigh as I mull this over. Mimi would kill me if she knew I was even considering riding in on a white horse and saving Jaxson’s ass. But if he gets arrested, he could lose his job with the Monarchs. That would be disastrous for both of us. Maybe for my sister, too. I can’t take that chance.
I turn on a lamp and grab a pen and pad from the nightstand on my bed. “Fine. I’ll come and get him. Just tell me where you are, and I’ll be there in five minutes.”
He gives me the address, then adds, “Dark red building on the right-hand side of the street when you’re heading uptown.”
I stare at the address for a moment. My breath catches and my gaze darts from one corner to the darkened room to the other as the location of McKinsey’s becomes clear to me. Bottom lip curled, I practically snarl, “That’s right around the corner from me.”
“Good,” the man says. “Because now he’s taking off his socks.”
I hang up and get dressed. Then I trudge up the street to get Jaxson and take him home.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Thank goodness no one has purchased the unit below mine. For the past half hour I’ve been stomping around my condo, wiping counters and clanging kitchen utensils.
I clench my teeth and look over at Jax crumpled in an incoherent heap on my couch. I’ve never seen him this drunk.
When I showed up at McKinsey’s and tried to put him in a cab, he wouldn’t go. Said all the cabbies were out to get him. I told him I’d drive him home. He kept saying he didn’t have a home, that he didn’t have shit. That I was his only friend in the world.
I don’t know where he lives and I’m certainly not going to call Mimi at one-thirty in the morning to ask her. So what choice did I have? I brought Jax home to let him sleep it off on my couch.
After straightening up the kitchen, I bring Jaxson a cold glass of water and three Advil. I set them on the coffee table and sit on the love seat across from him.
He opens one eye and peeks through his fingers, which are covering his face. He sees the medicine on the table and slowly pulls himself upright. Apparently the movement is too much for his swooning equilibrium. He leans forward, his face in his hands, head between his knees.
“If you throw up on my couch, I will fucking kill you,” I fume.
“Somehow I feel that’s more than just a metaphor.” His voice echoes off the hardwood floor. He sits up slowly, grabs the pills and pops them into his mouth before gulping the cold liquid. He raises his hand to his forehead and winces. “Damn, that’s cold!”
The right side of my mouth lifts in an evil smirk. “Poor baby. Does it hurt?”
“Immensely.” He puts the glass down on the table and sinks back into the couch. “It feels like someone ran over my head.”
“Good!” I practically scream. Jaxson recoils from the sound, covering his ears. “What the fuck were you thinking? You’re not in fucking college anymore! You’re a grown-ass man with a wife, two daughters and a sweet-ass job. Why would you pull a stunt like this? What if the local news had gotten wind of it? This stunt could’ve ended your career!”
I stand and pace the floor.
Jaxson holds
his hands up. “I know, I know. It was a stupid thing to do and it’ll never happen again.”
“What would possess you to do something like this?” I demand, my hands flying through the air as I speak. “I thought you were smarter than that, at least when it comes to your career.”
“Sit down and I’ll explain,” he says. “Just please stop moving. There are, like, four of you running around poking your fingers at me. I feel like I’m on a bad acid trip.”
I fall into my seat again, arms folded, staring across the table at him. “I’m sitting. Now tell me why you’d do something so stupid.”
He leans forward on the edge of the seat, his head in his hands. Finally he raises his eyes to meet mine. “There’s something I need to tell you. Gina and I...we aren’t together anymore. Our divorce became final a few months ago.”
I’ve played this moment out in my mind many times. Practiced what I’d say, how I’d react. Deliberated how much righteous indignation would be appropriate. I decide to go with option #4: virtually sincere empathy delivered with a hint of nonchalance.
“I know.” I nod. “Sorry things didn’t work out.”
“Of course you knew.” He nods, lips parted, as a glimmer of realization passes over his face. “I’ll bet Mimi and James gloated about that. The lousy cheater gets what he fucking deserves, right?”
“Despite what happened between us, there are two beautiful little girls involved,” I say calmly. “I’d never wish this on anyone. Not even the man who stomped on my heart.” He grimaces as if I’ve kicked him in the stomach. “Besides, I thought we were beyond that. After all, you’re sitting on my couch, and apparently I’ve graduated to being ‘the only friend you’ve got left in the world.’”
Jaxson shakes his head. “Sorry I dragged you into this, kid. I’m just...I’m not myself tonight.”
“Because of the divorce?”
“That’s partly it.”
I raise an eyebrow and edge closer to the end of my seat. “Okay. So what else is going on? Why’re you jeopardizing your career by acting like a moronic college freshman?”
Jax climbs to his feet, sways then steadies himself on the arm of the sofa. He takes deliberate steps over to the love seat and sinks into the cushion next to me.
I shift my body to face him. “Well?”
“I love Gina,” Jaxson says. The words are measured. I can hear a “but” hanging in the air, ready to come crashing down on both our heads. “But things have been going south for us for a long time. We tried to keep it together for the sake of the girls.”
“What happened? With you and Gina, I mean?” I want to know. Need to know.
Things didn’t work out between us because I was never enough for him. I was the kind of girl the Jaxson Paynes of the world passed the time with until an arm-candy trophy wife like Gina came along. I was plain and simple, low-maintenance. The kind of girl who’s easy to live with, but not the kind of girl who could satisfy the “star player” ego of Jaxson Payne. He needed someone like Gina. Gorgeous. Ultra-feminine. Borderline diva. Flawless manicure and pedicure with no visible chips. Eyebrows arched with a precision that would make Michelangelo proud. Hair that always looked like she’d stepped straight out of the salon. Wearing an ensemble that looked like she’d robbed one of the mannequins at Saks.
Gina was perfectly Jaxson. So why wasn’t she good enough? Why’d he leave her?
Jaxson leans his head back on the couch and folds his hands over his stomach. “The thing about cheating with someone is you don’t realize how likely it is they’ll one day cheat on you.”
“Oh.” So Gina had decided Jax wasn’t enough, either. Or perhaps she just found someone who was more. Either way, it doesn’t make me feel better. Not the way I thought it would. Maybe I would’ve felt vindicated, gleeful even, before we’d gotten reacquainted. Now the victory feels pretty hollow as I think of how Casey and Madison must miss their father. “Sorry,” I mumble, not knowing what else to say.
He looks at me, unconvinced, his mouth twisted in a scowl.
“Really. I mean it.”
He adjusts himself on the love seat and turns to face me. “I’m sorry things didn’t work out between me and Gina, but the truth is...I never stopped loving you.”
My throat tightens. I open my mouth to speak, but no sound escapes. It’s just as well. I doubt I’d be able to string together a coherent sentence.
Jaxson places his large hand and thick fingers on my arm. His hand seems to be radiating volcanic heat, which rises up my arm and flows into my chest. I find it difficult to breathe. Like I’m in a sauna and someone splashed water on the coals.
“I’ve been thinking about you a lot since Mimi came to work for me. Every time I looked at her, I thought of you. Of us. I’ve missed you.” He raises his eyes to mine, a hopeful look on his face.
Pulling my arm from his grip, I shift my body forward, feet planted on the floor. Suddenly my head hurts. I reach for the bottle of Advil, pop two then wash it down with the remainder of Jax’s glass of water.
“I made a huge mistake and I’m sorry,” he continues. “But we should be together. I know that now.”
“Don’t say that.” I move quickly from the love seat to the sofa. “You don’t just get to be sorry and then everything’s okay.” I scoot back on the couch, regarding him with the wide-eyed wonderment that should be reserved for three-headed cattle or men from Mars. “Our time has passed. Let it go.”
“Us running into each other now, the way we did... It has to mean something.”
“Don’t tell me it’s fate or destiny or some shit like that. We had our shot, and you fucking blew it.” I can barely get the words out. My hands are shaking and the sound of my heart racing fills my ears. “I spent years hating Gina, but she did me a favor by stealing you. I deserve better.”
Jaxson tries to stand but sinks back into the deep cushions of the love seat. I stare at him, daring him to move one inch closer.
“Maybe you’re right. Maybe it wouldn’t have worked back then, no matter what. I had to grow up to be the man you deserved. A man like your father.”
His words slam into my chest, squeezing out every cubic inch of air. Tears sting my eyes and make their way down my cheeks. “How dare you bring my father into this!”
Jaxson places his hands flat against the coffee table and thrusts himself up, gaining enough momentum to stand. He holds his arms out like he’s surfing until he feels steady again. He makes his way to the couch and sits, leaving a small space between us. “Your dad was a good man. I’ve always looked up to him. Growing up, my dad was never around. Yours was my first real male role model. I didn’t realize how much I admired him until he was gone. When I got married and had a daughter on the way, I knew I wanted to be like him. I wanted my little girls to look up at me with those big, brown, adoring eyes and love me the same way you loved him.”
“Why are you telling me this?” I’m shaking. Tears flow down my cheeks.
Jaxson puts his hand on my shoulder. I flinch. He reaches out again to touch my hand, and I let him.
“I wanted to tell you about the divorce. That I’d give anything to have another shot at us. By the time I got the nerve, I showed up here and you were making out with some dude on the elevator. I’d missed my opportunity. I won’t do that again.”
“Is that why you were drinking tonight? Because...because...” I can’t fix my mouth to say the words. I’m afraid of what will happen if I say them aloud.
“I love you.” Jax grips my shoulders. “And I know you still have feelings for me, too. We’ve been given an amazing opportunity here. Let’s not waste it.”
He leans in closer, his face inches from mine. The smell of vodka is overpowering. The flood of emotions is unbearable. I want to slap him, shove him away. But I don’t.
This is the Jaxson I alw
ays knew was there. The one I’d waited years for.
“Give me a chance to make things right. To be the man you deserve.”
He closes the remaining space between us and places his lips on mine. My mind goes numb for a moment before I realize I’m kissing him back. Finding comfort in his familiarity and our shared history.
Jaxson’s hands slide up my shoulders and neck. He cradles the back of my head as he kisses me. I relax into his arms, lost in his kisses and the warmth of his body against mine. Memories of sweet moments shared ages ago reel through my head.
I love you, Melanie.
The voice I hear in my head doesn’t belong to Jaxson Payne. Flashes of the moment Raine uttered those words are as unexpected as a naughty photo slipped between the slides of a high school science presentation.
Back in this moment, with Jax sliding his tongue down my throat, my stomach churns and I feel light-headed. Wedging my hands between us, I drive them into his chest, breaking the kiss. I’m shaking as I wipe the taste of vodka and olives from my guilty lips.
“I can’t do this.” I shake my head, pulling free from his grip. I scramble off the couch and take a few steps back. “Not again.”
“How often do we get a do-over in life?” he says. “A chance to make things right?”
The idea that the universe has conspired to bring us together at the precise moment in time we were ready for each other also occurred to me. A little part of me even wondered if Delveccio showing up in my office that day was the universe telling me that Raine wasn’t the man for me. But that was in a brief moment of insanity. Right now all I can think of is Raine. I don’t care about his past. Just as I no longer care about the past Jax and I once shared.
“Maybe that’s best,” I say. “Four years was enough. We just don’t work, you and I.”
“And you and Beau Montgomery do?”
“How do you know about that?” I nearly choke on the words.
“Priscilla mentioned it at lunch yesterday.”
“Priscilla knows?” I’m struck with a sense of panic. She wasn’t in the office when Delveccio or Autumn were there.
